Sounds to me like your friend fucked you on this,  by essentially backing her into a corner (even if it was in a good meaning, joking way).  Maybe she would of come around on her own this and told you on her termsout it got serious.  Just my gut feeling.

I'd ask her out again.  If she blows you off after two times of asking,  I'd move on.  

Just curious,  how did you meet her?  Out at a bar/restaurant?

She is probably embarassed that you found out and may think that you couldn't respect her or fall for her because of it.  Tell her you don't care that she's a provider and you want to be with her romantically (if that's the case) no matter what she does.  Don't treat her like a sex object though!  If you just want to have a sexual relationship be honest with her.  I tell men that I'm a social worker, which is the truth.  I did see someone who knew and it was awkward dating him.  This was in VT where I started out as a provider.  It wasn't anything we really talked about.  Did I mention that he was really hard for him to open up!  He spotted my ad once and mentioned it to me.  Also saw a key card from a hotel and said something about it.  Needless to say the relationship didn't work out due to my feelings of insecurity ie: wondering if he thought less of me and if he could really care about me despite what I was doing.

So... I meet up with this little hottie. The first time I meet her... the Vibe and Chemistry is shooting through the roof and we end up going out a couple of times.  She dresses very well, drives a smoking car and I never do get a straight answer to the question of what she does for a living. The question was asked but avoided.... and quite honestly.... I could really give a shit. We have a vibe... we have a good time together. All I know is that she seems to have her shit together which is pretty refreshing for Las Vegas.

We end up out and about and meet up with some friends.... one of which happens to by my best friend who also happens to be a new hobbyist and him being him... starts busting her chops which is really funny because he means it in a good way.

She gets flustered and says she is a "party planner".... all of a sudden a name of a friend comes out that my friend and I both know pretty well and the realization that she is a Provider comes out....

Of course... his excitement can't keep that information in (he means well) but it's more then obvious to her we figure out what she does for a living....

A little awkward to say the least.... (Personally... really no big deal in my book nowadays.)

Things have not been the same between us since then. I do know she is a Provider but we were on Civvie levels.... she pretty much knows that we figured out she is a Provider which since then...  things have gone the other way.

So..... I'm wondering how many other Providers this has happened to and how you felt about it? (I know that all of the Providers I've ever seen have a personal life and I respect that....)

It's a little awkward to say the least....

Do I tell her that I don't give a shit that she's a Provider? .... LOL... I honestly really don't care....

Ever since it popped out she tells me nothing but how much her life sucks as if she's driving me away or really hates what she does to make a living. (Big Difference from when we first went out.) Since then... we have not gone out.

I'm not going to chase it.... I left the door open for her to figure it out and make her own decision. I never had the pleasure to rip up the bed with her and throw all of her clothes all over the place....

I certainly wanted to... but for the first time in a long time.... I put that decision on her.

Anyways.... I'm wondering how many other Providers out there were doing their own thing in Civvie Life and came across something similar?

Geez... really thinking about it now... it's got to be hard for Providers to date and have a personal life. How do you deal with it? Do you actually meet guys and go out with men that don't know you are a provider?

This is the first time I've ever come across this situation..... And the sad part is that I would have never known if I (and my friend) was not a hobbyist. I kind of wish I was clueless....

Yeah, yeah.... I know you meet a lot of guys. I'm just wondering how many guys you meet in the real world that you really like and nothing comes to fruition with it because of what you do?

Awkward to say the least....

How do you deal with it?

Some how finding out that she is a provider has affected the relationship. You claim that it doesn't matter to you. I'm guessing that it does. There are three possibilities:

1) It does matter to you, and it has affected the relationship;
2) She feels awkward that you know; or
3) The relationship naturally fizzled.

Can't do anything about #3. If it were #2, and you were really into her, and it didn't matter, then you should have been able to easily make her feel comfortable (just like if you found out something else, like she has been divorced 3 times).

The fact that you posted here speaks volumes that it does bother you. Your task is to figure out why, and then decide if you want to overcome it.

#2 hits the nail on the head...

I'm wondering how other Providers out there dealt with this situation when they came across it...

Or.... when they are out and about and meet a guy they like in the Civvie World.

My post really has nothing to do about me when it comes to the big picture except for my first experience coming across this. Which is really kind of surprising since I've called LV home for so long...

Cheers!

Coffee section of the Grocery store we both go to believe it or not.... Glad I know what makes a French Roast...

(I had seen her around in the store before that several times and we had exchanged smiles ... she lives within a mile of me... )

Regardless... it's really not about me ... or even her. This experience just slapped me in the head straight up on how difficult it must be for Providers to have a life outside of the business. The Provider I'm talking about is completely UTR.... I can only imagine how difficult it must be for providers that are completely open to have a personal life.

Something that I never really put too much thought into before when hooking up with hottie providers....

Once again... the post really has nothing to do with me or what I want to do.... more of how Providers out there deal with it when it comes to their life outside of the business.

I sincerely don't think this is a first time a Provider met some guy as a Civvie.... I'm interested in hearing how Providers dealt with that.... or deal with that situation. I think that even if you are getting laid several times a week.... everybody is looking for love.

Just my thoughts....

????

I've known for years (recently retired). She was looking to have a bit of normalcy in her life via civvie dating and hoping to find a guy to settle down with. She thought she found the one. Didn't tell him for a long while she had been a provider. Don't know what precipitated her telling him, but eventually she did. His attitude toward her changed. They eventually split up, with her vowing to never tell another guy she had some hopes of settling down with. Fast forward a few years, she finds Mr. Right, and doesn't tell him anything. They are now in the process of making plans to get married. Whenever he asked about what she did, she'd tell him executive consulting work. (She saved up enough of a nest egg that she didn't have to provide while she was seriously dating the guy so no awkward absences.)  Having had her share with me her trials over the years (her family/friends didn't know she was an escort, so she needed a sympathetic ear), I am very happy for her and wish her all the best.

In your situation, you need to ask what it is you want. IF you have interest in settling down (with her or another someday), contact her and set up a fun date which won't lead to her feeling like you are looking for sex. (I'd avoid a dinner date, etc.   Maybe do an outdoor type activity before lunch.)   Tell her you enjoyed the times you spent together prior and find her to be someone you want to really know.   In my mind that is not 'chasing'.  And, under no circumstances, tell her you hobby. And tell your buddy if he ever shares that you hobbied, you'll put him next to Jimmy Hoffa.  'Busting a lady's chops', especially how it seems to have elicited the information she shared, shows he has too much of the 'a-hole' quotient in him to allow him near anyone you want to see seriously.

Agreed on the a hole quotient of the friend. Girls, especially someone they don't know, don't like their chops busted.

The context isn't quite the same, but the lesson is the same.

When you have two different worlds, you have to keep them apart or......kablooie!

Got into a a relationship outside the hobby she figured she should be honest with him and he seemed ok with it. Six months later when things broke up between them he sent a email to her mother with a link to her website.

-- Modified on 12/31/2011 11:15:15 AM

Do not do it .It takes a very mature ,openminded man to deal with a provider and be understanding about it.
Most dont want to deal with all that comes with it. We dont have the time for a real relationship anyways ,its hard work to have a great relationship.

I believe she is in a relationship.  While some provide long term...  many do not.  Around here a lot of gals work their way through college or grad school.  For many there is a life "after providing".  It is fine that you should know what she does for a living, but it's not fine to rub her face in it.  
1)  Tell your buddy off.  Agree, he spills the beans on your hobby, he ends up pushing up roses!  This is why I do not recommend letting anyone know about your double life.
2)  She's been spooked.  Let it rest a bit, then call her.  Quietly invite her on a date that would not likely lead to the bedroom...  an early coffee date, a lunch date (you go back to your office after), some well dressed outdoor activity...  but it should be brief & low key.

There is no reason providers or hobbiests can not have a civie life...   I wish you joy & happiness if this is right for you.

I think having hobbied has taught me how to separate sex hormone based feelings from other emotions...  which would have stood me in good stead earlier in my life.  
skb

I can imagine that it will not or hardly never work out. i agree that most providers really are not interested in a relationship in the civiee world.you have to realize this is pfp and most provders are happy to keep it that way

For the life of me, I can't understand why a provider would want a boyfriend while providing. And once she is retired, if she meets a man, she has no obligation to tell him anything about her providing past. One issue that I know about me is that if I want to date a woman, her past sex life won't be any of my business, regardless of what her past sex life was.

His "best friend" appears to have serpent genes inside of him. One day that "best friend" is going to viciously turn on him. There was no reason for his "best friend" to do what he did to the woman, knowing what he knew.

The woman may be going through some emotional issues now. She obviously has not made peace with what she does for a living. I only hope that she come out of that ok and then find a female friend who is trustworthy and who also provides, as far as I have seen, that is the safest course for her.

I think that it is a good idea to keep the hobby and civvy life separate, 100%. I move between the two rather easily because I never allow them to become entangled. I learned a while back, when I was in my early twenties not to confuse love/trust and the desire for hot sex.

I don't believe the whole "my friend meant well" bullshit. I think you are spinning your story to make you look all innocent and naive, and I don't but it for a minute.

You're in Vegas. You're not a retard. It's the adult worker capital of the US, most likely. You have a young hottie and looks like she has cash. You know good and damned well what all the possibilites could be including showgirl, exotic dancer, escort, or whatever, many of which a woman might not want to disclose due to societal biases.

Yet you push her, and get your buddy in on it. Yeah, YOU got your buddy in on it, otherwise you would have told him to 'knock it off.'

You did that because you did not give a rat's ass about her, really. It was a lark. A game. Something, or better yet SOMEONE you were fucking around with.

Why? you suspected what she did, and you are not ok with dating a provider for real, because like most men--even ones in the hobby-- you have a hippocritical double-standard about sex workers. You want to fuck them (because you are a true slut, like most men) but you dont want to have a relationship with a woman who has sex with lots of men. It's pathetic. You're pathetic.

It's not all your fault. You have been groomed this way by our fucked-up societal morals, just like a pedophile grooms his prey. And as the prey, you perpetuate what has been done to you.

That's what I get from your story.

If you had a brain, which I think you do, and you had a heart, which you might in the right circumstances, you would have dated her, enjoyed it, been fucked like a Rock Star becuase she WANTED you, and  (if you treated her well) the sort of girlfriend men only dream having.  All except for one inconsequential detail being what she does for a living - being a provider.

I say you fucked up.

But again, I think you chose to fuck up.


HH

Just plain mean.  i hope the karma  comes around to bite him where it hurts.
skb

with anyone.  Not your buddy, your best friend, your brother, not your GF, not even the girl you are about to marry.  Any of the first...  an ex-best friend, a druck buddy, or who knows...  standing up at your wedding & toasting "the girl who took him away from Ho-ing!"  Yeah, like you are sleeping in the hall outside the Honeymoon Suite!  & she's on a plane back home in the morning.  If you are about to walk down the aisle...  you say yes I had GFs before.  You just neglect to say how long they were your GFs for.  
This is a secret world & if things work out as intended you take these stories to your grave with you...  (and a sh*t *ating grin on your face)...  

Never tell anyone...  outside these boards...  about your hobbying.
skb

douchebaggish? I like that! Nice post HH

I posted a one liner above calling his friend an asshole, but after reading your post, I agree with you. The op is just as much of an ahole.

You mis-understood some things... which looking over the post I can easily see how.

To clarify... Nobody was pressing her what she did for a living. The original question had come up in some conversation...  the busting chops bit was not about what she did for a living but for setting up an upcoming party and the party planner thing came up along with one of her "friends" that she wanted to bring along. My friend who could not "keep it in" never said anything about her being a "provider" or her friend.... it was more about the reaction of the name she mentioned and him saying that we knew her. (Which obviously would have just been better to just shut up and smile...)

NOTHING was specifically said about her being a provider in the conversation... it was just the whole connect the dots realization.

Had too much to drink when I originally posted this and was rambling so I can see how the original post could be taken out of context.

Posted By: HalfHour

I don't believe the whole "my friend meant well" bullshit. I think you are spinning your story to make you look all innocent and naive, and I don't but it for a minute.

You're in Vegas. You're not a retard. It's the adult worker capital of the US, most likely. You have a young hottie and looks like she has cash. You know good and damned well what all the possibilites could be including showgirl, exotic dancer, escort, or whatever, many of which a woman might not want to disclose due to societal biases.

Yet you push her, and get your buddy in on it. Yeah, YOU got your buddy in on it, otherwise you would have told him to 'knock it off.'

You did that because you did not give a rat's ass about her, really. It was a lark. A game. Something, or better yet SOMEONE you were fucking around with.

Why? you suspected what she did, and you are not ok with dating a provider for real, because like most men--even ones in the hobby-- you have a hippocritical double-standard about sex workers. You want to fuck them (because you are a true slut, like most men) but you dont want to have a relationship with a woman who has sex with lots of men. It's pathetic. You're pathetic.

It's not all your fault. You have been groomed this way by our fucked-up societal morals, just like a pedophile grooms his prey. And as the prey, you perpetuate what has been done to you.

That's what I get from your story.

If you had a brain, which I think you do, and you had a heart, which you might in the right circumstances, you would have dated her, enjoyed it, been fucked like a Rock Star becuase she WANTED you, and  (if you treated her well) the sort of girlfriend men only dream having.  All except for one inconsequential detail being what she does for a living - being a provider.

I say you fucked up.

But again, I think you chose to fuck up.


HH