do yourselves and some of us guys a favor. Chill out!

While this is probably not the most appropriate board to post this on, at least I can vent some here.

Doesn't anyone go out with a guy just to have a good/fun time anymore? Does it always have to be about "hooking up" with a boyfriend or future husband? I would like to offer some thinking here and suggest some "DON'Ts" that would make life a lot easier for some of us, especially me:

1. Don't talk about your ex husband/boyfriend and what a jerk he was on a first encounter. I am not really interested in hearing all that and it is terribly bad form IMHO.

2. Just because a guy had a fun time with you on a first date and asks you out again, it doesn't mean that you are now at boyfriend/girlfriend status or even moving in that direction necessarily.

3.  If a guy offers to take you on a weekend trip to a fun place, it may be because he simply enjoys your company and not that he has further relationship intentions like committing to a singular relationship with you or a prelude to getting married.

4.  It would be nice to get to know you a little bit beyond a few dates before you start talking about your marriage hopes.

5.  If a guy tells you up front that he is perhaps "not" ready to get into a significant relationship at this point in his life, DON'T assume you are going to CHANGE him on this matter, and certainly not after only a few dates. If you are not comfortable with that or not in a similar place yourself, at least be honest about it. Sure would save a lot of time and aggravation.

Perhaps I have just been making some poor choices lately in my social life and my selection of evening or traveling companions. While I enjoy the company of an attractive, bright and socially adept woman, why does it always seem to be a rush to form that "significant" relationship on her part? Can't two people of the opposite gender just have a good time together without things becoming more complicated?

There too busy looking for Mr. Right so if one somehow doesn't meet all the requirements well they blow you away.

I don't remember a lot of posts like this on the board at all.  The few women I know of on here who are "civilians" are retired providers, and they are usually some of the best posters.

From what I can see, it definitely sounds like you have been making some poor choices of late in your dating scenarios.  I don't know how you are meeting these women, but you may want to examine that, and try to meet women in a scenario that either will expose you to a pool of women who want more of what you want (although judging by what you have said, TER might be the best place for you) or that you will be able to be up front with them about what you want before you meet them, like most Internet dating services.

It has been my experience that many women have shared your feelings and desire to not "go too quickly".  However, we may not be meeting the same demographic of women, so it is hard to compare.

yo, Chewy, I'm sure you are the bomb in AZ but you gotta get over yourself. Either that or raise your standards a bit and go out with someone who's actually been on a date before.

Or perhaps try honesty from the beginning?

Just another point of view.

Many women think a second or third date means it's time to start buying "Modern Bride" magazine, LOL. Are they desperate, insecure, or just letting their emotions ride wild? I don't know. I know you wouldn't catch Sedona acting like that!

I posted a little along those lines last month when I mentioned the rules of the first date:

http://theeroticreview.com/msgBoard/ViewMsgBody.asp?BoardID=12&Page=8&Messageid=86200

Your civilian friends won't be reading this board to see your remarks, but hopefully you feel better now after venting.

Boy, you make life far too complex.

I agree very strongly with alot of what AZChewy had to say.  I experienced the same thing dating in the "civilian" world.  I literally am finding the simple fun encounters in this medium that I could not find dating through personals or meeting wherever.  I actually had the same scenario happen with someone I met through this community and found him fun, smart and sexy.  But he went mooky too.  I tried to talk to him about it.  I had to stop seeing him because it was getting pressured and complicated.  

There is nothing wrong with getting to know someone in many intimate ways and having warm affection without making future plans.  I have found a couple of friends that way.  But not until I started dating in this way.

The demographic I am talking about here is women in the 50+ category.

hey all, while i have never posted before, i read the boards religiously, and finally feel i have something to add to the thread.  i guess you could say that i fit the "civilian woman" category...i am a phone op for a well known agency in Phoenix, but have never worked as a provider.  My input is basically this: the pendulum swings both ways.  It may surprise some of you gentlemen to know that many women have been on the receiving end of this same behavior, although I think it is born of a different mind set. I find that many men I have met feel the need to immediately categorize the women in their lives. Be it "Spouse" "Buddy" or "Mistress", there often seems to be no grey area in between, and no room to move from one title to another.  A perfect example comes to mind:  My boyfriend and I had been together for several years, but were living on opposite sides of the country.  Being very affectionate, physical people, we decided it was needless torture to demand monogamy, so we decided to keep things open and honest.  Then I met another guy with whom I clicked (let's call him Phil) and decided to start dating.  I gave him the whole low-down; I'm not looking for anything serious, just want to have fun, this is not some big secret torrid affair or fairy tale romance, just looking to share some time, companionship and sex.  Well, this just didn't register to Phil. From date #1 he was all about "winning me".  Every conversation, regardless of how meaningless the subject matter, came back to "I can't believe how much we have in common, we were meant to be together" (it wasn't quite that stalker-like...I'm paraphrasing) Immediately he wanted to introduce me to his parents, find out how many children I wanted to have, what to name them, etc.  I would repeatedly tell him to chill out, slow down, and that if things had any chance of progressing, that it would happen at it's own pace, so why force the issue?  Finally, he got the message, but took it to the completely opposite extreme.  He started doing the "booty call" routine, which I nixed immediately.  That wasn't what I was looking for either. (And everyone on this board knows if I wanted that, I could have made some cash doing it!)  To top it all off, I found out later from mutual friends that throughout the entire time he was putting me on this "potential spouse" pedistal, he was using providers! In the end, it just seemed like he was incapable of viewing me (or any other woman for that matter) as anything other than "wife" or "whore", and in between those two titles was a huge empty abyss.  So I think this was just my ridiculously long and rambling way of saying that there are some of us "normal girls" who are looking for a relaxing, fun sexual friendship that may or may not morph into anything else, but end up getting kind of compartmentalized (is that a word? it is now!) Maybe some of you gentlemen can explain why there seems to be a need to make each of us fit some kind of profile in "the man's world".  
Man, it's late... I hope some of this made some kind of sense!

It has been my exerirnce in the past four years that many if not most are primarily interested in security.
I am talking about the over 50 ladies.
I have met two ladies in that time frame that
could have been very special to me.
However, they were in such a hurry.
One had me almost moved in with her.
The other was seriously wanting to set the date.
Both were lovely and fun.
The children/families were fine.
But, I refuse to be crowded.
These two ladies were taking these steps after only two months of dating.
Much too fast for me.
My .02
TF

have some fun right now with us.

Hugs,
Ciara

I agree with you about going out for fun.
I have several male friends that I go out with on the weekends, even travel with them.
It is part of our human nature to seek out company.
I don't like going to the movies or dinner by myself.
I honestly think that many ladies have a guy-friend who they go out with and spend quality time with, not just for sex. But then again,those type of relationships exist too. Although these types of friends have taken a while for me to get to know, I trust them 100% and I have no problem with them sleeping over or me sleeping over at their house, without all that sexual tension.
Companionship and patience count. Sexual or non-sexual, their company is appreciated.

V~