Provider declined to see me

It's been over 3 weeks and this is still kind of bugging me.  I had a date with a well known and positively reviewed provider.  I had been wanting to see her for quite a while.  We had many nice e-mails and the date was set.  I was always kind and professional in my correspondence with her.  Out of the blue, and without reason, she cancelled.  After pressing her a bit, she said that my recenct review of Farrah Leah was "intimidating" to her and that she thought she wasn't my type.  Yet, I know what she looks like and wanted to see her.  I just can't figure this one out.  I know all the girls I've seen would give her a glowing report, had she got one.  She doesn't know the real me, so I don't take it too personally, but, without sounding too mushy, this kind of hurt my feelings.  Any thoughts?

how did you have FOUR "One in a lifetime" experiences, two in the same month?  And March isn't over yet (:

But anyway, there can be lots of reasons why she found your review intimitating (drinking heavily, etc).  I suggest you let it go and move on.

 You're an ideal date Jackson..I for one would give that 'glowing report' to any girl that ask for a reference.
 Every girl (me toogets cold feet sometimes for whatever reason..in this case, its really her loss.

Re:Provider declined to see me

hi jackson
I recently had a similar experience where a lady turned away my business. I was a bit upset when it first happened; I thought "how bad can I be that I can't even pay someone to tolerate me for an hour?"
when I brought the issue to this forum, general consensus here from fellow TER members was don't take it personally, get over it and move on. I took that advice and I'm glad I did.

hope this helps, play safe and best regards, mr.man

Re:Provider declined to see me

Jackson - why not just reinvent yourself under another alias and start over with her..no need fo r her to know until after the date.  Just a thought if she is on your favorites list ...
ShaunaLover

the provider he had wanted to see, already has his information on him. Unless, he used another provider as a reference (:?)



Mel

yeah, I know I've gotten criticism both on the board and by PM for suggesting that mental health problems are well represented in this hobby. Probably a substantially higher percentage of those who are active in the hobby, especially on the provider side, have significant emotional issues that would benefit from some fairly major therapy.

I've gotten personal with three women in the business over the years, at different inflection points in my life, and it became clear that, regardless of how well manicured the surface presentation was, there were big problems underneath.

My former ATF, now non business friend, is one of the most objective, level headed women I've known in this form of life, and she has an obvious eating disorder (which she is in total denial about) and she ran her own escort business prior to setting up her solo act.

Although she insists that SHE is perfectly normal, she is also adamant that she had top close her escort business, profitable as it was, because of the high percentage of emotional problems, that translated directly into reliability issues or drug taking, that she had with her girls. She related that she would have relatively normal appearing girls come to her for work, but over time the problems would inevitably surface.

Then there was a great big Brazilian amazonian woman I knew, a lovely mixture of black, white, and indiginous amazonian, we didn't date but she kept asking me to marry her, she was sweet and truly cool, not a mean bone in her body, but sometimes she'd come in with bruises and lumps. I thought some guy had slapped her around but she said no, that furious fights would spontaneously erupt while the girls sat around in the kitchen and turn into knock down, drag out brawls while the guys pulled them apart. Then they have to get cleaned up and presentable and walk in to see the customers as if this was a great day they were having and everything were normal.

It appears that some of them would spontaneously combust, or "bug out" as she put it, and attack each other in a blind rage from the slightest provocation. I'd heard that one before, because a GF I had in my twenties was an escort, but I met her on the straight side and she kept her escorting life compartmentalized, but she did tell me that when she was a teenager her stepbrother used to chase her around the house while he was nude, sporting an erection, with a butcher knife... I suppose there were some unresolved anger issues in that household. She shacked up with a pal of mine, they tried to make a go of a relationship, he made a remark that pissed her off and she picked up a pot full of food off the stove and busted him up side the head so hard half his face was one big purple bruise.

Where am I going with this ? Simply put, expect to see the consequences of many an abnormal childhood, just as I expect to see annoyed and defensive responses to this post. But when you've seen the stuff that's been swept under the rug you may be grateful that the system works as well as it generally does.

Re:Provider declined to see me

After reading your review of Farrah, I'd guess it's the drinking. Reading the review, it appears that you essentially had too much to drink and passed out.  Perhaps I'm misreading, but that's what it appears. Perhaps the lady in question has had problems in the past with alcohol, or had a bad experience that was alcohol-related.

If the reason she cancled was specifically based upon the single review of Farrah, then that would be my bet.
Good Luck

I'm not going to bother getting all defensive or anything with you. The fact of the matter is that the stereotypes that exist about this industry, exist because most of them have a basis in truth. As long as it is recognized that there are exceptions to every rule, I have no problem with that.

I also think that due to the advent of the Internet and how much easier it is to get into this industry these days, you are going to see more and more well adjusted, horny housewife types getting into it...which is good for all of us!

None of that really addresses this guys question though, IMHO, which may be due to a bunch of different things. Maybe the girl really did feel insecure about seeing him... maybe she just got a weird vibe and decided to call it off. Whatever the reason, I wouldn't worry about it... let it go, and move on! (Altho I don't think feeling insecure or intimidated by a review is necessarily the equivalent of someone blowing up at nothing and attacking someone... sorry, no, I don't!)

Hugs*
Nicole

I haven’t met a lady yet that isn’t a bit freaked out by the review process on this, or any other board…and you did say, “that my recent review of Farrah Leah was "intimidating" to her”.

Being a self employed businessman, and also being human, I can only imagine what it would feel like, to not only have my business exposed to being picked apart and graded on every detail of performance and appearance, but to also have those opinions posted on the Internet for any potential customers to read. And I am far from the personal level of exposure, that these ladies offer in their line of work.

We publicly debate (and complain) about the prices they charge, the way they performed FITBTC (fill in the blank to completion), how they smelled, what kind of a mood they were in, the shape of their boobs, their butt, their legs, their stomach, any ounces of extra fat that may have appeared to us at the time, if she returned her phone calls/emails promptly. We even grade her FACE and throw out an opinion of what we think her REAL age is!! Damn, if that isn’t something to be intimidated by, then what? I’ve even read reviews were the guy knocks the lady because her gate was hard to open or the pressure was low in her shower! (Note to ladies, find a client who is handy with a screwdriver and a can of WD_40, it may help your bottom line profits)

My hat is off to all the great women out there who work at maintaining a great level of service to their clients. As professional as I am in my own business, I’m not sure if I could deal with the level of scrutiny that you have to deal with (I'm not that tough . Yes I realize there is a great potential $ benefit for a lady with sparkling reviews, but wow, what a price to pay.

I also realize that as men, this and other review sites can not only expose those that may be out there as ROB'S, but helps us identify those ladies that we may connect with better, thus providing a better experience for all. I just think that with alot of what I have read here, both in posts and reviews, many forget there is a human being that our words are reflecting on somewere else.    

I’d feel pretty safe to say, I can't imagine that a provider started these review boards…
My head is swimming with more thoughts on this topic, but my sinuses are keeping me from thinking straight…BTW Jacksonlips, all I really meant to say in my message was, I don’t think you should take it personally!

All be good to each other please - SM





-- Modified on 3/30/2003 8:25:44 AM

If there were more men like you participating in the business less women would be fighting so hard to get out.  I have seen it posted before and I will answer if we women really love our job so much why are we always trying to get out of the business.  I for one cannot stand up under the constant fear that I will have to read another review of myself like the one written of me by rocketface it is incensative assholes like him and unrealsitic expectation having mother f**kers like filmproducer whom have girls beating a path to get out of this business asap.  But who knows maybe filmproducer is right in his unreal expectations and I maybe wrong to be in the business at all especially in L.A.

Your Brazilian girls' story made me think about my former ATF.  She was a scrapper too.  When she used to work for a mamasan, she would sometimes get into it with some of the other girls.  Of course, being bigger and meaner, she usually won.  Told me she even fought a dude once, in China.  I believe her.

I've been in this business a long time.  I've met an incredible number of people in it, and also spent several months with an agency when I started out.  I've never experienced anything, or met anyone, like you have described in your post.

I'm not so sure your suppositions have anything to do with the profession of escorts, as the basic level of human beings you are finding to do business with.

Maybe you just need to find a better class of losers, if this is your opinion of the majority of escorts.

Just my $0.02,

BJ, Palm Beach, FL
[email protected]

the one with the eating disorder was one of the most highly respected and well reviewed women in this business. Many here on TER have been with her and have praised her without reservation. She was known for her great business acumen as well as her erotic presence.

If she's a loser, that makes you an absolute nonentity.

These aren't "suppositions" I am engaging in, these are empirical observations based on years of exposure to the business, a lot of that from the inside when many of my friends and aquaintances were working the sex trade, gay, straight, hookers, a/v actors, you name it.

Many of them were artists or musicians of marketable talent, one went on to make millions in the fashion industry (she also became a friend of Brian Eno, was tough as a bucket of nails, but likable, too)... some were screwed up nobodies.

One girl was a bass player in a punk band, had the loveliest lean body, and regularly got fucked by John Holmes for her porn job, and I don't know what as of now, even if she is alive...


Heck, I used to converse with the dear departed Faye Desiree,
formerly of Santa Cruz, CA... she was having big problems with her daughter who had become a serious heroin addict and was making a go of cold turkey at home, driving Faye out of her gourd. Faye often spoke of how hard it was to maintain a stable relationship with men she wanted to be with, how her insane father had wrecked her perceptions of life, I mean I won't get into the details but they were rather graphic, and Faye was pretty much on top of the goddess pyramid in her place in the space/time continuum...

I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift. As of now I'm real picky about who I hang out with, but anyway, I wrote this mainly in response to guys wondering why they were having inexplicable, wacked out non-communication when they thought the deal was all clear, and I'm telling them it's because there's plenty out there who have such chaotic or incoherent personal histories that they're lucky they can function at all... this isn't everybody, but its reality for a big enough percentage that you have to factor it in when you feel like it's time to play.

you have recieved much sound advice in this thread and I must echo the sentiments. Just move on and don't let it hurt your feelings.

There have been times when a gent has asked to see me and I have seen his previous reviews. Some incredibly glowing and others downright vicious. I have often wondered how I would fair in the ratings system. Yes at times it can be intimidating.

But the issue here does not lie with you but unfortunately with her. There must be a self esteem issue lurking beneath the surface that she cannot overcome. Because this is the only this, IMHO, that could logically keep her from you. The review of Farrah was exqusite. And while this lady may not have rated as highly, I am sure if she was confidant in her abilities as a good provider, she would have gladly seen you.

Fret not, and although it should be annoying to have a cancellation for this reason, do not let it effect you emotionally. That allows the situation to take up space in your head and further complicate your confidance in seeing other ladies. We all do not agree on the reviews or how they are presented. But obviously a review that is too glowing can be just as bad as one that is too vicious.

xox
Lass

...I think that, outside what you previously described as violent tendencies, what you're describing is just "Life."  People experiencing the chaotic happenstace of everyday life are not mentally ill.  I also knew Faye Desiree, and regardless of a relation's herione addiction, it most certainly does not mean that person is mentally ill, nor does it have anything to do with this business.  I also don't see an eating disorder as being mentally ill, or a reason to classify someone as being "off their rocker," unless you'd like to lump the other 50% of the population that has an eating disorder at some point in thier life, whether it is by feast or famine, into the classification of being "off their rocker."  LOL  

I suppose we just have a differences in perceptions of what is to be considered "normal."  

BJ, Palm Beach, FL
[email protected]

first of all there's not one box called mentally ill and another box called normal... Faye's kid being a junkie said a lot about something going on in her general environment that wasn't too stable, and yeah, I think it has a lot to do with being in this business. I didn't even use the tern "off their rocker"... like you have a garish, naive model of what mental illness is... FWIW, personality disorders, thought disorders, depression and the consequences of depression, disturbances in early childhood, etc, can have genralized, diffuse, hard to isolate and specify outcomes, but can impair or limit one's life functioning. Look, I've been there, I've seen, you can play denial with yourself all you want for what I care, but you can't buffalo me 'cause I know the story all too well down at the nitty gritty level, and there's a lot more going on than the "chaotic happenstance of everyday life", there's more dark stuff, more weirdness and confusion than many have any interest, maybe even insight into themselves to acknowledge and admit. I've also run into a number of folks who think of themselves as "perfectly normal" who are far from being so, but they've managed to rationalize, minimize, project, displace, fantsize, and fairly well use every psychological defense mechanism known to man (or woman).... such as, there are those who don't eat well, overeat, etc, binge and purge, etc, for reasons of their own, and there are those for whom it can be a life threatening condition, a major dysregulation of serotonin levels in the brain, and this requires intervention. Former Miss ATF was somewhere in between. I could see she was beginning to do damage to herself, her skin was turning strange, it was borderline self starvation and I believe she's eventually going to do herself major harm, but she doesn't see this, she doesn't compute it, and that's part of the tragic nature of some of these disorders, now do you want to call that mental illness or do you want to call it self destructive behavior but if you actively put yourself in harm's way beyond a certain point, honey, you are not all there in the head.

Yeah, I see we have different perceptions of what is "considered" normal, and I'm not exactly LOL

Consider that she went forward and wasn't honest with you.  You assume that she would have gotten comfortable and warmed up to you, but odds are her inability to get over her anxiety would have been a downer for the sesssion.

I agree, it's her loss.  I know that I feel somewhat the same over a provider who stood me up with no explanation.  I'd love to call her again and such, but I'm just not going to be interested/comfortable with someone who behaves that way towards me.

That said, if a provider reads your reviews and is comfortable or excited by them, it'll be a better session (IMHO, for me at least).  

I dunno about the fighting, never heard of anything like that but I've spend ten years in the adult entertainment industry - being a stripper, FBSM girl, phone sex girl, nude model computer sex girl, dominatrix - just about anything where you didn't have to have actual sex with people - and I can tell you there is definitely a higher percentage of girls with drug problems, girls with eating disorders, girls with emotional problems, girls who had been physically, emotionally or sexually abused.

Sure there were plenty of girls who were just students, taking a second job, single moms, newly divorced, in transition, fell on bad times, just curious or exhibitionists, etc but if I compare the population of girls in the adult entertainment industry to the population of other females I've ever known, the percentage of girls with some kind of problem is significantly higher.

So I guess I'm saying I agree with your assessment.

MM

-- Modified on 3/30/2003 9:15:32 PM

Re:Provider declined to see me

Dear Jacksonlips.

Don't mean to sound so harsh, but why are you so irritated? Do you feel dissed if refused service? Any business retains the right to refuse service.

Since, you "pressed" her for an explanation, maybe therein lies some kind of answer.  Some people need you to simply accept no and not make an issue of it.  There might really be something going on in her personal life at this time that is none of anyone's business and really has nothing to do with you(I shudder to think how I may have acted when my uncle had brain cancer and was in and out of the hospital)..., but since you pressed ... now was she at least civil to you?

But if you wonder her explanation doesn't make sense, maybe she had too much on her hands - but if she was rude to you, well...we all get treated that way sometimes.  At least she didn't write a nasty review of you...




-- Modified on 3/30/2003 11:09:30 PM

Re:Provider declined to see me

Oh, and at least I'm not sitting here trying to get your business by being so sweet and saying a lot of b.s.

Re:Provider declined to see me

I have noticed that most of my clients don't want to smoke or drink in my presence.  That's probably because I prefer that type of individual.  I would not have seen you after reading your review of farrah leah.

Too bad that the reviews can become more important than tbe experience.

Hmmmm. Still, After reading this, I feel more than ever compelled to require seeing reviews already written by prospective clients.  Jeez,  scares me to think i may walk into the wrong arena at the wrong time with the wrong type of person.  Now I think that reading reviews previously written by  the guys, although I've never ask for it, is becoming an important factor ... who really needs a misplaced experience?




-- Modified on 3/31/2003 1:17:32 PM

often I'm making refererence to people who have meant a lot to me, as it is possible to have great virtues and positive qualities and also have problems that become overwhelming from time to time. If I'm speaking to the guys who can't understand why some interactions don't work out like "straight life" interactions do, that's because they have to understand that as a matter of survival these women learn to hold together an attractive presentation to do their job well and get paid for it, but most often that isn't who they really are. Don't be overly taken aback is your best friend for the evening is caught up in a debilitating episode of depression, or other dynamics in her life take over for the moment and you feel massively dissed because she's fighting off demons in another quarter.

If there's anything this world could really use, it would be a private board moderated by good psychologists who have experience working with sex industry people and can talk to them in a non-judgemental way and give them some insight into how to overcome some of the discord, figure out their emotional ties with the business side vs. the straight side, and other such necessary stuff.

Sasha,I just checked out your website.From what I can see you have a very attractive face.The rest of you looks fabulous too.
I only wish you were located in New England.

I'm always annoyed by these guys that have to critique every part of a woman.I can only imagine what these guys must look like themselves.Some of them are probably frightening with no clothes on.I honestly don't know how you ladies put up with these egoists.

So, Lass, wouldn't it be possible that the "intimidation" she felt could have been the result of the fact that the gent in question imbibed so much that he essentially passed out?

While I'm sure this happens more often than not, I would imagine that having a customer pass out on you could cause some potential problems.

Also, if the Lady in question has had prior bad experiences that are alcohol-related, that too could be the cause for the turn down.

In any case, your advice is correct. It's time to move on and not worry about it. (But I'd moderate the booze consumption if I was the gentleman in question).

Looking forward to seeing you....

Sasha, I just wanted to say that although we have never met, we do share some of the same friends.  I have always heard wonderful, positive things about you...never a negative. I remember reading your post back then about how you cried over "That" review, and my heart went out to you. And, Stealthmode, your post says it all, you sound like a true gentleman.
Celeste xx

...if you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. And although this is a review board were “honesty” is supposed to be the honorable thing to do, I think this rule could apply here too!

Sasha, as Seventhson has addressed the issue of the stability of emotions found in what maybe is the majority of women in this business. May I be so bold as to suggest that you will also run into possibly a majority sampling of a**hole men, who may also like to consider this there physiological playground and may have a few emotional issues to work out themselves! As stated by others, you’ll find both cases here, but it’s not the norm. DON”T let them bring you down please…

I’m reminded every morning, when I see myself naked in the mirror… that God has a real cruel sense of humor! What in the world was she thinking…

Hugs
SM

Sasha I remember your post about that cruel review and your feelings.  I read it and wish I had responded then, I hope it's not to late.  Not all men are misogynist

I'm all for a good-natured debate, preferably on a civilized and rational level, but after being insulted by a complete stranger five or six times, I'm over it.  So - Hey, play nice or don't play at all; your self righteous indignation is showing.

Please pardon my existence in "your world," seventhson, and get over yourself,

BJ, Palm Beach, FL
[email protected]

-- Modified on 4/1/2003 8:32:56 AM

you've got plenty of company. But, my sweet, you chose to engage, then tied to reframe the discussion into a victimization melodrama.... "completely insulted by a complete stranger". I have a good idea that self pity is a major subtext in your life. Uh, bj, your manipulative side is showing.

You are assuming that the cause of these "mental health problems", primarily personality and eating disorders, is 100% environmental, if I read your post correctly.

There are no scientific studies to support this.

Indeed, there is mounting evidence to indicate that it is a combination of genetic and environment that leads to these problems.  See the Minnesota Study of Twins raised apart, as well as a well-structured study in Science magazine last August which indicated that without certain genetic factors present in childhood, it is extremely unlikely that someone will develop violent tendencies. Likewise, with the genetic factors present, there needs to be a level of abuse in childhood to cause the violence/disorder to appear.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. I stand in awe of the level of intelligence and thoughtfullness on this board.  It's why I threw it out there to you all.

And, to the person who, with a smile, asked how it could be that I have had 3 once in a lifetime experiences, and 2 in the month of March alone..............there is a very good explanation for that.  It's because I didn't review my subsequent sessions with Ali.  Would have been more.

Thanks again,

Jacksonlips

"...if she's a loser, that makes you an absolute nonentity..."

"...like you have a garish, naive model of what mental illness is..."

"...you can play denial with yourself all you want for what I care..."

and now,

"...you chose to engage, then tied to reframe the discussion into a victimization melodrama..."

At what point can we have a rational discussion without my points being reduced to some mental illness I'm harboring myself?  At no point in my debate did I attempt to draw the conversation toward myself, in fact, you know absolutely nothing about me upon which to base your judgements.  However, you have directed your antagonistic statements to me on a personally persecutive level, not an objective peer level, and so you have my personal, subjective response.  I have no need to defend my own integrity, yet any defense against your attacks is considered a pity party for myself to cover yet another mental illness I must be harboring.  

There is no victimization melodrama involved, I'm attempting to keep this from becoming a personal attack upon myself, but it's apparent that this would not be possible given your horrible interpersonal skills, particularly toward women.

You certainly have every right to have your opinions, but I also have my right to my own.  It was my intention to state that: your suppositions are limited to a very small percentage of the persons involved in this business; and that calling "madness" to the slightest inconsistent gesture appears presumptuous and sexist at best.  You statements, "Probably a substantially higher percentage of those who are active in the hobby, especially on the provider side, have significant emotional issues that would benefit from some fairly major therapy," and "I'm telling them it's because there's plenty out there who have such chaotic or incoherent personal histories that they're lucky they can function at all," are very broad, sweeping statements that do not offend me; I simply believe them to be inaccurate, and this is my opinion and against the observations during my own 4 years involved in this industry.

Of course, this is just my own opinion, and mine is as equibly relevant as yours.  Since you seem to relish devaluing my opinion, and lend me no merit as a peer (God forbid!), there is no longer the debate, only the attack.  This offends me, and show you are without integrity, substance or character... a popular subject lately.

BJ, Palm Beach, FL
[email protected]