Some of you might have read my post from last week (see link).  Here's a short summary, plus a few details left out of the original post:

Years ago, I met a brothel girl in a foreign town.  Something clicked between us.  Had affair.  Real.  Off-the-clock.  Sweet.  I knew better, and so did she, but...  I would have moved halfway round the world to continue it, could easily have imagined myself marrying this girl.  But what she didn't know, because I lied about it, was that I had a wife and child 10,000 miles away back home.

So I pretended to be just a guy who couldn't make a commitment, and we had fun, and when it came time for me to go we assumed we'd never see one another again.  I never thought I'd see her again.  We didn't exchange contact information.

So anyway, I happen to now be back in the town where I met this girl, who hasn't worked in a while, and I run into the brothel owner downtown.  Nice lady.  I know her and her family.  She remembers me well and fondly.  We chat briefly.  She tells me I should stop by again some time.  Yea, ha ha.  Nice try.  I'm not a John anymore.  Or a panderer or pimp or anything else.

But fuck.  A few days later I figure what the hell.  I go there.  You know when you're in an old hometown and you can't help driving past your old house just to see what it looks like now?  It was like that.  And...  it was a nice visit.  I end up sitting on the porch in the sunshine with the girls who are working there (a couple know me, some are new and don't) and chatting with them and the owner.  It was nice to catch up.  I don't visit the rooms, I don't touch any of them.  I have no urge to.  A lot of you guys without much exposure to the work would probably find it surreal to be sitting there with a bunch of really hot girls in sexy underwear or topless just hanging out between rings of the doorbell, and then resuming conversations when they come back with their asses and tits still red from the session.  You can see from their faces and how hard they smoke whether the guy was nice or not.  Nothing needs to be said.  I felt disgusted by it.  I know it's just work.  Just business.  But they seem so young.  I am glad I'm done with the hobby.

Anyway, back to the point:  So then late last week I happen to look at the brothel website, partly on a whim, partly because I always find it interesting how certain girls come out when professionally photographed (and -shopped).  And there is a picture of The Girl.  The one I fell in love with, with a note that she will be there this week.  But she hasn't worked in a long time, and normally the brothel doesn't list people before they are actually there.

So I wondered.  Was she contacted?  Is she coming back to see me?  Should I see her?  I promised my wife I wouldn't hire prostitutes anymore (although she knows I have friends), and my wife knows about This Girl and what I felt.  It was obvious at the time.  My wife and friends all said my head was elsewhere, that I wanted to not be home again.

You guys here on the board all said I should stay away.  It was good advice.  And I intended to follow it.

But there was that one little thing bugging me -- the fact that I lied to this girl years ago.  She didn't know I was married, and when we stopped each other I think she thought it was because I just couldn't have a future with a prostitute from some podunk Eastern European dump.  But I could have.  I happily would have.  I wanted her to know that.

I also thought it would be really awkward to see her again.  Is she going to avoid me if I show up?  Does she even care whether I see her or not?  What would we talk about?  Any of you run into an old ex girlfriend/boyfriend?  It can be weird, right?  Now imagine the circumstances surrounding your relationship 10X weirder.

So I did the prudent thing -- I called.  I called and asked to speak to her.  Just to see what would happen.

It wasn't awkward at all.  You know how you instantly fall back into the groove with old friends and family?  We laughed and briefly reminisced, and yea -- she admitted that she heard I was in town and hoped I would come see her.  She told me to call ahead so she wouldn't be working when I did.

Fuck fuck fuck.  I still really really like this woman.  But I also love my wife.  

A couple days later, I call ahead, and she can't wait to see me, and I get there, and the brothel owner is all smiles and The Girl is all smiles, and we go to a room, and sit on the bed, and we look at each other and ask what's new.  And I put on my wedding ring and tell her I'm married.  And she is like 'Wow!  I can't believe it!'  And she asks how long, and I tell her, and she pauses, thinking she didn't understand correctly (We were speaking English, but it's not her native language, and I clarify in the local language, which she is still pretty rusty in, but it sinks in).  And she says... 'so when you were here before you were married?'  And I admit I was.

This is when she hits me and cries.

Several hours later, some really hard, we've sort of managed to re-boot as potential friends.  This time we exchange enough information that we can stay in contact forever if we want, and there are promises made.

Yesterday I visited again. We went out and ate ice cream until we couldn't take it any more.  And just sort of had fun.  Put all the baggage behind us.  Then we went back to the brothel and hung out with some of the other girls a bit, and it's sort of like old times.  Except better, because it can last this time.

She wants me to be happy, and I want her to be happy.  Even if it's not with each other.

We both leave town at the end of this week.  I think my soul is a little lighter.  I ho

Second chances can sometimes be great gifts.

In the previous thread, somebody mentioned they'd like to see a memoir.  Trust me, you wouldn't.  It would read like a combination bad adventure/soap opera/comedy with no clear plot.  But I have learned some lessons.  Relevant to my current tale, I say these things with all seriousness:

1) Guys:  Keep the ring on.  Don't lie about being married or not.  There's no point, and if there is, you'll end up regretting it.  Trust me on this.  The story above is not the only relevant tale.  I used to never wear a ring at any time.  Now I do.  Life is easier.  And my wife likes it.  It makes me happy when she's happy.  And what could be better than making people happy?

2) Girls:  Don't ask.  It can be awkward.  Your job is the opposite of making guys who are awkward around girls feel even more awkward.

3) Both:  It's OK to fall in love now and then.  It's how you deal with it that separates us.

The next big deal for me will be explaining to my wife that although I love her and am committed to spending my life with her and and not cheating on her ever again and she can trust me on that, I also value old friends and can never abandon them for anyone.  

Here's something you said last time:  "I've..had every manner of weird things shoved up my ass".  
Here's what you're trying to shove up our ass:  a rambling morality play with you as the star of the show.    

I guess you're on a Mission From God now, right?  Kind of like one of the Blues Brothers, minus the fun.   --z

This business is made up of real people with real stories, lots of them fascinating studies in human nature.  Enjoyed reading chapter two and saw a lot of similarities to an on-again off-again relationship I had/have with one provider.  At different times we have both wanted to work but there seems to always be an insurmountable barrier.  No, not her working as some here will say.  We've talked about that and she'd retire to make it work.  It's things like age, family (not spouse) isses.

I wish you well and hope it has a good ending for both of you.

Too bad some of the first people to reply are of the close minded "if it isn't my thing then YOu shouldn't write about it" mentality.  Too bad but not surprising.

I have no idea what they're looking for here.  OK, so maybe not everyone finds my posts interesting or useful or concise.

Whatever.  Doesn't fucking bother me.  Click on, my friend, click on.

I think my story is basically done anyway.  Nothing really left to say.  It's got a happy ending.

Your posts are a treasure trove of wild John fantasies, like:  

"I basically did it all.  I fell in love, had women fall in love with me.  Had my wife find out, had   hookers call my wife to defend me".

"the brothel owner thought we were a sweet couple.  She practically used to push us together off the  clock."

I like how you wander back to this foreign town years later, thousands of miles from home..and the brothel owner REMEMBERS YOU.  And she invites you to hang out at the whore house for a while and revisit long-lost friends...off the clock.  Then your old provider turns up, and it's time for a wild lark out on the town! Ice cream and sex...off the clock. Ha, what fun!  

OMG. --z

OldTraveler, let's make sure we all know who-is-who.  You're referring to the original poster in first person:  "I have no reason to come on any site and make up stories."  So is the original post your fever-dream or maybe you have a doppelganger on this site.  

Unfortunately age hasn't brought you any wisdom.  You're quite foolish to believe everything you read online.  If a "Nigerian Prince" with 5 million dollars sends you an e-mail asking for your bank account number, please delete it.   Take care, --z

The idea that no provider could ever fall for a client is just naive to the dynamics of chemistry and compatibility. And, the idea that it could never be mutual is equally naive (but I understand that your mirror may convince some of you otherwise).

What is cruel is when the provider DOES feel something and the client leads her on and tries to get her to believe he does, too. I've learned (the hard way) that guys don't really want you to have any feelings even when they pretend that they do want you to. The keyword in GFE is "experience" not feelings.

Whatever he says, "I miss you," "I like you," "I'm falling for you," "Do you want to have an affair?" all this has to be taken with the grain of salt that he might just want the ego stroke of your reaction or willingness to fall for him, when he really isn't wanting it to go anywhere from the get go.

Confusing a girl about what you really want on purpose is just cruel and leads to heartache. Especially if you are married.

So, you want us to be happy for you that you have a second chance to hurt her? She's still overseas in a brothel. Oh, is her Pretty Woman happy ending being friends on Facebook?

Normally, I'd have been out of here for another few years, but checked in on the thread.  Yea, OK, so I'm human and like to see feedback.  So shoot me.

I get that some people might think I'm long-winded and boring or moralistic or whatever.  Fine.  I actually don't mind the criticism.  Helps remind me to tighten my writing/speaking style, on screen and off.

But as OldTraveler noted, I have no motivation to make stuff up. Especially here. What could that possibly get me?  Do you think I'm proud of how fucked up my life has been at times?  Do you think I'm proud of cheating on my wife or lying to other people for no reason?  These are not my proudest moments, my friend.

It's interesting what you noted as wild fantasy.

You think having a hooker friend call my wife and have them scream at each other while my son overhears is the stuff of fantasy?  You think having to explain prostitution and broken promises to a son in early puberty is fun?  You think having that hooker later imply to your wife that you did stuff you didn't just to cause havoc in revenge for not continuing a 'friendship' is something I get a boner over? You think even now hearing unfounded suspicions over and over again when your wife has too much to drink is cool?  Think again.

Why would a business owner not remember me after I had spent so much time there and gotten to know them all so well?  After getting Christmas gifts from her and knowing her husband and children?  And remember that I was also a foreign interesting guy, somebody a little out of the ordinary.  And I did unordinary things, like actually talking to people and getting to know them instead of skulking in and out without making eye contact, like a lot of guys do.  Don't you remember people like that when you meet them?  What sad world do you live in where people never get to know each other or forget about each other the instant one is out of sight?  Haven't you ever had even a local bar, or shop, where you're recognized?  Are you a homeless schizophrenic?  

And please read my posts again.  Me and The Girl I talked about here don't have sex now.  We don't touch romantically at all.  Cheek kisses at best, like friends do around here.  She normally likes to hang out with guys even in her private life.  So I'm just another guy friend.  No big deal.  I don't know what your business is, Zangari, but let's say you're a businessman, and maybe your business did business with some other business, and the rep for that company was a cool guy and you eventually became friends.  No big deal, right?  A business relationship turns into a personal relationship.  Tits don't make it different.  Prostitution is not a magical world outside the rules of normal human experience.

Haven't you ever stayed friends with an ex-girlfriend?  Or heard about it?  What's the big deal?

You want to hear crazy unbelievable stories, I've got 'em.  But this wasn't one.

There are two groups of men:

1)  Gentlemen who are successful with women and have no need to brag about it.  
2)  Men who have a psychological compulsion to brag about their prowess because they are insecure.  

I'll leave it up to the board to determine which group A_New_Invention & OldTraveler fall into.  --z

careful with generalizations "guys don't really want you to have any feelings even when they pretend that they do want you to"  that's the classic YMMV.  not all of us are in this just for a fuck

I only say that stuff when it's true.

"I've learned (the hard way) that guys don't really want you to have any feelings."

Not all guys. I promise.


HalfHour

Angelique:  If your comment below is directed at me, I believe that a provider can fall in love with a client, but that's rare.  What's much more common is a client who deludes himself into thinking a provider is in love with him.  

There's an old doctor's saying:  "When you hear galloping hoofs, think horses, not zebras".  And I'll bet  that the gentleman you would fall in love with would never brag about it online.     --z

Personally I thought all of humanity was divided into:
1)  people who post interesting things on boards
2)  people who feel so insecure they must attack anyone who posts interesting things on boards

But then you have enlightened me so now I know better.  Thank you for having pity on me.

I also notice that even though you were wrong in your comments about my previous post and your accusations about me and ANI being the same person, when I pointed out the error of your ways you felt no need to appologize even in an insincere way.  Not that I expected you to, but it would have been a nice surprise.

You seem to be a sensible guy, Zangari.  You are not deluded by this business.  I like that.  I think you've also nailed it that this site is filled for the most part with desperate fantasies from awkward guys.   Which is OK.  It's great that we have a place like this to share it anonymously.

But your flippant and persistent dismissal of my posts is annoying.  It's annoying for two reasons:

1) I posted for the same reason a lot of guys post.  I wanted to share something.  I wanted to get it off my chest.  Maybe you're new here, or haven't thought about it, but one of the great things about these message boards is that they're a sort of club for guys and gals that can't chat about this stuff at your average dinner party.  I used to hang with and chat almost daily with people in the business, and had no need for these boards.  I'm back because I now no longer normally hang with people in the business and TER was an easy place to turn when these latest events came up.  I was amazed and excited by the fact that I could maybe see this girl again, set things straight, etc.  And who else was I going to share that excitement with? When someone you don't know tells you about something that interests them, or excites them, you listen politely.  Or if you have a correction or clarification, you add it.  You don't shit on it like a jealous 6 year old.  Please don't shit on me, Zangari.  It's rude.

2) Other people are perfectly capable of judging whether my posts are useful or interesting.  Let them decide for themselves.  Your constant blathering robs them of THEIR choice.  Your heckling undercuts my message.  If you have something original and potentially interesting to share, there is a 'New Topic' button.  Use it.  

And because this post is not nearly long enough   I would like to clarify one more thing...

Let's analyze why you consider my posts 'bragging'.   I do not consider them bragging.  But people often misconstrue talk of things they envy, as 'bragging'.  People do not envy what they have.  My guess, Zangari, is that you are envious of the things I have described.  That's too bad, because really I hoped to make the point that people should NOT go down my road.

The hobby is awesome.  There's nothing bad about paying for sex or companionship unless it's mis-used or misunderstood.  In my case, I did both.  I hope others don't.

That's all.  Sorry if my earlier posts were not clear.

Thanks.  I make no judgments.  I cast no dispersions.  I found what you said interesting.  I feel sure I'll never be in anything like the position you described because I rarely hobby.  So hearing your circumstances is educational and entertaining.  I would characterize it as sad and cautionary.  No bragging, no endorsement.  Just experience.  MHO