Aside from everyone on TER

Seriously though, I was wondering who you share your secrets with in real life, if anyone at all?

I would imagine that most providers have friends in the biz, so I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to compare notes, share crazy stories, and otherwise vent about this unique profession.

But for the hobbyists, is there anyone that knows? A best friend? Trusted co-worker? Partner in an open relationship? And if not, is it hard not talking about it??

(This is my first post on TER. *Waving to everyone*)

No one outside of the hobby needs to know what I do behind the closed doors.

You realize this mongering is illegal in US right....

Good first post!
No one wants to admit they do this shit.
People close to me know what I do only because I am not married.
They are fascinated by it.
Not the street hooker shit.
Rather the concept of a PSE experience.
No one knows my handle, or anything about the girls.
But the stories are told.
I am very careful to make sure no one can actually prove anything.
Do yourself a favor. Keep your mouth shut.

But I'll die with a sh*t eatting grin on my face!

Keeps everything nice and separate that way  

Just remember...if you need to confess this to anyone...get a dog!

Posted By: ZenSky

Aside from everyone on TER

Seriously though, I was wondering who you share your secrets with in real life, if anyone at all?

I would imagine that most providers have friends in the biz, so I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to compare notes, share crazy stories, and otherwise vent about this unique profession.

But for the hobbyists, is there anyone that knows? A best friend? Trusted co-worker? Partner in an open relationship? And if not, is it hard not talking about it??

(This is my first post on TER. *Waving to everyone*)

back when I used to angry crazy stuff on the L.A. board and chat a young hobbyist told me that i reminded him of a cool freind of his. He sold me tickets to the Lakers and stuff. We started sharing info, going to MP's. I tell him about my cheap girls and sometimes I saw his more expensive ones. We also spent time at strip clubs and nudie bars. Some strips clubs even have full service. No I won't tell you which ones.  It's crazy to have a friend to share this lifestyle, the info on girls, the drugs and the drinks. Some of his other friends must of know. The people I know, don't but suspect and don't care.
in a job I had a girl was bothering me like saying I didn't have anybody. So told her i know girls for the weekend. She went like eeewww, keep it to yourself. I felt good telling her LOL.
Then there all the providers who became actual friends. I knew their secrets even met their husbands and/or kids. I would never say anything and they new that.

My friend still calls me to go to a strip club but  iwork late now.

We live in a country that is notoriously prudish by nature. From the women's side, being brought up constantly hearing to never "sell yourself" it is instilled in the common populace that anything to do with this world is bad and evil. Not all women are so open minded. No matter how much you trust a friend, telling her means that you have crossed a line that can't be uncrossed. You've no idea what reaction she'll make and therefore you'll have no idea on whether you've just gained a confidante, or lost a trusted friend.

It's simply not worth the risk.

I have met a few women through this and have found community and support with them. However, it's only Kate that they see. Keeping that line of separation with "civilian" friends to have the regular love and support that every human needs is paramount.

This world, for all it's smallness and "community," can be quite isolating for both the men and the women. I think that's part of the reason the connections between us can seem so intense so quickly. Simply by meeting we are already sharing a secret. That breeds intimacy in and of itself.

Great first post.

Kiss me,

Kate

I have shared with another hobbiest that I connected with on another hobby message board. We have seen some of the same ladies...provided intoductiions to providers and shard some war stories over a beer or two. We happen to have similar backgrounds, work similar jobs and there is an implicit trust.  Would not share with someone unless i knew they were in the hobby.

I have had relatives, good friends and acquaintances all dance around the subject and I play as dumb as my alias.  

If and when I hobby it's with the full knowledge (and permission) of my spouse so if I need to talk to someone about it I have that outlet covered.  And yes, we have an open marriage.  

Posted By: ZenSky

Aside from everyone on TER

Seriously though, I was wondering who you share your secrets with in real life, if anyone at all?

I would imagine that most providers have friends in the biz, so I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to compare notes, share crazy stories, and otherwise vent about this unique profession.

But for the hobbyists, is there anyone that knows? A best friend? Trusted co-worker? Partner in an open relationship? And if not, is it hard not talking about it??

(This is my first post on TER. *Waving to everyone*)

My ex, my kids, my friends.  I have nothing to lose and could care less.  Fuck 'em if they can't deal with it.

Posted By: ZenSky

Aside from everyone on TER

Seriously though, I was wondering who you share your secrets with in real life, if anyone at all?

I would imagine that most providers have friends in the biz, so I'm sure there are plenty of opportunities to compare notes, share crazy stories, and otherwise vent about this unique profession.

But for the hobbyists, is there anyone that knows? A best friend? Trusted co-worker? Partner in an open relationship? And if not, is it hard not talking about it??

(This is my first post on TER. *Waving to everyone*)

We email back and forth- I get to see one or more of them very infrequently, but I have grown to like and respect them.  (One is from Boston, one from LA, and two from the general Philly area.) I appreciate all four of them and feel I could be frank with all of them.  
(Thanks my friends, I have appreciated your friendship.)
I have in the past had at least two very good provider friends.  They are both married and out of action.   I hear from one still very occasionally so I know she is happy, I never hear from the other, but I hope she is as happy as I imagine her to be..  
I share information about my little hobby with no one in the civie World, ever.

I don't think I could tell a close friend or co-worker about what I do. Too much risk.
And would most definitely not tell a future girlfriend/wife that I used to hobby..

I'm surprised my mom is cool with it.
She freaked out the first time I told her, and she still thinks every encounter will be a sting or dateline NBC or something silly.

Legally speaking, what's said to your therapist can be used against you in a court of law.  So, as Sargent Schultz of Hogans Heros' was famous for "I know nothing."

that reminds me back when I was a kid and we hear of a male friend or somebody that got caught and given a ticket.  My mother would go like "well (what's wrong) isn't he a man?" My mom is cool too and so is the mother of the friend I told you about.  He says that she says, there you go to see those putas...LOL

they're my only family and I trust them.  It actually made my daughter and me closer after she understood why I hobby.

He has been there so he can relate. Discussing this with someone who has not been there is futile.

Not looking to confess. Just curious, I guess. I recently met with a provider for the first time, for a long dinner/date evening and was impressed by the whole thing.

No one knows about me...and I aim to keep it so.

Charlie Sheen and i like to compare notes..he has excellent taste..

It's not a matter of trust, I've got people I'd trust my life with. But I don't see this information being beneficial for anyone in my life to know.

Plus I'd rather not put someone in the position of having to keep my past a secret from my potential future partner. That'll be a time I either choose to reveal or not reveal. And any possible fallout is on me, no one else.

As for your last question, no it's not hard at all. Not talking about it comes very naturally to me.

My provider life isn't hidden because its my life! Mind you I'm not out and ignorant with it but yeah.

Therapists are required to report specific threats of serious harm to others, and the potential for future child abuse.

Breaking prostitution laws will absolutely not be disclosed.

This is one thing one should keep the MOUTH shut, period.

I told him the whole thing too, TER, 411, Eros and next thing I know he adds a second collection for " rectory  help " and he has this little s-eating grin on his face all the time.  The altar boys seem lessed stressed as well. The whole thing has me bewildered.

Dear Ms. Jacobs:
I am just wondering how would you react and what would you do if you encountered someone or had someone with whom you where familiar with from both your social world and your companionship world? Would you just play it off or would you be anticipating what your counterpart would be thinking? Also would you be extremely apprehensive if this person also was in your civilian workplace? What are the set of items that you would begin to consider and entertain if faced with this issue?

I have a friend/coworker that needs to hobby and I'd like to be able to tell him about it, but there's no way I'd let anyone in my personal life or professional life know. There's nothing to gain and everything to lose. I wish it were legal because I'd love to tell this guy about it and I'd like to be able to talk to friends about it as if it were something normal, because to me it is and I've met some really wonderful women in the hobby.

about the hobby if he wants to. You did. I did.
Good thing he is your friend but too bad he is at work also.
Let him learn by himself.

Or maybe he knows more than you or has his own secrets.

Not true!  My therapist took notes during sessions and those notes were used in my divorce.  Her records were subpoenaed and she had to testify to things I said.

No need to tell anyone.  It is not worth it.  The only thing I would say, is that if you are really old and have nothing to lose and you have sons, it might be a good idea to tell your sons about the scene.  You could be saving your son from a miserable marriage or a getting into a stupid affair.   Just a thought...

Hello Duplicitouslust,

It's really not something that can be answered in a simple sentence or two. I'd say that in 90% of the time or more, absolutely NOTHING would happen. Maybe a secret smile flashed between us and that is all. If there is anything I know, and know well, it's discretion. Living a double life where I'm separated when out in the world, both as Kate and as myself, is akin to living the life of a secret agent sometimes. The safest bet is to never cross the lines, no matter how close together they get.

My civilian life is contained within a very niche field- and I mostly work out of the country, hence unavailable here much of the time. I am the lease holder for the commercial space that I have here in the city and all my employees are female and hired by me. It's not open to the public. I really don't worry about that at all.

The issue comes more into play in my social life. Unless I'm with a gentleman friend, I'm not into going out and partying. The danger for me lies in restaurants. I have a myriad of restaurants where I know the owners thanks to being a native New Yorker and a long time patron. I would never choose to frequent one of these with someone I meet from here.  Luckily New York has enough of a selection that neither sides of myself are left wanting for yummy cuisine.

It's that other 10% though that is complicated. And it is so particular to each specific relationship that it would breach privacy to even get into it here. So I will not even deign to begin.

I will say, however, that WITHOUT FAIL, every single time I've run into a gentleman friend outside of a schedule encounter, it has led to one in short order. Being that most of my friends are in on business and spend their evening and full nights with me, it doesn't happen often. But it's a happy shared secret whenever it does. A happy shared NAUGHTY secret! And we could ALL use a few more of those.

So, I'll be standing in the northern side of Union Square at noon tomorrow. If anyone can spot me and tell me what color coat and hat I'm wearing, I'll share a secret. Who wants to play at running into one another publicly?

Kiss me,

Kate

PS I am a joker. Don't discount any promotional women you see dressed in sandwich board advertising or holding a salvation army ringing bell. In fact, while you're scrutinizing them, give whatever change you have in your pocket. It's the nice thing to do.

PPS Duplicitouslust- I'm interested in what YOU would do. Best switch over to PM or email though, time for our own secrets.

I have been "there" where Kate describes and my own experiences concur exactly with her comments here!

One can ALWAYS count on an honest, candid, intelligent, wise, well-thought out post from this True, "Real" Beautiful Human Being, Awesome Soul who also happens to be a "turn out the lights, burn down the barn" provider.

She never ceases to impress me!

Rock on, Kate! Rock on!

Happy Holidays to All!

-- Modified on 12/25/2012 4:58:55 PM