Special thanks to travler, Krista and black. Thanks to you all..good basis for me to build upon. I'll shut down this post now before anyone else jumps to false conclusions or says something really insulting.
How can I get a reference as a starting point if no one will see me without one? I don't see a choice for 1st timers or starters in advance search. Also, I'm a professional black male, but I notice a good number of providers won't see black males. Is it a fiscal stereotype, preference or something deeper? Just wondering.
Many providers will see new clients if they give their real name, employment info, and other personal bits of info. That might be the only way with certain women. The trust has to begin somewhere, and for some providers this is the only info that will do.
Other providers will take you as a new client if you are a member of a third-party screening site such as Preferred 411 or DateCheck. Look into those.
As far as the "black" thing goes...I can't even begin to speculate about what some providers may think with regard to that, and ONLY the provider herself can speak to that, so to ask for opinions and guesses here is kinda silly.
1) This is a "newbie" type question. Try the newbie board.
2) Learn to use the "search" function - both of your questions have been discussed many, many times.
If you don't have references, there are plenty of providers who will still see you if you are willing to give up some personal or work information, or if you join a verification site. There are also providers and agencies that do only "light" screening that do not necessarily require references. You have to do your homework, there's no way that I know of to simply search for them.
There are as many reasons for a woman to choose not to see a certain type of client as there are women. One provider friend of mine told me that she would not see black men because in her area, black men were the most likely to want something for nothing or to negotiate price. I'm just quoting to you what was said to me. Another provider friend told me that if a woman refused to see black men it was because she had a black boyfriend or pimp. Another well-known black provider from the Boston area ten years ago refused to see black men because she told me she had been raped by a black man when she was a teenager and could bot get over the flashbacks.
People always have "good" reasons for their prejudices. Personally, if a woman advertises that she won't see (any race), I won't call her either, but that's just me.
I recommend P411 over date check. If two gents contacted me (both have no references) and one had P411 and the other date check I would feel more comfortable seeing the gent with the P411 membership.
P411 , date check YES; Agency NO....
Too many agencies do NOT provide references to other agencies or independents. It's shortsighted, but that is how they often work. And some ladies don't accept references from agencies.
The smart/good agencied do give references, but if the purpose is to build your reference base, DH & P411 are better options.
Ladies seeing black men.....
This is an endless discussion and there are a lot of reasons the ladies have. Some are racist, no getting around that and nothing you can do to change their minds. If you did convince them to see you, it probably would be a less than stellar session anyway because they would not be into it.
But for many of the ladies they are lumping immages of a professional black man with the rapper immage. Not fair, but it is there in some of them. You need to do two things to increase your success rate: get the screening service, and also invest some time to make them comfortable with YOU the person. Find someone on here you might be interested in seeing. Write to them, not asking for a date but to follow up on something they said that you want to follow up on. Establish a connection that says you're a same and interesting person. Don't lie about your race, but let it come up after she understands your an OK guy. Doesn't always work but it improves the odds.
Send me a PM if you would like; I should have my VIP status back soon and I'll reply.
like you do when searching for a provider you want to see.
I was going to send you a PM and point you to some other sites, but decided not to. You seem happy in your anger and ignorance.
but don't have a clue.
That is what you are--completely, totally clueless about me. Otherwise you would not have made that comment.
Go back and READ what I said, not the words you want to put in my mouth. I said SOME are racist. Are you REALLY going to argue that is not true? Did I say how many? No. Did I say all? Absolutely not. But if you don't believe there are racist providers (just like there are racist clients) then you have lived a very sheltered life.
But to your point--which is related but not the same--I am one of the more vocal supporters of a lady's right to be as selective as she want, and I am one of the most vocal proponents that not every lady who excludes blacks--or asians, or whites, or those under 30, or those over 50--is racist or ageist. I believe that the nature of this business is such that if a ldy is not attracted to someone and knows she will not be at her best because of it it is much better to say so up front and prevent disappointments. Personally I think the majority of ladies who have a "No XXXXX" caveat fall in this category. Too bad you presumed to know my answer to a topic I didn't address.
I never judged any specific lady's reasons, but for you to say there are no racisits in this corner of the world is naive, disingenuous, or delusional.
I sure am happy I don't have to live under the same roof as you. And you definitely meant to address it.
but I do know a little about myself.
And I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you mean by "And you definitely meant to address it." Don't know what "it" you are referring to.
Special thanks to travler, Krista and black. Thanks to you all..good basis for me to build upon. I'll shut down this post now before anyone else jumps to false conclusions or says something really insulting.
I have been known to see newbies, however I do make them jump through a few hoops. I highly suggest p411 as a reference check. You'll find lots of ladies that will accept that from a newbie or just email the lady and ask what would make her comfortable with seeing you. Lots of times they'll respond with their requirements (you can always refuse to give up what they ask for).
Sorry your having a hard time, but you should be glad the ladies are being cautious, it makes the hobby safer for everyone involved.
xoxoxo
GingerLynn