Wow, where do I begin? I just had one of the most unexpected experiences of my life. I am new to TER and have yet to post any reviews. I have been a longtime lurker and have read many reviews, and have picked 5 experiences that I have had from reading reviews. Since I haven't posted any reviews yet or have any White list recommendations, I was denied a visit from a visiting provider who I highly desired. She said that I had to see a local lady in the area where I am presently visiting (but do not live in) and receive a recommendation from that lady before I could see her. So, I joined Date-Check and was quickly verified by a provider I use in the area I live in. Along with TER reviews and Date-Check I arranged a visit with someone I found both attractive, desirable and had excellent reviews. All of the reviewers rave about her, and a lot of them state how the "wish they could take her off the market". Well, today I met that lady and I was blown away. This is the experience that I have desired and has been unmatched in my life up to this point. While getting to know each other, she opened up about her life in a way that I did not expect giving details and sharing experiences and emotions about her life that I found myself relating to. I was able to share details about my life also, although I held back some on her because I have a SO. I wasn't entirely truthful with the provider about the SO and am confused about why. Why should I lie to one woman about another when this is a business deal? The provider I saw was not just beautiful, but "model" beautiful. The kind of woman who can make a man go weak in the knees, with butterflies in the stomach, stuttering my speech, and would go to great lengths to please. Let me be clear on this: I do not fall in love everyday, or with every woman I desire or meet with. I have had very satisfying sex with providers before, but I have never in my 40 years felt like this with a provider. I am having the same feeling here for this woman, that I had for the girl I lost my virginity with in high school. Now, here is the kicker: during our private time there was no penetration. We took turns with oral, which was very satisfying, but a lot of the time was spent with some of the most intense kissing I have ever had. It was not so much the LFK/DFK which was very nice, but she layed on her stomach and asked me to lay on top of her kiss her back and nuzzle and lick her neck. Well, I said sure. But while I was doing it, I thought to myself this is crossing some sort of line, but I could not help myself. She made me incredibly hot with the way she responded. Maybe only true lovers should do that. I am afraid that if I see her again and penetrate her I will be a complete wreck. I don't want to leave my SO and family life, but I might be tempted to for this woman, if that opportunity ever presented itself. I am under no illusion that that would ever happen, but I cannot deny what I am feeling here with this woman either. I have no trouble going through the alphabet with other providers that I have seen and remaining detached. I enjoy the ladies, but it is just a pleasant feeling. What I felt with this woman was intensely passionate. I guess the big surprise here is that I wasn't supposed to see this woman, I was supposed to see the original woman who turned me down. Let me tell you, I felt a feeling of profound emptiness after she left , so I went back to the bed for a while just to smell her perfume and reflect on what had just happened. Has anybody ever felt this way about a lady? This is a first for me. A question for the ladies: Do you remain detached from every man that you see? Probably not. How do you deal with those feelings when they come up? I really don't know if she felt the same, but the kissing was very convincing and we definitely connected on some sort of emotional level. Can anyone shed some light on this?
" A question for the ladies: Do you remain detached from every man that you see? Probably not. How do you deal with those feelings when they come up? I really don't know if she felt the same, but the kissing was very convincing and we definitely connected on some sort of emotional level. Can anyone shed some light on this?"
nope not so detached. interesting that 'model beauty' was a prime factor. that is all relative and lots of men go weak in the knees for women after they have built a long relationship, but i digress.
it doesnt happen often for me, but i've found that time heals all wounds (even pleasant ones) and day to day life replaces the fantasy one. its a bizness relationship and its unfair to try to make more of it IMHO. not cool for me to pursue someone as a provider. against union rules. lol
I have sincere -- and I mean SINCERE -- enjoyment of and appreciation for my clients. And some far more than others! But, when it comes down to it, they are clients, and I am their provider, and that's as far as the relationship will ever go. It's not detached, it's not cold: it's the best arrangement for both of us. They don't want to leave their SOs, and I don't want them to leave their SOs for me!
What happened to you, most likely, is that you met a lady who is EXTREMELY good at her job. Didn't her reviews say so? Weren't several other clients saying that they wished they could "take her away from all of this"? You are certainly NOT alone in feeling that there was something special and deeper between you. Other clients have felt the same.
As a (rumored to be 
) GFE provider, this is something I encounter relatively often. Not to brag, but I am pretty good at what I do: finding common ground and providing an enjoyable, relaxing, sensual, unforgettable date. That's my job, and I revel in those amazing connections that would otherwise never be able to occur outside the realm of this part of my life. But I do my best to not lead clients on that it is anything more. I don't want that, and I know that deep down, they don't want it either. Their emotions are lying to them when they have convinced themselves otherwise.
Which is what you need to continually remind yourself as you refrain from seeing her again.
I agree Carrie. He shouldn't see her again. Once he is a seasoned hobbyist and can reason properly, he won't have those feelings. We've all been there, but with experience comes reality.
I agree with Carrie, but I'd like to add a few things.
I think many of us, as clients, struggle with these feelings when we meet a provider who does give a more realistic session and is good at what she does. I also believe, though, that sometimes things do "just click", and it can make for a very intense, passionate setting.
As someone who has been in this (and I still am!), let's dissect it a little. First of all, as Carrie pointed out, many providers have an SO or a life they don't want to leave. Conversely, they don't want you to leave your SO for them. However, that doesn't mean that together, things can't be or aren't truly passionate between the two of you.
What you really need to ask yourself is this: can you contain your passion and emotions with this woman to the bedroom, or is it going to spill out all over the place, and blur the boundaries that need to be set?
I chose to talk to my lady about it. She set me straight, and said almost word for word what Carrie did. And once the boundaries were established, we are able to have very personal, intensely passionate sessions, but to keep it there. We are very friendly outside of that time, but it has to be kept that way.
If your answer to the above question is no, or you can't be totally honest with her, then I think you should refrain from seeing her again. You're just setting yourself up (and maybe even her) for disaster.
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with people like Carrie, and people like myself who enjoy a mutually beneficial time together, where amazing connections are made. There really can be a caring, sincere enjoyment from both sides. But that has to be carefully maintained with boundaries.
When it gets too much, those ugly things start to pop up: jealousy, expectations, arguments, etc...and who wants that? This is supposed to be fun, with no strings. Keep it that way.
Well she sound's like a "GREAT ACTRESS" (lol) and you sound like a complete Idiot!!! She probably doesn't even remember your name!!! "REALITY CHECK"
Only proved to him that there are cold and detached people on both sides of this. Some example of humanity you are Papasan.
-- Modified on 6/22/2009 7:59:39 AM
That sweetheart Jenny whitelists you and you don't even bother to write up a review? Then you pick on how others write theirs? Not sure you win TER citizen of the week.
Dude. Her job is to simulate a girlfriend experience. If you can't separate reality from fantasy, then it is unwise for you to participate in the experience.
Similarly, if you went to a horror movie and believed that the theater was actually haunted by ghosts, then it would be unwise for you to participate in the horror-movie experience.
This lady has given you a true girl friend equivalent experience. She is obviously wonderful at what she does. You need to enjoy it, but not get lost in it for too long. If you were into BDSM, you would want a woman who made you feel like a slave or slut or what ever your fantasy, but then you would want to go back to your life running a company or suing people or curing people or making furniture or what ever. Here you were made to feel like a lover but now it is back to reality.
Incidentally, I don't believe any of this is to belittle the experience or the lady who gave it to you. She had to feel you and get into your head and share your feelings, this took great skill but also a real empathy for you as a human being.
We all love our vacations, but it is the very rare person who would trade his/her life for one as a beach comber in Guadeloupe.
Let go and face reality.
She obviously performs up to the same standards with other clients. You are not likely anything special to her.
You said "the kissing was very convincing and we connected on some sort of emotional level"
YOU connected on an emotional level. She probably connected on a professional level. Big difference.
You need to take a step back, and remember that you are paying her for her time, and then to leave.
Book her, enjoy her, but get a grip on yourself.
The release your body has given you is similar to oxytocin which is highly addictive. Your situation mirrors mine except I have not considered leaving my SO over it. These boards have given me great advice on dealing with my infatuation with one lady. She was also my first true GFE and she put me way over the edge. I have to thank her though for being realistic with me and helping for me to get my head on straight. Especially after I told her I have a SO. I have been following these boards for suport and advice. I have felt comfort in knowing that there are many men as sick as I am on TER but it doesn't make me any better. The link is to a recent post on the drug effect and some commentary.
Treat this like any addition. You must be in control or you have to quit. You are not currently in control. Nice write up on your post by the way. Now I want to see her. Can you pm me who she is? I am not addicted. I can quit at any time. I just don't want to. Yeh, that's it.
Treetopflier
that bit of wisdom is the *single most important* thing to remember when playing this game.
many of the ladies really truly *enjoy* their clients. Really get off with them.
Operative word: them, plural.....
Enjoy it. But realize that you are but one in the lady's harem lol.....
It appears you had quite a connection with the lady. Now, it's time to be a good client and find another great escort. Don't repeat with this lady for awhile or ever. Do your homework find another escort that you can have the same experience, and count your lucky stars, that you are having great hobby experiences. Some clients never experience what you have.
sell the GFE. Some can do a LOT better than others. Consider yourself lucky. Now you have a bench mark to compare all the rest to.
I wonder why some guys do not realize that such meetings are business transactions and one should not read anything in providers charming attitudes
Start with editing and punctuation! Sorry but your tale of whoa is much to painful to read...and not in the way you might think.
they are only that.
it is OK to immerse yourself in a movie or a book but once you leave the theatre you have to live in the real world. if you can't understand that it is only a good performance from a professional, you may get in trouble.
be careful. you are in a very vulnerable spot. your thinking is unclear and you should distance yourself quite a bit. at the very least see a bunch of other folks before you return to this one, if ever.
i you do return to her soon, beware. she may be an honest professional who understands boundaries. but there are a few ladies who are a bit predatory.
be especially careful if she hints at the possibility that there might eventually be more to your 'relationship' and combines that the opportunity for you to get gifts for her that are way beyond her fees.
i'm not saying that she is a predator, but there are a few such. and there are plenty of honest courtesans about so that you needn't be a victim.
good luck. and please write better with more white space in the future. it WAS a difficult task to get through your post.
The illusion can be nice, as long as the gent can "turn it off" when he goes "back to the real world". And as long as the provider is professional and ethical enough not to take advantage when we are under the influence of all those sex hormones lol
I admit to being jaded and to preferring mine "straight up". And I've found that most ladies are just fine with that - some are even a bit relieved lol.
But my reason for preferring GFE without "I" is that some of these ladies are so damned intoxicating when they turn the "I" on, and I personally just don't want to go there anymore. I certainly do not "blame" anyone who does though!
If you can enjoy it and turn it off when you walk out the door, you are a better man than I lol....
I've been way way over the line (mutually) and prefer not to repeat the experiment.
Well - except with the right lady, of course lol
Cheers
GTM
and isn't straight with me about the real deal, the real business behind the illusion, well, illusion as sauce for the gander works equally well for the goose.
it has been my pleasure to unnerve the occasional predatory scam artist with a counter- performance consisting of sincere folly. i have a slightly over the top style, but it works.
i both enjoy and need my illusions up to a very definite limit. playing with them is deeply relaxing and beneficial for my health issues. if someone tries to take undue advantage of that... well then things become interesting.
so far, no one, not the civy exes, SOs, GFs, or GFEs, has ever gotten more out of me than i was willing to give. one came close, but the scam became too transparent. i may seem soft and forgiving, and i am, once i am given the score. but i am also way too tough for victimhood foolishness.
will cut the guy slack on all accounts. I'm a newbie and it is hard to keep things straight. And if you ever read my reviews, I myself will NOT pick on his writing style. LOL Frankly I found it a bit short in comparision. LOL A Kumbaya moment for sure!
one is knowing when you are in trouble you can't handle and heading for the hills. it is prudent but you don't get stronger practicing that method all the time. i think that our OP sounds well advised to pick this style for this occasion.
another is to be sufficiently "cool", emotionally compartmentalized, and confident in one's ideas about how reality "ought" to go. this approach offers emotional safety but suffers from the problem of rigidity. one misses subtleties of both oneself and others that don't fit one's preconceived categories of what is real.
another is to know the reality but be able to act in illusion "as if" it were real. this is a "warm" and emotionaly risky approach and is not as rigid. it misses relatively few subtleties but has a high overhead cost in energy since solutions are not prepackaged. rather than rely on compartmentalization for safety, careful analysis is first and foremost.
there are many other ways of managing.... as many ways in detail as there are guys and gals.
all have their advantages and disadvantages. a master of the art of life can pick which style to use and when. only a fool sets up one preferred style and characterizes other choices as inferior. every "style" has its weakness.
Stan, good of you to be kind about the writing style.
Or as I prefer to say in Monty Python style, "Run away... run away!"
You should not see her again in the near future. Your are emotions are out of control & you know it. This is not a put down, so many of us have been there.
This is real for you. If may even be real for her. It has happened that men have become involved & even married to providers. This is a can of worms... it is very, very rare that it works out.
Providers are paid to give us this experience. If you tell her you are falling for her, she might well refuse to see you again. Or she might string you alone & really mess with your head or your life.
You need to be a man. Realize this is a hobby. Step back & see a few others. Get your emotions under control before you see her again... if ever. If you can not, then for your own protection, you should not see her again.
skb
You really got your moneys worth.
This is part of how the brain works...
You had an excellent time and your brain threw out some endorphines that make you inclined to bond with the girl.
We are a type of animal and people try to deny that we function on alot of chemicals that dictate our animal behaviour.. People want to believe they are in control of these things consciously and are dictated by choice and not instinct. untrue.
Be happy you have such a wonderful memory now.
But don't take it too seriously. Just a part of being a human animal -- those chemicals will dissipate, the associated synapses will deteriorate, and the feelings wear off.
Enjoy the ride. !
If you kept seeing the girl.. the feelings pass also. Takes a little longer but they would..
I can't say I stay detached.. but I've had 3 or 4 times as many romantic experiences (and maybe more) then most people have in a lifetime. You learn how to enjoy the emotions and the moments for what they are.. what every episode of our lives is... Constantly transforming episodes that occur and fade.. Life is continual change and eventual death. There is no permanence. When you fully understand that, suffering ends. No angst. No long, soul searching posts about having a enjoyable and memorable experience. ha ha
that one can not explain. I love that feeling myself and have connected on that level with perfect strangers many times. It would be nice to understand why things happen but in our situation just be happy it does.
Peeling back all the pretense and letting your emotions stand naked before a perfect stranger is not the norm but when it happens you make a connection. It's more than chemistry and you wonder if fate has dealt you a dirty hand. What a tease to be put in such a position of want and desire with no place to go.
Learn to enjoy the moment and then the afterglow and again each memory when something or someone seems so familiar.
You have been smitten with my drug of choice..GFE
Kisses Haley
Whether in the provider world or the civilian world a man must ALWAYS be aware that once a woman sees that you are too emotionally attached eventually you will find yourself being taken advantage of.
I am not saying this to be negative, but this is simply the way the world works. My advice is to have fun, be a nice guy but do not let yourself become a pushover.
Trust me, I have definitely met some providers who I would probably date in real life and they would probably date me in real life. However, I can never let them know that. I am always a gentleman and make sure we both have a fun experience. After the session is over, I simply erase the session from my head and move on.
Now wake up, get real, and appreciate it for what it is; a paid for EXPERIENCE!
L_W_Y your moniker alone is indicative of a person both vulnerable and ripe for reading far too much into a skillful provider’s service.
Don't be so susceptible to turning a providers “skillful” illusion into a personal delusion.
a so named 'filmmaker' (so a flair for the dramatic) whom i otherwise thought was full of crap, nonetheless left me with a very poignant phrase once . "some of my very best relationships have lasted less than 24 hours". vapid as he was, i found some poetic tragic beauty in his words.
and btw, thanks for sharing with this public forum and reachin out for support. i dont really post very often but as much as i'm amazed at the absolute horndog pigs men(and ok women too) can sometimes be, i'm also amazed at how human and sensitive and brave and exposed they can let themselves be too.
ah hell, did i forget to take the prozac again, gettin all mushy. must need to get some nooky
take care
Enough of the criticism on writing styles (with the exception of the occassional drunk passing through town of course.) I ain't no gifted spellin champ and no fancified gramarian. Not going to spell and grammer check a thread post that goes away after a day. Well, at least the last longer than a session - but not the memories. Let's just focus on what people mean. And the guy is posting in order to figure something out, not be picked on. Lighten up on him.
Enjoy the experience while it lasted....she was good at her job. She probably leaves all of her customers with such feelings but seasoned ones just enjoy the experience but don't stretch it to what you are currently stretching it to.
Bottomline, showtime is over, get back to reality. Give it a solid break, before you hook up with her again.
I always have 1 or 2 faverites I like to see, but your example is one reason I always keep seeing new providers. I always stick with a certain type I'm attracted to, but the girl is different so I don't get envoved. I do have a couple ov fav's though.
Dude, we all fall for one or more of the ladies on this board. me? more than my share. There are ladies I will not see again for all the very reasons you outline... my emotions are just too strong.
diagnosis, intense emotional attachment to the thought that there is a "perfect relationship" out there. That the feelings will never fade and that you will be faithful. Dream on.
My Therapeutic recommendation?
See other providers... I have a couple of suggestions as to who, depending on where you live... but just be aware, it is likly that you will fall for them as well....
This does happen.... not with every provider, but with those who strike a particular resonnant chord within your soul... and yes, it has happened to me.
J/K happened a few times and I even flew half way around the world to see one who moved away. Fortunately she seems to have some feelings for me as well. I know this by the fact that I stayed with her while there at no cost and she told me she started crying the monent I closed the door upon leaving. As I disrupted her business (she only took one job my entire trip)I did the honorable thing and left something towards the rent.
My stripper friend knew I was coming to the club one night... she called and said that she was really not up to it, would rather have a quiet peaceful evening with me... I gave her what I would have given the club to see her... It just seemed the right thing as she has baby sitters to pay... and rent... and car fare...
I met a woman in a hotel lobby about 4 years ago. I was traveling back to town a couple of weeks later and saw her again. We chatted, I got her name and went to TER. Bingo, she was a provider with all 8s & 9s so; I called and set up an appointment. She was surprised when I showed up. Had a great session. She sent me an e-mail that she was coming to DC. Another great session. She asked about my travel plans and I rattled of 4/5 cities over the couple month and we hooked up in a couple of them for dinner dates. Then it got complicated. One night in Portland, she called and asked if I was busy? Not really busy and she asked me to dinner - her treat. I said sure, we went to dinner, she came back to the hotel with me, walked me to my room, invited herself in and began DFK. I told her that we had not scheduled an appointment and the call was a surprise, I didn't have the fee. "No problem, my treat". She left the next morning for her first appointment an I for my first meeting. I received an e-mail a couple of days later with her travel plans and coincidentally, we were going to be in the same city. She was a 9 and the performance was over a 9, I liked her a lot and after all these months considered her a friend but, she was there for something I was not. The freebies were nice and the first time I thought ... well, I thought with the little head ... my big head should have seen a big warning sign. I can assure you that it was very uncomfortable - not a part of the deal. She knew I was happily married and had no intention of going anywhere with anybody. Ladies, if you have had clients who fell for you, I empathize. It was very difficult for me. After a discussion with her about her emotional involvement, I broke it off as quickly as possible.
In short, it was a business deal and should stay that way. It is best for everyone.
Have fun there are a lot of good provider out there that tingle your bell just don’t fall in love with them they’re not falling in love with you. They do this for a living and that’s what separates the good ones from the bad ones.
And BostonGuy is right punctuation helps us when read long post.
What can I say that hasn't already been said. I fell for a provider and she fell for me.........so I thought. She would text me in the middle of the day or late at night. Just to see what I was up to. We would always have long conversations about our lives. The minute I hit some hard times( left my wife and worked slowed to a snails pace) she was nowhere to me found. The minute I reconciled with the wife work was bountiful. The text came through " hey what you up to" my last text to her was "NOT U". So when the wallet was fat she was my best friend. $1,000.00 a month to her or to anyone can buy a hell of a lot of friendship. Sidenote she was not a TER girl. When I was seeing her she was asking 150.00 I was giving her 200.00. Recently saw her post she was asking 120.00.
A question for the ladies: Do you remain detached from every man that you see?
No, I find it incredibly hard to be detached. It's my nature TO attach - within the boundaries of a provider/client relationship, of course. It helps that I am polyamorous and don't feel constricted (either by society or by my own convictions) to limit myslef from feeling deeply connected to a number of people at the same time.
How do you deal with those feelings when they come up?
I accept them, revel in them and then let go of any expectations. That seems to be the key. Most people feel that if they have intense feelings of connection with someone then they are somehow required to act on them in a controlling manner... ie, "take her away from all this". There is no mandate to become "an item", or monogamous, or even seriously involved when you feel this connection. If you can simply enjoy what you shared and not attempt to extrapolate it into something beyond what it was - a great connection - you'll be open to experiencing amazing feelings without finding yourself in the quandry of 'what to do with it'.
So feel free to see her again. Feel free to enjoy the mutual rapture of it. Feel free to NOT categorize it or be burdened with psychoanalyzing it. You can still enjoy a gorgeous sunset without attempting to capture it.