Sorry about my empty post, fat fingered. But, I wonder why the guy is cheating. I did not cheat on my ex, but as soon as we separated I started to hobby, and I've never looked back.
Here's the thing though, and providers please chime in. A friend of mine is in a loveless, sexless marriage. He is still expected to do the husbandly things (strap on the tool belt when he gets home from work and do home repairs, cart the kids all over creation, support the household financially etc.) but his bitch of a wife won't do anything to satisfy his sexual need. I want so badly to tell him about the hobby, just so that he'll shut up about not getting laid. But, he's a coworker, so that'll never happen. So, I wonder from the providers that have a problem with married men cheating what is thought about that. He doesn't think he can get out of the marriage because he has 5 kids and Ohio has alimony laws, so he'd go bankrupt if he did. And his wife pretty much told him in no uncertain terms that she know's he can't afford to divorce so she knows she doesn't have to give it up and he's stuck.
Remember there are always two sides to every coin. So a man involved in the hobby that's technically cheating may have an understandable reason for doing so and is not just a pig.
A few days ago, a provider called me out on this board for cheating on the SO and she was correct, seeing hookers is indeed cheating in every sense of the word. She's not the first to tell it like it is, I've heard the same from other providers as well. I find it ironic that the very women who enable men to cheat on their SOs can make a judgement call on our behavior but what I find even more ironic is the fact that providers have told me that if they ever caught their own SO cheating on them in this hobby, it would end their relationship. So it seems that women universally find men who cheat to be slime of the earth even when they themselves enable these men to cheat. Further, while these very women are enabling and profiting from men cheating with them, they themselves would not put up with their own SO's cheating. The conclusion I draw is that it is not OK for men to cheat with hookers but it is OK for hookers to enable men to cheat. The same hookers who provide men the ability to cheat on our SO's find nothing wrong with what they're doing yet if their own SO did this, that would be wrong.
For the purposes of this thread, money has no bearing. Cheating for pay or in the civvie world is cheating all the same, at least the way women view men who cheat. This makes me wonder if there are any providers who decline seeing married men on the basic principle that they find cheating reprehensible and hold potential clients to the same standards they hold their own SOs. Do any of you ladies screen out married men as clients? If you do, please reply and by all means use your real handle so we can easily verify your claim. There is no need for providers who knowingly see married men to post in this thread. We already know all of the reasons you use to justify being with married men so I don't want this thread to degrade into a list of reasons why it's OK for providers to screw married men. Please follow a few simple rules when posting replies:
Ladies: Please reply only if you do not see married men OR...
if you have seen married men without your knowledge and stopped seeing them when you found out
Gentlemen: Feel free to post your thoughts regarding this double standard but please do not reiterate the myriad reasons providers use to justify seeing married clients.
What I'm looking for here are providers who believe that married men cheating is wrong inside and outside the hobby and therefore do not see married men.
Cheating is cheating, it's basic.
Let me ask a question. Why is it women, not necessarily a provider, will hit on a married man? It happens to me ALL the time, and not in a maybe she hit on me type of way. I'm talking they openly ask if I would ever consider it. Now these women know my wife as well and has been going on for years, as well as happened in my first marriage. I'm not stupid, I answer with "I'm flattered just not something I do."
I will be very surprised to hear from any provider that excludes a married man. I have read on these boards one particular provider that says she feels a little guilty, but it is a job.
For some reason, and I will never be able to figure it out, it seems like every desperate housewife, girl with daddy issues, and just about every single one of my wife's friends, started crawling up my ass. It is actually a little bit sickening. In the interest of a little self deprecation, I can only guess it is because I am married. I will never for the life of me, understand how women work. Because I am sure that those same women, would absolutely disappear, if my wedding ring were off.
They can flirt and do all that silly stuff because you're safe...you're already taken. At least that's what I have been told and read on this very board. They might also feel that if a guy is good enough for a woman, he should be good enough for her...single guys...what's wrong with him??? Hell if I really know, I am only guessing.
I would not want it happening to me...the lying part anyway. If I had an agreement with a man and we both said upfront we were going to see others, no problem. I don't want to be the naive wife at home whilst my man is out fkin whoever. I realize though...that might just happen because of the part I have played for so long.
If my husband had an physical experience without my agreement, I would consider that cheating. But that's pretty black and white. Life is more grey than that. What if a SO were not willing to satisfy her man? I have girlfriends that won't even think about giving a BJ! Should he have the right to go elsewhere without an emotional attachment? It seems better to me than having a husband left wandering, unfulfilled and vulnerable to a civil affair that could destroy the family.
Case in point, a family member has a wife who is close to frigid. After many faithful years, a gold digger got her hooks into him and seduced him. Excited by the new prospect of a exciting and fulfilling life, he told his wife he was leaving. A week later he was in an accident that left him paralyzed. He now lives with a bitter and angry wife. Not much happiness there. He should have just seen a provider.
Sad situation. I think in some circumstances, providers help families stay together.
you're diatribe is so transparent as to be laughable. Same as your earlier posts.
You have a family member, who has a wife, who is close to frigid? seriously? So very sad that accident that left him paralyzed.
Nothing says happy stable home life, or better guarantees a family will stay together than daddy soliciting prostitutes.
What's next? Do it for the children? ..lol...
Have you become so jaded that you are irrationally suspicious? I AM a wife and am entitled to my opinions as much as you are. But to make fun of my family member's situation is sadistic and sick. Go get some help.
and I expected nothing less from you LR. I'm sure no provider would want this happening to her and it's good to know that you can admit you're playing a part in hurting women who are in exactly the same position you would not tolerate. No judgement from me since Saturn clearly expressed what most providers think of their clients but never speak of because it would end their gravy train. I'm glad there's at least one woman here who realizes there's a double standard and has the guts to admit it. Kudos to you for being one of the most bullshit-free people on this board.
you obviously have a gigantic chip on your shoulder..we all voluntarily enter this hobby knowing the risks it entails..it is only a double standard if we elect to view it that way..emotional involvement exacerbates any fears we have..holding grudges accomplishes nothing..there is more here than meets the eye..you alone have to find the way in your little dilemma..nothing i or any provider can say will help you solve it..my 2 $...
For the purposes of this thread, money has no bearing. Cheating for pay or in the civvie world is cheating all the same, at least the way women view men who cheat. This makes me wonder if there are any providers who decline seeing married men on the basic principle that they find cheating reprehensible and hold potential clients to the same standards they hold their own SOs. Do any of you ladies screen out married men as clients? If you do, please reply and by all means use your real handle so we can easily verify your claim. There is no need for providers who knowingly see married men to post in this thread. We already know all of the reasons you use to justify being with married men so I don't want this thread to degrade into a list of reasons why it's OK for providers to screw married men. Please follow a few simple rules when posting replies:
Ladies: Please reply only if you do not see married men OR...
if you have seen married men without your knowledge and stopped seeing them when you found out
Gentlemen: Feel free to post your thoughts regarding this double standard but please do not reiterate the myriad reasons providers use to justify seeing married clients.
What I'm looking for here are providers who believe that married men cheating is wrong inside and outside the hobby and therefore do not see married men.
Yes they sell sex. No, they wouldn't want to be with a guy who cheats on them. This surprises you?
I doubt you are going to get any providers showing up her telling you they don't see married men. I've never had the question posed during screening so I doubt any of them even ask prior to a first appointment. Escorts sell sex. What does that have to do with the way they feel about the guys who buy it? Nothing really. Just enjoy the sex and stop worrying about what they think of you. They aren't your friends, they are people you do business with.
eliminated 96% of the potential customer base....
it's been my experience that p4p has little to do with this phenomenom... many women take great pride and pleasure on poaching another woman's mate, but will pitch a holy fit if someone tries to horn in on their sandbox... i suppose that looking down on married men who cheat gives them a sense of superiority that allows them to overlook the fact that they are actively enabling the very act they find reprehensible...
your first mistake was expecting a logical expression of belief in actual activity on the part of a female 
Ever heard of the song 'Your Cheating Heart ..."
Well, there you go ...
You're NOT giving your heart away to the Provider.
You're NOT falling in love with the Provider and running off with her and leaving your SO.
All your doing is unloading your pent-up wad to her mouth or butthole. And she's happily paid for it.
Your wife won't probably be doing those to you because she's tired or busy, so you paid someone else to do it. If your wife don't want to do it, and you're getting it from someone else - that ain't cheating. Cuz if your wife was sucking you dry, you probably won't need a provider to satisfy you.
If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be either.
Doesn't matter if it's just with a provider and there are no emotions involved.
I agree to an extent that it's slightly different than sleeping with a civvie girl or someone you work with, though.
Its cheating IF your SO would see it that way.
I think men see providers to get what they do not get at home. I know that if my SO was willing to experience sexual adventures and eroticism with enthusianum that there would be no need to go elsewhere. My SO actually said once that "if you want to cum in a mouth, you will have to go elsewhere". Yuck.
seeeking out a person to cheat with no matter if you pick some one up in a bar or call an escort, its cheating. yes it is. you desire a connection based on attraction. Its lustful and its sneaky cheating on your partner.
Now I am not cheating for many reasons
1. Its a paid venture its not attraction based, even though once we meet I could be attracted to you.
2. It IS work for me a totally different mind set
3. If there was no financial compensation you and I would not be meeting.
4. Its compartmentalized behavior from 2 very different personas theres me, the GF of my lover and then theres the working girl, still me but Im at work. totally seperate.
5. My lover doers not cheat on me, not that I know of. But I also would allow him to p4p if he was interested. After all thats how he met me.
Even he sees the difference between he and I as client friend verses 2 lovers.
We as lovers are emotionally vested, all in.
p4p we were not.
If I caught him cheating yes it would end the relationship Honesty and trust is the tie that binds us. If I cant trust him, well whats the point...
Being in this business does not mean we for go all values by any means, we just see things a bit differently than many others about the p4p life style..
Actually I dont concern myself with why my clients are here with me, thats none of my business. I'll listen if you want to talk and some I have sympathy for them in their situation But dont tell your story because you are looking for vindication or for me to excuse your actions...thats only something your partner can do. you are not cheating on me.
you have free will and everyone here playing isnt cheating.
or a hook-up in a bar, or a drunken fuck with co-worker, or, or, or....lying is lying. That's not intended as a judgment. But, sometimes a fact is just a fact.
Many men rationalize seeing providers by saying: my wife won't have sex with me. Many providers rationalize seeing married men as clients by saying: He's the one breaking marriage vows.
The conflict I see is that, if you're going to take the position that no one has the right to interfere with sex between consenting adults just because there is an exchange of money--that sex between consenting adults is sex between consenting adults, and it is no one else's business---it seems contradictory to turn around and say that: 'if money is exchanged' the nature of the sexual relationship is, somehow, different.
We can't have this both ways. You can compartmentalize this it all you like. But all that is doing is changing your own internal perspective.
As far as I see it, doesn't matter whether an envelope, or dinner and drinks, or nothing other than conversation is involved in that transaction. Casual sex is casual sex. If there is an SO/Wife behind the scenes that does not know what is happening, she may get hurt if she finds out.
At some point both sides just have to own that. I’m not suggesting that make providers responsible because, obviously, men have to deal with their own relationships. They are making the choice to see providers.
But, nobody is walking on water here.
in a way helping to preserve their marriage.
They know that if not for providers, these men would seek out relationships with friends, neighbors, and work associates, and the ramifications of those kinds of affairs are almost always way more destructive than seeing a paid escort.
It makes sense to me.
As for the definition of cheating, that's something each person decides on their own.
Number one: providers ( don't like the word hookers) want one thing MONEY!!
Number two: Men want one thing. SEX !!
It's that simple. Don't make things so complex. Life is very simple. I love people that say life is so hard and complex. NO !! You make it hard and complex !!!!!
Okay ready? Who slammed you for seeing providers? Email me names and links...bc I have to get a good belly laugh. Did she slam you or did she remind you that hobbying is cheating? Did you respond by asking her what else did she want you to do with your man part and your envelop? Is she married, if so how long has she been married? Does her spouse know she is a provider? If she is not married...when/if she does get married does she plan on telling her spouse she was a provider? Will she continue to work once she is married?
I am asking that bc it is really easy for a person who is not married to tell a person who is married what to do in their marriage, how to get it done and why. As a married woman I may call a single girlfriend and bitch about my hubby, but to get sound advice...there's NO WAY IN HELL I AM GOING TO ASK A SINGLE PERSON FOR A BIT OF ADVICE...or be open to anything they are saying about marriage.
It's also easy to say why people cheat....my answer to why people cheat is: "because they can" I would prefer my hubby see a well reviewed, sane, safe, professional sex worker than to set up shop with a potentially problematic mistress. That would be a deal breaker and cause pots to fly.
Would the provider in question be upset bc of the huge expense of hobbying? or the lies to cover it? For me it would be the money and the lies....I would definitely get physical. My hubby and I have the same taste as it pertains to providers...........so I pick and pay......he sticks and plays. Every now and so often I join in on the fun. It works for US. I have found that I totally enjoy hobbying....loveee it! So I understand why men hobby it is soooooo much fun!
And PEA PEA you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww if there are any providers who are not seeing men based on their clients being single...they are extremely low volume.
So why are you up in arms? Are you actually feeling guilty for seeing providers? Well that's personal....I can't help you there...I can tell you..you are human....and you are a sexual being...you prefer to hobby ~vs ~ having an all out affair. I may be alone in my logic...but I respect men who DISCRETELY hobby. I get it...it's really really really just sex. I have mixed thoughts about men who carry on affairs and create families outside of their marriage.
Providers are as diverse as any other population of women. I was just as shocked as you are when a married provider told me she would be super upset if her husband cheated on her via providers or civvies and under any circumstances.......I asked her would she do a threesome from time to time with him...and to my dismay she was appalled? Okay toots let me get this straight, you are high volume, with a full menu, and gay for pay...but your husband needs to be completely vanilla and you want to continue to be open and honest with him about your being a provider? Someone please pass me a fatty of cush....bc that aint going to work out.
I think lots of men miss the point that providers are women and women can't decide what the FUCK WE WANT half the time.
I was being acerbic after his little rant at me. I personally don't care if guys are married. All those questions you posed at the top of your diatribe..nunya.
Well, now you know and it wasn't a slam, it was a statement of fact that just came off like a slam but she thought I had it coming so that's the way she presented it, lol.
A, you understand exactly what the point of this post was. The intent was to make it clear to providers who have no qualms about reminding us that we're cheating on our wives/gfs, that they also carry some blame when they see clients they know are married. It's laughable and hypocritical for providers to say that they have no guilt about fucking married men but god damn it, their man better not fuck any providers or she'll toss him out on his ass. Is there any clearer example of a double standard?
Thanks for getting it and you're forgiven for violating my reply rules... this time...
For the purposes of this thread, money has no bearing. Cheating for pay or in the civvie world is cheating all the same, at least the way women view men who cheat. This makes me wonder if there are any providers who decline seeing married men on the basic principle that they find cheating reprehensible and hold potential clients to the same standards they hold their own SOs. Do any of you ladies screen out married men as clients? If you do, please reply and by all means use your real handle so we can easily verify your claim. There is no need for providers who knowingly see married men to post in this thread. We already know all of the reasons you use to justify being with married men so I don't want this thread to degrade into a list of reasons why it's OK for providers to screw married men. Please follow a few simple rules when posting replies:
Ladies: Please reply only if you do not see married men OR...
if you have seen married men without your knowledge and stopped seeing them when you found out
Gentlemen: Feel free to post your thoughts regarding this double standard but please do not reiterate the myriad reasons providers use to justify seeing married clients.
What I'm looking for here are providers who believe that married men cheating is wrong inside and outside the hobby and therefore do not see married men.
One last thing to remember providers never promised anything to our wives we did. Our vows are not the sex workers vow they are ours. If you promised to be faithful to your wife's bed and are not it is on you and no one else. It is you who is lying. It is you who is cheating. It is you who is dishonoring your marriage. The sex worker is doing none of that. The guilt is on the one who is breaking their vows alone. There is no double standard unless the sex worker is lying and cheating on her husband as well as they never made a vow one to your wife. They are not cheating.
Just because an ad is there does not mean you have to call. There are drug dealers any one of us could find and then what..blame the drug dealer for our addiction? Or how about blame the bartender or the manufacturer of the alcohol you prefer that has now gotten out of hand.
Take responsibility for your own actions. We are not enabling married men to cheat. I replied outside your stipulated rules for what ladies should and should not reply...because I can and it was warranted.
Married men are my most prevalent clients. Why the hell would I cut off my income stream? I was not the one who made the vows to HIS wife...he did that long before he knew I existed. he is the one cheating, not me.
I think he was just trying to call out the hypocrisy. He got taken to test for being a cheater, by somebody who assists in the action. It is why the guy in the getaway car gets charged with a crime as well.
and you will see the context in which it is written...I was being acerbic...sarcastic...considering his rant at me I thought it appropriate to dig back and that was all it was a dig. I don't care who is married and who is not.
look a lot different than they do in real life. It is very easy to judge someone that you don't know. I also think there are varying degrees by which the situation could be judged. To throw a blanket over it and call it all the same thing would be a disservice to everybody. Not all people who cheat are s*** bags, some do it out of necessity.
What I find even more comical, is the double standard for providers to clients, or even the double standard for 1 night stands. Hey woman will happily get her freak on with a total stranger but to the love of her life She turns into a nun. I would dare guess that most men who cheat provider or otherwise, have a perfectly logical and legitimate reason. I hate to be so harsh, but ladies if you want to keep your man under wraps, then get out of your own way and give us a reason to stay faithful. I'm not here because I need new p**** , I'm here because my old p**** is rationed.
I also know several guys right here who would never date a hooker...so? I think the point you miss is that 'most' women here are doing it for the money...many of us would never fk a married man for free, because the money is what keeps things in perspective and allows the lines to be clearly drawn. There is no chance of me getting romantically attached to a man who pays me, BUT there is a huge chance of that happening if I am simply having an affair. The bottom line is I don't know your situation any better than I know the next guys, and most of you have said if your wife was still the woman you married, you would not be here.
Your so called 'need' for sex, is what created this business in the first place. If not for you guys, we would have no business. We don't go seeking you out...you come to us. Sure, we put ads up that entice you, but the bottom line is you searched for the websites with those ads. I don't have an SO, but of course I would not want one who made a habit of cheating...I am not into open relationships. I have said many times that I realize one day I will have to look in that same mirror if a man ever cheats on me, and face what I have done...others don't see it as wrong or cheating to begin with.
For me though, I am sure I have already reaped some seeds sown in my past relationships and at least I know where my heart and soul are...not in this business or with the men that pay me. I know deep down inside, I want nothing but friendship and money from the men who seek me here...others want more. I feel less like a whore taking money than I would knowing I could be potentially letting a guy fall for me in the civie world who was married. Most men I see have no delusions about what this is, and they are not looking for that. If I see that is the case, see ya and your money!
You have to understand that just because this is an outlet for sexual desires, it does not mean that all of us want the same things in our own relationships. If you want to cheat on your SO, that is your business but don't tell me I have to cheat on mine. I am more than willing to take your money to help you do that, but I won't lie to someone I choose to date. It's more like, do what you want but don't expect others to do the same. You choose to cheat and I choose to partake only for the money aspect. If not for the money, I would not be with a married man. Nothing good can come out of that.
It is only a double standard if we judge you for being here and expect you not to judge us as being hookers....that has nothing to do with what we want in our own relationships. If others want to lie to their mate, that is not to say we have to. I chose the part I play, and that is right here as a hooker...not a liar.
scoed makes an excellent point that we never made a promise to your wife...you did. If I make a promise, I keep it or I move on and let him do the same. Married men who see hookers is not really an issue for me, provided they can keep that from turning into something more that would cause them to leave home for good. That rarely happens here except in rare cases.
-- Modified on 11/2/2012 11:32:53 AM
LR, your long diatribe missed the point I was making although you seemed to get it up there ^^^. The double standard I was referring to was providers who would toss their man out on his ass if they found out he was seeing hookers yet those same providers have no problem seeing married men who are cheating on their wives. So I guess it's OK that other women are being cheated on (because you see married men) as long as it's not you being cheated on. Therein lies the double standard. In your mind, you're doing nothing wrong, it's all his fault.
I know you get it from your post above. Money being exchanged is not a factor in the point I'm making. Sex outside of marriage is cheating regardless of whether there's an emotional connection and all civvie women and nearly all providers have this exact same viewpoint. The difference between civvie women and providers is that providers use the excuse that the money makes it OK to be the "other woman" because it's nothing more than a business transaction. You know that's not the case because if that guy's wife found you and he together fcking (note your trademark abbreviation, lol), she wouldn't give a shit if he was paying you or not - you're fucking her husband and that's all she'd see. Hooker, mistress, random girl he picked up at a bar, it's all cheating in the wife's mind and in the eyes of marital law. Yes LR, you are the other woman regardless of the title you give yourself and the rationale you invoke to explain away what you're doing.
I don't think the act of sex for money is wrong, but I have said many times I do feel the part I play is not exactly one of integrity...never denied that. I do think it's wrong to fk other women's husbands IF the wife does not know and is being lied to....it is what it is. I would never do it for free, want nothing from the men I meet here, and would never 'date' a married man. It is a job to me, and one I happen to do well but no...I don't exactly pat myself on the back for it. You should know me better than that, as we have had these discussions. So I agree with you...I play a part on the adultery, and I don't ever need to try and rationalize what I do...wrong girl babe.
If I was sitting here deluding myself, you might have a point but when a wife emails me about having cancer or being 5 months pregnant whilst her husband is out fking around, well...that shit really hits home. I am not that numb or void of emotion to just pretend it's all good all the time. Still, I don't have to cheat on MY mate when I have one.
I could see if I had a boyfriend whilst doing this, you might have a point that it would be a double standard if I caught him cheating then got all pissed off...yes, I get that. I don't however, have a boyfriend because I would never date during my hooker years. You are right...I would have zero cause to get angry if I caught him with a hooker while I am doing the very same thing he is.
So, unlike others you seem to take issue with, I am not the one who has a mate that I expect to be faithful to me WHILST doing this. When the day comes and I do decide to get into a relationship again, you can bet your ass I WILL NOT still be fkin other women's husbands. I am aware that the seeds sown here are ones I will probably have to come face to face with, but I also consider time served because my life has not exactly been peaches and roses when it comes to men. No, I have never had a mate cheat on me really, because I have never stayed with one long enough for the fun sex to wear off. So again, I am not patting myself on the back for what I do, but I am also not taking responsibility for YOUR actions or any other man's either. You promised to be faithful to YOUR wife....I did not make that promise not to take money for YOUR so called ahem 'needs' is it?
-- Modified on 11/3/2012 9:40:05 AM
Sorry about my empty post, fat fingered. But, I wonder why the guy is cheating. I did not cheat on my ex, but as soon as we separated I started to hobby, and I've never looked back.
Here's the thing though, and providers please chime in. A friend of mine is in a loveless, sexless marriage. He is still expected to do the husbandly things (strap on the tool belt when he gets home from work and do home repairs, cart the kids all over creation, support the household financially etc.) but his bitch of a wife won't do anything to satisfy his sexual need. I want so badly to tell him about the hobby, just so that he'll shut up about not getting laid. But, he's a coworker, so that'll never happen. So, I wonder from the providers that have a problem with married men cheating what is thought about that. He doesn't think he can get out of the marriage because he has 5 kids and Ohio has alimony laws, so he'd go bankrupt if he did. And his wife pretty much told him in no uncertain terms that she know's he can't afford to divorce so she knows she doesn't have to give it up and he's stuck.
Remember there are always two sides to every coin. So a man involved in the hobby that's technically cheating may have an understandable reason for doing so and is not just a pig.
I got as far as the first few sentences. The term "enable" bothers me because at the end of the day, we are all tempted with things that we should not do and it is YOU and only YOU that make the choice to give in or not. YOU are seeking the provider out. She is not showing up in your life and pulling you into her world.
Maybe these women prefer to be with single guys because they don't like the idea of being part of a cheating scenario? Maybe men should keep their marital status to themselves when seeing a provider? This hobby requires a great deal of mental games and we have to learn to block things out, rationalize and tell ourselves all sorts of things to get through our guilt.
Also, most providers that I've met or know of are single so THEY are not cheating on anyone. If her clients are married, HE is cheating. Not her problem.
I had this conversation with a provider some time ago but we remain good friends. (quoting her) "I've come to accept that even the nicest of men cannot be faithful and that is a fact of life. Marriage is all a game in which at least one person is playing by their own rules and in the end promises made don't matter!" (end quote) Now, she was married to a man who cheated on her and is now divorced so I suppose she's a bit jaded but I feel there is some validity to that statement. Look around. Look at this site and why it is here and who keeps it going....
For the purposes of this thread, money has no bearing. Cheating for pay or in the civvie world is cheating all the same, at least the way women view men who cheat. This makes me wonder if there are any providers who decline seeing married men on the basic principle that they find cheating reprehensible and hold potential clients to the same standards they hold their own SOs. Do any of you ladies screen out married men as clients? If you do, please reply and by all means use your real handle so we can easily verify your claim. There is no need for providers who knowingly see married men to post in this thread. We already know all of the reasons you use to justify being with married men so I don't want this thread to degrade into a list of reasons why it's OK for providers to screw married men. Please follow a few simple rules when posting replies:
Ladies: Please reply only if you do not see married men OR...
if you have seen married men without your knowledge and stopped seeing them when you found out
Gentlemen: Feel free to post your thoughts regarding this double standard but please do not reiterate the myriad reasons providers use to justify seeing married clients.
What I'm looking for here are providers who believe that married men cheating is wrong inside and outside the hobby and therefore do not see married men.
For and alcoholic or drug addict, the enabler is not the package store, bar tender, or dealer.
The enabler are those in your life who allow you to keep functioning and avoid facing the repercussions of your addiction.
So, who's the enabler here: the provider, or the SO?
Something to ponder.
The SO may be oblivious to his escort activities and the escort may not be aware of his marital status. Whatever the case may be....each person has a responsibility to make the choices that they can live with and that means accepting any and all potential consequences.
The alcoholic can walk into a bar but no one is going to ram a drink down his throat because he has a choice not only to not drink, but to stay away from situations that are too tempting like bars! It is not the responsibility of the bar owner or bar tender to keep him sober just as it is not a providers responsibility to keep a man faithful to his SO.
We operate with a moral conscience or not but whatever we do it is our choice and we have experienced things in life that make it real easy for us to turn off the moral voice when it comes to getting what we want; in this case, sex and money.
The enabler are those in your life who allow you to keep functioning and avoid facing the repercussions of your addiction.
So, who's the enabler here: the provider, or the SO?
Something to ponder.
But letting their man walk around with blue-balls for months on end is perfectly OK and natural under our accepted social mores and Family/Domestic Law courts.
Many years back I knew a SW who wouldn't accept married clients. She was a very attractive, very ethical, and very BROKE hooker!
If you’re seeing providers behind your SO/wife’s back, technically, you’re “cheating” (by typical standards of monogamous marriage anyway).
And, while a provider is not the one actually lying to your SO/wife, and may only see you one time, it’s also impossible to say that she has absolutely no complicity that triangle; if even very indirectly. Regardless of whether money is exchanged she, technically, is still the ‘other woman’.
But, unless men stop seeing providers or providers stop ‘providing’, I hardly see any solution to that slippery slope. All you can do is worry about what YOU are doing and how that might impact your personal relationships.
Because, when/if the shit hits the fan none of that fall-our will be a providers’ problem. You, and only you, will have to answer for it. And we all know that no one forced you to do anything.
First, every single provider who posted on this thread violated the rules I set down and I knew you would. I knew Saturn and London wouldn't be able to keep their mouths shut (lol) but I was surprised at the lurkers who also chimed in. Saturn is indeed the one who inspired this post because she called it like it is and I agree with her assessment of me. A' had the most interesting and accurate perspective when she stated that women don't know what the fuck they want. I'm not sure how this relates to this particular topic but it was highly entertaining and I LMFAO when I read it!
A number of guys caught the real gist of this post - the rationalizations providers dream up to absolve themselves from any responsibility for contributing to our cheating. While men are ultimately responsible for seeking sex outside of the marriage, I'll bet that wronged SO's would never let the provider off the hook any more than they would let a mistress off the hook. A wronged wife/gf would be angry at the outside female as well as at their husband/bf. I don't know of any civvie woman who believes that a sex worker is less offensive a participant in extramarital sex than a mistress. However, the lack of an emotional connection might make a provider less offensive in the SO's view but that depends on the beliefs of the SO. So ladies, I think you're wrong in absolving yourselves of any responsibility since virtually all of you know damn well you're screwing married men and you look the other way. It's not an emotional affair but extramarital sex doesn't have to be an emotional affair to be wrong in the eyes of marital law and the wealthy divorce attorneys who feed on these activities. Sex outside of the marriage is grounds for divorce regardless of whether there was an emotional attachment and regardless of whether money was exchanged.
To those of you who drew an analogy to the bartender not being responsible for you being intoxicated, I believe you're wrong in that assessment. Bartenders are often held liable for over-serving patrons who drive drunk and injure or kill someone and bartenders are responsible for cutting off patrons at some point. In our litigious society, just because you're doing your job does not absolve you from being responsible for wrongdoing and there is plenty of tort law to back up this statement. Now, I've never heard of a hooker being sued by a scorned wife for having sex with the husband but I wouldn't be surprised if some enterprising attorney would take on such a lawsuit given the opportunity.
The overall tone of the providers who replied was exactly what I requested they not do - reiterate rationalizations for absolving yourselves of responsibility. We guys rationalize away what we're doing because wives cut us off but that doesn't make what we're doing OK in the eyes of our SOs or the law. Providers accepting money to have sex does not make what you're doing OK either and as a matter of fact, it's also illegal.
Only a few of you understood the hypocrisy I was getting at. Providers find nothing wrong with having sex with married men but their husbands better not have sex with a provider on the sly. That's the double standard, it's OK to fuck some other woman's husband (and you know she doesn't know about it) but no other woman better fuck your husband. My guess is this standard applies in nearly all provider relationships with the exception of swingers and those with open marriages. London made this point very clearly, she wouldn't put up with it.
Since virtually all providers see married men and you know darn well their wives are clueless, you rationalize your participation by the exchange of money. You don't care about these mens' wives yet if your SO was seeing a provider on the sly, you would be outraged. Why is that? Why would you be so offended by your SO cheating with some provider when you cheat with other women's husbands? I'm not pointing fingers here, I'm merely suggesting that providers have a double standard depending on who the man belongs to - them or some other woman. How do you justify that double standard?
it does not matter one tiny bit what providers do. Or what they don't do. Or how they feel about your wife.
They are running a business. You choose to hire them. Simple as that.
I acknowledge that providers have some complicity---indirectly. I can even see a double standard. But, who cares? You can rationalize your behavior all day. Or try to offload some of the blame to providers.
But YOU are the ONLY person that actually matters when it comes down to determining whether your wife's feelings are important in this equation. It really is entirely up to you.
where you supported the double-standard I believe exists. The point of my post was not to offload part of the blame to providers but rather to question why providers have a problem with their SO's seeing hookers on the sly when they are the other women we're seeing on the sly.
Obviously I don't understand the female mind but what guy does? Women seem to be very good at compartmentalizing their actions to make themselves feel better. Men do this as well but I think we all readily admit we're cheating on our SO's whereas most hookers don't think they factor in at all in the ability of men to cheat on their wives. You're physically present, you're being penetrated and if that guy's wife walked in on you, your excuse would be that it's all his fault he's inside you and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. You go home convinced you've done nothing wrong and then you walk in on your SO in bed with a hooker and you lose your mind. I can see you blaming him for all of it as well and you'd let the hooker get dressed and leave feeling sorry for her being used like that. Yes, I can actually see that happening so what I should be taking away from this discussion is that men are always the cheaters and providers are never at fault for participating in the cheating because it's a business. Just as in any business transaction, there is absolutely nothing personal about being naked and having sex, it's just like going to your accountant. OK, now I understand women completely, thanks!
You seem to say that providers are as much at fault for your cheating as you are? That's pretty interesting. You also mentioned in the bar scenario that the bartender is supposed to cut the person off. Well, if an alcoholic who's been sober for a year walks in and orders one drink, which breaks his sobriety, how on earth is the bartender to know? How on earth is that the bartender's fault? I have never seen a provider ask if a man is married as part of her screening. It may exist, I have just never seen it. So when you walk through my door, I have no idea if you're married or not, and I couldn't care less.
But back to the beginning: YOU seek the provider out. She does not hunt you down and take advantage. I am responsible for the promises that I make. You are responsible for the promises that you make. I do not make promises I can't keep. And I am not your wife's babysitter. And I expect promises made to me to be kept, but if they are not, I certainly wouldn't blame the other woman.
I have been cheated on before twice (oh many, many years ago)- and never have I blamed those other women. My exes chose to break the promises they made to me- it wasn't the other women's responsibility to keep my exes in line. I have never borne anger for the other women, and I don't feel they had one iota of responsibility to me or our promises of exclusivity. Being the "other woman" is not inherently bad.
And looking back, I don't even blame my exes. I should have known that they couldn't keep it in their pants, even if they didn't know it themselves. 
Obviously I don't understand the female mind but what guy does? Women seem to be very good at compartmentalizing their actions to make themselves feel better. Men do this as well but I think we all readily admit we're cheating on our SO's whereas most hookers don't think they factor in at all in the ability of men to cheat on their wives. You're physically present, you're being penetrated and if that guy's wife walked in on you, your excuse would be that it's all his fault he's inside you and you have absolutely nothing to do with it. You go home convinced you've done nothing wrong and then you walk in on your SO in bed with a hooker and you lose your mind. I can see you blaming him for all of it as well and you'd let the hooker get dressed and leave feeling sorry for her being used like that. Yes, I can actually see that happening so what I should be taking away from this discussion is that men are always the cheaters and providers are never at fault for participating in the cheating because it's a business. Just as in any business transaction, there is absolutely nothing personal about being naked and having sex, it's just like going to your accountant. OK, now I understand women completely, thanks!
That London and I don't subscribe to being told what to do by a hobbyist who has graduated from HHHA. You see, we don't play by the rules for the hookers 101 that you all get taught first semester. So get used to it. I think Sarah said it very well so there is no need for me add anything else....way to go Sarah!