Maybe this have been discuss on here before and if it has I apologize for bringing it up again. I want to believe that there are men that establish long lasting and meaningful relationships with providers, and are able to function well in life in general. Are these types of men more special than any others? Are there any common attributes that enables them to make this relationship work? Maybe I am wrong but I think relationships with providers can be challenging. I do respect woman in general, do not misunderstand my questions as being demeaning to providers, I do respect providers also and have met many wonderful ladies and the few I have talked to have had failing relationships. For some reason the few that have open up to me do it freely without me asking, I guess I have a trusting demeanor lol. I wonder if you knew if there is a common trait among these particular men that are able to maintain a stable relationship with a provider.
Thanks in advance and would like the opinions of others here, maybe others here might have insight into what I want to know.
CJ

-- Modified on 5/10/2010 12:56:49 PM

stable and honest people who are strongly attracted to each other, respect each other, and and have the same, or congruent life goals that they can work toward together.

Your questions seem to put all the load on the guy to have the "traits" to "maintain a stable relationship."

and I think it has a lot more to do with how much the men have in common with the providers than it does with how much they have in common with each other. I have had, and still have, very strong bonds with a couple of ladies. In my case, it definitely is due to our own personal similar life experiences, and the fact that we share the wonderful freedom of being recovering substance abusers. Something as simple as that can be the common thread between any two people.

click in all respects.

There's absoulutely no way that i can speak for most men/providers. The opinions you'll receive will be of individual accounts. You know that i'm sure.

My guess is that the 'relationships' that succeed are those that permit the two participants the same 'lifestyle'(minus the 'variety' of course)they were presently living. NO DOWNGRADE. Materially and financially.

Again, don't discount the idea that TRUE LOVE can occur.

Relationships in general are challenging. Add in the mix of other sexual partners, and yes... it's complicated.

" Are these types of men more special than any others?  Are there any common attributes that enables them to make this relationship work?"

Yes - they don't have an ego.  They tend to be swingers, or believe in open relationships, or they just don't give a damn that she might be off having a blast with another guy.  It doesn't make him feel small, he doesn't need to play head games to find proof that he's somehow special in her eyes.  He understands that her financial stability is important, so there will be times the couple as a plan, a date pops up, and she will take the professional date over the personal one.   That she may have regulars who book her birthday or take up other holidays.

The problems pop up when his pride or self esteem are hurt by A - the amount of money she makes, and the fact her dates take her to expensive places he can't afford or buys her things he can't.   B - knowing she's probably off enjoying herself.

However, she can make things fail too. It's probably not a good idea to flirt with a client on the phone in front of you SO - but I've seen many a lady do it.   I think she has to be aware and sensitive to his emotions as well.

Two way street, but it's a huge challenge to a person's world view when they have to face the reality off her being away, missing he, and knowing that she's in someone else's arms.

A guy who can be friends with women; can be friends with women without regard to occupation.

I have a couple of very strong relationships with providers. One has lasted quite some time, and the other not quite as long (yet).

I think the only common theme there is that I know how to be a friend and so do they. Obviously, although the specific commonalities are different with each one; we share a lot of commonalities of values.

If you are refering to the hobby relationship of a client and a provider, I have kept many long term relationships.

The key to their success is to keep them simple and focused without a lot of complications.  The best ones have also been the least complicated.

When entanglements such as money, family, job, etc. start to intrude, they seem to fall apart; and that is not surprising when you think about it.

From first hand experience it is possible. Two keys have been communication and an open relationship. I know when she has a date (low volume gal); sure sometimes a dinner date might mess up our plans but in my mind its no different then a crisis at my work that forces us to cancel plans. She knows if I choose to book a lady. Finally, we both can get our heads wrapped around knowing that the other one may be with another partner and having a good time; missing them but not being jealous. Easy? no. Worth it? So far

hi there. i believe that the first response you received to this question is the best one, but will throw in my two cents anyhow as you seem to be looking for "specifics."

i'm a married provider, and my Husband and i both love what i do. and no, we are not swingers. we do not believe in sexual monogamy, but we do not have what i would call an "open" relationship exactly. imo "open" implies a selfishness and "don't ask don't tell" sort of arrangement, where each partner does their own thing. that is not us at all. He tells me if he happens to have any sexual interest in a particular woman, and i do not engage in ANY sexual relationship with any other man without his consent and knowledge. and yes, this applies to the hobby as well. my "screening" process is quite intense and can be very lengthy (weeks or months). during this time i am getting to know a person and determining whether or not we would be compatible, but i am also telling my Husband about this person and getting his opinion. if for whatever reason it doesn't sound right to him, i will not go forward and meet that person.

so, what makes our relationship work so well? the fact that we share the same beliefs on male/female relationships, that we share the same values, and that i do not participate in the hobby independently of him. if he wants, he could tell me tomorrow that he never wants me to see another client, and i would obey without hesitation. HE and our marriage comes first, second and third. i would never dream of choosing to see a client over being with my Husband...and have postponed dates with clients because my Husband decided on the spur of the moment he wants us to do something together. my regular clients all know and respect this, that my Husband comes first.

i think it also helps that this is not a profession for me, i am not earning a living. it truly is a hobby, one i've very passionate about, and not a job. the money i earn as a provider is far too little to contribute significantly to the household, therefore my Husband is not usurped as breadwinner and Man of the House.

Thank you for your response you have been very helpful now more than ever I understand how this kind of relationship can work I wish you the best and again thanks alot
cj

I know the strain on the success of any relationship is on both partners. I was just asking if there are any common traits on these particular men that are able on making such a relationship work. Don't get me wrong any relationship would carry there own difficulties and being that a relationship with a provider would have the added challenges that wouldn't be typical in a civi relationship. I am thinking or assuming that the men would have some common traits that are able to make it work.