Incall in the girl's apt with a Dominican girl.  City of Lynn, famously known as Lynn, Lynn, city of sin.

So there is a hard pounding on the door about 30 min onto the hour session.  A man with a very deep and angry voice yelling in Spanish: "I'm going to kill you."

My date tells me I can go out a window in another bedroom and down the fire escape, which I did.

Not sure if this was a real danger, or just a ruse to cut my time.  This was a second date with the girl and I was happy enough with the first date to come back.  Oh well, live and learn.

-- Modified on 7/5/2018 12:01:47 PM

...the time she confused me with the almighty. For some reason, she kept saying...

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! 😎

the one initiating humor during a session.  Some of the more playful, quick-witted ladies play along and say something funny in response.  Others are just there for their own sexual gratification.  Lol

I've got funny stories, but the only things that come to mind are

Funny: Can you please lick my asshole now?

Least Funny (at least to me): I didn't have time to go to the bathroom before you got here, do you want me to pee on you?

In the late 1970's, while working as a bouncer in a brothel in Sydney. We were closing at 3am and one of the ladies asked me if I wanted a freebie. She had just been working a 10 hour shift and had taken 8 creampies (It was in a time before aids was known about).  

She was quite a funny one and asked me if I wanted to "top her up". We both cracked up laughing at her turn of phrase.

I politely declined the offer, that night.

Funny and not funny.

Does that count for both?

I do tell clients, when they ask, how do you keep clients? I said good booze.

A couple weeks back, a gentleman suggested the bean soup. I said, maybe I'll skip it. He said why? I said because you will suffer for the rest of the night. He busted out laughing and decided against the bean soup himself. I then said, If you would like to build a relationship stronger, you both eat the bean soup together and fart together.

As far as the worst thing said on a date, I can't remember because I only want to remember the good times. Except this one time at band camp.

Oh, okay the worst thing said on a date was longer than a one liner. It was a full description before I went alone in a room with him, he told me how he was a gangster and tortured people in his basement. Why I continued on* with that date I have no idea. It was definitely interesting to say the least, but I didn't die. Everything's good. Damn people are weird LOL!

-- Modified on 7/7/2018 2:07:21 AM

So no, this didn't happen to me, but I have a stripper friend who was banging the DJ on the side.  It was slow, so she went to visit him, and sat on his lap and squirmed a bit, at which point he unloaded into her.  With a peck on the cheek, she bid him adieu.  
Back to her rounds she went, and was soon grinding her leaking snizzler onto some patron's lap.  After the dance, he was rather pleased with himself, as 'he' had made her so 'wet', that he assumed she must have been excited to grind on him.  

Little did he know, but he left with another man's baby batter on his slacks.