I was discussing the attached blog about women's top ten fantasies and apparently the #1 fantasy got a bit of a negative reaction from a few providers...

I've heard that women fantasize about such things and have had a lot of fun with controlled "aggressive play" in the past with both my SO and with providers. I believe the list is fairly accurate but is this because I'm a guy? I understand that an average woman could be shocked by such things but I would expect providers to have more of an open mind and in-depth understanding of what the fantasy really is inferring.  

Link removed because blog is part of another review site.

-- Modified on 8/2/2009 9:59:50 AM

Nothing gets me wetter then the thought of a dominant man wanting me enough that he holds me down on the bed and has his way with me.


But it's all good, hot, safe fun when I do choose to  re-create those fantasies...

Exactly. "good, hot, safe fun" when both participants "choose" their experience. A "rape fantasy" is not a "rape crime" and it shouldn't be a  taboo discussion point.

I've been with ... 3 times as many civie women as providers. And among those civie women, ... 20% requested some form of light bondage or rape fantasy along those lines.

The overall sample could be characterized as women from the Eastern U.S. and Western Europe with college educations and about twice the courage of the average woman.

Obviously, this is not a controlled study. There are many biases in selection of the sample.

Nevertheless, if I encountered it as often as I did, it's not a rare phenomenon.

Majority of civvie women, especially those from middle class or upper middle class have  much lower chances of real life violent sexual encounters than those faced by women from inncer cities, lower economic classes, or professional escorts.

Just my personal uneducated opinion of course

...if Johnny has been with three times as many civies as providers, and 20% of those civies have requested light bondage, and Johnny has reviewed one provider, how many providers has Johnny seen?

a) 5
b) 7
c) 15
d) not enough information

however it should be clarified that the overwhelming majority of women who fantasy about "rape" truly fantasize about being taken aggressively, consensual nonconsent if you will. the fantasies tend to center around either being so incredibly desirable to a man that he cannot help but to ravage you, or being "forced" to do all the naughty things you have always wanted to do, therefore removing all guilt.

my fantasies do not fall into those categories. i fantasize about true rape, and yes i have been raped in my lifetime. my fantasies are nothing hot and sexy, rather they are about the suffering, especially the psychological suffering, the rape causes during and long after. my fantasies have a sort of martyr element, where i feel i am suffering so that another woman will not have to go through the same. that feeling, of sparing another pain, is fulfilling for me and that is what drives the fantasy.

a bit different i know, but just wanted folks to know that some women, even escorts, fantasize about rape in the very real sense.

I would say the list is pretty accurate. The only exception for me personally is the strap on fantasy. Yes, I've got one and yes I know how to use it. To be perfectly honest though, it doesn't turn me on in the least and is actually a bit of a turn off.

Most of the other fantasies can be boiled down to a few single common denominators - primarily, men acting like MEN, as in MANLY strapping, I know what I want and I'm gonna get it cause I'm only half a notch above a neanderthal type dude and I got testosterone to spare kind of MEN. Ok, maybe I'm overstating it slightly, but only slightly. Its a biological thing. Once upon a time the survival of our race was dependent upon women selecting the strongest and healthiest men as potential fathers. Deep down in our brains, we still have that programming that sends us out looking for the manliest dude of the dudes. Of course, its not that cut and dried. We HAVE evolved over time, so your average metro-sexual type fellow can be totally enticing in spite of his lack of desire to grab his woman by the hair and drag her to his den to have his way with her. Of course, if he WERE so inclined, he just might be surprised by how much she enjoys it.

The other common denominator that many of these fantasies share - particularly rape fantasy, strangers, escorting, and domination - is the feeling of having no control over the situation. I honestly can't explain why this concept is such an erotic turn on, but by God it IS. As a former participant in the BDSM community, obviously an escort today, and one who has acted out more than a few delicious 'rape' fantasies, I can only say the feeling of having no control, even if it is only perceptual, is an intense aphrodisiac. Again, some women would shy away from such scenarios, but the turn on is far more common among women than some might think.

PS, if you are skeptical of my analysis, pick up any dime store romance novel at random. It is a gurantee that the male character will be described as just a tad bit arrogant, but in a caring sort of way, a type A personality kind of guy who is a real go-getter when he sees what he wants. In essence, e embodies the description of the Manly type dude I described. Down to a T.

Aggressive sex is something I do fantasize and dream about often....I cant really explain it. I just know it turns me on not being in control for once...but still just a dream, has never happened yet.

~DP~

fantasizing about being held down and forced to have happy non-painful sex with someone they desire anyway.   So the 'rape' label is misleading.

There is a French movie called "irreversible" with a  rape scene where this odd guy traps a lady in an underground crosswalk and really hurts her physically (bloody anal while telling her what a wh*re she is and how much she likes it) then kicks her in the face, leaving her in a comma.  No one is fantasizing about that.

and no one is fantasizing about being humiliated and forced into sex with someone they find repulsive.  

I don't have a problem with the 'play rape' fantasy.  I do have a problem with the label.
They aren't fantasizing about rape and I think calling it 'rape' misleads our culture as a whole lessening the opinion of how serious the crime of rape really is.  

...can be sexy!  But this means ROLE-PLAY and maybe things like a little hair pulling, biting, spanking, wrestling etc... A simulated psychological and physical "struggle."  HOWEVER, this type of thing really should have a "safe-word" -same as you would use in BDSM play... You wouldn't want either parties to actually start FREAKING OUT- and not be able to stop the interaction!

lack of consent AND control.  That's what RAPE is.  It is NOT a sex act.  It is an assault that victimizes the other person and it is about CONTROL, not SEX.  

Why am I so vitriolic about this?  Well, words are just words, but some words have too much behind them to be bandied about with the "fantasy" or "role play" attachment.  Rape is such a word IMHO.  Life is full of idiots (there's more of them than us) who cannot dig deep enough to distinguish between real and fantasy, so all they read in that article is that women love to be raped.  Too simplistic?  Yeah, well so are a LOT of people I've met in my life and in this hobby.

What that article, and some of the leanings of the comments so far, indicate is that most women somehow fantasize about being raped.  Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit. I've dealt with too many rape victims in my non-hobby life to even entertain such a notion.  Again, it ain't about the sex, it's the humiliation, taking away of the the control, and the hurting of the woman through an assault that includes an attack of the very essence of being a woman.  This holds true for stranger type as well as Date Rape (which also attacks the Woman's innate ability to ever trust her decisions and judgment again).

Some, or even most women may very well like to be fucked hard by a guy who has taken charge and turned them into objects of desire and animalistic sex for the time.  Hell I can dig that.  But don't call it a "rape fantasy" because it's not and can never be IMHO.

I agree, I would never even see a client who brought up the thought of a rape role play. Definetly not a fantasy of mine!

The women that have "rape" fantasies better hope that they do not encounter the real thing. Their fantasies should be called anything but rape fantasies. Rape is a serious crime that scars people that it happens to for life. I have yet to read of an person that was raped saying that it was anything but degrading and frightening.

about REAL rape. check my post. i realize that for most women with "rape" fantasies it is something very far removed from the reality. i too wish that there would be another label for such fantasies/desires, as you are right it is an insult to victims of rape.

my own rape fantasies are very violent and cruel, more than i'd ever describe here, but i will say that death is often a result in these fantasies. there's nothing sexy or horny about it, it's the psychological torture and suffering involved that drives the fantasy for me.

my fantasies are also not anything that i'd ever ever wish to actually happen, as i know the pain all too well.




-- Modified on 8/2/2009 9:00:17 AM

That movie sounds horrible Alea! I agree, the label does make it seem a little akward. Rape is a terrible thing, and for someone to fantasize doing it to others is a little off. I think 'Aggressive Sex' is a better name for it.

~DP~

Some women do have sexual fantasies involving CONSENSUAL domination/control. I’ll even have to allow for the idea that “actual” rape, with all the associated violence and degradation is a fantasy motif that exists on some limited basis. It’s waaay outside my comfort zone. But, hey, I don’t have to ‘get’ everything.

Is this THE NUMBER ONE thing women (“average” women,  or otherwise) are fantasizing about? What a giant pile of horse shit. That’s as ridiculous as saying men’s #1 sexual fantasy is cuddling, and talking about their feelings. Yeah…, I’m sure there’s at least one guy out there somewhere who would pop up and say---“Yep…gets me off every time”

But this is literally a little nauseating; not to mention potentially dangerous. You know there‘s some idiot out there right now reading this and thinking to himself “hey, women LOVE to be raped...they say so themselves”

There are 3 arenas of our erotic desires/fantasies,  there are the ones that we enjoy
and do the most,  there are the ones that,  well maybe, in the right circumstances we will play out and there are the ones that only remain in our fantasies because we can control them,  and we will never bring them into our real life.

IMHO

Women enjoy reading stories, unlike us men who are more into visuals.

I believe the most popular category is called "dark fantasy" -- most stories there were written by women for women ...

I can not read and enjoy those.  Yes, one of the most common types involves "rape".  Many others involve "daddy", ... some may be gross to male readers.

I second that clairej

I get scared if a man gets too aggressive. Maybe I'm a "wuss" or something, but being taken with AGGRESSIVE force just makes me worried...not turned on.

But none of them actually includes being raped as Alea describes (Thanks Alea for the post).

I do like the idea of being submissive (not in the hobby and with a trusting partner), as an aggressive or dominant man turns me on. However, the idea of rape does not turn me on. It scares and saddens me.

I understand the title “rape” is used as a descriptor, yet the word itself holds so much power that it can be offensive and scary to the women who have actually been raped. It is probably best that they use a different title to describe such lack of control.

Either way, I do think the article is incorrect or that the sample used to determine their study results is flawed. I do not think the number one fantasy for women is rape.

That's just my opinion.

I hear you...instant turn off and end of things...period.

Let me clarify that first sentence...if the activity is too rough and aggressive for me...and I ask him to soften it up or stop and he does not...end of activity...told to leave...DNS list.
IMHO..this type of behavior should be discussed first in appropriate terms and not just launched into at the time...

But, a list of women’s top 10 sexual fantasies, with RAPE listed as #1, is NOT an accurate representation of reality.

The article itself leads in with an acknowledgment that there is no particular basis for the data:
“…you may question just what women were polled, and how many women, and under what circumstances, but meh. It’s an internet sex list, it’s not the formula for cold fusion. But what you can do is take a good long look at that list and let your imagination take you to places both amusing and harrowing based on what you’ve read. Shall we?”

“meh. It’s an internet sex list”? It’s a dangerous piece of misleading garbage is what it is.

One ‘could’ assume that everyone understands where the line between fantasy and reality is, and will ‘get’ that women who enjoy this kind of fantasy do not want to ACTUALLY be raped.

Unfortunately, there are men out there whose imaginations take them past that line from fantasy, over into reality.

Providers deal with the potential for physical/sexual violence regularly. And on a venue like TER, in which ‘some’ men view providers as some sort of special category of women, with different sexual boundaries than ‘other’ women, to be anything less than absolutely clear that NO woman wants to be raped and that “most” do not have violent aggression on their sexual fantasy list, much less at the top, is irresponsible.

... I'd really like to know who decided that "rape" was our number 1 Fantasy...

There are those who think that aggressive play or BDSM is great.  That is not rape.  Any skilled person who does BDSM has safe words and already worked out a head of time what can be done and what can't.  It does not violate someone against their wishes or will.

I personally am not into an over aggressive man.  I am the agressor lol.  However I have partaken in BDSM with some females where I was submissive.  I loved it.  I would never even think of doing the such with anyone who doesn't have extensive experience.  Nor do I offer it as a provider.

Rape is a very serious thing, all the damage it does to whomever is the victim (female/male) emotionally, physically,and mentally.  It saddens me that people may think it is even ok to do the such.  Rape is violating someone without their permission...

I am truly sorry that there is people out there that has been raped.  Noone should ever have to have that happen.

I usually don't review.

The one review I've done was for a specific purpose. Anyone who wants to know the purpose can PM me.

But if you want the actual numbers, because I counted it up recently ...

21 civies, 6 providers.

One of my lady friends says the 21 number makes me a male slut. I don't think so as none were one-nighters.

Either way, I think Lina is right. My sample is overwhelmingly white, upper middle class, and disproportionately bright. Women who would never, in their wildest dreams, imagine a REAL violent assault.

Privet Dasvedanya!

Its been discussed numerous times that number of reviews posted by a Gentleman or a number of reviews on Lady's profile not always directly correlates to actual number of dates he/she had.

For example, most people I see rarely if ever review their experiences on public forums due to discretion required by their career/personal lifes.

XoXo

Lina

Hon, i hope that whatever caused you to have these fantasies is no longer in your life.

And not to sound disrespectful, but have you considered therapy?

Lina

...you must accept the dark as well as the light. this is the only path to true peace, and what has worked for me.

but why kiss and tell?

Besides, sessions with me seldom have the plotline of a porno movie so favored in reviews.