I met this awesome young guy & I'm totally into him & I think he likes me alot too because we can make out for days. I am serious, for days!
He gets turned on, but when it's time to try something, it doesn't work.
I am told by other guys all the time that I am incredibly hot, & no one else has ever had a problem with me. But I feel so awful when he can't do it with me, especially since I like him so much. I never say anything, I just act patient, & I really enjoy making out, but it's been months!!! We kinda broke up for awhile, & I figured it would be good for him to get some more practice/confidence with other girls, but nothing changed.....
Maybe he just likes skanky chicks? Likes me too much? Has a hormone problem? What should I do???
I rarely like anyone outside of work, so this is driving me crazy/I can't sleep. What should I do?

Well, you asked for 'guys advice' so I hope you don't mind if I jump in.

You say he is young but don't say how young. Young can be be very interpritive.  So one, please let us know what his age is. That would make it easier to help find some possible answers.

Hello SS,
I am not qualified to answer but I have a question. Is he covered? I would do a test, see if he could covered and then not covered. Other then this, you may intimadate him. Wow, really sorry to hear this happen to a nice girl. You would think if you believe in KARMA you should have earned it.

Here's a novel approach. Call me crazy, and I am going out on a limb but maybe you could TALK TO HIM. Ask him why, since other men find you "incredibly hot" (we wouldn’t know, we don’t know who you are) why he is not willing to take your relationship to the next level. Ask him why after months of just making out, he doesn’t wish to have sex with you? There may be a perfectly valid reason or he may have no good reason. But Relationship 101 will tell you to have an open line of communication. You wont know the issues until you sit down and talk.

But here is the part that makes zero sense. You broke up with him for a bit, and you actually thought this was good for him to gain CONFIDENCE AND PRACTICE with other women??? So you wanted him to fuck other women so he would know what to do with you. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? That's brilliant. You like this guy so much that you cant sleep, yet you were perfectly content to let him have fuck whomever he wanted all in the name of good practice and gaining self confidence. Boy, that one makes a heck of a lot of sense.

But Honey, (sorry, you all call us that) in the end why would you possibly want the love advice from a group of men WHO PAY FOR SEX. Not my first choice of men to get answers from. We all have our own issues to deal with. Solving a provider's personal love life is prob. not high on our list of subjects we excel at.

Just a thought


-- Modified on 2/12/2008 10:30:59 AM

She did not say he wasn't willing to take the relationship to the next level. She said he was unable to. You know, can't get wood. As far as her motives for breaking up with him and her hopes of how it would help are entirely personal. Everyone has a different way of doing things. What seems odd to some of us is norm to others. Can't fault them for that.

She was seeking advice from men, as her problem is a 'man problem'. If she gets some good advice, great. If not, oh well.

Sometimes one finds the best advice and views in the oddest places. Kudos to her for having the girl balls to ask. No need to be antagonistic & make her feel stupid for asking the hobby community. If you don't wish to give your two cents, then don't give it. This is an open forum and she has a right to ask advice.

"he can't do it with me"!  seriously, sometimes if you make out too much... it inhibits the ability to "do it!"  lol!  This has happened to me a couple of times... - even in my yuth!  I would suggest that you do your most seductive act on him... (one that you use with your paying dudes.... ) and quickly move into the sex mode (as opposed to lots and lots of foreplay).  

By the way, if you are as incredibly hot as you say, I am available for stress relief!

that you are a provider? It's possible that he doesn't think that he can "measure up".

Try Sue Johanson
talksexwithsue.com

Just a thought

If sensualselina is who I think she is, she is smokin hot!! She's out of Toronto if she's who I'm thinking she is.

First, all I said she was she should TALK to him. Obviously something is holding him back. Whether it’s his lack of willingness to take it to the next level, or he just can’t take it to the next level (i.e. his little head doesn’t get hard enough to perform) HE has problems and issues at hand. She needs to find out what those are. And fast.  

Second, who would possibly think that breaking up with someone, just so he could gain confidence and practice by fucking other women is A GOOD THING?? That's just pathetic logic.  And don’t give me the "people hire sex surrogate response". That is a service and business for people IN relationships. Not people who are not in relationships. Here, our provider friend wants her BF to fuck others so he will be better equipped to fuck her.

Third, I gave her my two cents. I'll give it again. This is the wrong place to be asking for personal advice on her love life. Look at the responses she got...you draw your own conclusions.


-- Modified on 2/12/2008 11:44:38 AM

Not sure anyone here can help. Only you and he can work through this. Discuss it with him in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere. Don't do it after he fails to do the deed. It will only add to the tension.  Maybe a cup of tea and donut in the kitchen.

Earlier there was a thread from someone who was intimidated when he saw someone too good looking and it hampered his performance.  Possibly you are experiencing this with him and need to only assure him that you are not any more or less than any other woman in terms of who you are inside.

Patience and understanding is the name of the game.   Sending him to others for confidence is a form of rejection and may not have been the better approach to the problem. This may have only made things a bit worse and will need additional time to overcome.

You do not mention times other than the sexual times. Possibly he is looking for something more than that but has not expressed it well enough. He may feel pressured into doing something his heart is not into.  I can identify with this and possibly more men here than would care to admit.  If you and he like each other than you need to think about beyond the bed.

Let's see what she says.

I think she will need to find out a lot more about this however.  For example, did he have problems with the other girls?  Does he have any health issues?

I, for one, would have problems performing if I had just been making out for days on end.  Maybe he needs a can or two of Red Bull?

that is so funny and true.  why would you get advice from us who bang escorts?

I have a suggestion.  suck him bare back and if he doesn't get wood he has mental issues,  you are extremely ugly, or he is gay.  

probably gay.

I agree totally, LG will need to post her input, And, also the question of: is he comfortable with you being a provider?  Also, I can relate to the smokin hot babe, makin me feel a little inferior.  We guys can be a little more brittle than you might think.

Selina I can remember way back in my teens and twenties times when I'd be making out all night and of course being, ummm, excited all the time and after hours of that when the moment came to actually have sex not being able to ... who knows, too much excitement for too long, whatever reason.  Which is not to say I couldn't perform perfectly well and repeatedly most of the time.  OK, that sort of thing still happens occasionally. Maybe (and you don;t really tell us how else you spend your time with your bf) you could try some no-pressure time with no physical activity, just time spent relaxing in each other's company.  Or maybe skip the making out and just jump his bones and see what happens!  Good luck.

Maybe you're being too easy for him.  Men like and are motivated by challenges.  Play "hard to get" more.  I posted earlier about my "complicated desires,"  They're basically that guarantees turn me off.  For me to have the most exciting sexual experience, there must be uncertainty at every step of the way.  I can't know if I'm going to be satisfied or not.  Maybe the thought that he can have sex with you whenever he wants turns him off in the same way.

Or maybe emphasizing it too much puts pressure on him, even if you don't talk about it.  Maybe not talking about it seems creepy to him, since he probably knows it's bothering you.

It could be a medical problem, such as diabetes. There are steps he can take, after consultation with a urlogist or an ED clinic.

Thanks for your input everyone.
Well, he's young, not that experienced, kind of timid, never makes the first move, barely speaks....So why do I like him? He's got such beauty & sensitivity & sensuality, he's a true gentleman, I'm so into him it's crazy.....I figure if he went with other girls he would gain more experience & confidence beause he's too intimidated by me, which he had told my girfriend, plus he knows who my former boyfriends are & finds that hard to live up to as well. I once asked him if maybe I turn him off, & he said definitely not. I know it's his problem, but I am wondering if it's all mental or a physical problem too. He gets hard & then it goes, even when BB.
I feel so bad for him because his friends are in awe of him having 'gotten' me, but they don't know the sad truth. He must feel awful, I was just wondering what the most helpful thing I could do for him would be......

-- Modified on 2/16/2008 9:28:50 AM