In your original post, you didn't ask for opinions from men, yet you received many more of those, it seems, than you did from women. I didn't respond at first, because AS a man I felt attacked, and I knew my answer might be untempered by reflection.

A simple analogy to your question would be asking illicit drug dealers whether their interactions with their clients would lead them to higher or lower opinions of people in general. Let's face it: you've stated that you're basing your opinions of men (in general) on the behavior of men who are willing to break the law (yes, I think the laws are ridiculous) to buy what YOU are offering for sale.

I've never met Sedona of San Diego, but her wisdom on these "serious" topics never ceases to amaze me. My read of her posts on your original thread (I think) includes the notion that one needn't and shouldn't generalize from what happens in fantasy or basic-instinct relationships.

Recently I was at a management retreat where one of the guru types emphasized the following: "the most difficult part of any relationship is remembering that the other person isn't you." In other words, we should NEVER project our own motives, fears, aspirations, etc. onto the other person, but be open to LEARNING from him or her.

We have largely monogomous societies for obvious social reasons. We have infidelity in those relationships for far more reasons than have been touched on here already. It's an ENORMOUS spectrum. I've read reviews on TER that go something like this: "I arrived. Her apartment was filthy. There were cats, dogs, and kids all over the place. She wasn't the same lady as in the pictures. She wanted six times the amount in her ad. It was disgusting. so I paid her, f**ked her and left. I may not return."

I read that and wonder, "do I belong to the same SPECIES as that guy?" But even at that extreme, all I know of him is what's in his post and what's implied by it. Similarly, if you judge "men" just by the behavior of those who choose to pay for sex, your sample is invalid. And yes, I'm among those who've paid for sex. And yet I think I'm an eminently trustworthy person whose reasons for doing so were very well thought out in advance - even though the consequences have been FAR different from what I had imagined. What I hope is that I'm capable of learning from my own experiences to make myself a better person.

A lady I like a great deal was describing some of her other experiences to me last week. One statement hit me like a sledgehammer. She'd been requested (by the woman!) to be the second woman in a "dual" with the woman and her boyfriend. She says she didn't worry at all about f**king the boyfriend, but was very concerned that her lady friend would be jealous when she kissed him! Then I reflected a bit and realized that's EXACTLY what the "GFE" business is all about. It IS more intimate - an emotional connection, not just a physical one. Try explaining THAT in casual conversation at Nordstrom or Safeway or Wal-Mart

Finally, perhaps we should ask the inverse of your original question? Should MEN conclude that WOMEN can never be trusted because of the ladies they've met in the "hobby?" (I HATE that ephemism). No matter whether sex-for-money is legal or illegal, it's still WAY far away from the statistical mean of ordinary human behavior, so the same "invalid sample" would apply. There are men here with close to 100 reviews, and I have NO aspirations to APPROACH that total, but I would offer that my own experience has been exactly the opposite; i.e., I've met delightful PEOPLE who've convinced me there's hope yet for the other sex (OK, cheap shot - I apologize, but slightly insincerely).

(Colombo "just one more thing mode" on): JustWannaAsk, as for your comment about "infidelity" being damnable solely because it violates a "promise," would that human behavior could EVER be so simple! My own belief is that that sort of rigid thinking is what spawns  extremist religions and the extremist governments that result from them, whether in Afghanistan or right here at home. But that's another topic, worth perhaps a FEW more paragraphs even than this one

Thanks for your thoughts. I have to admit that her post has also had me thinking ever since I read it. I believe I was the first one to reply to her because as I stated the trust issue "hit close to home". What is discouraging to me is that there may be many providers out there with this general belief or attitude. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own feelings but I cannot help but think about the hypocrisy of it all.

It appears as if the original post was directed at married guys or ones with significant others.  Even as a single guy who has never seen a provider while dating someone, I couldn't help but feel more guilty then usual. Yes, I have struggled with the fact that I've seen providers from time to time over the past year. Unfortunately, I've taken a short break from "real life" dating in order to get my head back on straight after a couple failed relationships. Although I am considered a confident and good looking guy by friends, I've never been one able to have "casual" relationships or sleep around with women. The providers that I've seen give me that intimacy and physical closeness I desire without the commitment that may come along with it. Sounds illogical doesn't it?

The latest problem for me is that I've met a provider that I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and being with on a physical and intellectual level. She's expressed similar feelings for me. So much for rules...now it gets complicated.

Take care,
Nice Guy