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Have you ever been refused service based on your ethnicity?sad_smile
footsy 4 Reviews 5207 reads
posted


I was recently denied appointment by an LA provider based on my ethnicity. This has never happened to me in the 6 years of my experience in this hobby. Just wanted to hear the providers viewpoint on such an issue? If any of you guys have had similar experience, I would like to hear it.

I was and still am very interested in seeing her. Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks.

hadrons4731 reads

I contacted someone who questioned me on what my ethnicity is, but I wasn't turned down (and she wasn't a good provider.)  

As for the provider in question, I would forget about her if I were you, if she's not going to be comfortable with you, you're not going to have a good time.

I don't believe that this alone makes her a racist, it could be an issue of preferences with her

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Papagayo5895 reads

Hey what is good for the gander is good for the goose.
If hobbiests can base their providers based on their preferences, I don't see why providers can't choose their clients by their own preferences.

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Anya5007 reads

It's sad that it does happen, apparently.  Personally, I find the differences between people is what makes life interesting, but I guess some people don't feel the same way.

It must happen where I am as well, (Toronto,) because I've had black clients who have actually come out and asked me if I had a problem with seeing them.  They tell me it's from previous experience.  There was one poor guy who told me his only previous date with an SP was with someone who accepted him at first, then halfway through the hour just froze up and told him to leave because she "wasn't into black guys".

Around here, there's a large Asian population, and about half my clients come from various parts of Asia.  There are gorgeous and gifted guys in every corner of the world, why be so restrictive?

-Anya

Related Link: My Website

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Tatoogirl743611 reads

if you treat me rude on the phone or email, I won't see them.
It doesn't matter what you look like, it depends on how you treat me.

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FreedomRider2253514 reads

Tatoogirl74  I like your style. 3 cheers for "Old School"

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justahobby3777 reads

Two providers have told me these same things:

Middle eastern men often want to negotiate and they smell bad.
Black men are often too demanding.

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JoeyTheBoy3014 reads

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sedonasandiego6167 reads

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference, or being restrictive. It's her choice, for whatever reasons. No matter what, it should be a good blending of personalities, and both parties should be comfortable and be able to enjoy.
Of course, there's a polite, kind way to decline, and hopefully, in good service, she referred you to someone else.

Hugs,
Sedona

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JoeyTheBoy5280 reads

I like what you have to say about personalities!

I'm not so sure about the preference thing????

At some point you either buy into providers being professional and the hobby being a business or you do not buy into that idea.  Dig-it, there are some of us who believe that the western world will get over its hang-ups about sex and start applying laws that reflect that idea.  I mean its almost a slap in the face of the hobby, you kind of have to get real.

Joey

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Dionisios4520 reads

...and racism is still alive and well.  Do we really believe that all providers are somehow on a higher moral plane and immune to this plague?  

I've seen a few ads from local providers which specify "no Black men" or "no African Americans".  Since personal connection (beyond genital contact) is important to me, I won't see any of these.

I'd suggest you forget this one and move on.

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JoeyTheBoy4624 reads

Strong ideas man, I'm not so sure that you can move on from this subject.  Computers have change things--we have TER!  But, computers aren't everything!  To be accepted as a legitimate business you have to act in a legitimate manner.

-- Modified on 2/1/2003 7:56:42 AM

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masseuse4143 reads

My main reason for not seeing someone has to do with treatment as well... One can tell alot about a potential client on how they conduct themselves in email or on the phone. If someone's phone manner is rude, obnoxious or I get a feeling that I would not like them, then I will not see them.

As far as "conducting in a business manner" this is a very personal service, if a provider is not attracted or comfortable with a certain ethnicity based on whatever reason then it is her body, her time, her choice!!!

A gentleman has the choice to not see a certain provider for whatever reason, (weight, age, race) remember, it goes both ways...



-- Modified on 1/31/2003 9:54:31 AM

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fortitude5245 reads

There are still many businesses, or services, that are extremely personal, and for that reason many of the egaltarian values we both hold high are inoperative.

Some years back I went into psychotherapy.  I used a university referral service to find the right therapist.  The first rule the counselor told me is that there are no rules.  Since I had a need to confide in and open up to whomever I chose, I should not feel at all uncomfortable or guilty if I were to eliminate an individual simply because of race, sex, religion, or anything else, rational or irrational.  

I believe the same holds true for providers.  Naturally one would hope that an individual isn't racist (unless you yourself are as well), but that doesn't mean that she must share what are extremely intimate moments with an individual she's uncomfortable sharing with , for whatever reason.  Under the circumstance, she would be hard pressed to be her best.  

I was once denied a "date" with a provider when on meeting for the first time she told me that I would need to lose 20 pounds before dating her.  I was hurt and angry, but decided that she was unworthy of me and my money and continued on with others.  

As a business owner I lost a very large sale because the organization I was dealing with decided that they wouldn't do business with someone of my religious background.  That was their tough luck.  When the products they did buy failed and they came back to me, I told them where to go and what to do when they got there.  

I mention these 2 experiences because I do understand rejection, and to an extent racism.

Under the skin, we're all the same in my book, and all of our money is green and have the same pictures of dead presidents on it, but it's hard to ask someone to do something that for some reason they're very uncomfortable doing.  And this is a highly subjective hobby.

F.

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IamSilky4131 reads

I just love how understanding you are about how a Provider might feel. You must be a great boss..!! People who judge others, without knowing the inner workings of them, as individuals, only cheat themselves...Sometimes even first impressions can be so wrong...I can't tell you how many times, after taking a second look at someone I thought I disliked, I changed my mind, after really getting to know them better.  There will always be shallow, superficial people in this world who due to upbringing or preconceived notions, will refuse to deal with some of us, but they will lose far more than us. Judging any individual, as a group, is just wrong..IMO...Kisses, Fortitude, you are a special guy...Robyn

Related Link: "Burn me once, Shame on U, Burn Me Twice, Shame on Me"

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magiost5781 reads

I always enjoy your posts, this one is, as usual, full of insight, perfectly put. Thanks for your guidance and comments.

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fortitude4199 reads

Sometimes the clarity comes back to me and I begin thinking again with my big head.

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Piensa3904 reads

No, of course not - if a man prefers an Asian or
African-American Lady to a Caucasian or vice-versa it is simply a preference, yet providers are considered racist if they have preferences? My first reaction to this post was that this gentleman had been wronged, (I am sorry he has to deal with this issue.) Then I looked on the flip side of the coin - hobbyist's abounding preferences. Of course this is a business, and this issue should always be handled with utmost courtesy and tact. no one should be treated poorly because of their race, nor should a provider's tactful honesty or preferences be considered racism.  Personally, I enjoy polite friendly people of all cultures.

-- Modified on 1/31/2003 9:47:17 AM

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JoeyTheBoy4096 reads

Am I missing something?

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Piensa4706 reads

r u talking to me?lol. the main point being that hobbyists are not considered racist for having preferences, but some posts here indicate that a provider would be considered racist for having the same preferences which is a ridiculous double standard.  

maybe you need to read a little slower?
*winkwink* all in good fun = )

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JoeyTheBoy4711 reads

Yeah, I wasn't sure how the client's preferences fit into the discussion, but then again, the discussion has kind of broken down.  You're probably right, I do need to read a bit slower, if some how in this hobby/business I could get services without playing for them, maybe I'll consider my preferences as a hobbyist equal to the provider's.  No matter has fast you read!  Thanks for explaning yourself!

Joey

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hadrons4969 reads

I don't see how the hobby/business thing is an issue ... there are certain professions in which its acceptable to pick and chose your clients; lawyers and psychiarists don't have to represent everyone who walks into their office

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JoeyTheBoy6111 reads

Yeah, but let a psychiarist or lawyer say, I don't do business with this race or that race.  It would be a joke!

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sedonasandiego5757 reads

Absolutely wonderful! And that's precisely the point - the need to separate the words 'racist' and 'preference'. If you like Chevys does it mean you're anti-Ford? If you don't care for Chinese Food, does that mean you don't the people? Goofy examples, maybe but not really. It's preference. And, another thing, we speak of it being a business, and it is, but for some, it's really a lifestyle, and the Hobby is dating. You date who you want to be with. If I'm with YOU, it's because I WANT to be. You may have chosen me first, but my acceptance is choosing YOU right back.
That's all I'm saying. This lady who rejected the author certainly can do so, it's her choice who she wants to be with and why/ or not to be with and why not. How she conducted herself, another matter.

I want to bite you :),
Sedona

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Nadia Legs of LA4347 reads

For God's sake, its my Body and I do want I want want with it!!!! Period. To Hell with all the so called "Providers", I got in this Business to have fun, meet nice " Gentlemen" and make " Money". So what the fuck are you talking about? I fot ONE dind't get in to this because I was the worst check out girl...OK? So, there! I do not want to hear this BS about I would have to service 'JUST " anyone... I refuse!!!!to go anywhere if I don't like the tone of the voice or whatever tripps me off!!!! Got it? GOOD!!! And by the way..you can tell everyone!!!!!

Related Link: http://city-source.com/nadia

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JoeyTheBoy3619 reads

You know when I really think about it, you're right.  There is such a reality to this hobby.  Racism and health reasons are probably the two main reasons our hobby will never be a legitimate business.  Just like the rackets and the numbers our hobby will always have this type of seedy connotation.

Joey

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2sense4211 reads

Never say never when it comes to legalizing "sins". Especially when the politicians see a way of making money out of it, either on the front or back end.

The classic example, of course, is the repeal of the Volstead Act (i.e., prohibition of alcohol) which ended the heyday of the Al Capones.

You cite numbers, but gee, what are all of these lotteries and power-balls, if not state run numbers. How truly seedy can it be when you can get your "numbers fix" at the local 7-11.

Never see gambling casinos outside of Las Vegas? Can hardly drive 10 miles in California without running into either an Indian-owned casino, or advertisements for one.

Legalized drugs? Well, nothing is more potent than a hit of nicotine from that reliable drug-delivery system, the cigarette. Still legal, and likely to remain so. And taxed like crazy.

But to legalize prostitution, definitely you'd have to get rid of the George W's and Ashcrofts, and bring in more receptive politicians. If anything, the desperate financial straits that the State governments now find themselves in may (just possibly) make them more creative in developing new revenues. At the very least, maybe California et al. will have to cut back on LE enforcement of prostitution.

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JoeyTheBoy4764 reads

I like your idea of never say never.  Take care!

Joey

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sedonasandiego3971 reads

I'd like to see it become legal in my lifetime! That's the contribution I hope to leave behind me is working towards that goal. I wish I could remember the website...but anyway, a great former Provider who's quite an advocate for the rights of the Industry. Her website is www.magdalenemeretrix.com, but the info, I recall was not on her site, but maybe a link?
I think we will see it happen..

xo
Sedona

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JoeyTheBoy4177 reads

I still don't think I agree.  For example, Swingers live a lifestyle.  But this hobby is a business.  Anyway, I think we beat this horse to the ground.  


Cheers!

Joey

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armgeo4607 reads

I had a provider tell me "if I had known you were African American I would have never dated you".  She went on to tell me that her boyfriend was black and she didn't want to accidentially
meet up with one of his friends. Guess what??  She has become one of my regulars!!!

We do have choices in this "hobby" and I can appreciate a persons decision regarding who they choose to see. I would be concerned if it was based on some sort of prejudice (but then again one might never know the reason.) In the final analysis, the pickings are plentiful so move on and find someone that doesn't have a preference.

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FiftyPlus5059 reads

Recently a provider (a well known PS) made the major mistake of making some disparaging remarks regarding another provider (another VERY well known PS). The final comment was that I really shouldn't be seeing this other Lady because she was into "Black Guys". (I'm cleaning up what she actually said!)

I was willing to overlook the snipes at the other Lady, but when she made that comment it totally turned me off. (FYI, I'm a "White Guy".)   Since the comment was contained in an e-mail, fortuantely, I didn't need to immediately tell her to take her racist bs and go play with herself...excessively.

I'll have nothing to do with this particular provider again.

The Moral: make your own choices, but if you don't want to be involved with someone based upon their ethnicity, at the very least be professional and courteous. There is nothing to be gained by hurting another human being with your words.  And in this case, this PS lost a good Client. (In fact, I regret having spent time/money on this particular person...who insists that she is a Lady and expects to be treated that way).

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papercup4005 reads

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Jadedjoy4321 reads

I have to say as a Provider, the type clientele that I see is the same type that I would date in my personal life.(which can vary depending on my moods) Although overtime I have noticed my tendancy to lean more towards vanilla before a caramel,and have yet to meet anyone that will re-awaken my taste for sweet chocolate. (Also please note that I cannot be racist...for I am of mixed heritage.) Among the real world,people have their preferrences..(like Christina Aguilerra..she likes a particular flavor,some people are just like that...not all flavors are for them.) Although I am sure that some Hobbyists in this situation wished for a few more Jennifer Lopez-type Providers.(J-Lo seems to have no problem trying all the favors that are out there in the world:). I would definitely not make this a racial thing...sometimes its a heritage thing or maybe even a geological
phenomenom??????Who knows.
Happy Huntings
Sincerely,Jadedjoy

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