Link appears to now be working ;-) eom

-- Modified on 9/10/2008 9:19:15 AM

Yes, I'm more amorous afterwards, but also much more at ease with a period of sexual inactivity, because I know how to end it. It is as if the mere knowledge that I can find some relief leaves me less in need of it. Kind of contradictory, but it is my experience.

Number 4 is a mixed bag. Is it a sign of something going on? Perhaps. But it can also be the relief valve that lets off steam and keeps a guy from going postal. If the "mellow me" is more fun to be around than the "mad me", then it can have all sorts of other beneficial effects on the relationship. One of them can be buying some relief for her, because I don't always have to nag, hint or otherwise request sex.

Is this a rationalization? You bet. I'm human too, and making no claims of perfection.

I suspect that most of the folks who are with an SO and keep the hobby from them, either want to get caught - and get caught, or even if these things are apparent, know how to cover.... do, and don't get caught.

Having been in a bad marriage, if I had cheated, it would not have mattered to the marriage.... cheating would have only been another symptom of a bad marriage.  OK, so she cheated - in retrospect, it is no biggie... only, as I say, a symptom... the end of the marriage was actually a relief for the both of us...  Hard to believe?  

well, if you are in a bad marriage - you will know what I mean...

then there is the other type of marraige - where one partner does a little on the side...  and maybe the partner either openly knows - OR pretends they don't know....  That seems to work... and for some, it is THE way to go....

what I would wish is for one of these really bright article writers to write... is a story on the reality of "cheating"--- seems to me, they only want to "dig dirt" and cause strife in marriages... "look - here is how to "catch your man" cheating" or "look - here are all the things you need to do to keep from getting caught" instead of "hey, here is how to keep a marriage afloat - even when one has a different sexual clock than the other!"  or "how many men actually use the hobby to assist their gratification fantasies - that cannot be fulfilled by their SO"  or "Bill Clinton  - monster - or average guy."  

But those articles wouldn't be PC.  would they?  Just like articles - that are honest about the high caliber of women who escort - are not PC.  

can't win.

When I first began hobbying, I was naive about sex. Sounds strange after 30 years of marriage, huh? I mean I knew plenty about the mechanics but my wife has never been able to relax and enjoy sex enough for it to be  one of the ways that we really connected. I was lucky enough to see a lady on my second hobby experience who opened my eyes about how sex can be so much more than I had experienced before and not just physically.

I tried to use that experience to enhance my marriage and for a good while I became more interested in sex with my wife. sadly, nothing's improved, though.

This is the best one: "It’s the result of him realizing that if he’s cheating and it’s not that hard, you might also be getting away with it.”

"I'm all in, Fuck it!"

HA HA HA

Re: Here's some useful information, but check out the last caveat...

So any change in behavior might be a tip off to a SO? This sounds like a plot to get cheaters to stop or confess. What a waste of bandwidth.

guilt can play many roles and make us act in all kinds of different ways. like bring flowers home for the first time in years. LOL!

So let me get this straight...

If my man  -

1) Keeps his sh*t out of my personal space and doesn't ask me to answer his phone because he's too lazy to get it himself...

2)Shaves regularly and tames his pubic jungle to a gentle pasture, maybe even gets a pedicure once a year...

3)Smells nice, even when he comes home from the gym...

4)Is relaxed and nice to me...

5)Notices when I'm gone for days, perhaps even *reads* the notes on the fridge saying where I'm at...

And *Bonus* wants to have sex with me more often...

He's cheating and I should be really really angry?  Wow.

Lemme kick this well groomed ultra attentive sweet smelling sex machine out of my house and replace him with a needy, sloppy, stinky, bitchy, inattentive asshole  who by God's mercy doesn't want sex because no one in their right mind would fuck him. But at least he's not doing anyone else, so I should be happy with that? Are there *seriously* women that think that way?

And... you guys are seriously considering *hiding* these dead giveaway warning signs from your partners. Did it ever occur to you that she might actually *appreciate* it if you play it off like you did it for her instead of some other girl? Which you should be. If you're incidentally doing it for someone else as well, that's your business

Maxine