Most of you seem helpful and I'm looking for a little advice.  I have always been shy and need some help on how to talk to women (I know right =/).

Here is a little information about myself.  I am young, 21 years old.  5'5, Asian, 140 pounds (I am actually very fit and athletic, only 9% body fat).  I don't think I am bad looking.  Not hot, but most people call me cute.  Although I am Asian, I was adopted and my taste in women tend to be mostly white women.

It's not bad when I get to know people or when I am with people I'm comfortable with.  In those occasions I'm actually very lively.  It is when I by myself.  I am never the one to talk to someone first.  For example, if I went to a new class I always sit down and I am very quiet.  Almost all the time no one is going to talk to the lone person.

Now here's what I think is the problem.  Most women are not into short guys especially if they are taller than me.  The biggest reason I think is because I am Asian. Most people tend to talk to me less because of this.  Quite a lot of Asians, especially in college, are extremely clicky (and people know it) and only hang out with each other.  It's funny because in most situations where people have come up to me first have been other Asian guys.

However my close group of friends are not Asian.  I became friends with them through some freak accidents that came together.  They are all guys and there are not any girls who are REALLY part of our group.  Some of them have girlfriends who I hang out with and I'm kinda friends with, but that is about it.  I've never really had CLOSE friends who were girls.

All my friends, highschool and college, have never been the "going out" kind.  They are not the clubbing or big party kind of people.  This makes meeting people at parties/clubs/bars hard.  If I were to go with my friends, I would be more outgoing, but I do not want to go out by myself because I think that is awkward and I wouldn't do anything.

What do you think is a good way of helping me to meet other people or just getting over being shy?

Im the same age as you, 21, so I hope I can relate in my experiences. I was very shy in high school. I had a large group of friends and I would always talk to women at parties and sporting events but it wasn't like I was calling certain ladies every night. I even avoided my prom and left town that weekend. But when I got out of high school, I took a certain job that changed that all around. I interact with people alot now. Today I have no fear of talking to strangers or people I don't know. Don't get me wrong, beautiful ladies are still intimidating but not impossible to talk to.

The only two girlfriends I've had i've met through friends. And both of those only lasted several months. I still hangout with the most recent from time to time, but just as friends.  

What I've learned is you need to put yourself in certain situations. Like join a club or some kind of group. It could be church, student government if your in school, or whatever. I like to go to the gym and meet people and it's actually a place where I can talk to ladies.  That way you interact with people with your same interests. Going to the bars is hard to meet ladies for me, cause I like to drink too much and I don't act myself always. And the type of parties I go to their are usually high school chicks and im not into that or just stuck up college chicks.  

If you don't at least try to talk to women then it will never happen. Don't worry about being shot down and don't worry about what other people think. I recently just got shot down by this chick that I know, I asked her to go to a concert with me and she said she would get back to me.  Well a week later her friend told me she didn't want to go. Im still mad that the bitch couldn't tell me herself but whatever.

Be yourself, I always was trying to act differently around women I liked. What helps me is if I get away from my friends then I can be myself better around strangers. You would think the opposite but it's true for me.

Being shy is tough and you will get better with time.  But you have to get yourself out there and mingle.  Your not gonna meet anyone if your staying home on the computer all the time. The more social situations you put yourself into the more confident you will be and you will also be more comfortable around people in general.

thats just my thoughts.
Good Luck  

Something I know, because I hate & fear public speaking myself. I'm great socializing with small groups of people, but if I have to get up & speak before large crowd, reach for the vomit bag.

LP, you & I are on exactly same page about shyness & how providers can help greatly in that aspect. When I tell folks that I'm shy in certain aspects they reply : "What ?! an assertive, obnoxious asshole like you" ?!

I consider a remark like that a compliment----

Meaning, if you dont try, you cant know. For example: I am 35, white, 5'4, and in ok shape. I have a beard and am bald. THERE!! you cant get more unattractive than that! I am also putting my self through the local university. Now imagine being on campus with all the hot 17-25 year olds. If I didnt put my fear aside, both my fear of being rejected and failure, I would never talk to anybody either. One day I just decided, FUCK IT, and just started talking to people. At first it was only when the timing was right, and about obvious things, ex. "how did you do on the test?", after I got comfortable with the obvious, I realized I could make my own timing. I would just start a conversation at any time. Sure you get shot down, but you learn that way too. Remember your fear is just getting in your way of the things you want. G'luck.

Practice,

Go out and look for opportunities to challenge yourself. Maybe set a goal of once each week. Go up to someone by themself and ask if you can join them -maybe a coffee or lunch place.

Also watch for the times when you don't want to talk to a particular person and ask yourself why.

This is as much about learning about yourself as it is learning to take the attention of of yourself, your needs and your discomfort.

In one of my lives, I sort of "spin off" people whose job it is to carry some of my ideas to others. I don't have time to train these people in the skills they need to address people both individually and in groups. I can give them the data and ideas that need to be communicated, but not the skills.

For those who lack the skills, I refer them first to Toastmasters. http://www.toastmasters.org/

Then I refer them to other places and classes -- stuff like poetry reading, extemporaneous speaking, dramatic interpretation (all available as continuing education courses at community colleges) and finally ... charm school. No kidding. http://theartofcharm.com/

Public speaking and leadership skills don't just apply to groups -- they also translate into one-on-one interactions. They give you a base of confidence that helps. And the charm school I referenced tells you how to do everything right when dealing with the opposite sex. Pretty soon it becomes so automatic that your problem will be figuring out how to just say hi to a woman without her wanting a date with you.

One other thing that helps -- go through a weekend hypnosis training seminar and pay particular attention to the rapport building skills. It won't be enough to make you a decent hypnotist, but it will be enough to teach you how to use body language and verbal language to establish a comfort level and rapport quickly. (I have noticed, incidentally, that some providers use these skills.)

Now, I am not especially attractive, filthy rich or any of that jazz. YET, in just a three year period I successfully approached women and obtained over *500* first-dates in that time. I asked out the cute bank teller, the lady who was pumping her gas, the HR Director of one of my clients and practically anyone else who was female, available and attractive. No, I was not always successful. But I was certainly successful enough to know whence I speak.

Good luck!

...usually under the umbrella organization of Meet Up. There will be a number of interest-based groups and you can join as many as you like. Find some in your area that appeal to you, join up and GO to the events. The important thing is to "just do it" (acknowledgment to Nike) and rub shoulders with some folks. The idea is to practice the social skills with not much of an agenda; get to know some people, find common ground (the event itself should serve as a good intro) and look at it as an exercise in your personal development.

You might also find some groups centered around an activity that you're typically NOT into and try them out. Why? Stretch the personal comfort zone, learn some new skills and see even more people. Along the way, chicks will find you, see that you're there for reasons *other* than "just getting laid" and feel a lot more comfortable around you. Guess where that leads? Right, you getting laid -- and maybe developing a relationship at an appropriate time.

I did this in 1995 when moving to a new metro area where I didn't know a soul; also, since this was before the advent of web-based singles groups, I found the old-fashioned analog version and joined up. Over the course of a few years, I found many new friends, developed a lot more confidence in my newly-divorced self, had a lot of cool adventures doing things I would never had tried in the old life and, oh yeah -- got laid! Also had 3 LT relationships that developed from women I had met through the group.

You've got time and youth  on your side, so go for it! Good luck --

Good call on Toastmasters. Excellent training for developing confidence in speaking to others.

I've never been a fan of public speaking.  Don't know why, but it scares the crap out of me.  I'm not bad at it, once I can hear my voice over the sound of my heartbeat.  FWIW, I was an insanely shy kid who grew up with 2 very outgoing parents.  I'm still shy in a lot of ways, but find no purpose in it when it comes to providers.  We both know why we're together, and are apparently both OK with the deal.  That's helped me blossom into a more outgoing person, to the point that now when I tell people how shy I am, they often laugh in my face.  Fuckers!  

i used to be very anti-social and aloof, but had a reputation of being intelligent, articulate and confident.  a lot of girls found that dark yet confident personality very intriguing, and have often grew curious to find out for themselves what i was like.  most of those girls that dig that are the freaky and open-minded in bed type!

you are on the right track!  just be confident!

Your topic hits close to home ...LOL ...since you sound like a carbon copy of myself in my younger days.  Getting over shyness can be very tough, especially when trying to meet women.  However as that old saying goes, "practice makes perfect".  Take advantage of every situation to talk to new people (especially women) when you're out in public, e.g. while shopping (ask a lady her opinion while browsing), chit chat with someone while waiting in line at the cashier, while waiting at the bus/train stop, ask a lady for direction even if you don't need them ...LOL.  Over time, you'll find that starting a conversation with a woman will become easier and easier as you build up your self-confidence.

Oh, and I've found being a hobbyist to be very therapeutic when it comes to getting over shyness ...LOL.  I've seen many providers who are great therapists in more ways than one, whether they realize it or not.