A private quest I have in this life is to try understand women and I still have a lot to learn.

Shopping does not give me any excitement. I view it as a chore to be done when I need something and don't understand why some women derive such excitement from it.  

A few years ago, I mentioned to an associate of mine at work "Julie,(not her real name), I've got to get some new furniture.  The furniture I have is wearing out and I want to buy quality furnishings this time.  Can you recommend some good stores?"

"Did you say you were going sho..sho..shopping!!!  Hey!  Lets leave work early and I'll take you to all the places.  Okay!  What do you think!"  Her eyes were as big as saucers and she was completely animated.  I responded "Okay.  Lets do it."

We left work at 1PM, went to a lot of stores, and gave my plastic a real workout.  

After 6PM her boyfriend met us and I took them both out to dinner.  During our dinner conversation I mentioned "Do you know how much I spent today?"  Then I laid the receipts on the table.
He looked at them, raised his eyebrows but, said nothing and then passed them on to her.  She then looked at them, stood up and smiled and said "Yo!  Give me a high five!

Looks like I still have much to learn.

Well...dont know about whether it's in the genes, or whether she would have felt the same way about spending her own $.  But shopping and buying are definitely two different topics.

Sounds like she already had a pretty good idea of what you wanted and where to get it. She had done her research. Had I been her, I would have been really excited to get you set up, too.  Let's put it this way ... she was happy you actually got what you wanted/needed.  If it helped her being there, then it spared you the agony.  Into your life a little sunshine fell ... her. Well, the bill..oh No!  we can't blame it on her...so, just say no!  (But did you actually like the furniture when all is said and done?)

Now despite the fact that I have historically felt exactly as you do Nelson, I've learned to corrupt myself. I learned to enjoy shopping well, at least philosophically.   I now look at shopping as "research", lol.

Before I converted, I'd spent frustrated hours shopping because I expected to actually buy what I wanted/needed.But I hadnt done enough research ("shopping").  

When I couldnt find what i wanted within a given period of time, I'd fume about the "wasted" time.  What I failed to realize is that I was "shopping", not necessarily "buying".  So now I've come to view shopping as a day at the museum.  .  One must learn to experience and enjoy the time spent viewing and mulling. Whether or not possession happens.  When I consider it as research I can enjoy it a lot more.  So many stores, so little time.  If I come out with one or two items that I absolutely love, then it is a high.

Boy have I managed to brainwash myself.  Now don't you guys all offer to take me out "shopping"  Take me out "buying"...  

Unless of course we are talking stereo components, or "tools" at sears ... at which point you should have ... done the  "shopping" .  that kind of shopping is such a chore for me.

xoxo

ff






-- Modified on 2/2/2002 10:33:59 PM

I'm am not now, nor have I ever been a shopping fan. When I was a girl my mom used to drag me around to all the stores in the mall to "comparison shop" (and not actually purchase anything the first trip around the mall), and then go back to the stores where the items she wanted were and purchase them. It took hours. "hated it"!

When I shop for groceries I am on Auto Pilot, I go to the same store, walk down the same isles, in the same direction, purchase the same items and I'm in and out of the store in 20 minutes or less. I'd starve if grocery shopping took longer than 20 or 30 minutes because I'd never go shopping.

When I shop for clothing I practically "weep"...They never have what I want, and I can never find pants that fit (I have an ample bottom and long legs for my height) and basically its a complete waste of time. Clothing manufacturers DO NOT sew for Black Women's bodies! I have hips, I have a round rear end...I have meat on my bones! Finding clothes that fit is a challenge.

I may be the only woman in America who "hates" shopping. I loathe it! "it's not my thing". I think Felicia is correct...I think shopping is a learned behaviour.

My .02 cents

businesses court customers, make shopping an ego-validating experience, one that our ad-saturated consumer culture ceaselessly promotes and glamorizes ("you deserve . . .").  Other activities such as work and competitive sport can meet the same psychological need better for some folks, but preferences in this matter do not always break across sex lines.

Dear Antiphon...I agree, given that you are shopping at the right kind of place to suit those needs.

I  avoid places like Best Buys like the plague. Having an innate fear of electronics, the next thing closest to death for me is being abandoned amidst them (never seems to be a knowledgeable salesperson in sight).  So I like to take a tech oriented person with me when I go to places like this, an armed guard so to speak.  Interesting to me though, I have a friend who is a computer engineer and felt the same as I do in Best Buys, Fryes, etc., only he felt that way about supermarkets.  We went on a few expeditions, and he's fine now. It'll take QUITE a few expeditions for me to be comfortable to fend for myself in an electronics store.

The reason I prefer to shop in boutiques or boutique like department stores rather than a place like, say Macy's, is the personal attention to me and the invaluable assistance.  It's  worth everything!  Additionally, I get to socialize with the saleslady while she assesses my bodytype and since she knows the stock, becomes my personal shopper.  This alleviates a lot of stress and wasted time for me.  Of course, she's supposed to flatter me, tell me that everything looks good on me, but after I shoot her the evil eye and tell her I dont like such and such item, the behavior quickly ceases, and we both come down to earth and have a good time.

So yes, if you know where to shop you can have a great social outlet and ego boost...

xoxo

ff

Yes I did like the furniture and feel I did a lot better with her than on my own. Also, she got her thrill too.  Is there any such thing as a shopping/buying fetish? LOL!

I learned my lesson on research many years ago from dealing with salespeople at car dealerships.  Consumer Reports has some good advice about buying cars. They key to it is finding out the dealer cost and not paying any more than 3 to 5 percent over.  
It's even easier today with the internet to do research.  

Sable.  When I find a shirt that fit's well usually the collar is too tight or with pants the length is too short.  When we buy off the rack you can't always expect a perfect fit.

When grocery shopping after work I ususally eat first.  Otherwise I get tempted when strolling through that candy aisle.

Nelson..Did you ever think that Julie has just set up your place so she likes it for when she comes over to have the time of her life with you????  Sounds like she's setting you up for herself... Just a thought...

x

My wife is a big shopper, which has lots of downsides (like getting the bills at the end of the month).  But last week, a couple of days after shopping at NM and buying a new outfit and new boots, she called me right after lunching at the Ivy.  She said she wanted to stop by my office to say hi.  I sensed her mood and invited her over.  She was wearing her new stuff, plus a necklace I gave her over the holidays, and was definitely in a randy state.  She picked me up in front of my buidling and we drove to the bottom of the parking garage, where she basically stripped off her clothes and gave me a great BJ while I got her off with my hand.  Afterward, when I asked her how I could get her in this mood more often, she alluded to the shopping and how it turned her on.

Maybe if she visited me at the office every day for a repeat performance I could save on this hobby and pay for her shopping.  LOL

As for why women feel that way, I don't get it (but I see it all the time with my wife and her friends).

I've learned the ZEN of shopping.... Do you know that there is ahigher consentration of truly good looking women at Southern California (and others) Malls that anywhere else on earth. And it's okay to look! In fact, if you get lucky and one looks back... anyway, just approach the view more open-mindedly!

I have a lot of fun flirting while "shopping". I can't believe that I did  forget to mention that!  Probably because it was something I came to enjoy "after my conversion".

Zen Away, Straightman, we (anyway, some of us) love the attention! And a  straight open grin is so much more comfortable than guilty glances.

My pov, anyway.

xoxo

ff