This is partially a vent and partially looking for feedback if others would have handled differently or if I'm missing something. I'll try to give the readers digest version:

and sent her home after a little reassurance and some kind words.
It seems like you tried to do the right thing ... but this is p4p. In the future, you might want to clear the money thing up front, since you assumed just being a nice guy was enough.  

you flipped from caring about her to yourself in that one sentence.

Turns out Expected, your lady-friend was on a different page than you were.  She only wanted your money and let you think for two years that it was more than money.

Relationships between providers and clients Can be tough when you have known each other for a long time and care about each other and I experience this as well sometimes it can be hard to know where that line is. I see a couple mistakes on both sides though... For instance if I was her I would have either said sorry but I can't go through with this appointment immediately or toughed it out and did what I have to do. I've had days that clients have rubbed me the wrong way and reminded me of certain things that I don't want to think about and was not in a good mind state to work yet I kept my promise and still went through with my appointment..... but honestly it's really hard to say what you both could have done differently... It's a shame that you all ended up spending that many hours together and it sounds like she trusts you and knows that you care about her so she was comfortable with spending time and letting you know that she just couldn't go through with it.  

1, you could have offered her half or 1/4 or a fraction of her usual rate.  tbh you actually did spend time with her and providers charge for their time.  it's kind of your fault for letting it go on as far as it did w/o establish parameters.

When we send a consultant to a Client to provide services and our consultant isn't able to accomplish his mission we don't charge for our consultant's time

Playing the "all about the sex" card is a cheap shot! I can understand she was having a bad day, but I've been on the other end of this (in short, a longtime regular complaining that I was "all about the money" when he wanted a free visit) and I was livid. Now, I have also been in a situation where I showed up to visit a regular and was unable to follow through with the sex. I told him that I expected no money and apologized profusely. He gave me the full amount anyway (knowing at the time I could definitely use it) and you bet your ass I made it up to him.  

Well I certainly don't think she needs to apologize for not being able to "perform" given the circumstances. For those that believe I should have said or done something about setting parameters earlier on in the date - how could I have gone about doing that with out coming off as a cold hart-ed bastard? It seems to me if I had said in the first 30 minutes or so something to the effect of it doesn't look like it is going to happen you should probably just go I come across as not caring about her at all when it was clear she need some emotional support. just trying to understand how I could have done that under the circumstances.

Once she gets herself settled, the loss of that twice a month paycheck will start to sting.  If she was crass enough to ask for the money, she cares only about the money.

Very insightful post!  Bravo.  Agree completely.  Clearly there is a line between what we consider "business" and what sometimes turns out to be some form of common ground, depending upon the two parties involved.  Clearly the service exchanged here can be of an intimate nature, so that brings with it a dynamic of its own.  Having said that, depending upon the two people involved, that common ground can turn into, mutual attraction, some degree of friendship, an exchange of affection, or.........

Words to live by......lol

challenge.  When faced with similar situations, how do we find a tactful/diplomatic way of turning this into a win-win situation for all.  If both parties are above board and relatively open-minded, there must be a way.  We live and we learn.  This is especially important because you still wanted to maintain a professional (?) relationship with her.

A year or so ago, a provider i'd seen before showed up in the throes of a full-blown panic attack. This is a dicey situation to find yourself in. Im convinced that she was utterly willing to go through with a "normal" session, but recognized that even attempting to do so could put her in a worse condition that could turn out very badly for me (this was my self-interested thought at the time). I also recognized that what a person experiencing a panic attack needs is a sense that she's alright, and the situation is alright, and that everything is going to turn out alright (my non-professional asessment at the time of how I'd like to be dealt with, if i was feeling that distressed).

between Expected and his lady-friend. He was offering money for certain expected services, not just hours.  She didn't provide said services and she shouldn't expect to be paid.

In hindsight (being 20/20 and all) maybe I should have just given her the money and told her that I thought it would be fair that we rescheduled when she got back from her trip for our original plans at no cost. I just don't know. Also, I don't know that it matters but the fee was laying in the bathroom were I always put it for our dates so after thinking about it some more she could have just walked in the bathroom and taken it but made a point in asking for it instead. Of course if she would have done that I still would have felt it was wrong but I wouldn't have physically stopped her from doing so (just not who I am). I don't know I have a lot to think about after reading these comments.

She sounded like her mind was not in the right place from the previous appt and she needed a friend. You were her next appt and became that friend. You were a gentleman in that aspect. I've had an appt before with a regular where it turned out he just needed a friend and talked with me the whole session. Yes I did charge him. That was my time. But in this you listened and were charged ? I don't think that's right. It's not your responsibility. It is p4p. You are still a client. So it was either she charge you to play or not to be a friend.

You insight to the situation is spot on. My only comment is Expected could have prefaced the stay with a comment like "I understand how you feel. Tonight will be friends, not business". and proceed from there.

... with a 3-year ATF relationship:  You recognize she needed someone to console her. You do that, because she's more to you  than just a body you pay for sex.  You spend 4 hours together--twice the agreed time. When she leaves, you give her the donation for the 2 hours you agreed to. She thanks you but tells you to keep it, because you were a big help to her and you didn't have anything close to a normal session. But you insist she take it, because otherwise she has no income for that evening and you did get something out of the 4 hours you spent with her.  She's very appreciative, gives you a big hug and kiss, and tells you she'll make it up to you somehow when she returns from her triip.

she now sees you more as a boyfriend than as a client, and this is understandable.  It's one of the downfalls of seeing a provider exclusively for such a long period.  I very much doubt she would have given you this attitude if you were someone she was meeting for the first time.

And she doesn't want to have anything to do with you.

What if she had taken the money and run, moved to another state.  You'd be posting a different story.

...and sooner rather than later.

-- Modified on 8/26/2016 4:25:18 PM

You know you did right by someone. I think he had the right not to pay, and she shouldn't have asked. But taking care of a person in need is always the right thing to do. I likely would have paid.

sorry to say that,just be honest,she don't love you,and you should pay.end of story

Good for you for recognizing the long term benefits of being so understanding and frankly a smart man!

I would have paid her for the original amount of time scheduled. Take the high road and then move on. Prostitution and feelings don't mix well.

But the rightness or wrongness escapes me. I don't think there is a right or wrong, Lisa Lang and NoYellowEnvelope gave you  a way to look at it. She "shouldn't" have asked and you "should" have offered. But shouldn't or should've to what end? I don't think anything went "wrong," but the experience you had was not what you had hoped or planned for, but you had a meaningful experience. That's not a very smart way of summing it up, but it's the best I can do.

Assuming your past history with her revealed no signs of mental illness, given that she was your ATF, you should have no problem having a frank discussion with her about the substandard session.  Let her suggest a remedy, and if she doesn't then you suggest one.  Since that window of opportunity has passed, I would recommend staying away for awhile and when she contacts you and tells you she misses you, take the moment to tell her that because she wasn't all there for your last session of four hours, it seemed like only two hours for you.  This will lead her to the suggestion that she will reimburse you by comping two hours on your next four-hour session, a reasonable outcome.

The provider didn't want to perform. The OP didn't get any sex out of the deal, even though that's why they met.  

...

It sounds like any misunderstanding of the relationship that's developed land squarely on the shoulders of the client. In her mind, she showed. She stayed. She offered a hand job that was turned down. Regardless of anything else, she's looking to get paid. No blurred lines or misunderstanding of the relationship in her eyes. Sounds like a reality check of the relationship just got served.

I've become friends with a couple of regular clients over the years and it does throw up all kinds of dilemmas that don't appear out in the 'real' world. Personally in this situation I would have put my feelings about a previous client to one side and focused on this booking to the best of my ability, or if I felt completely terrible I would have pulled out and asked to reschedule.
I certainly can't see a situation where I'd expect consolation and comforting from a client for a few hours and then turn around and demand my fee from him. As someone said above, the bottom line is that this is business - it's P4P and a lot of people on both sides seem to forget that when it suits them to do so.  
I'm not sure you can repair this now, as both people seem hurt and have lost trust and respect for the other because of this evening. You may have to accept that this 'relationship' may never be the same now.

You both are very kind hearted guys  Most people do have really down days as it sounds like this woman did.  I think she would have tried to make it up to you but now you've probably lost that chance. She absolutely should have offered something if you had paid her
Sometimes,  some people just need some understanding. I've had somewhat situation happen to me  ( I had lost my father) and the guy was so sweet and still payed me. I ended up grandfathering him in for 4 hours at my 2hr rate I was so appreciative of him being there for me good deeds do come back around ya know.  We are all only human honey.  
Maybe you could reach out to her and offer a make up appointment if you value her like you said?  
Honestly,  this is really such a complicated situation and hope you both can work it out.  
XOXO
TL

I walked into the session, and the lady was in tears. It seems that her client real life boyfriend had just stiffed her, in the wrong way. Didn't keep all those promises, and she was a mess. We spent hours talking. Making love wasn't even a thought.  

For the op, you have/had what civvies would call a relationship whether you acknowledge it or not.  At that point p4p with her does not mean independence; it means interdependence.   Interdependence is great but it's important to know what the other person needs and be there in whatever way you have to if you want to stay in it.  

and she should be paid for 4 hours??? - seriously?!?!

which I believe it was...  and he acted as a gentleman...  he should not have to pay for the privledge of doing so.
If she did this on purpose, we'd universally condemn it as a SCAM.  (Promising higher services but reluctantly offering only a HJ.)

She is a provider you are a stack of $100's to her. She could give a damn about you.

Hell no she shouldn't be paid for four hours!  I said "In her mind". In other words the relationship he thought they had...probably never was

...have crossed the line by being exclusive with her and developing feelings for her but she demonstrated that she doesn't give a damn about you.  Her being upset at the other guy is no excuse for asking you for her donation.

in the end, this is what many call it, p4p?, all provider on here mention on their website that you paid for their time, no money is exchange for sex.

He had been seeing her for a few years, and had spent tens of thousands with her. You're correct that if she was planning to leave town, her motivation could have been to scam him - unconcerned with future income considerations. I suspect the likelihood of this is exceptionally low. You forgot the possibility that she was simply tired of seeing him - a fair number of providers appreciate the variety in sex partners that the hobby inherently provides. Based on how much he'd spent with her, they've seen each other 50 to 100 (or more) times. Again, a low probability that that put her in a mood to "take" him, but a better probability that she found his response particularly hurtful in the situation due to it. Most likely she found it hurtful because they were in a trusting & productive professional relationship, and as a consequence, well, you fill in the blanks.

Of girls contacting them after/between bookings asking for 'loans' or for hotel rooms to be paid for, or for money for medical expenses etc etc. I earn decent money from doing my job well, as do many of my clients, and I would never, not once, ask a client for extra money on top of my rate for seeing him, no matter how long we've been seeing each other, especially if he was a valued friend/regular date.
If we want to be taken seriously as professional companions/providers, whatever you call yourself, this isn't the way to do it. There are girls working in shops/cafes/factories making in a week what some of us charge for a couple of hours. Do they call random guys and ask for money?
Contrary to popular belief there are lots of decent hard working guys out there who'd help a gal out with cash in a heartbeat - doesn't mean we should be taking their money though :/  
This girl pretty much did this by demanding her payment at the end of what wasn't even a proper session as it turned out.
I agree with you Lisa.

1. dozen years ago: On a few occasions, a regular I was seeing and I finished and I paid her after which I asked if she wanted to join me for dinner.  In each case it was after the close of business. She said yes, we had dinner, no additional money changed hands.
2. Dozen years ago: On a few occasions, a regular would visit NYC for a few days. I had a great apartment a short taxi rise from the airport. The first time she asked if she could arrive at my place late her last night, sleep over, and get a ride early the next AM to the airport.  A pleasure. Peck on the cheek, tea when she arrived, slept in separate rooms, coffee waiting in the am, ride to the airport.  She did this twice more. Favor by me, no service, no money.
3, Decades ago: Traveling in Europe on a lecture tour with a provider; of course paid all expenses and her fee for the week. Supposed to leave from Paris for home early Friday am.  She asked if we could extend the trip for a week end in London.  She made it clear she would expect no added fee. I paid all added expenses. I did also pay for some shopping in London.
Any other time: her time, my money no matter what we did.
I have never had a relationship like that where I saw only one provider. Hard  to put myself in that place. I am not sure what I would have done in this circumstance.  
Too bad an apparently good relationship may be ended over a misunderstand about money.

so a transaction is on the table.  what  you needed to do what (tactfully) mention something about it.

you did nothing wrong in my opinion.  I realize this is P4P but her behavior is inappropriate and although you are hurting it is best to stay away from her given her true colors.   I feel for you.  Take solace that there are plenty of women who will treat you better.

For all that drama you may as well have dated a civilian.  

That's what a gentleman does. Nice to know they still exist.

Just providing a different perspective and scenario.  I think you did the right thing, and I get in those modes where I've been taken advantage of a number of times because of my good nature.  I get tired of it, and go into the FU mode.  Then I read stories like yours and yellow envelope and think its better to take the high road.  Its difficult as i get older.

She was all about the money....

Over the 6 years I saw her...  a lot of drama would pop up when I was with her.  Many times we took time to talk & make her feel better...  she wasn't otherwise able.   Often her sessions were off, due to her emotional state.  She NEVER suggested I pay her & skip the agreed session.
   
On one such occasion, we were just getting nekid when her sister calls...  apparently her sister was subleasing an appartment & just stopped paying...  the landlord was after the Fav.  I got up, to give her some privacy & she shouted after me "Where do you think you are going?"  I lied & just said "bathroom" but it was very uncomfortable & I was wishing I could slip away.  An hour later, we got back into bed...    

Thank you for all the responses.

She should have offered a reach-around.

if she was there longer it's on her.

for the massage and emotional therapy you provided.