I missed her answers - was anybody listening that day?
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Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your radio show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advise from you, however, regarding some of the specific Bible laws and how to follow them.
a)When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b)I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She's 18 and starting University. Will the slave buyer continue to pay for her education by law ?
c)I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
d)Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? ......Why can't I own Canadians?
e)I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should this be a neighborhood improvement project ?
f)A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
g)Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? Would contact lenses help ?
h)Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
i)I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
j)My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
This has been making its way around the Internet for years.
I didn't mean to imply that it was original - I just thought it was funny
Mea Culpa.
While humorous, it is not quite as poignant as it could be. It really lacks depth by not discussing the NEW Testament. I am certainly no theologian but wasn't there some repudiation in the new testament that makes some of the tribal customs that were incorporated in the early bible invalid? Now if you criticized those religions more closely aligned with the old testament era teachings then you would really have something here. But alas, I think Dr. Laura is a self-proclaimed born-again Christian and therefor, while humurous this is not really on point!
So the old testament stuff obtains.
She was Christian, she converted to Judaism, hence 'born again jewish.'
but it's a message we need to remind ourselves of every now and then. Oh and don't forget the sin of marrying someone of a different religion--I forget if the punishment is death or something simple such as blinding.
Well, I'm Mexican and am pretty much spoken for by my wife but she may be open to renting me out. Regarding Canadians, I think its not that you can't own them but that you don't want to - they smuggle those damn pesky quarters and don't really have much to offer (although I do like Rush). I on the other hand make a mean taco and can do yard work (oh, and I come with my own lawn mower and leaf blower).
So, pm me if you want me to ask my master if she'll rent me out.
I was raised a preachers daughter (and yes everything they say about us is true, but that's not my point here.) I left the church because of this type of thinking or lack there of. I find it amusing as well as scary, because I know people who try and condone their prejudice and hate toward those who may not live and think the way they think. As well as use God and the Bible to validate their hypocrisy, intolerance and hatred of others who chose to live a lifestyle that may be different from theirs. I think I will send this to my Father.
Well, maybe not, but here is some more about the now infamous letter:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp
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