just got a nasty email from a friend that walked away from ME over a month ago because I didn't tell her 1st I was moving on Nov. 5th. Somehow...she found out what I'm doing here...believe me it's a NASTY letter...where she belittles me, and JUDGES my lifestyle. To top it off...she askes (with a BIG ASS SMILE) How my DAD would like to know what his little girl is doing. This woman has hurt me time and time again, and I have been there for her through EVERYTHING! BUT...I'm not sitting in front of the computer visible to her showing her I am HOME and WAITING to hear from HER. She never answers her IM, I tried calling her a few times, but she never picks up the phone, and she turns this way around making it sound like I WASN'T THERE for her because I was out being a WHO**! My heart is bleeding now because of her words...and hurt that she would even threaten to hurt my family like this. How do I HANDLE this??? I already sent her an E-Mail back telling her how DARE she JUDGE ME! SHE...an abused woman who frequents SEX and Dating sites, and Lashes out at her friends, judgeing them...and she feels like she NEVER does anything wrong! I don't want to stop doing this, but don't want to endanger my family either. Do I turn my website off for a time? help...im so lost here...




-- Modified on 10/31/2007 6:10:59 PM

It sounds like your friend is lashing out at you because she's hurt. Mind you, that's no reason for her to treat you that way she has and to threaten your family. I cannot tell you what to do, but if it were me I'd have a talk to her, explain that I didn't appreciate her remarks and that perhaps you should move on with other friendships. Her miserable life can destroy your life. If friends like these need "misery loves company," then let her find another friend who can share her experiences with her and not you.

Perhaps she was striking out at you due to hurt feelings. We all make mistakes, and I showed that I can get angry too. Call her and straighten this out. Then, if you still feel the way you do, do not be friends with her anymore. If you feel like you shouldn't even talk to her, then perhaps it's best to end it now and not give her any more reasons to blast you. I doubt she'd tell your family. If you're truly worried about it, then take a breather with your website for awhile. With friends like this, who needs enemies?

Hugs,
Ciara

Walk away from her and don't look back. Keep doing what you enjoy doing. If the shit hits the fan - but it usually doesn't - be prepared to deal with it. You shouldn't have become involved with her in the first place. I know whereof I speak. Good luck. -e

This is not a friend. Don't let her and her mean tactics ruin your life. She is not allowing you to talk to her so just let her be.

- Don't give her fuel for action. Distance yourself emotionally and physically from her
- Hope she is just giving empty threats.
- Be prepared and plan for the worst i.e. her telling your family
- Reflect and be a better judge of friends in future. Forgive, don't forget
- Learnt to love yourself. This includes not putting up with friends who hurt you in any way. I give friends/ clients two chances. After that, I move on quickly.
- Take it one day at a time.
- Remember: she is not worth you or your friendship

You can handle this. You are made of stronger stuff than you realise. Treat this as a time of learning and moudling of your strength.

Diana,

I'm afraid that I can't offer the full range of advice that a provider who better understands the stigma that you may face.  But let me offer a few things you can think about.

In these kinds of situations it is best not to escalate, but to try and understand why your friend feels you have abandoned her.  I'm of the view that her threats are intended to get your attention.  To use a cliche; they are a cry for help.  When you say that she frequents sex and dating sites, it seems like there may be a common ground to reach her because it seems to indicate that she is not repulsed by your chosen profession.  I also think this is the kind of thing that needs to be dealt with face to face.  IMs, e-mails, even phone calls can lead to people misinterpreting each other.

As far as the website and your concerns regarding your family.  Turning your website off might be a good idea as would deleting any CL or escort mall ads.  It is common for providers to re-invent themselves, and many do not show their faces in their ads.  You can just abandon your existing TER handle and start again if you believe your friend knows about TER.  Your inner beauty is readily apparent in your posts.  This small setback will have a minor temporary impact in your career if you choose to continue.  As far as family is concerned, I find lies very painful, but sometimes it must be done.  Your friend appears to be losing it and that should be apparent to anyone she sends her rants to.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult situation.

Get on with your life.... why should her opinion matter??  Sounds like she is not a very nice person... I would just walk away- not mad or angry - but just get away... you are not going to change either her-  or her mine and opinion of you.

Most forget... sex is a part of the human condition...  it is natural... and highly healthy if done correctly.

It may be a cry for help like you suggest or she may be really pissed off. I mean, there was already hostility in this relationship as I read what Diana wrote. And then for this good close friend to discover a side of Diana that she never knew about? You gotta admit, that can be shocking news to hear about someone you felt you knew intimately. The friend may feel a betrayal of sorts. That's not to say Diana did in fact betray her but I can see someone having that reaction.

Threatening to expose Diana further is evidence of real anger to me-- and perhaps a vindicativeness that would cause me to question the real value of maintaining that relationship.

There is obviously a lot more to this story than we know or probably should know. But based on what Diana has shared, I'd be careful about using email or IM's to hash this out. The forward email icon is easy to use and awfully tempting for someone who wants to share with others your own words admitting to the very things you are trying not to share-- my 2 cents and it's worth less than that.


-- Modified on 10/31/2007 7:59:40 PM

I would turn your website off for a while and change your TER handle. PM everyone here privately, and tell them of the change.

If she tells the rest of your family, you may have to go UTR, until things blow over.

That woman was NOT your friend. No sane person would act like she has.

Treat her like the poisonous person that she is....and distance yourself from her.

I know exactly how you feel. I had a similar incident like yours happen to me nearly a year ago.

After I started in the hobby, all my "friends" turned their backs on me, quite coldly...acting as if I was a dirty bit*ch.

I am EXTREMELY careful about whom I associate with. I have NO civilian friends...and that's fine with me.

Best advice you can get on this site. Jade we have a date in Chicago when you tour here...

What kind of pathetic person lashes out like a little child?


She's how old again?  (I'm sure she's older than 25)


Don't let her twist shit around...  flip it back into exactly what it is -  HER being hurt, and then responding like this.

THAT is what's ugly and shameful.

Put HER on the defensive, not you.  


That's how I'D handle it anyways...........

you should think carefully with a few trusted friends to advise you.   You should think in terms like military analysis, ie not what you think she MIGHT intend, but what she CAN do.

Once a person threatens you like that, you can't trust her again.  Plan accordingly.   It will take lots of careful, cold & clear thought.

Do NOT show her your hand.

She is 50 years old, a victim of childhood sexual abuse by her father, mother stood aside and did not help, so her folks are out of the picture.
She has regressed her past...and it is coming out bits at a time. Someone sent me this link, It is 95% ALL HER! Im not here in front of the computer, she HAS to know where who when how long and why. I went to a party at a local sports bar, was flirting with this guy, and ready to take him home...she gives me the riot act like I AM BETTER THAN HIM...IM BETTR THAN CASUAL SEX! I look at her...and I felt to little then. Like a kid. I have been there for her while she went thru her episodes of remembering, the crying, the pain of the past flooding back to haunt her...I just can't go thru the verbal abuse anymore. Walking on eggshells always afraid i might say something the wrong way. or she take it the wrong way. Im thru explaining myself to her.
She sent another one of our mutual friends the link to my website. Beth called me up, asking me if it was true. I was honest and told her YES!
She said she is no one to judge, and she is there for me if i needed her. She hates when people have to gossip and cause drama like this.
I gave this woman so much of my time, my concern, my heart. I felt for her so deeply. She has no idea what she is doing to me. And she still tells my other friends...u know i still luv her. RIGHT!
I have since turned my website off for now, and blocked all her email. i don't want to hear or see her vicious words, and even sent her that abuse link below. I hope she reads it and recognises herself in the link. Until she does, she will never heal.

If I were you I would NOT chase her down to apologize for the choices you make in your life . I would not feed into what she wants you to feed into .
Who cares if she judges you ? Does she pay your bills ? chances are she is  just manipulating your brain and heart and will NOT go to your family . If you give her what she wants this means she has control over you .
Do you want your friend or anyone for that matter to have control over your choices in life ?

Another thing , if she is in an abusive relationship then she is acting out the only way she knows how to. This is stil NO excuse for her actions . Sounds like some HIGH school  DRAMA to me ..
As long as you allow her to control and manipulate you  ...she will  continue doing so and you will continue being hurt and sad ..

Remember "Misery loves company" . This one sounds like her life is miserable and she wants to bring you down so that she might feel better .. Dont let anyone pull you down when you are up !

Only my experience and my .02

Layla

always eliminate the negative influences.

And always turn to the postitive ones, such as your friends here.

My blessings upon you for a more postive future.

Diana, first let me say that I wish you well.  I've known a few ladies that have been outed to family or friends.  In one particular case, the lady ended up relieved that she no longer needed to hide it from family, and it also dis-armed the person trying to cause her pain.

In any event, it's a shame that people can't just let others be and live as they want.  I hope it works out for you.

Borderline PD is a serious form of emotional disturbance/ mental illness and needs competent professional attention... she must see a therapist who has training to manage a BPD client... she cannot regulate her emotional responses, probably requires both appropriate medication and individual therapy. This is way out of your ballpark.

Here's some of the 'self righteous' getting their come-upn's.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071101/ap_on_re_us/funeral_protests;_ylt=Avv_.syW9mAltekzOYApm11g.3QA

sounds pretty close to extortion, which is a pretty serious felony.  I'm not sure, but I don't think that it always has to be a case of demanding money or other tangibles in order to make it stick.

I hope your friend is reading this and realizes that such threats can land her ass in trouble if she follows through on them.

(still not a lawyer)

But unless her "friend" is asking for something else besides that Diana quit her profession, she unfortunately has broken no laws.

It is the legal(not moral) equivalent of telling your pot smoking friend to stop doing drugs or you will tell his parents. The only laws being broken here are by us, that is if any of us were telling the truth. From what I understand everything written here, is a work of fiction.

Thanks everyone for your advice.
Cleaning house as Love Goddess has suggested.
I will be reading the boards here, but I'm nt going to post any more after today.
Gotta figure out how to change a few things with my website, and will let you know when I come bak. BELIEVE ME...you will know when I do, WHO I am. ~winks~
If anyone has website knowledge and can lend a bit of help, I am up for it.
gigglessss......even some cute little pet names would get my mind a racin.

Please PM me for contact info if you haven't already added me to your address book.
Yall have a good weekend, and will be in touch!
xoxo
Lolli~POP~