and when I was in my late 20's and early thirties I often wondered why all of these married women were so available... and it persists for reasons I am sure are consistent when the lady mentioned in the UK mail article... It's likely universal too. Does familiarity breed contempt? Me thinks so and when I review those times,I felt sorry for them because they often chose to stay in a sexless, lifeless, and boring marriage.
-- Modified on 1/25/2008 8:53:17 PM
It's all about variety, and she just proves it. Perhaps she should find her a good male provider and keep her marriage. She obviously loves her husband, like any other family member....she's just not "in love" with him anymore".
But, that's just me! 
m-
look like in another 10 years when she begins her sexual odyssey - presumably with her suitcase of vibrators...
Personally, I think she simply sounds incredibly selfish - and naive. While she doesn't use any words that place blame, it seems clear from her words that she thinks her lack of sexual satisfaction lies not with her, but with poor unloved Hal, hence her desire to begin a "sexual odessy" once the hatchlings have left the nest.
I got news for her. Her sexual odessy will likely be a voyage of disappointment if she doesn't come to realize that she is in charge of her own pleasure and satisfaction. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned at a fairly young age (sexually speaking of course) was that I am in charge of my own orgasm. Seriously.
The gentleman certainly provides the catalyst but it still comes down to my sensuality, my openness and willingness to be satisfied. Sensuality and eroticism is a two way street, and it takes both partners to contribute toward a fulfilling and enjoyable relationship, especially over the long term.
Sure, I have had some sexual experiences that were essentially duds. Who hasn't? Sometimes the chemistry just wasn't there, or other issues make truly enjoying the experience impossible. But if she had enough chemistry to enjoy sex with her husband when they were younguns, there is no reason why a little bit of openness, some creativity, and willingness can't keep the fires going. Of course, blaming one partner for the lack of sexual satisfaction pretty much guarantees that none of the above will help. Pity more women don't get that.
But what the hell do I know? I've never been married 
She didn't even talk to her "husband" about this problem, or that she wrote the book. Sorry, if that was my wife, she'd be divorced.
Not so surprising--going out began for me when she said---"This (sex) is just to personal" just after her orgasm. Since then, using the same courting and attention I gave her, me and my partners (civvie and..) have mutually rocked. Still with my SO, still love her, and will be with her forever-still bring flowers and unexpected presents.
Hell, It's been at least 6 mos since my wife has bothered to even consider sex. She's tired, not feeling well, period or some other excuse. I have about given up even trying. I know she's going to be surprised when I tell her I want a divorce but that's what I'm seriously thinking about. Not just because of the sex but also I guess I'm tired of being a bank and getting nothing in return.
I'll tell you this though...Hal is a better man than I. Were I in married to her she'd be out the door yesterday.
about what women are looking for when they get married. What do they think marriage is going to bring to them? I don't understand it.. and of course, I've never been married.
I am one of the extreme Gemini women who constantly need two men in any given relationship duration. If I am seeing one man for stability, partnership, family, and commitment... I need to have a totally different man to keep me sexually stimulated, alive, excited, and passionate.
Hence, I've had only one long term relationship which lasted 6 years, with me having one affair after the other, and ending with me feeling so claustrophobic and tied down I couldn't even stand to sleep in the same bed with him.
I never understood marriage. It seems so backward.
Maybe some girls were just made for the provider life-style.
I think it comes down to finally admitting that there really is no one man who can satisfy all of my needs. And to expect that from one man would be asking way too much of him.
I've heard it said that really successful marriages go through a series of annulments and re-marriages. Meaning, that each person becomes a different person with different needs, dreams and fantasies, after a period of time. When that occurs, each person needs to admit that they require something more or different, and be able to hear that the other person is no longer getting what they need from them, without getting too defensive. Both people have to take the risk of sitting down and putting all of this on the table, and try to re-negotiate a new relationship, if they can. They might not be able too. In the marriages that succeed, each person comes away with an assurance that they will get their needs met by the other, or have the acceptance, by the other, that their needs can be met in another relationship or context. It takes allot of guts for each person to be that open and transparent, especially when there are children involved. Good couples counseling is about helping couples go through this process as safely as possible. It's truly amazing how many relationships break up, and often with huge emotional and financial devastation, with out trying to get, or failing to receive good couples counseling.
Obviously many men are here because they are not getting any sex at home (those that are married). Some of us are though, perhaps not as often as we would like but sometimes once per week outside of flu season and hectic work schedules. When my wife was at her most hot and attractive, we were raising our kids and it is true, we were both exhausted, but for her, it did wipe out her libido. I started to hobby then because I did not want to fall in love with someone else but just need to release some sexual tension. My wife never has found out, but then I wonder. When I bring home new techniques I have 'learned' from the hobby, my wife responds well. In turn, she changes the cut of her hair, or seduces me when she has just tried on a new sexy dress. A kind of role playing which freshens things up. I make an effort to dress nicely for her and be clean. And while she is no longer a 9 in looks (at least to other men I guess although to me she is still beautiful), she is a 10++++ in bed. When she was younger, she was more frigid in bed. I am not saying this to brag but to simply reassure some that marriage is not sexless by definition, but it is a continual seduction.
One other advice I received which did re-ignite things. Avoid seeing each other naked all the time. Close the door to the bathroom. Men...pass gas in private! Mind your manners at the table...continue to open the door for her...in other words, treat your wife with gentlemanly behavior. Candles, wine...c'mon, it is not too much effort now is it?
Last-last bit of advice--buy some lubricants. My wife did admit to me that sometimes it hurt to make love because she was not as lubricated as she was when we were in our 20's and 30's. Now it is all part of the fun which has only improved.
Irony of ironies...I hobby less than I used to but have more sex with my wife than I did 10 years ago.
But then as we say in this hobby, YMMV.
