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Save you money?
TRIPLEm 915 reads
posted

Alex101, watch what you say. Some girls are not that cheap :-) .....actually I never pay for everything while on a real life date outside of this hobby. It usually is dutch and that IS the way it should be. If a girl wants me to pay for everything, I move on. I am open and upfront about it too. I kind of tease them about it. Seems to work. After all women work, they should be able to pay their half. But also I am not always out JUST for sex which the girl thinks is her golden ticket to free things. I don't need it that badly. I can go on and on about this but I'll stop here.

ramza3289 reads

I am still kind of new to TER and the hobby but I have always been fascinated with it and a regular with porn since I was about 14.  Anyway, I am a practical thinker and the hobby makes so much sense.  But, through most of my life; dating just seems silly and a game.  And a futile waste of energy (for some people).  In highschool, it is fun; you hang out with the guys, go out to a party and hit on women. Sometimes you meet somebody, sometimes you don't.  You were young, it was fun.  As an adult, young adult; the regular way of things seem so complicated.  It is so hard to get your friends together on the same schedule and then it is so difficult to meet new, random people and there is the process of dating only to be possibly rejected.

Sure, there is a love aspect; but what if one person is into it, but the other isn't.  Then resentment and loathing set in.

Am I wrong here?  I don't mind dating, but the hobby seems just less complex than regular way of things.

And, are you into casual dating and how have you gone about that?

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denverdon27571446 reads

Don't try to substitute this hobby for a regular relationship.  Relationships are tough, but they offer benefits in emotional fulfillment, etc that you will never be able to duplicate here.  This is about sex, don't try to make it something it isn't.

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ramza836 reads

You are right.  I guess I was over-simplifying the process on both sides.  And, yes I am close to 30, not yet though.

But, I wish the game (as I like to call it) made sense.  A regular relationship is fun.  But, there are just some things in dating that just boggle the mind.  Maybe it is just me.

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BizzaroSuperdude791 reads

and have never been married.... Please, gather enough world and social experiences... so that you do not get lost in the "hobby" without the understanding and ability to back away and realize what it is... you can be played, or you can play others... sometimes without even realizing it..


As another has said, this is no substitute for the joys of normal dating...  and while i truly enjoy this hobby, there are things that I truly miss of a normal life...  

I keep some remnants of the normal life... and on Father's day, I am truly glad that I am one....


Don't escape the joys of a complicated civie life... they are there.  see my musings below!  they may help put this caution in perspective.  And Evelynn - wherever you are, I wish you great happiness- on this Father's Day!

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frostyballz1245 reads

LOL...hey BSD....Why do you assume that ?

Other than that, some good advice IMO :)

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frostyballz1896 reads

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metalman4u696 reads

How about

1) Get Married

2) Date Civvies

and

3)  Hobby.

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frostyballz512 reads

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TRIPLEm3486 reads

Some of you are forgetting that there are some people that DON'T want relationships for whatever reason. Personally I casually date more than use this hobby, but I have played in the hobby a few times and will continue to do that until I decide when I want to leave the hobby.

1. The hobby is just that. Don't read anything into what a provider gives you physically. They have their own lives. And no matter what others say about providers wanting relationships with them don't believe it for a second. This is a business plain and simple.

2. Date casually more than you use this hobby for actual relationships. I love to. Sure as guys we get turned down so, so many times but if you never try you will never know. And if you are thinking of replacing this hobby with actual real life relationships you are in for a rude awakening. I say if your self esteem is low, work on that first, and then start slow in the dating scene. Pick girls that you feel you can talk to and go from there. You need a mix of self confidence and good humor and you will do just fine.

3. Don't mix love with having sex. There are one night stands, casual flings, affairs, and this hobby. Never delude yourself into thinking there is more to it. 21st century here and now and times have changed. Sex does not mean love no matter how hot or passionate it gets. There IS MORE TO LOVE than sex. When you have the MORE, the sex is 10 times better and you will know it.

The question you need to ask yourself is what do you want out of a relationship? Answer that and I can be of more help.

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Alex101987 reads

I can't speak for the other guys here because we all have different reasons for being hobbyists. But the reason why I go to providers is because I am not getting any in my personal life. I'm 23 years old and I have no girlfriend, so the only way I get to have sex is to pay to be with a provider. So far, I have no luck in the dating/relationship department. I have asked women out to dates but all have turned me down. I would love to have a real sex life, the relationship, the romance, the whole nine yards...and plus it would save me money too(lol).

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BizzaroSuperdude1113 reads

Alex, I have read some of your other posts, you seem like a stand up guy... from a guy who is older - please listen to what I have to offer... it may help - and it cannot hurt.

First, if you are preoccupied with finding a girlfriend, you won't.  Everytime I have been in a situation where I have been "in search mode" - clean body, fresh breath... at ease but lookin' I have failed!

It seems that when I am not lookin' I find "what I am not looking for!"  even now when I am more than twice your age and the divorced father of two.

I would suggest the following... are there providers that you think of as friends?!  and they will need to be providers that you trust.  But arrange for a 4 hour "date" with them... Including you calling them to ask them out...

after the "date" - have them rate you.... everything, from your approach, your appearance, your "Smell" - your feet - - - everything.

You may pick up some pointers.  at 23 I do feel sorry that you have not or are not experiencing a true "girlfriend" - as it is wonderful...

As for the "Saving money" part, you are joking?  right?

Evelynn, thank you for my memories... they are great!

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Alex101619 reads

Thanks for your advice BizzaroSuperdude.

As for the provider being a friend thing and having them rate me...I have been with one provider several times, but I don't trust her enough to ask her to do that. And plus, there are some red flags in her personal life that makes me question her choices she made in her life already.

As an individual I have always been an introverted person. In high school I just kept to myself and was friends with only a handful of people. I liked girls, but never asked any out. I think this hurt me because I didn't learn the necessary dating/social skills.

It wasn't until college that I started asking girls out. I'm a senior now and I have asked about 7 girls out on dates and all have turned me down for whatever reasons(boyfriends, not into me, etc). Ever since the start of freshman year in college is has been an unsuccessful, frustrating, and disappionting experiences with getting dates, let alone, having a girlfriend/maintaining a relationship. Unforunately, the only female attention I get are from providers I pay to be with.

In terms of looks/personality...I think most people would probably say I'm average to ugly looking in the looks department. But, I do know how to dress nicely. My personality, I'm more quiet amd respectful. I'm very talkative once I'm comfortable with someone. I guess I'm just a weird person...

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TRIPLEm1515 reads

Alex101, I feel for ya guy. I use to be that way in high school until I got over it. And BS gave some good advice.

Alex, if you are not comfortable with girls but are more comfortable with talking to a guy I can maybe help a little. I go out a few times each week in the San Jose, San Francisco, Sacramento area. If you live around there let me know. Maybe if I take you out, show you how I approach women and talk to them, your confidence might boost a little. Also I am an average looking guy, not the best looking one out there and I have good luck.

Don't get me wrong though I do get turned down, but when you don't have high self esteem this hurts more than it should. Believe me I've been through it. Getting turned down now doesn't bother me which is one of the reasons why I have success, at least I believe this.

Well just wanted ya to know you have friends here too so, lift your chin up and go get them!

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ejs19611192 reads

Hey Alex,

I'm an average looking guy. I stand 6'1" tall and weigh about 270 lbs. When I was single and even now have found that women may not be attracted to me right away, but after becoming friends they find that I am a pretty cool guy. When I was single... and I would go to a dance club. See a table of women and ask Who would like to dance. After dancing with her... go back to the table and ask.. Who's next!!..  Don't let being turned down, get you too down...  P.S. Try going on a cruise...  I've had the most fun visiting the Carribean and Bahamas.

Take care man!! and hang in there...

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BizzaroSuperdude731 reads

I will never be a movie star.  An observation, I am comfortable walking in to a dance or other social gathering, confident that I will leave by myself.  Once you establish that, you may approach any woman... with ease.  It is ease that will allow you to charm... and once you charm the lady, well it does not get any better...

I am having to "Escort" my son through his early trials and tribulations with ladies (OK - he is 12, but tall for his age and curious)... rules - do I have rules... yup!  but I really want him to be comfortable with who he is!

I cannot count the # of times that gals have rebuffed me!  A lot... but occasionally things click...  Remember, Babe Ruth was not only the homerun king... he also was the strikeout king as well!

Keep tryin.... it does get easier with age.  If you were here, in philly, I would  have a gal or two for you.... all students!  And they go by who has a good time!  

-- Modified on 6/19/2006 8:39:52 PM

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BizzaroSuperdude1498 reads

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mrfisher1436 reads

a wonderful goddess who you should never let go of, or someone who doesn't really care one way or the other if they never see you again.

We are all imperfect, and having those imperfections pointed out can really, really hurt.

Think BS - would you answer truthfully to an ATF who asks you to criticize her love making skills?

Think American Idol, then multiply by 1000.

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BizzaroSuperdude1089 reads

There are some that I actually do trust... and when I need a reality check!  they help.  and yes, truth hurts... but the alternative is usually 1000000000 times worse...

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BizzaroSuperdude985 reads

Acquaintances are those who will tell you what you want to hear...

Friends are those who will tell you what you need to hear...

There is a difference... I have a LOT of acquaintances - and a few friends....

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CiaraPhx875 reads

Unfortunately, most men don't want to hear the truth in this business. However, you know me, I'll be gentle but I'm always honest. Wink!

Hugs,
ciara

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TRIPLEm916 reads

Alex101, watch what you say. Some girls are not that cheap :-) .....actually I never pay for everything while on a real life date outside of this hobby. It usually is dutch and that IS the way it should be. If a girl wants me to pay for everything, I move on. I am open and upfront about it too. I kind of tease them about it. Seems to work. After all women work, they should be able to pay their half. But also I am not always out JUST for sex which the girl thinks is her golden ticket to free things. I don't need it that badly. I can go on and on about this but I'll stop here.

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Alex1011464 reads

I understand the point people are trying to get across. I think I used the term "save money" too loosely. I meant it in a strict sense, where, I had to pay an escort 300 dollars just for an hour of her time. So, to put it crudely, I'm paying her 300 just to have her open her legs for me(I know its foul language, but I'm trying to make a point).

BUT, I understand the point others are making about saving money or "not" saving money when you date a normal girl. I know you have to take them out to dinner, buy them drinks at a bar, buy flowers, etc, so all this adds up and you end up paying a lot of money anyway, so your not actually saving money. And you have to this repeatedly during the dating stage, until she decides whether she wants you as a boyfriend.

I hope this put the saving money thing to rest....

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BizzaroSuperdude1110 reads

"fun presents" from time to time.... (not all the time) I do not try to give them legerie or other very personal items... but rather something that is uniquely me!  and I am unique!

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CiaraPhx951 reads

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