I would say it's highly uncommon.

I have found for ever exception there is another exception...

you obviously had something this woman was interested in. She is human and likes to relate to others, regardless of her working status... so take it as grace...

I have met all kinds... ones who want the $$$ and could give a rats ass is you were alive or dead... I have had women become friends who we have help eachother out  no strings...

I interviewed a woman for a class I was taking ans she poured her life story out to me... someday i hope she writes a book with what she started...

I have had my windshield smashed too...

so the only rule is there is no rule... Well except the golden rule... do unto others as you would..... live by that... and you may get by. (no guarentees!) lol

Re: OTC phone calls between providers & hobbyists ?

OTC phone calls can be nice. If I have time, I do indulge in this type of connection. I have found that it enhances the encounters! I especially like this when I see a hobbyist on a more routine basis (if there is a routine : )).

There are times that this type of interaction is inappropriate. I believe that it is inappropriate for to call up hobbyists, unless we agree on a time and date of the call. I feel that the same is true in the opposite direction, unless the hobbyist has emailed me and I am anticipating his call. Or, the last time we spoke, we agreed on the next time and date of a call.

Although allot of what I am saying sounds similar to business, we are both respecting each other's limits. I appreciate a hobbyist that knows a busy 'modern woman' is still soft and can indulge in her touch!

If you are looking at this from the Hardy perspective, then the phone conversations and E-mail correspondence would be strictly business. The entire discussion would be geared towards setting up and finalizing the date/time/location of the session. Period, end of discussion. I am not here, even with providers I have seen before, to waste her time on the phone shooting the proverbial breeze. Her time is money and should be respected. I am sure I have nothing of urgency that I need to say to a provider that can not be articulated to her once the session begins. Topics such as the New York Yankees, why it rains so much in Seattle and whether history has looked kindly or too harshly upon the James Polk presidency can be reserved for the 10-15 minutes of "get to know you " banter at the start of every meeting. I really don't need to call the lady beforehand to debate these and other issues.  
 
However, persepective #2, if a provider and client decide they enjoy talking to each other so much that they need to have lengthy discussions on the phone, that's their choice. If the provider allows her time to be taken up with hours of conversation then she has made that decision and doesnt consider it a waste of time.  

However, I am sure this "off the clock" banter is reserved for very few clients. I'd venture to guess that most providers will want to keep their phone discussions strictly business, even with their regular clients.
 

-- Modified on 11/8/2007 1:15:53 PM

-- Modified on 11/8/2007 1:44:38 PM

I"ve never had off the clock phone conversations that didn't deal with upcoming appointments. Aside from the confirmation calls that have included some friendly conversation, I would guess that providers are busy with their own personal lives and don't have a lot of time to chat with clients.  If those kinds of calls happen, that's great. But I certainly don't expect them to happen, and am not insulted that they don't.

I've had some off the clock email conversations that didn't directly involve upcoming appointments, but those are a little different because a person can reply to those when it is convenient for them.

Runningman

-- Modified on 11/7/2007 2:47:19 PM

Providers are people too and sometimes they just hit it off with a guy who happens to be a client as well. Trust is a huge issue to overcome but once it is established anything is possible.
The key to this working is the maturity level of both people involved. Some guys will try to un-hook the money train when a lady initiates OTC convo and that is generally not what she is looking for.

I dont mind OTC calls considering Im not busy doing "civilian" things and the conversation can be picked up once Im done.  

Then there are those that call, who has yet to set an appointment...and never do.  Just talk, talk, talk...and never set an appointment and get all pissy when I stop taking their calls.

Once a client is esatblished, then OTC calls are cool.  Just dont expect me to sit for hours and talk...because when Im not "working" Im tending to my "real" life...you know, that thing we DO have too??  LOL

I dislike the attitude that I should be required or somehow obligated to have OTC conversations, whether phone email or IM. When you book with a doctor, you don't demand to talk with him for half an hour and decide if you like him before booking. You book the appointment and then decide whether you are satisfied with his services and demeanor. Of course, I think in an industry like this, a little personal contact is important, if not required. That is why I answer all emails myself and would never hire a secretary or an agency. I like to get a feel for my clients, and I'm sure they like to get a feel for me, before our appointment. Still, getting a feel for someone during the booking process is different from demanding a chunk of their time by your own standards. I'm often a slight bit bothered when a gent says, "I won't see a lady unless I can talk with her on the phone for twenty minutes," or  writes me a long non-business email, or even a business email, concluding with something like, "I really need a response today," or "please answer this first thing," and then has the audacity to unleash a fury upon me if I don't write back right away. I'm usually pretty good about emails, but things happen, and if I have a limited time, I would prioritize say a business email over non, or an established client over a new one.

If a hobbyist wants to spend time talking on the phone with a provider, it should be on the clock unless she suggest otherwise. In fact, I bet some ladies do offer this. Our time is our time. It's also similar to ladies/providers offering webcam services in addition to meeting face to face.

In this hobby, you should exercise caution when approaching off the clock, non- date related contact. An occasional friendly email is fine, but gauge her response and react accordingly. A phone call out of the blue is a bit more across the line than an email IMO, as a phone call infringes upon her time and her privacy, whereas an email gives her the option to continue the correspondence at her leisure. In general, let her initiate a correspondence- she will if she wants to correspond with you. I've talked to several ladies who have had excessive emails or calls from clients, and they've gone along with it for periods of time because they didn't want to offend or lose their business, but they often resented it or felt pressured. That's no excuse, and it's important to be assertive and set your own boundaries as a provider. That said, it's still a hobbyist's responsibility to acknowledge that while some ladies may engage in OTC communications, it is not an obligation, nor is it to be expected from each and every provider or given to each and every client.

I personally have had lengthy email exchanges with both strangers I've met on the boards and clients I see regularly. I prioritize business emails, so I don't always have time to respond right away, which they understand, but I always do respond, and respond thoroughly, and especially enjoy this exchange of ideas with others sparked by posts on the forums, or the exchange with hobbyists I see occasionally but who don't live near-by; it builds anticipation between visits and helps us stay up to date with one anothers' lives. That said, out of all my clients there are probably three that I engage in "above and beyond" email contact with, and never phone calls because I'm just not a phone person, and that would be crossing my personal boundaries. But of course, there is no hard and fast rule for any such situation, and some ladies may approach it differently than others.

In my personal life, my preferred way of engaging with people is via face to face time together (always preferred), or written letters/emails if that isn't always possible. Writing, for me, feels more natural in most circumstances than phone. It gives me time to think out what I want to say, and to keep the chain of back-and-forth going so you can look back on what was discussed and build on it. Phone conversations, talking to someone without seeing them and reading their body language, can be quite boring and leaves much to be desired, in my opinion. I've never understood those girls/women who stereotypically spend hours on the phone gabbing with friends or romantic interests. In addition, writing can be done at your convenience. I have a crazy schedule, and even my family and best friends in the world have commented how hard it is to get me on the phone. But I'm the kind of gal who always follows through when I make plans with someone, and who does her best to keep in touch with the people I love via email and even snail mail (I love getting and receiving letters). "I'm not always here when you call, but baby I'm always on time" is a quote I saw on one provider's site.. lol

What I find best, is incorporating some flirting and personal dialogue in all email or phone exchanges. For example, if you prefer phone calls as a provider and are on the phone booking an appointment, maybe take some extra time to talk about non-business things and chat about your day, if you have the time. Or with email, as is my preference, communicate more than just the basics. You can include a more personal dialogue or a joke or quote in a chain of emails that started with a business purpose, or communicate occasionally above and beyond the basics through sending follow-up thank you emails and the like. Most of my emails are pretty thorough, and I try to respond to every email I get unless it is disrespectful or improper. I think when it comes down to it, devoting time and energy into making your business communications go above and beyond what is standard/required, and of course going above and beyond in your performance during your actual sessions, is a better approach than investing that time/effort into regular and extensive OTC communications with just one or two hobbyists. Of course it doesn't have to be one to the exclusion of the other, but to me my priority is to go above and beyond in each email I send, and approach every aspect of my business thoroughly, putting personal touches on something that may be rooted in business.

For example, I could never spend an afternoon off the clock with a favorite client. But, I would, and have, stayed after a date, in the context of a regularly scheduled appointment, to show my appreciation and spend more time together. This is not ever expected, and can't always be done, but when it is it is much appreciated. That's kind of the same attitude I have about correspondence between the hobbyist and provider. It's never to be expected or required, but when I can add a personal touch to something that would otherwise be purely business, I'll do it.

XoXo
Marea

I've seen primarily well reviewed, high rated providers after my initial two, and have found them to fairly limited on conversation- either phone or pm/email other than scheduling.

Pretty much all my "OTC" contact has been initiated by two of my new "regulars"- two that I have been booking repeat visits- an occasional email saying hello or a brief flirt.  Occasional pm's about a board post that resulted in trading quite a few pms on that post.  However, I can tell when they've had enough- no reply after a certain number of pms.  

My attitude is that I am in the hobby for NSA encounters, they are in the provider side to provide NSA encounters- it behooves both of us to let it be NSA both ways! So it doesn't bother me a bit to not have any significant OTC relationship.  

If after a longer regular track record, the "OTC" contacts initiated by them increase to sort of a friendship, great by me, if not- great by me, I can simply remind myself that this is why I hobby!

"Out of state" that is.  She lives in a different state and does usually not travel where I live so I have little chance of becoming her client, much less a regular.

It started when she PMd me based on a comment I made on this forum.  Since then we've occasionally e-mailed back and forth.  Nothing deeply intimate since we've never even met in person, but still pleasant none the less.  I couldn't say we were "friends" but we have a certain degree of trust and a good rapport.

I would say my situation is probably rare.

There's just something about a disembodied voice that I can't relate to.

On the other hand, I love to trade little mash emails back and forth with any provider who is willing.  It breaks up the day and is a lot of fun.

In fact, that's really why I'm on here, in a way.

No thank you to phone calls . . .

I dont' mind an occasional email to let me know someone is doing well, especially if we've peeked a friendship. However, I dislike it (let me repeat myself: dislike it) when a client calls me just to chit chat. I give 100 percent of myself when I'm with someone -- and I love it, but it's also draining and I need my "alone time, too." I don't even like talking on the phone for long periods of time with my best friends. I'm just not a phone person and I'm very busy. It even states it on my website not to call me to chit chat. When clients have called me in the past, it has always been to schedule an appointment at the last minute and that's okay. But if I say "Can I call you back?" and they don't listen that is frustrating.

I really dislike it when someone calls me and says, "Hi, this is Corrie (fake name)."  I say, "Okay, who is Corrie?"  Like I'm really supposed to remember someone by their first name, especially if I've only met them once and it's a common name. Guys forget that we also have personal lives, friends and family. We may be in a conference, talking with someone right next to us and I'm supposed to jog my memory just to say "hello" on my off hours? I don't call you guys or interrupt your famiy time just to chit chat, do I? Please extend me the same courtesy.

Please remember guys: It is embarrassing for us when you feel bad because we don't remember you. We see hundreds of men in a year. For some of us maybe only 20 regulars. No matter what the case is, never call when you can email me for an advanced appointment. My cell phone is also used for my friends and family members, and please don't anyone pipe up and tell me I should get another phone. I don't need one and that's my business. I'm not trying to be mean, but when I'm not on the clock, I really don't want to be bothered. I have a very busy life and other work outside this business.  

I'm not trying to be mean just realistic -- which some men still don't get.

Hugs,
Ciara



-- Modified on 11/7/2007 6:56:03 PM

"I really dislike it when someone calls me and says, "Hi, this is Corrie (fake name)."  I say, "Okay, who is Corrie?"  Like I'm really supposed to remember someone by their first name, especially if I've only met them once and it's a common name. Guys forget that we also have personal lives, friends and family."

Grrr!  This is my biggest pet peeve!  

I pick up the phone and hear "Hi..this is Bill"...long pause...ok, "Bill?...Bill?..Uhm, Biilll....who?  And then the next thing I hear is ..."so how ya doing"?  Only to ask again..."Bill...who"??  If I dont immediately respond with .."oh hey, how are you" or something...pretty safe bet I havent a CLUE who Bill is!!!!!  Please dont come back with "ahh, you mean you dont remember me.."?  You will hear a "click" and thats the end of the conversation.  Gheez..I think I must know (or have met) at least 12 "Bill's" so please dont be offended when I don't remember you just by hearing your name..and nothing else.    

If I am standing inside a store, out with freinds, anywhere in public...do you know how much of an idiot I look like being put in a position where I am repeating the same name to someone WHO called ME, especially if I am with someone who doesnt know what I do for a living.

but it does happen!

Some of mine are very personal - they are not to just say "howdy"  

I suspect though that unless a provider tells you this is ok, you are probably better off not just "calling on a whim!"

this is yet another one of those ways in which i seem to differ greatly from most providers. i am not interested in, and in fact will ignore/avoid men whose communication with me consists entirely of "business." with men i've yet to see, there is always a getting-to-know-you period, in which there are several and sometimes many lengthy phone conversations. this is because it's important that i get a feel for a person and they in turn get a sense of who i am, BEFORE we meet, so that we can establish whether or not we'd be compatible.

then with regulars, keeping in touch is important and these are generally men i like, so it's commonplace to exchange non-appointment related emails and phonecalls on a regular basis. when i was sick a couple of weeks ago, one of my regulars called me daily to check on my condition, never once mentioning anything about when he could set up a date. another emailed me funny stories to keep my spirits up. likewise when they're going through hard times, i know about it, and they all know my shoulder or ear is always available. and of course there are some who are just great fun to talk with, and we'll call each other up a couple of times a week just to laugh and shoot the breeze, whether an appointment is planned or not.

but again that's just me, i realize not many providers or hobbyists alike would be comfortable with such an arrangement.

I had a great exchange with a lady who I knew was a big Boston Red Sox fan during and just after the World Series -- she was enjoying the games, and liked talking baseball for a little bit.  I've also had a conversation during an afterglow period when the topic drifted to some local attractions and ways to see them without breaking the budget, and it was very much appreciated when I forwarded along some various items to her that let her do some fun things with her family for a lot less cash outlay.

Don't get pushy.  In general, if you're not 100% positive that her reaction will be, "Oh cool, thanks for writing!", don't do it.  Feel free to bring it up if you think of it the next time you see her, but don't get all up in her business.  If you're just socializing, my experience has been that you're probably wasting her time.  A friendly "Thanks for seeing me, had a lovely time, let's do this again next Wednesday" is one thing, but don't  get overly personal.