There is a guy who emailed me 2 times for an appt. and when the date is set up, he canceled 2 times on the day of. I just had him cancel with me today, and we were scheduled for a 4 hour appt., and I chose not to see anyone else today. Now, I am sitting in a hotel room that is not being used I told him that I am requiring a full prepaid deposit, the next time he wants to make an appt. He seemed to balk a bit on the phone. But I felt I had to be very stern this time. I am  a very nice person, and I hate it when people try to take advantage of me. In this case, I really felt like I had to put my foot down. Ladies in this kind of case, do you find yourself putting this type of man on your "Sh*t" list immediately, or do you require a full/half a deposit the next time he wants to set something up with you?

I make them pay a deposit next time. This is why I only go to Vegas by appointment now (I live in Reno). I used to just go to Vegas when called since it's only a 30 minute plane ride but got tired of being burned. Either the guy would cancel or not have the proper donation and I don't have time to waste

My guess is that you are not the only one who gets cancelled by this guy.
I have never understood, short of an emergancy, cancelling an appointment.
If I have gone through the effort to make it, why in the world would I want to cancel?
Doesn't make sense to me, but I know that there are some "gentlemen" in this community that just don't get it.
If I was in you shoes, he wouldn't have another chance.

Just my opinion...
B

If he is a gentlemen, he should insist on sending you a cancellation fee.

I think we all realize last minute cancellations do occur on the part of either the hobbyist or provider, and most of us don't bear a grudge if it happens.

However, I think three last minute cancellations (especially after you reserved 4 hours for him) is too much. I would put him on the "do not see" list, or else require a nonrefundable deposit, and it would only be for an hour or so visit, not 4 hours.

Another tip: there are a few regulars of mine who tend to cancel the same day.  I still see them and I enjoy their company, but I try to schedule them early in the day or later in the evening so my schedule isn't unduly interrupted if they have to cancel.

Sorry to hear what happened.  Once I can see, but twice??  As the subject says, there should never be a next time scheduled; even if he wants to give you a deposit.  Don't put yourself in that position again.

Ken

My day yesterday is related to your situation.  I had a date to see a lady.  She asked for a PayPal deposit, citing way too many no-shows as her reason.  I didn't need a reason.  I have no problem with deposits, as everything has always worked out fine in the past.  However, when I went to do it, it was a huge hassle.  I forgot my password, and after having it e-mailed to me, PayPal asked me to change the "cookies" setting on my computer before I could proceed.  I e-mailed my lady and told her that I needed her to make an exception for me, and that I wasn't going to go through any more nonsense with PayPal.  She agreed to relax her requirements for me.  Since she knew a provider I had seen and, having 44 reviews, I guess she was pretty confident I was for real.  I showed up right on time, and we had one REALLY great time.  But, I almost wasn't able to see her because of the inconsideration of some men.

My advise:  Don't give this guy another chance.  In the future, with extended dates, especially for first timers, when you're paying for a room, get a deposit.  

Truly sorry this happened to you,

Jacksonlips

I've attached a link to a post I made a little while ago.  It recounts the difficulties a friend of mine endured while she lived with me and worked as a provider.  The problem you cite was one of her biggest hassles.  Probably her BIGGEST hassle, though, was what to do about it.  

In my friend's case, there was more than one offender, and they were usually not repeat customers.  As such, it was all but impossible for her to know if the potential client on the other end of the phone was going to be a last minute cancellation or not.  After a while, she began considering requiring a deposit for ALL appointments in excess of an hour.  Her dilemma was she believed requiring a deposit would diminish her business.  She wrestled with the matter for a while, and finally decided to impose her deposit requirement.  Her thinking was; she was getting so many cancellations, how much damage could be done by insisting on a portion of the fee up front?  

The results were about what she expected:  There was a drop in follow up contacts, but there was a similar improvement in the portion of calls which turned out to be qualified.  When all the dust settled, she was making about what she had been making before her new policy, but her stress factor was lower.  And one unexpected byproduct was a general improvement in the quality (manners, grooming, and so on) of her clients.  Apparently, her deposit requirement acted as a flake filter.

One final thought:  For someone like the man you describe, who  cancels FOUR times; I think I'd write him off entirely.  Do you really want to put yourself in the position of entertaining someone who's THAT rude?  I'd imagine he'd turn out to be a difficult client at best.

I hope my butting-in here wasn't too forward, and that my comments were helpful to some degree.  Good luck.


-- Modified on 4/21/2004 10:17:57 AM

If you set up an appointment and require a deposit, and he
doesn't show again, he's going to hassle you to reschedule
since he already paid you.

I bet he'll try to do this even if you tell him it's
non-refundable.  Then he'll get angry, flame you on the boards,
etc.  It's not worth it - you gave him two (or is it three)
chances.

It's just not worth the hassle.  Also, why set up a four
hour appointment when you haven't met the dude?

fr

he can do it once; he can do it again, and again.

I know exactly how you feel, and it works both ways. Cancellations are inevitable, but no-shows are no good, either for the provider or the hobbyist. I had someon flake out on me twice in a week on a recent business trip. Wasted hours sitting around my hotel waiting for her to show, or at least call (at least the second time, I had an idea she might not, so I had alternate plans set up to meet some people for dinner two hours after the scheduled time in case I never heard from her). Several days later, around midnight (!), I get a call saying "hey sweetie, I'm in your neighborhood, how about I stop by and we have a really hot time?" I told her that after dropping the ball twice that way I didn't have the slightest interest in her any more, and that I also didn't really have a lot invested in earning her a little cash after an expensive night out partying with her friends.  

Honestly, at that point if I wanted a hot time, I'd rather have stuck my head in the oven than spend a few hours with her.  Those of you on the other side of the fence must feel pretty much the same, I'm thinking?

another is I feel safer from LE. It's been my experience that a man is genuinely more apt to see me if he has to provide the hotel. I chanced it once with someone and it worked out fine, although it was a slight hassle at the hotel. I prefer Outcall to anything else. If this gentleman has done this to you twice before and he doesn't have the decency to pay for the hotel room this time, then don't see him again.

Hugs,
Ciara

Sh*t happens.  Sometimes we need to cancel, but twice in a row?  Yeah, could be he has a job that is like that.  But still, if it was me, I'd be apologetic and happy to pay in advance for another chance.

Sorry for your problem. As stated earlier, cancellations can happen for a bunch of differing reasons both ways. Since this happened a second time, you might want to consider putting him on your "do not see" list or requiring a deposit if you want to schedule with him for a third time. I would implore you NOT to adopt a "school" mentality and penalize all future clients by requesting deposits up front because of the bad experience with this one or a few clients. Remember when everyone in the class got penalized for the actions of one student? I for one, will never pay a deposit up front for anything other than an extended visit with someone coming from out of town.

Well-  I have to say, as a hobbyist of limited means, that I seldom cancel an arranged session, but I totally can see many times when one might have to do it.

Let's face it- this is luxury.  If just about any real legit other time demand comes up- job meeting, anything to do with my kids, a request from the SO to run an errand, favour for a real friend, or somesuch-  its the date with the SP that's gonna suffer.  I'd be an asshole if I did otherwise.  Besides-  what excuse can I use?  "Sorry-  I can't get the kids- I'll be getting A real good bbbjtcim- can I just pick them up later?"  Won't wash-

That said- I usually see massage people- so this is a little moot for me personally- but I can sympathise with both sides

Instead of punishing all your future clients for the behavior of the ones who cancel on you...couldn't you tell the guy who cancels that if now he wants to schedule with you that you will require a deposit for the next appointment

If he shows up then he's back to zero again and if he wants another appointment no deposit is necessary but of course ...if he cancels once again...the deposit FOR HIM goes into play again if he wants to see you when you reschedule

Do this the FIRST time he cancels...giving the guy two three or four chances to screw you over is outrageous...most men ought to understand you have expenses too and time you reserve for one person is time you can't be with someone else

Make the cancellation fee be some percentage of the block of time he is asking you to reserve for him

Keep in mind if you have a bunch of good reviews he already knows YOU are trustworthy...you don't know the same of him and if he's already given you reason not to trust him he shouldn't have a problem with the deposit...if he does AND he's cancelled on you then maybe he is someone you really don't need to see in the first place

Send him on his way to jerk some other lady around

If there's one thing I've learned from TER, it's that cancellations are far more frequent that I ever imagined.  I don't book if I'm not 100 percent sure I can make it -- unless I give the provider warning that there are contingencies, and in any event, I've never cancelled on less than 48 hours notice.  Sheesh!  Guess I've been delusional!

Too bad that a few guys (I hope) make it more difficult for the rest of us. I would definitely send a cancellation fee if I was forced to cancel at the last minute. While we are on the topic of courtesy, I am friendly with a provider that wastes a lot of her time with calls from guys that want to haggle on the price. If the girl says $$ and you really want to see her, save up for a week or two so you can afford it but don't waste her time trying to save 1/2$. If you can't afford the price, probably shouldn't be hobbying.

Dudes who constantly cancel usually suck in bed and have small wee-wees. One cocky providers opinion on vacation. Who wants Key Lime pie? ~~

I had a date with someone about 6 mos ago, and the reference mentioned that he cancels ALOT. So, I stayed on top of him (no pun intended!) to be sure we communicated regularly. He changed the date. No problem. He changed the time. No problem. He changed the time again. No problem. Then he cancelled. I appreciate that she forewarned me of this and made sure that if he cancelled, I wasn't ruining my plans, so I planned accordingly. But, I never forget..
Some 'bad apples' do spoil things though, and I will have to set a new policy regarding the donation. (if someone is reading this, this ISN'T about you). I will have to change mine to having the donation in an envelope, placed in the bathroom. I don't want to have to do that, but I normally trust my gents and have been shorted too much of late.

Thank You

You know I don't want glue on my tongue

You will, as one responder pointed out, get a better quality of client.  Men willing to give a deposit demonstrate a determination to make the appointment.  A reasonable deposit, in my opinion, would be one third of what the session fee would be.  The fee, obviously, would count toward the total session fee when the client shows up.
    It is sickening when clients play the type of game that happened to you.  It unfortunately reflects negatively on every hobbyist.

I used to date someone who did domination and light S & M sessions and when a schmoe cancelled ONCE just prior to the scheduled meeting, it was prepaid deposit from then on...if he was lucky.  In most cases, she just wrote down his name and then drew a line threw it.  Sorry to hear that kind of situation still obtains.  Grim.  I hearken back to the old Irish aphorism: "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me three times and I de-ball you, you little 'nad nibbler!"  

Cancellations can happen in any business, but it's frustrating to get cancelled on many times by the same person, especially after you've spent two to three hours preparing for the appointment or getting back to the house to prepare, possibly missing out on something else that's fun, so you can prepare yourself for him only to find out he's flown the coop again. I think if he is not sure of his schedule, he should let you know. That way, he can call you an hour or so beforehand and then give you a time he can meet with you.  At least that person is trying to be considerate.

Kudos to all who at least try and realize this is a serious business for us too.

Hugs,
Ciara

Just a little singed arround the edges.

I am not a provider but if I may be so presumptuous to modestly impart.  Sully's points are well taken, however, a solid pre-existing fib must already be enacted to preclude the scenarios he describes.  If something unavoidable THEN comes up, call the provider, apologize like mad, and ask if a mailing address can be emailed to which a cancellation fee can be sent; if you can't afford a cancellation fee, you shouldn't be hobbying.  I used to date someone who did domination and light S & M sessions and when a schmoe cancelled ONCE just prior to the scheduled meeting, it was prepaid deposit from then on...if he was lucky.  She was a pretty hard marker: in most cases, she just wrote down his name and then drew a line threw it.  Sorry to hear some guys cancel or are no-shows and don't offer to make amends.  Grim.  I hearken back to the old Irish aphorism: "Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me three times and I de-ball you, you little 'nad nibbler!"    Hang in ladies; we love ya!!

So what did I do?  I said I would never see him again.  But the weird thing is that right after I said that, he sent me a PayPal to pay in advance for his "next" appointment.  Well...his next appointment never came.  He cancelled again.

Not only did I keep the money, but I blocked him from future contact.  I could care less how much he bitches.  I consider the payment to be a big ole' cancellation fee.

Don't bother with this guy--it's not worth it.

I had planned a visit (overnite) with a beautiful Miami independent in January.   I told her if my ATF became available I would give her as notice as possible if I had to cancel.  Luckily that's exactly what happened.  I told her to keep the $500 deposit.  Just gook business sense.  If I need her at a later date I'm sure she will remember me.  I would always rather leave a good impression instead of a bad one

Click-clack, click-it-or-ticket, before you put it in, put in on, ya heard? Heh-heh. Sorry the ride was bumpy. But it was fun to test out your 4WD.

get a deposit. 25% or 50%. Explain that if something happens on your part(you get sick,have to cancel etc...) all monies will be refunded. If he cancels he does not get the deposit back but you WILL make sure to work out a better time for him so you are not reported as being a ripoff.I hate to sound so harsh here, but this is business. Your time is money. NEVER deal with this guy again and email ladies in your area of  who this time and money waster is. If we act like that you can bet it would be posted ALL over the boards. Just give his email address you don't have to give out the guy's whole info,just warn other ladies in your area you might think he may try to pull this same thing with.

While I haven't been involved as long as some of you others, I have always looked at the "date" as a confirmed, special event.
Now I realize that things come up and there may be reasons to have to cancel, but to do so without any notice or multiple times is just plain rude, disrespectful, and I guess, shows how you really look at these wonderful women.
Maybe I am in the minority, but, these women deserve the respect and kindness of the "gentlemen" of this community. For without them, where the hell would we be? They have enough other issues to deal with, guys that leave them in the lurch by not notifying them of a cancellation just add to the stress.
If you can't at least be nice and have some respect for the ladies, do the rest of us a favor and get lost.
This community doesn't need a'holes making things hard for the ladies.

just my opinion...
B

-- Modified on 4/22/2004 8:30:53 AM