I tried unsuccessfully to see a local provider to my area. She’s a single mom and works another job annd her availability time didn’t match up with my work schedule, and I’m also a single parent. She requested a 50 percent deposit, I sent it and I tried three different times to schedule, we thought we had it scheduled, but she texted me the day of the appointment to cancel each time.
Finally she sent back the deposit and said it wouldn’t work between us because of the schedule conflicts. She said I could still use her as a reference. I put her name down as a reference to see a different provider who was touring my area. She had requested two references. The day before we were going to meet though she said my references didn’t work. One never got back to her and the other was the local provider I never got to meet. She said I couldn’t use her because I never met her. WHY WOULD THE LOCAL PROVIDER TELL HER THAT??? She told me I could use her as a reference! But when I did she told the other provider I didn’t actually see her! WHY??? That defeats the whole purpose of having her as a reference!!!
I never understood how anyone could vouch for someone they have never met personally. I have never required references because I would never trust anyone I do not know personally. If you know a personal friend of mine, like my girlfriend & she contacts me directly to notify me of you, then you can bypass my vetting process. I’m a single Mom & I would never whitelist anyone, or tell them they can use me as a reference if we never met it’s wrong. 😑
She should have never took told you to use her as a reference & then tell the provider you never met its defeats the entire purpose. I am very sorry that happened to you. You wasted lots of time. Do you want to share who she is, so others can stay clear? Sharing is caring. I
Maybe the new provider that you were planning to see, Provider B, might have asked her, Provider A, bunch of questions that Provider A could not answer, and then it was probably obvious that you and Provider A have never met. Either Provider B figured out you had never met the person you used as a reference or might have directly asked her if you and Provider A ever met.
The fact that Provider A allowed you to use her as a reference, and you actually went ahead and used the person whom you have never met as a reference, in and of itself is very odd.
Your best bet is to ask Provider A what happened if you want to get to the bottom or this, or just move on.. I personally will just move on.
I do find it odd that this provider offered to supply a reference, having never actually seen you. But I also wonder why you would use that reference expecting her to vouch for anything other than the attempted booking experience?
I am always willing to provide references but I tend to stick to the facts - when/where I saw the client, whether I would repeat…in this case she could vouch for the screening/booking activity and no more.
Is there any chance this was a retaliation on the part of the first provider for time wasted on the attempted booking for which she was not compensated? I still can’t imagine why she would tell you she would give you a reference without having actually seen you, unless she had an ulterior motive if some sort. Quite bizarre.
The simple answer to your question is she simply told the truth. Why are you mad about that. You should have been expecting -- and probably should have told the lady you were trying to see that one of the reference can only speak to how you interacted during the attempted scheduling activities. Could well be that your using a reference who has not actually seen you made the provider screening you a bit concerned.
But, why would you want to try using a provider you never actually saw as a reference or think that it would be a good reference?
She should never have told him she would be a reference and he shouldn't have ever counted on her to be one. It's a learning experience I am sure both will never repeat and a lesson for newbies reading this here moving forward.
Bad move on Max’s part to rely on a reference from a provider that he had never met.
Why would someone who hasn’t meet you give you a reference? 50% deposit also lol
Because I have integrity & a good reputation I spent decades building. TER member for twenty years strong 💪🏽 Next questing. Drop mic.🎤
"Thank you, but no thanks." How can you expect a provider who has never met you to answer any questions about you to another provider? Even basic questions like, "How's his hygiene; how tall is he; is he circumcised, etc.. When she can't answer a single question about you, what good do you think a provider reference is going to be? You are better off to ask for a reference from a provider you stood behind in line at the bank. At least she could say how tall you were. Lol
IMO, this had only one chance of succeeding, and 99 ways to go wrong. Why take the chance and burn your bridge with the second provider who NOW knows you tried to scam her? The only thing worse than trying to get a session with a provider who doesn't know you is one who already has a negative opinion about you.
Example Reference 1: "He was very polite and clear in his communications. Not a time waster. Paid the deposit without complaint. ... What? BCD? Well, we never met in person, but he was very gentlemanly in the ways I mentioned. I do not know what he would be like BCD."
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Example Reference 2: "The candidate reported directly to me for over 2 years. They are a hard worker, sharp as a tack, informed on every topic. Helpful to all of their colleagues. Stood out as the smartest person in the room at every meeting. Unfortunately, I had to let them go due to cutbacks."
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Example Reference 3: "The candidate reported directly to me for 2 years, 3 months, 9 days, starting on dd-mm-yyyy. They left the firm on DD-MM-YYYY." Anything else? "No, that's all I have to say." Eh ... for cause? "No." Eh ... relo? "No." Hmmm ... health issue? "I've said all I can say."
I tried unsuccessfully to see a local provider to my area. She’s a single mom and works another job annd her availability time didn’t match up with my work schedule, and I’m also a single parent. She requested a 50 percent deposit, I sent it and I tried three different times to schedule, we thought we had it scheduled, but she texted me the day of the appointment to cancel each time.
Finally she sent back the deposit and said it wouldn’t work between us because of the schedule conflicts. She said I could still use her as a reference.
I put her name down as a reference to see a different provider who was touring my area. She had requested two references. The day before we were going to meet though she said my references didn’t work. One never got back to her and the other was the local provider I never got to meet. She said I couldn’t use her because I never met her.
WHY WOULD THE LOCAL PROVIDER TELL HER THAT??? She told me I could use her as a reference! But when I did she told the other provider I didn’t actually see her! WHY???
That defeats the whole purpose of having her as a reference!!!
How did you expect her to be a reference when she never saw you? Very dumb for her to offer and also dumb for you to accept. I don't even accept references anymore just because of this scenario you gave. The whole point of the reference is for the provider to say they met you and had a session and that you are a safe and sane person. When you guys post stuff like this it just reiterates to providers like myself that it is not a good idea anymore to use references in lieu of other screening methods.
While I can agree with you that the offer and the use was always going to be a limited result, I have to agree with the poster who noted that there are a number of different types of reference. It doesn't sound like the girl offering the reference was trying to tell anyone she had seen the guy. But clearly she had some reasonable amount of interactions with him and could speak to that. Whether or not that would be helpful in another provider deciding to see the guy or not... Probably not much value in and of itself.
But the idea that how this played out is a reason not to consider references at all seems questionable. Putting the shoe on the other foot as it were, if I got a recommendation from someone I knew very little about saying that they had a great interaction trying to schedule an appointment, but never saw the lady, I probably am not seeing the woman based on that recommendation. I would think providers might be the same. However, I would take that as information and it might, with other information, tip the scales for seeing her so seems useful to me.
You have got to be kidding me. You actually think I am going to go off of "I texted him 10 times and he seemed nice via text!!" as some sort of reference?? I have great email interactions with 99% of the guys that contact me. And then they send me their screening info and I find they actually just spent 90 days in the county jail for beating, strangling, and stalking their ex wife. (True story!!) No thanks. Being super nice and polite via email means nothing. You are speaking silliness.
Did you actually read what I wrote?
And you story actually suggests you act just as I suggested. Their behavior lead you to look deeper rather than rejecting them out of hand. Talk about silliness.
Stop being a sorry sap Jensen and suck it up. There is only ONE type of reference. That is when you have a session with the provider. The story I told was in regards to a gent that was very NICE via email, so the point is the behavior via text or email is not always indicative of the behavior of the individual in person. I do a background check on EVERYONE before I see them for this exact reason. Very, very seldom am I going to not see a guy simply because of the way he worded an email, most guys are not that stupid right out of the shoot. The letter of rejection is sent after I find the guy is smack dab on the naughty list. Back to you, silly boy!! Song and dance me some more nonsense on this Sunday afternoon!!
Since no one that has stated this outright, I will. You are an idiot.
First, that you think a provider is going to accept a reference from a girl you've never met. How is that supposed to satisfy any sort of safety check? In fact, I would say it's a red flag that you would provide her as a reference instead of a girl you've actually met.
Second, the provider who gave the reference gave an honest factual accounting. What, did you expect her to lie and say you were a good guy in person? It's her reputation at stake too when she is giving a reference to another provider.
Third, the provider that said you could use her as a reference said yes probably because she never thought you would actually use her as a reference because you never actually met.
The only thing ridiculous about this situation is your expectations. I was also going to say the 50% deposit was ridiculous too but the provider refunded it to you, which not all providers would, so good for her.