My wife has a chronic illness (MS). We have not had sex in 3 years. Alternative Sex for us is not possible. I am 38 and normal wasp guy. Any suggestions - I am a mess.

Sorry to hear of your wifes illness.  We all too often take good health for granted... that is probably why we do not have
national health care in this country, but this is not the forum for that...
Chilly, you are obviously considering seeing a lady in the pay for play business, otherwise you would not have found your way here.  Find your local discussion board here on TER and become familiar with the threads therein the regular posters and share your personal experiences there.  (or here) Use the reviews to help you narrow down the selection available to you in your home turf.  Once you have narrowed down your list to around 4 to 6 providers you might like to visit, email of phone them and
have some brief conversations with these ladies.  Do not be so graphic as to alert the ladies you may be LE (the law)  express what you are looking for in broad general terms, never explicit.
Let these ladies know you have been celibate for some time and are a bit nervous just thinking about meeting a woman for the first time.  What do you want?  Maybe the first meeting for you would best be served as a coffee or lunch date (no fs) just to meet the lady and discuss your special situation.  You may find a lady with some experience in her life with MS in a loved one, that would certainly make a GFE a surer and more close encounter.
You can do all of this or just go to an Asian Massage Parlor (AMP) and get off in about 30 minutes without forming any
bond (temporary or otherwise) with a cute willing partner.
Best of luck in your search.  Read on and often.
Keep us abreast of your search etc.
LM

You can choose celibacy as a life style, but you already have that and don't like it. Find a girl friend, but with a sick wife you probably dont have the time for a relationship outside the marriage. Or, like so many of us who, for, lack of time, or opportunity, have elected to visit a professional companion. It may seem surprising to you, but most of the professionals I have met have been warm, sympathetic people with big hearts. The friendship, physical relationship, and pillow talk have been a life saver when times were tough and the light at the end of the tunnel looked like a train. Take a break, make an appointment. If you let your mind go, your body will follow.

Chilly,

I have seen a few clients, that have sick wifes so please don't think you are the only one out there. It is life, take a big breath and fine someone you can talk to, snuggle up with and just enjoy her company. Sometimes it takes a while to get comfortable with her sexually but if you make a GF relationshiip with her the other will come national.

Good luck and best wishes,
Hugs,
Tammy

Ditto poconatum.  I'm sorry, Chilly; illness sucks, and MS is not just hard to go through, but hard to watch happen to somebody you love.  Like poconatum, I have a few clients who have seriously ill wives.  To a man, they love their wives dearly and are looking not just for sexual release but for emotional release as well.  I'm sure that you can find a provider with whom you can enjoy a bond (if that's what you want).  But, do be careful.  This board is a good place to start; you can find somebody who had been reviewed and sounds like she might be a good match.  If you're shy, you could start with email, and move on from there.  (I personally prefer not to be reviewed on a national board, but I would probably recommend that route anyway).  All best to you.  Love and hugs, Anne

You and your wife have a tough situation to deal with.  Given what you've been through, and the debilatating effects the MS has had on your wife, your interest in providers is completely justifiable and probably very healthy if your marriage is to survive long term.

Just remember why you are seeing an escort and don't make the mistake of getting emotionally invovled, falling in love, or comparing their physical gifts with your wife's diminished ones- that wouldn't be fair to either of you and could end up making things worse.  Best wishes to both of you in the future.

Rough deal. I've gone through similar frustrations. The feelings you have do NOT make you a bad person. They are normal. To deny the desire for touch would be abnormal.

There are fantastic people out there who work this gig that can fill a large part of the hole in you. They are rare and special people who could make it anywhere and chose this way of life.

There are also people out there who will take more than you care to give; or worse be very mercenary about the deal. Some call it "professional." I call it cold. A true professional makes something very difficult to do look easy.

If you do choose this activity as your release, remember to treat the woman you select with respect and courtesy. What you give is what you get.

Chilly1,
      I agree it is tough when a partner has a disabling condition, but why is alternative sex not possible? Is she very advanced? There are agencies that do help , with very graphic videos and even partners that can help arrange the patient before the intimacy.

      I hope if you do choose to go outside the marriage bond realize all the emotions that will flood you, and your relationship if you choose to disclose this to her. You are not a widower yet, even if you feel emotionally and physically abandoned. If it sounds like I've been thee I have!!

                      Respectfully,

                           Chrissie Dahl [email protected]

I think with everyone who reads your post understands your situation somewhat but can  not fully appreceate your problem either. Having  to take care of a loved one who is chronically ill is full time job. It can zap the mental and physical strength of a person. The fact that you are a wreck tells me that you need a "self break". You need sometime to  nuture the "self" in you. We all do. The idea of giving is a noble an honorable thing in life. We all strive to give of ourselves without any expectation of anything return, but there is no hard and fast rules in life. Take that self break by basking in the glow of a beautiful lady who can can help you you feel those feelings again. Feel the soft touches of her skin and the passions that you wish to express. You are  person too! Be for every faithful to your wife by nuturing her in her time of chronic illness but take the time to maintain and nuture your own soul as well.

Binky,
   That was nicely put, would you be as gracious if you were the disabled one?

***"Take that self break by basking in the glow of a beautiful lady who can can help you you feel those feelings again. Feel the soft touches of her skin and the passions that you wish to express".***

I'm sure that most wouldn't but it sounds good .

Sorry to hear.  Dump the wife and find a new one, or go behind her back and have some fun.  I'm sorry to say, but life is sex.

You pose a very good question in ethics. In my studies in death and dieing When is the other spouse free from their obligations? If you look into history I can site many cases where men have made this choice. Some even signed the Declaration of Independence.

I am aware of the thoughts about the subject.

 I do wonder about the other people, the ones that stay faithful. It is similar to a thread I have been following, when is a patient too ill to be admitted to ICU. Is the persons life worth less because they are dying? To let the less moribund be admitted, should they be denied the care?

At what point do you effectively give up on the marriage? First sign of a chronic illness or when they are truly unable to participate? I hope the poster doesn't emotionally and physically abandon this wife. That he realizes that she still needs his love and companionship.

A long and winding subject to be sure,

                      CD

Short and sweet, eh? Hope you never suffer any accident or disablity.

           CD