As for the emotional ups and downs... Welcome to the hobby! I came into this a few years ago not having any idea what to expect... I suspect I speak for a lot of guys here when I say it hasn't turned out anything like what I expected.
Sometimes you meet a GFE provider you click with, and you end up leaving a date in an emotional whirlwind that far overshadows the physical part--and takes a long time to get over. Sometimes you meet providers who you don't have a personal connection with, but from a pace/technique standpoint they absolutely rock your world physically. Sometimes you have quirky fantasies or fetishes that only one person seems to understand, (You know who you are!) and you develop a friendly relationship because they are so understanding about your hangups. The experiences are much more widely varied, much more intense (sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally), and end up meaning a lot more to you than you expected.
As for any of those GFE relationships extending into something outside the hobby, you just have to accept that you're on dangerous ground and have to proceed with emotional reservation. The odds of not even making it to the first date, as you've seen, are pretty slim, and the odds of an extended relationship without heartbreak is like "a camel passing through the eye of a needle," to quote a parable. It's also very tough to figure out if the provider is seriously interested or just being "professionally GFE." I've been told I'm both attractive and "big" several times, and while flattering, I look more like the aforementioned camel and am hung more like the needle.
Hats off to Wellthyman, I think his post about accepting the compliment and moving along with the chin up is right on. Quite often, compliments are more powerful when they're simply accepted. As in your case, digging into it sometimes reveals that it isn't as sincere as we thought, and then you wish you just savored it and left it alone. But the real tip of the cap to him is that it seems pretty rare to see such an upbeat reply to a personal post around here.
About a year after my last breakup, I finally had the courage to start asking women out again. This was several months ago, and to my horror, I've since discovered that women my age (mid-30's) want to have nothing to do with me. After several dates, the best response I got was "you're a really nice guy, but not my type". More commonly, I was stood up, or ignored altogether.
Feeling lonely (even more than horny), I checked some reviews and decided to visit a woman who consistantly gets 9's for looks and service. More importantly (to me), the ad promised a gfe. Being extremely nervous, I was relieved to find that the woman really was very attractive and didn't shy away from kissing me. However, I was quite disturbed when she told me that I was much better looking than her other clients and she (fully clothed at this point) watched me get undressed with open enthusiasm. Having absolutely no self-esteem and being a very private person, I was happy to move on to other activities. To give credit where it's due, the service was terrific, but the conversation did stray into both our personal lives. I did say that I was single and she said that she didn't want to be involved with anyone while she was in the business. Fair enough, but she kept mentioning that I was "dangerous". Given that my behavior couldn't have been any less threatening, I could only deduce that she might be willing to break her rules for me, if I would only ask.
About two weeks later, I called to schedule another appointment, but was told that she will be away for several weeks. Instead, I chose to see another provider who also promised a GFE. This time, it was bait-and-switch, but I chose to go ahead regardless. This time, a GFE was not in the cards. In fact, the session started with an offer for me - a bunch of drunk guys were willing to pay me just so they could watch. Needless to say, I declined. The rest of the session was disappointing, despite the effort from both of us.
The following week, I decided to take my chances again. This time it was another very well reviewed provider, whose picture was confirmed and the ad clearly promised a GFE. The session was terrific, but, again, the conversation strayed into our personal lives. We both relayed stories of how the opposite sex was not particularly interested in us. The evening ended when she asked me to meet her for a date the following night. We exchanged phone numbers and she called me later to make sure I got home safe and to confirm the plans for the next evening.
The next evening, I called both numbers she gave me, left many messages, but never heard back from her. I was deeply disappointed, to say the least, but I called one more time the following day (I just wanted to see if she was OK). She picked up, said she was OK but busy and promised to call back. Obviously, she didn't.
The quesition is, does a GFE have to be so realistic as to include rejection?
I understand you feel very hurt and emotional right now and what you really need is some TLC. The GFE feeling is something that a working girl should be proud, however working girls are in this business to make money, hopefully by not crushing a guys feelings. Like many other girls I do treat my clients with the upmost respect and am sensitive to their feelings however it is a fine balance between client and working girl and maybe the girls concerned are not wanting to lead you on, making you spend alot of money that you may not be able to afford. It is hard to judge, however maybe your feelings are still very raw about your girlfriend. I have had clients like this before and I do offer them the chance to talk things over when I am free. However you must respect that the girl can't be with you at all times, she has other clients, and like myself I turn my mobile off when I am with a client as it is a mark of disrespect to have it ring when you are otherwise engaged. To feel rejected is a terrible thing, and I am sure the girls would not want you to feel this way. I sincerely hope that maybe one day you will find someone special to share your life, however try to remember the GFE is like a one night stand that hopefully you can repeat when you are ready. Hope this helps.
Be very flattered that the providers even considered going out with you. Then understand that some providers, while tempted by emotional attachment, are afraid of it (so are many "civilians")or that on consideration they realize getting involved may interfere with their business. Or they just got cold feet, as we all do from time to time.
I must say I'm surprised you haven't recontacted the first provider. Perhaps her initial retreat has been reconsidered?
To summarize, the very fact that two providers expressed such a great interest in you should make you realize you've got something special to offer. Chin up.
As for the emotional ups and downs... Welcome to the hobby! I came into this a few years ago not having any idea what to expect... I suspect I speak for a lot of guys here when I say it hasn't turned out anything like what I expected.
Sometimes you meet a GFE provider you click with, and you end up leaving a date in an emotional whirlwind that far overshadows the physical part--and takes a long time to get over. Sometimes you meet providers who you don't have a personal connection with, but from a pace/technique standpoint they absolutely rock your world physically. Sometimes you have quirky fantasies or fetishes that only one person seems to understand, (You know who you are!) and you develop a friendly relationship because they are so understanding about your hangups. The experiences are much more widely varied, much more intense (sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally), and end up meaning a lot more to you than you expected.
As for any of those GFE relationships extending into something outside the hobby, you just have to accept that you're on dangerous ground and have to proceed with emotional reservation. The odds of not even making it to the first date, as you've seen, are pretty slim, and the odds of an extended relationship without heartbreak is like "a camel passing through the eye of a needle," to quote a parable. It's also very tough to figure out if the provider is seriously interested or just being "professionally GFE." I've been told I'm both attractive and "big" several times, and while flattering, I look more like the aforementioned camel and am hung more like the needle.
Hats off to Wellthyman, I think his post about accepting the compliment and moving along with the chin up is right on. Quite often, compliments are more powerful when they're simply accepted. As in your case, digging into it sometimes reveals that it isn't as sincere as we thought, and then you wish you just savored it and left it alone. But the real tip of the cap to him is that it seems pretty rare to see such an upbeat reply to a personal post around here.
Frequently, I have had great GFE experiences with providers and we have exchanged numbers. As a matter of fact, I am still friends with providers that I only met once, but we chat from time to time. However, having gotten involved with a few providers on a personal level, all I have to say is count your blessings, that nothing came of it, unless you like to ride the emotional rollercoaster.
The fact that you have great chemistry together is fine for the time that you are together, but if she is a great GFE and you give her a great BFE then that could cause some problems. Intense feelings can be confusing for both the provider and the hobbyist, but the thing that you need to remember is that this is a fantasy and nothing more. The fantasy can be misinterpreted and confused which leads to avoidance. Frankly, I have been in similar situations and been pursued by some providers, but having been in a few relationships with providers I am not inclined towards getting emotionally and romantically involved with another provider. This does not mean that I will not BFE for someone that I find exquisite. However, this is a fantasy and nothing else.
Cold feet or not, it was tacky what the second "GFE" did to you. I'm all for playing the GFE role to the hilt, but promising extracurricular activites and failing to deliver is both rude and unprofessional. Unproductive too, because I'm certain you'll never call her again (I hope), and she's lost a potential long-term regular.
I'd give the first girl another whirl, but you really need to watch yourself, because you seem especially vulnerable right now. It's a fanasy, remember that. A GFE girl is like that with EVERYONE, unless she doesn't want to see them again. That means EVERY regular feels he is special. This is all well and good as long as you accept that within the bounds of a professional relationship. It's nice to think (or imagine) you're her favorite customer, but don't forget that's what you are, a customer.
If she implies that more is available as "friends," etc., she'a moving it outside the professional relationship. That means that, just like any other woman, she had better be serious about it, or she's just a manipulative bitch. A good GFE doesn't cross the line irresponsibly.
most likely with a GFE provider you guys are going to conversate and it will eventually touch on personal issues. IMHO with a real GFE provider you guys will touch on that and many other subjects because your provider its trying to get to know you and find out what makes you tick, find out what kind of person you are and the types of relationships youve had. Finding out about your past relationships helps her figure out how to make this more of a GFE thing for you and finding out why you decided to go to a provider lets her know what to do differently.
EX: If a client told me that he decided to come to a provider because his ex girlfriends never paid enough attention or never complimented him that would give me more insight on how to treat him and make this a more special experience and make him feel more special.
Me asking questions=insight=providing the ultimate GFE=him being happy=him becoming a regular
Just remember sometimes it can be small talk and sometimes it maybe more, if you are confused about any signals being sent....just ask.
PS That 2nd provider was deff. wrong for that.
I want to thank everyone for their comments. I really didn't think anyone would find my situation particularly interesting. Just some thoughts to respond to points brought up by others:
(Petrena) I appreciate you concern. To clarify, I was certainly not expecting to be asked out. In fact, I was stunned when she told me that she was free the following day and asked me if I had any plans. However, given that she appeared to be very professional and very articulate, I chose to accept. I certainly didn't want to impose on her.
(wellthyman) I did try to reconnect with the first provider, but was told that she'll be away for a while. I wanted to see if the first experience was an act on her part and if she would even recognize me. I do realize that it's her job to make me feel good about myself, so I wasn't going to pursue her very aggressively. Again, thanks for the positive reply.
(OmegaZap) What can I say? I thought that self-deprecation was something that only I was involved in. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
(LUSTYSATYR) I suppose I am counting my blessings, as I have been on enough emotional rollercoasters. In fact, I was trying to think of all the issues that needed to be discussed on that date if this was ever going to be anything more than two people having dinner. I just didn't expect to be stood up after all that went on the prior night.
(papercup) You're right that I won't call her again. In fact, I don't think she would even want me as a client again. I'm sure she knew what she was doing was bad for her business. After all, a subsequent meeting would likely be pretty bad, given all the negatives that took place.
(AngelStar) Good advice about asking if there's any confusion about the signals. In this case, though, it was double, if not triple, confirmed.
As a follow-up point, I suppose my dilemma is this:
If I chose a provider who does not offer gfe, I won't enjoy it. If I choose one who does, I'm afraid of a repeat of the previous incident.
So, for now at least, I think I'll just stay home alone. It took me a few days, but I did get over what happened. Now it's time to deal with other things in my life.
"too nice" and "dangerous" which in the latter case I found means so nice that I can't be real - so I'll break her heart - the fix being to break mine first.
And my friends woder why I've become so cynical...
And yet they won't introduce me to their single girlfriends because "they arent good enough for you" - hey, can I be the judge of that?
My office mate used match.com - she got literally hundreds of hits on her ad in a week - and plenty of inquiries. In the months I have been on - less than 200 hits total, and no inquiries. No replys to my inquiries either. That monastary looks better all the time - but I wonder if I can still get Voluptuous magazine there???
This may come as surprise to you but for the most part, women are not all that attracted to " nice guys ". By nice, I mean the fawning, overly apologetic, anything to please, buy them gifts, type of guy.
Read up on the characteristics of being a dominant alpha male. They may not like you as much but they will more likely be attracted to you. And that is what you want isn't it ?
...we have providers. God bless 'em, every one! ;^)