I have been seeing gentlemen in the massage/escort biz for about one year now. Due to the fact that I provide in an area that is mostly white, most of my clients have been such. I have not had any clients from my own ethnic background, one reason, being the lack of them in my area, and two, when they phone me I can usually tell in there voice, and screen them out. The reason for this is nothing more than,fear of hooking up with someone I may know, be related to, or somehow acquainted (through friends or family ties). The world is smaller than you think. Neither my friends, nor my family know  what I do, so I prefer not to take the risk. I know I am probably missing out on meeting some great guys, not to mention a whole other market, but the loss is worth it to me.
A few months ago a guy kept leaving me messages, and I could hear in his voice that he was of the same ethnic background as me.  I saw his number one day and decided to answer. He seemed really interested in my services, and we agreed to meet,but I cancelled. I felt awful for having led him on. After several weeks, I finally emailed him and explaied why I have not seen him and how sorry I was for misleading. I got no reply,which wasfine and assumed he understood.
I just wondered if anyone other than me  had experienced anything similar and how she may have dealt with it. And also, how a guy my react to this. Even though it will always come down to us all having the right to choose, is this understandable?

Thanks

uniformly and fairly. Just curious, but aren't there any caucasians from your past that might also recognize you? Have you really protected yourself by excluding those of your own race? And yes, if you led the guy on, you were wrong, but now you've explained and apologized....move on!

However, you will eventually have to work through the situation somehow (assuming you don't mind dating your own) and for that, I'm sorry, I'm emptyhanded on suggestions..

... and you get to choose your clients.  Like Sedona said, the reasons are entirely up to you.

Actually this is very interesting. I have a good friend who is non-white. He is very well to do, intelligent anfd fairly well off. He is also a hobbyist and indulges two-three times monthly.

He advised me that he has contacted numerous ethnic providers, none of which would respond to his e-mails, or others that would cancel after setting an appointment (suppose they didn't want to hurt his feelings over the phone). He inquired as to why this was happening. Frankly, I didn't have a clue and speculated maybe the providers didn't think he had the necessary funds.

Anyway as someone who has lived and worked with ethnic groups all my life, I do realize that the ethnic community is very close regardless of the size of the City or the town. Therefore I can understand your fear of discovery. And if you are like most ethnic people your circle of friends, acquantances and colleagues does not necessarily include a lot of white people, unless it is  business. Therefore your chance of discovery is a lot less, because most white peole don't know a lot of ethnic people and are less likely to run into them other than in a business environment.

As far as how he felt about it, his first reaction was anger, but mostly he was very dissapointed. He felt that since he was spending the money anyway he might as well help out some of the girls in his race. He no longer looks for ethnic providers and has accepted the fact they he may or may not ever be with one. Just recently he went out of town set up an out-call, and the provider was ethnic. I guess they had a great time, he tipped her the same amount as her fee (he was that thrilled). And I guess he now aatempts to see her at least once a month (he's single).

Whether you should feel bad is very subjective. Do you feel bad? The bottom line is, you must protect yourself, and if you are getting enough business from non-ethnic clients, so be it. Are you missing out? probably. Is it worth the price? Only you can answer that question. You sound like a good person, so no matter what you decide, good luck.

Thanks everyone for your input. I think Midnight Lover hit the nail on the head about the circles within ethnic groups. I do like the thought of in out of town experience, except I would like to do the traveling. Then I could satisfy the whole population in another region.
Wish me luck!

Just as you do not nor do I. I am of middle eastern and european heritage and cross into both worlds all the time in business and play. I ran into a young African-American woman who often 'temped' at our office and boy was I shocked. Needless to say, I left her a nice tip but cancelled the date on the spot. I was not that I rejected her, but as we all want to have discretion in our private lives, I did not want my biz on front and vine streets otherwise known as the hallway tabloids. I have seen here since at work and believe she is equally embarrassed, so to date (about 4 months) we only give the nod if you know what I mean. So if I hobby, I now only call on independents who show their picture and face clearly. So far they have been white and latinas.

We all choose who we are going to see.  Why should you feel bad?  The choices you made are yours and yours alone.  It does not matter if you choose to exclude certain attributes of anyone.  They will get over it.  Probably quicker than you think.

I will add my two cents. I am not by any means racist in the least, (probably color blind when it comes to men though size does still matter gents... LOL Just Kidding) but I sympathize why you don't see certain gents of specific ethnic backgrounds. I have run into specific problems over and over with certain races and have learned one very important thing. If I can tell by the way they talk on the phone that they sound a little "harsh" I avoid em... and that goes for all races. I mean a disrespectful person is a disrespectful person period. A guy that plays games plays games. A cheap skate is a cheap skate. So no matter what you "color" em you can't tell which grapes are gonna be sour out the whole bunch. Take a chance there are some sweet ones out there. May I also remind you of a little something I feel you have neglected to realize. Even though you may be a member of a tight knit community and avoid seeing men of this community for fear family or friends may find out. Do you think this gent would want people to know that he uh paid for it? I mean don't you think they have just as huge of a fear of being found out as you do? Wether thier fear is the same as yours, or fear from a SO finding out, or simply being embarrased it is there. You know what they say birds of a feather flock together, heck you may even enjoy it... I say give it a good ole provider try. Just once. If you don't enjoy yourself and feel free of worry then hey no one is making you do it. Just be happy with you, K? No matter what you do... be happy with you.

Are you putting down your "preferences" in your website? If not, then you should. I do agree that it is your business, and you should run it like you want to! I am totally for that I feel that if provider is not "feeling it" with a certain group, she should be open about it, and not feel afraid to put her preferences on her website.

... to anyone.  The lady's not a loan officer or a bank, she's not using public tax dollars, she's not running a public project.  Sure, discrimination is small-minded and wrong-headed.  But since the lady is running a private practice she gets to choose her customers.  I know one lady is simply can't stand bald men.  Won't see them a second time.  It's wrong, but that's her right.  It's impossible to legislate morality over private conduct.

I don't have an answer but I sure would like an URL to check you out.  You sound like a great girl and I'm looking forward to meeting you.

For P.A., no I hve not listed this on my ad. I don't think I have the nerve. I have seen post from a provider that states"4 white me", and thought , wow, she's got balls! I think doing that would start more controversey. For example I do have age requirements for clients, and I still get 20 year olds, trying to explain how mature and hot they are, over the "old dudes" I prefer. I always tell them, the fact that I have to argue and explain to them,  is exactly why I prfer "older dudes." Can you imagine putting " No ------, all others welcome on a page? With my luck the A.C.L.U. would be all over this(just kidding).

My rates are clearly posted, so I would like to think that anyone calling  is willing to spend. I don't think they are going to harm me,or cheat me, it's just for the reason of the friends and family thing. I think I'll continue to screen like I have, I'll slip up and take the plunge.

>The reason for this is nothing more than,fear of hooking up with >someone I may know, be related to, or somehow acquainted (through >friends or family ties).

I don't really doubt you but is this the whole reason (just thinking out loud).

Any reason is good enough for not seeing someone including a bad feeling. But, (and this is a big but) you should consider how you you like this same treatment.