Believe it or not, this update is likely good news. If she had turned, she would have left her ads and contacts available to continue "business as usual". Her actions make it appear that she is taking a step back to assess her current legal situation and deal with it as best as she can. I wouldn't be surprised if some day down the road she popped back up somewhere again. Although she may not feel this right now, it's not the end of the world.
I recently called a provider I know hoping to get together again soon; this would be for our third meeting over about 6-7 months. When she returned my phone call, I received a very brief messasge stating that she had been arrested a couple days prior. At first I wanted to call her back and at least show my support and wish her the best, though I don't really think I can do anything else to help but be a friend. Then I began to wonder if it was better left alone, since it was pretty obvious that she would not be meeting with me again and may not want any contact from previous clients. Now bear in mind, we have only met a couple of times before, but we really truly enjoyed one another's company, even spending additional time off the clock together afterwards.
Hopefullly, someone here has been in a similar position, or can relate and identify with this situation. My dilema is this, would I just complicate an already stressful problem, or would you want to hear from me even if I could do nothing to help? Am I poking my nose into a personal matter? Would you appreciate hearing from a friend during this difficult time?
Please help, offer your experiences, advise, or collective wisdom
Thanks, mr.man
-- Modified on 11/12/2004 4:42:25 PM
The best thing you can do is try to talk to her live. I don't know her specific situation but she may not have any other means of supporting herself or have a great deal of money saved. Right now she might need to see people she trusts more than ever!
She may have left a brief message because she might be afraid that you don't trust her now. Anyway, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. One can only speculate about her situation until you talk to her. The fact that she returned your call may mean that she isn't shutting down right now.
I know a few ladies that have been arrested in the past. Each individual reacts in a different way. However, all are still working today a little bit wiser to what to watch out for.
Can you email me please?
[email protected]
I can't respond at length because I am on my webphone.
I used to be uncomfortable when I saw a friend was in trouble. I didn't know how to behave or what to say. For fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, I would say nothing.
Then it was my turn.
Yes, a lot of my friends behaved the way I had. I was hurt, but I understood their behavior. Some, however, stepped up. Most with just a card or a phone call. Others made sincere offers of help.
Today, if I have a friend how's down and out, I step up. Not once, have I had the impression that my contact was unwelcome or made my friend uncomfortable.
In your case, be sure your intentions are clear -- that you have no agenda beyond offering your concern. Let her take the lead as to where the conversation goes, and how long it lasts. Do nothing that may add even the slightest stress, like asking if she'd like you to contact her again. It is okay, though, to ask if she needs anything, but preface the question with a statement qualifying how much help you're willing or able to offer. Say something like, “I'm a little short right now, but I can spare $100, will that help?” Without such a qualifier, you may get her hopes up before you finish speaking.
Incidentally, just the fact that you’re agonizing over this shows what kind of decent person you are. Good luck to your friend.
If you truly care for her, and she's truly your friend, then she needs emotional support now more than anything else. She's feeling frightened and alone and like nobody really cares. Beyond that I have nothing to add to the wise words in the post above.
I have responded to provider friends in trouble, always just letting them know I was there and still cared, and have never had reason to regret it. And you'll feel so much better about yourself.
This is going to sound harsh but---LEAVE HER BE!!! As noble as your intentions are, you have no idea what she was arrested for nor do you need to get caught up. We assume is was for prostitution, but we just don't know. Whatever it was, ask yourself if she's worth having your life possibly affected---if yes...call her. If the answer is no, keep her in your prayers, sever ties, and find a new ATF. While it's a human issue, it still boils down to business and protecting one's well being.
Put something in the body of the message. I have 4 pages of mail to get through. Thanks.
if all else fails, try [email protected]
First, let me thank all that replied, publically, and through PM and email, especially Michelle.
I considered so many different aspects of this, such as she may not want to see me again, just wants to get rid of me; or possibly does not want to hear from clients right now. Part of me wants to sever ties, cut any losses, move on with my life, and not get involved. But there is something about her tone of voice as listened to that message again that just disturbed me. In her message to me, she makes a quick mention that she is cooperating with police. This worried me at first, and while this may involve my name or contact info showing up during investigation, I have resolved that I am not so concerned for myself as her emotional state. She may really need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, why else would she have called me. I have been convinced to call her, and will do so tomorrow. Regardless of her reaction, or the outcome, I just feel it must be done. She gave me a part of herself when I needed someone's time and companionship. Now is my chance to truly show her my appreciation and gratitude by being there to comfort and support her, at her bleakest moment. It is such a shame that this had to happen to her, she really doesn't deserve to be put through all this.
I hope to keep you updated of our progress.
You never mentioned that she was cooperating with the police in your fist post. If she is willing to do that, I would stay away if I were you. Personally, I wouldn't care if my name came up in something like this because it would not hurt me publically or privately. However, I would see her turning on people she knows, male or female, to make her burden less severe as a character flaw.
If you do contact her, tell her to hire an attorney right away before she says anything more. The people she is dealing with in LE do not have her best interest at heart.
Yeah Mike, I thought of that angle too, but I should have been a little more specific, (it was getting late, I was exhausted) She indicated that she might be willing to just cooperate to the extent as to not cause any further problems, basically taking responsibilty for her actions.
I am not so worried for myself being associated with her, but I now also realize that I may be thinking and/or acting partially out of my own self interest. I'm reminded of the quote "keep your freinds close and your enemies closer"; should LE be headed my directon, I was at least warned ahead of time and am now prepared.
best regards, and everyone please be careful out there, mr.man
if anyone cares or was interested in the outcome, I have been unable to contact this lady today, both phone and email accounts have been terminated, so I suspect that I may never hear of this again
But this does make me pause for a moment and rethink just who I am dealing with and how to be more careful. At least I hope to learn from other's mistakes.
It still angers me to no end how LE can humiliate, intimidate, and make someone suffer, when there are so many other important issues and violent criminals to attend to. It just doesn't seem fair...
Believe it or not, this update is likely good news. If she had turned, she would have left her ads and contacts available to continue "business as usual". Her actions make it appear that she is taking a step back to assess her current legal situation and deal with it as best as she can. I wouldn't be surprised if some day down the road she popped back up somewhere again. Although she may not feel this right now, it's not the end of the world.