A few days ago, someone (I honstly can't recall who) was tired of the common ending to our little reviews-  "treat her well guys she's a gem"  (many variations but that is representative for my purposes)-  Many agreed- they thuoght it patronizing as well as a cliche.  Some of us defended it as boring, but a formalaity that siginified our mark of a find.

Well darned if I don't come back from vacation to discover that two ladies have tales of maltreatment at the hands of hobbyists!   If that don't prove that we still need to make little formal requests for good behaviour then I am not sure what does.

Good providers are not easy to find as this site proves day in and day out- so a little respect is owed, even if the service you get is not exactly what you want.   If you want a lady who needs to biffed around before you can really have fun-PAY THE FREAKIN FREIGHT-   find some lady who does that and pay her rate!   - don't make some lovable extrovert like FF, MM, WN, or HBXXX question their very livelihood!

I am steamed.   If I ever know that anyone is a basher of ladies, that person is not safe from retaliation in my presence.  Ever.   And if my ample frame is not imposing enough, I will use a tool if I have to.

So-  everyone-  let's not complain when we hear a simple request to respect a local treasure- let's shut the fuck up and follow the advice- maybe even throw in a gift or two, better yet an orgasm or three(who's counting?)- and try to make sure that every hobby interaction is positive for all involved.

Of course LE and rip-off folk can eat turds and die for all I care-  that's where to get out your agressions (although its better there too, to disengage with a smile)

Sorry if I pissed anyone off- but trying to crush the flavour from strawberry shortcake is wrong- and I had to make the call...

Your point is well taken. I think that most all of the guys on these boards do treat them well and don't need to be told, but unfortunately there are a few who don't. Yes, it may be trite and a cliche, but anything that might help us keep a good one certainly doesn't hurt any of us. Perhaps I should have posted earlier when that original thread went up but I didn't think it was that big of a deal at the time. But you're right Sully, some hobbiests may need to be reminded about good manners from time to time. None of these ladies we love should ever have to feel afraid of any of us. JMHO
pt

anyone that has been on these boards know the general feeling towards the providers. (why does this term sound so Classic Trek?) I think that lately some of the misbehaving has been outside of the boards. If it was someone who regularily posted, can you imagine what the flame war would be?

whoever the cum-stain is-  he needs not a flame war but an unscheduled rectal exam!  

I guess the nice veneer on me, too, is pretty thin...

Most of the guys on TER really love women and enjoy their company whether they be escorts, MP girls or the women we meet in daily life.  They make our dreary existence a little brighter and we just plain like being with them- they're the strawberry on our shortcake, so to speak.  

But as we all know, there are a few sick dogs out there that we pass everyday on the street, or in the office, and we have no idea of the hostility they harbor toward women.  They can be OK in other aspects of life and then turn into the sort of abusers we've heard about recently; capable of violence
and inflicting pain on innocent women.  

It's been suggested by some that these recent postings are "publicity stunts" for lack of a better word (I've considered the possibility myself).  But I don't think that's the case.  I also don't think it's a coincidence that the providers experience an above average rate of exposure to this small percentage of guys because these people use escorts as the primary outlet to act out their hostile and perverted feelings toward women.  It's not new either, anyone remember about Jack the Ripper?

I'm not a shrink, but I think everyone realizes that sex can be like alcohol in that it reveals the true hidden nature of a person.  We've all had friends who were otherwise decent guys, but turned into complete assholes when drinking.  Similarly, sexual intimacy can either reveal great kindness and affection toward women, or hidden rage and hostility.  Women, all women, have experienced both types of men.  Unfortunately, escorts by the nature of their work will see more of both the good and bad also, and are placed in harms way more often as a result.  It's also probably no coicidence that this guy traveled 3000 miles to see HB, to a city where he's unknown in order to perpetrate his violence.

I think the only thing the women can do to protect themselves in this regard is to be extremely vigilant, and also share information to the greatest extent possible so that it never happens a second time.  An informal Megan's Law of sorts (a Calif. law that requires sex offenders to register with the local police department of any city in which they reside).  We certainly know the cops aren't going to help unless someone gets killed. Unfortunately, these sick bastards know this too and that emboldens them further.  Cops wouldn't even take a beating seriously ("What do you expect, in your line of work " would probably be their response).  But we all know they'll spend weeks planning, and spend thousands of dollars to bust an escort in her own home.

I think most of the ladies are very intuitive about people and are already very careful.  But regardless, my advice would be the same we give to the guys re. rip-offs or LE.  Listen to that inner voice.  If something doesn't seem right to you it usually isn't, get out immediately.  Don't let your desire to get paid blind you to the situation, just as guys need to keep their desire to get laid in check when a situation doesn't seem right.  Look for clues early on that would indicate something is wrong.  If you're suspicious that's reason enough to cut things off.  If some guy can't act normal on the phone or write a civil email, don't let him get any closer (I know the ladies already know this as part of their screening, because we hear guys complain they can't get a response etc.).

Perhaps most importantly, regardless of how far into the date you've gone, the minute you feel yourself losing control of the situation get out or get some sort of protection (mace canister in the night stand?).

The reason this is so critical is there's a psychological phenomenon that we all share that sometimes works against us:  the farther down the path of a particular course of action we travel, the more committed we get to reaching the conclusion, even when things start turning against us.  This human characteristic is exploited all the time in business from mergers and aquisitions to selling cars.  You have to fight the urge to "see it through" when things start getting off track.  In the HB example, all the phone calls and emails serve to start pulling you in.  Picking him up, going to dinner, etc. all pull you in deeper and deeper. By the time you're ready to get intimate, you've been desensitized to the situation.  BTW, this isn't my opinion, but the conclusion of a professor who wrote a great book that's considered the 'bible" on the subject of influence.  

There may be a few of these sick guys lurking on TER, but I doubt they're posting as regulars (with maybe one exception in the past I can think of).  So, unfortunately, all our pleas for civility are falling on the wrong ears.  But more importantly, these pleas aren't going to change the behavior of someone who has major psychological problems anyway, since they're not acting rationally in the first place.  And that is perhaps the saddest part- there's very little men of good intentions can do to recognize these guys beforehand and stop this sort of violence prior to it first being revealed in action- especially w/o knowing them as people prior to accepting an appointment.  Found the real killers yet, OJ?


-- Modified on 7/10/2001 4:27:54 PM

Still hot-  but you guys are calming me down with your sage words...

I STILL say the most amazing and best thing about this site is the sense of community we have developed-  whne the only thing we know we have in common is not being afraid to pay for a good orgasm(OK does a bad one exist?)!  That's better than all the money saved 0n rip-offs(must be over several millions)

sort of reminds me of "M".   Who's peter Lorre?   Can we semi-underworlders police ourselves?

that for those who are OK neither "treat her well" or don't misbehave, frighten, or harm a lady is easily understood and goes without saying.  Sadly, it has absolutely zero impact on a guy who lacks common decency and common courtesy.  Our ranting and admonishons serve only to express our personal code and does nothing to change bad behavior.

all of So Cal goes to pieces.  OK Sully I left you in charge.
How did these evildoers get across the State Line anyway?
Probably hidden away inside a trailer full of sub-standard
out-of-state frozen chicken gizzards or some such!
This just steams me.  My heart goes out to the ladies who have
experienced mistreatment, and especially HBXXX, nobody deserves
this! NOBODY!
This really puts a damper on all the fun I had up in Monterey!
Guess I will have to return to capture the magic once again!

LM

ps- catching up on a weeks worth of posts is a real drag!

Yo-lusty-dusty!

I was away too!

Seems like a guy can't leave the freakin' state w/o some douche-bag (ok- I'm insulting all those hard-workingdouche bags...) touching one of our fave ladies in an impure manner...

Basically, that's what I meant to say distilled down to one paragraph (good job!).  

Glad everyone's back from vacation so I can take one now.  I've been writing my ass off!  Lustman, this always happens when you take off, you should know better by now.

Y'know...maybe its just the town I live in...but I not only expect people to be unmitigated assholes...but am honestly surprised when they are not.  

Living in NYC, but not growing up here (Good Southern Boy)...I have found that the only way I can enjoy the company of a woman who is sweet and kind and who is not looking to hook up the mainline to my wallet via marriage and who is not going to play endless games to that end....is to pay for one to leave - Getting "it" is not the problem...getting more than you want is.

As such, it is simply beyond me that these ladies would be mistreated.  Makes me want to explore the limits of my vigilante tendencies.

Having said the above - I respect all of the ladies in this business who maintain their professionalism, their sweetness, their HUMANITY in the face of all of these obvious assholes.  Even those who do not...those who become miserable or jaded....they deserve my respect as well.  After all - all we really have in life is our time and our bodies.  For someone to willingly loan them to me...well, that deserves respect. For better or for worse, they bring "Happiness" in one form or another to people they do not know.

I think that through denial of self expression, people get mean.  Unfortunately, this indicates that folks who are sexually repressed and end up looking outside the life they have set up for themselves for gratification may have a high rate of resentment and pent up anger/frustration.  Yet another reason to respect the Ladies.  For walking into that with their head held high.

I think we have to police ourselves.  I have ranted and raved about issues like privacy..I have made a point of apologizing....cause perhaps if I am vocal about my own ideology, ONE person will think beyond themselves. Even that might be too much to hope for...but I gotta try.  

We all have to try.

Pardon my rample

Be Well.

Looky Looky

Treating people with decency are not only reserved for the providers. If a person needs to be told, then they're already out of reach. I think how you treat other is a direct reflection of your parents.

I will confess to being the guy that started the thread that I'm sick of "treat her well". I worded my comments a little too strongly, which I regret, and recieved a fair amount of flame response which I did not respond to. I hate flaming, and quite frankly, chalked the whole thing up to having had a cocktail or two that night.Knowing that would have perhaps caused me to rethink my original post.

In any event, today I visited a very nice FBSM gal that was complaining of "asshole guys".  I aksed her what she meant and she told me that a lot of guys showed up expecting more than FBSM. I thought how odd...any TER-savvy guy would know better, if the gal is reviewed as FBSM, for God's Sake, don't expect more. It then occurred to me that not all of us are TER-savvy, so for $200, they might be very well expect more. The problem of course is that their desires and expecations for what $200 can buy cannot be discussed before the session on the phone. LE causes this problem, but it also causes the "leap-of-faith" problem that allows rip-off providers to flourish. We all know that the rip off artists can't describe their service offerings, so we take that chance, that they will be good "honest" providers and take the leap.

I just thought it ironic that there are two ends to the spectrum, all based on the same dilemna.....the provider that gets hassled because she can't describe her service offering....and the rip-off artist that does'nt describe her offering, and gets away with it, because she knows the client doesn't expect her to reveal the service offering on the phone. He takes the leap of faith and gets ripped badly.

A pity that LE causes this lack of communication between consulting adults to flourish.

In terms of my orignal comments, about the "I hate the treat her well posters"....I apologize...my guess the is the guys that post that have been ripped-off more than others, and feel like thay maybe have to protect the quality providers they see.

\Take Care,

Duit

-- Modified on 7/12/2001 9:04:23 AM

Your explanation makes some good points, especially how the game we have to play because of LE creates the opening that grifters and con artists exploit (congratulations vice cops, but then those crimes are somebody else's concern).

I guessing from your response that your reaction to the "treat her well" comment is similar to the one I have when a perky morning person tells me to "have a nice day" before I've had any coffee.   Die perky people, die!

Since I started the thread ( LA Board) on the "treat her well" subject, I guess I'm prepared to comment. Less a "die-perky-people-die"  attitude and more "shut up you freakin nerd" were my origins. But I like your thought pattern.!!!