You saw me around 3 or 4 times as an escort for nice long extended dates. We've connected on all sorts of levels and the next thing you know, we're going out together off the clock and spending all kinds of quality time together.

The $$$ stopped when we crossed the lines and neither of us mentioned it.  Business has slowed down a bit and i'm starting to experience a financial hardship.  I'm enjoying our time together and hesitant to discuss it not knowing how it would be percieved.

How do I ask for help? How would you handle it? Would you get mad? Help me? Never speak to me again? I'm in this delimna.

Thanks

Offer to make an arrangement that meets both your needs.  Don't be greedy, be fair.  And don't let him be cheap.  (After all, this is how you make your living at the moment).  

You're even both allowed to ENJOY it, so long as nobody cheats and no one gets taken advantage of, in my opinion.  







-- Modified on 7/15/2004 6:51:55 PM

If it were me, I would want to know that you're experiencing financial hardships and I would want to help.

well your first mistake was not keeping it a business relationship.
men can be biggest jerks and once this guy realizes the free ride is over,he will be gone.
best way to deal with it quit seeing him,set up new contacts and he if wants back in its business as usual.
don't ever let yourself cross that line where a customer becomes an s.o.
marcb

Alot depends on where both of you think the relationship is and where it is headed. Was in similar situation. I never stopped paying but more and more extra time was added for us to enjoy being with each other off the clock. However, we both knew that there was no future together and I respected her time and needs financially. I can see the problem. It's difficult to go back once new groundrules have been set. Asking him outright to pay now would give him the impression that his status with you has changed back to him being a client first in your mind and you being an escort but the roles have changed to boy and girlfriend to some degree. There is potential for a lot of hurt. If you care enough about him, don't ask directly but state your present financial situation. Leave it up to him to volunteer help. Sounds like you don't want to lose him but as you said the line has been crossed and going back isn't so simple.

If the financials need to change, I want to know about it. If you don't say anything I'll assume everything's ok, so _please_ ask me for help. If we've connected and are spending a lot of time together, I would not want to lose your friendship over this.

For me, personally, I know how you support yourself and I know that you've been very generous to me with your time and affection. What do you want out of our relationship? Do you want to get more serious or do you want to keep things the way they are? Unless the relationship is going to get more serious, I have no ground to stand on regarding compensation.

Tell him about the financial problem.
If he really cares, he will offer to help.
If not, then unfortunately, you will know where he is coming from.

In any relationship, communications is the key.

I hope it works out for you.

Just my opinion...
B

I would too. Absolutely. Actually, I have been in that situation and it is a fine line wherein you genuinely like and care for each other but there is the immediate issue of economics. I would raise the issue of slow business with your boyfriend. If he is the person you think he is, he would want to know, wouldnt he? Let him respond to this new information from you. Im not suggesting he will say "Oh lets just go back to me paying for your time." What he might do is offer a financial gift to his close friend in need or loan to get you over the slow period. You need to decide what you would like to happen before you have the talk, and the kind of relationship you want with him. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

I've been in two relationships with providers that sound more or less like your situation.  In one relationship, we deliberately kept a couple of "on the clock" dates each week as a sort of benchmark to remind us of who we were.  Apart from that, tho, we saw each other extensively and I gave her huge amounts of money.  

Interestingly, in the second relationship, it went the other way: for a while, I was all too happy to empty my wallet.  Then times got tough on me and I wasn't in a position to pay the standard rate.  She was very understanding and accomodated me.

But the bottom line seems to be that you need to discuss it, and part of that discussion needs to be about what the relationship is about.  If it's fundmentally a hobbyist/provider relationship, then I think the benchmark approach makes a lot of sense; if you're in a "real" relationship, then he's got a big claim on your time and you have a big claim on his money, but the chemistry of it is different.

There is a fine line between being a provider and being a GF/dating.  Once the line is crossed, everything changes.

If you charge a fee, then it is a relationship based on money being paid for your time.

If you don't charge a fee, then it is a relationship that is based on two people caring for each other.

It would be a tough thing to swallow to pay for time and then fork out more money for dating.  This could drive him away, and he could always find another provider that will charge him double duty.

Couple of questions that you might need to ask yourself.  Is your going out affecting business?  What do you want out of this relationship?  Are you happy being with him?  

Money can't buy happiness. Everyone needs a balance between sex and real life.  Good Luck, I hope everything works out.

I seen it go the other way. First buddies with Privilege to helping her out.
certainly it you're hanging out.

You’re right to be anxious about losing me as a friend if you go back to charging me for your time.  That would hurt my feelings.  That doesn't mean I wouldn't help you out with money though.  Maybe it's just semantics.  Friends and lovers I give money to call it a "loan".  Sometimes I tell them it's a gift but they don't ask for money....they ask for a loan.  You've crossed into friendship and the professional stuff was over when you stopped asking/getting money.  (To me anyway.  But one of my room-mates is Thornton Wilder.)

 You've clicked for a reason; he's probably a good guy and won't take advantage of you.  Let him know your problems.  If time with him is cut short because you have to work more to catch up with money he'll also get the idea.

-- Modified on 7/15/2004 4:38:26 PM

This is all such great adivce and i'm so glad I took the time to get your opinions before I did something I would regret.  

Now I know why I love being a part of "ter", you're all truly wonderful smart, caring and sensitive men.

Thanks a bunch!

-- Modified on 7/15/2004 9:03:25 PM

How about a progress report in a week or so?

Ginger - you should post your link, or at least PM some of the responders to your post so that may increase your business.
Just a thought...

I would know that my time has decreased your earnings and find ways to help without making you feel bad. If our time was that good that I keep coming back I should make sure your well cared for.