There's a string on the newbie board on "gentlemen over 60" that I think deserves broader discussion.  There's an aspect of this I'd like to hear providers speak to (like to hear from older guys too perchance there's advice I've missed).  I'm in the over-50's gang happily finally discovering escorts after being widowed for several years.  My problem is that I can't seem to finish during escort sessions.  I stay at reasonable attention throughout the full 1 - 1 1/2 hours, bur very rarely pop.  No problem at a club during a good and proper lap dance, nor I doubt in the last row of a movie or back seat of an old 65 Chevy (haven't tried either of those last 2 in a long while, but I'm pretty confident wouldn't be a problem), but just don't finish on incalls (that's all I do) with our wonderful ladies.  Now, I expect that a real BarbiDoll figure and sexy clothes and bearing and a lot of fervent FK or DFK along with real GFE teasing with body and hands and lips and tounge and ear whispering and other foreplay would do the trick, and that's why I usually sign on for at least 1 1/2 hours, but I just haven't found that full degree of personalization yet, or at least not to the extent I seem to require.  I generally get some degree of FK and always FS with BBBJ and other desirable stuff, and even get nice incall environments, but the atmosphere and manner in which all is delivered just seems to fall short.  Am I asking too much?  I am not shy and do make known by hint or otherwiswe (softly) that I love the real personal approach, but it's just not being adequately delivered.  I'm a fit, clean, well dressed, charming, and otherwise presentable guy with good manners and not a violent bone in my body (all true), and I can tell the girls appreciate all that and are not in any way repulsed.  So that's not the answer.  I'm presently trying to become more choosy, getting in contact with providers in the 300-400 hourly range with more enticing pics and highest reviews (have been going till now for the same $$$ range but settling for good but not great looks, going a little beyond big-busted-petite figures that stop me cold on the street, and maybe having a couple mediocre TER ratings among an inventory or generally higher ones).  The only thing I haven't tried is medical or psychological help, but my experience with club lap dances, etc. seems to argue against that.  Anyway, I'm curious how providers react to this rather long dissertation, how you react to having to work so hard to get guys like me over the top (sometimes unsuccessfully), and in general how you react to the difficulty of creating just the right atmosphere us "hard cases" seem to require.  Don't be concerned, I'm not going to stop trying, and expect there are some real BarbiDoll types out there who can do the trick.  Just finding it a bit frustrating waiting things out.

If you ever get to Portlan OR I can guarantee a couple of gals that will get you off! Terah, Monique, Lana, Christina

QP, there are so many ladies out there, who I am sure could light your fire. Look to the well reviewed ladies. It may cost a liitle more. I have also found that the "mature" ladies can really connect with you and you can have a fantastic experience.
Celeste(myATF), Cheridan, Darlene & Luscious Laurel just to name a few.

-- Modified on 7/19/2002 4:57:43 PM

Are you saying that you never release yourself at all or just not with a provider. Try thinking of someone you really desire when you are with that ATF also try getting yourself off while she watches you. You will be surprise how excited you both will get.

I am not a BarbiDoll but I am a babedoll and far from being unattractive and I do have very high review rating. Whenever I talk with someone that is booking an appointment I make it my business to ask what pleases him so when we me I will be ready to please him based on his needs, it is the purpose of the meeting right GFE/BFE.



-- Modified on 7/20/2002 10:21:01 AM

Now, here is a problem I can identify with. Your story sounds so much like mine, I feel my experience is worth relating for you. I, too am "over 50" (actually, quite a bit over 60). I, too lost my wife, and after several years of celibacy, I discovered TER and the wonderful ladies we find here. My experience, like yours, was that I could not climax, except by BBBJ or HJ. A consultation with a doctor, and some experimenting on my own led me to conclude that the problem is a result of two factors, neither of which we can do anything about. First, with the passing of the years, our organ becomes less sensitive to stimulation; Couple that inescapable problem with the necessity of using a condom for sexual intercourse (thereby reducing sensitivity even further), and we can't achieve an orgasm.
  Since I absolutely love the ladies, I could not give up entirely the pleasures of their company. So, I seek out those ladies whose beauty of personality and physical attractiveness turn me on, and I engage in those sexual acts which do not require the protection of a condom.
  In short, make the best of what you have, and with what you feel is sufficiently safe ( only HJ is completely safe) without that accursed condom

I'm not sure that's an uncommon experience for those of us that were married a long time.

I had one experienced provider tell me "Oh, you're one of those ones who needs an emotional connection" and I suspect that may be true to some degree.

I also agree that with a condom it just seems mechanical somehow and the direct skin to skin touch of a good *j works best for me.

Your probably thinking about it. Your mind keeps wondering if it is going to go off or not. That's the kiss of death. If you can get your mind off of it everything will probably get done.

I've had the same experience. I still enjoy the hell out of the experience and am glad it lasts the whole session.

Too nice.  Get a little nasty.  
I think that I got it figured out.  I too, am well past 60.  I have only been in this hobby for 18 months or so.  Married for 40+ years….  sex was  dull and far apart.  So I took the plunge.
Got ripped off a couple of times at first,  then discovered TER--- Celeste, Cheridan, Luscious Laurel, Heather B., Grace Selena, Rose, AMP’s and so on, and so on.  Being married for 40 years to the only lady I have ever had sex with, needless to say I had a lot to learn.  So the ladies lead the way.  It was wonderful.  All I needed was as little “V”, no problems. WOW .  I was feeling pretty good about how things were going for me.  But I started to realize that I was enjoying myself,  but what about the ladies?  So I started to take the lead.  Booking longer appointments,  spending a lot of time giving instead of taking. Seeing ladies  multiple occasions, becoming a “regular”.  Learning to please.   It was still exciting, but often, I couldn’t finish. Even with my ATF. What an ego buster!!  
A couple of weeks ago I realized that whenever I saw someone new or just go to an AMP there was never a problem.  Therefore guys… GirlCrazy is right on.  Let it go, relax, stop trying so hard.  Get a little nasty.  Let the lady get nasty and  “prime the pump” to get things started.  It is okay to finish , then give the lady your 100% full attention.  Who knows, what will happen???

Isn't it interesting as to what I started. Being a widower I thought it was just me, however there are many others that are sharing this "experience". I would, however, like to hear from some ladies as to their opinion. Thanx to all of you.

Hello dear,

My first thought is that it is the whole aspect of comfort.  

With lapdances you are there specifically for the tease.  That is where the eroticism lies... in your being SOO close to that body but not being able to rip off the clothes and mount her!  LOL

But when you visit the incalls you are expecting all that and more.  And as is often the case in real life... when actually confronted with a body that a)isn't the ideal you want and b)is just plain unknown... well... especially as you want a TOTAL GFE... that is going to run into probs.

My recommendation would be to take the top three ladies you have seen to date and visiting again... You are more comfortable... as is she... she has an idea of you will respond to her and may have some ideas that might surprise you in a pleasant area.

I know that I for one feel AMAZINGLY guilty when I have a customer in your situation.  And frankly it isn't because of the dollars involved... it is because I pride myself on being of service to you!  And I tend to do things like add an additional 1/2 hour unto the next session if you return... because that little bit of time for us BOTH to loosen up may be what it takes...

Good luck... I hope you are able to find solace and release in your future endeavors!

Rebecca of Seattle

Great input, and thanks to all, providers and clients alike.  I see I'm not alone, but of course that's little comfort (for me or you).  Following are a few thoughts back.

I personally find it impossible to believe I'll ever get there without the "eye candy" thing, the BarbiDoll figure, trim and slim at the tummy and hips and thighs and long legs, but bulging out of the spaghetti straps holding the bodice at top, and the neck and eyes and lips that say things before you even fall into them.  I agree that all this "real thing at my fingertips" stuff probably never can match the "fantasy" thing at the lap dance club (imagination is the true master over reality), but I can't see even getting past first base without it.  So that's the first step in what I'm trying now, and I have a couple real BarbiDoll types I'm communicating with to make dates.

But then comes the hard part!  Can either of these gals (or undoubtedly several others not yet on my radar) carry out a proper "GFE at the doorway" thing.  I think if my BarbiDoll greeted me like an old lover, with a come-hither neckline and sexy body-touch hug and lingering FK, and then led me to the couch for some mesmerizing talk and eye contact and tounge-wetting-lips and tease and good-old high school necking, and then to the bed for more of the same and getting each other undressed and then her taking the lead with warm-up BBBJ and then moving into covered FS with her again taking the lead and at least initially being on top, all accompanied by FK and ear lathering and the other little things that mark a real GFE, then I've got to believe I'd get there.  Oh la la!  If not, I'm a dead turkey and should get out of the business, right?!

So hopefully one or both of the two BarbiDoll types I'm now communicating with can pull this thing off.  Both have many good TER reviews (although one stands out so will be my first try and will have me as a regular forever if she succeeds).  I'll post afterward to let everyone know how all turns out.  Laughing at myself as I write this, like a soap opera, but of course deadly serious stuff.

By the way, what several of you said about thinking too much and wanting to please the provider too muuch (at least initially) and striving to be escort-appropriate are all right on point.  I'd already figured them out (but still appreciate your bringing them up and reinforcing my thinking), but "figuring" and "doing" are two different things.  I fortunately (or unfortunately) really respect and love the "female" in the female gender, so am kind of stuck with some of this.  But am trying.

Also, what some of you said about DATY is very true, and in trying to please my partners I've grown fond of that particular pasttime with the right girl (shaved and clean, clean, clean) and find it very exciting, but often hold off because doing DATY uncovered in the escort environment scares hell out of me and I know of no covered way to comfortably do it (is there one?)  And yes, I know that FK and DFK, which I also find very exciting (duh!), should trigger that same sense of fear, but somehow I rationalize this risk as being of a lower order of magnitude than for DATY.  I believe I'm right in that, but still probably a largely unthinkingly foolish rationalization.  Comments?

Again to you ladies that responded, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I sincerely mean it that I respect and love you all (ill-intentioned gals excepted), but also believe me when I say I just don't think I can get past the "eye candy" thing (haven't completely closed the door to alternative, but mostly).  I know that's stupid, but try explaining otherwise to my juices.  I've been with what I consider (but what do I know?) very talented FS partners of different shapes and sizes thinking I'd overcome this hang up, but no luck.  Believe me, I'm not knocking anyone here.      

i went on zoloft several years ago and it did a number on my ejaculation response. i can come after masturbation most but not all the time, and about 1 in 6 providers (the best reviewed providers) can get me off.

know what? i absolutely love it. i can take 50 minutes of pure tantric handwork and if i don't come then it's 50 minutes of pure tantric bliss (and a shower). i tend to act out and let my pleasure show, and most ladies at least seem to have a great time too and all ask me back, give me their special passwords, etc. to them it's just that much more clean and safe!

for me, the appearance of the provider has almost nothing to do with it. if she seems tuned to my response, is skilled, and lets me do my thing, then i feel an emotional connection that lights my rocket. yes, it's slow, but it's worth the wait.

the butter churning clockwatchers never get me off, and it's always the really hot looking ones that seem offended or surprised about it.

Don't know Zoloft.  Any comments on it?  Prescription?  Is this alternative or otherwise related to Viagra, which I also know nothing about?  By the way, masterbation never a problem -- just finishing with the girls.  That have any effect on the Zoloft question?  Also by the way, have wonderful time with the girls even though I don't finish, but always leave knowing they feel bad and knowing I did miss a big something, no matter how much I enjoyed the sessiion.

Viagra is the real deal.  Be careful not to take it with anothing that contains Nitrates, it could be fatal.

Besides helping with penile erection, it also improves stamina slightly and shortens the recovery time between rounds.  Best thing to do is to get 100mg pills and a pill cutter to cut the pill in half (normally one only needs the 50mg dosage).

-- Modified on 7/20/2002 4:41:06 PM

Viagra has nothing to do with finishing.  It's main purpose is to get you up.  What you do with it up is a physiological thing in you.  BTW: I used it (100mg) and had a hell of a time finishing.  Knocked down to 50mg and all was well.

I'm over 50 and began doing this at that magic age.  For the first year I had problems with FS.  I blamed it on the condom.  BBBJ was usually no problem.  I finally was with a lady that I felt a "connection" with.  And I had the best FS I could remember.  She became my favorite, and things have just gotten better.  My suggestion is to be patient, perhaps look for a mature provider, discuss things before you get to the appt. if you can and she allows that, and then relax.  When it really started working for me was when I found some real passion.  the it was easy.  That kind of passion exists.  Many ladies can deliver it.  Read reviews, do your homework.  You'll get there.
It seemed like once the dam broke, I haven't had much of a problem.  
Good luck!

Zoloft hammered my over-50 orgasms for the first year I saw the ladies.  Then I switched to Wellbutrin and everything works just fine.  This orgasm-deterring is a famous side effect of Zoloft for both men and women.  Google it; you'll find a lot of info.  It says 40-60% of men are so affected.  If you're at the top dose of 300mg a day, the odds go up to 90% or so.

I read a lot of that stuff and learned that antidepressants are very personal; what works for me may not for you, or for some third guy.  Docs commonly experiment by changing from one to the other until something works.  There are several SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors)like Prozac and Paxil that are in the same family as Zoloft.  Wellbutrin and some others are a different family.  Get your doc to supervise you while you shop around.  One of them will give you your orgasms back.

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TER.

I hear it does wonders...