You're writing a a) Novel b) noting your own imaginary fantasies to prepare for a novel (and because it is a turn-on to you to write out your fantasies).
Remember one thing....ADMIT NOTHING...EVER! No matter what, there will always be some doubt about whether you are lying or not.
I recently visited Boston, after seeing couple girls there. Harli, and Airalyn and Maya.. Harli was great.. the other two was memorable also.. and because I keep a little journal of them on my computer before I review, my wife I think got to them and read them. .. what kind of excuse should I give her...
You're writing a a) Novel b) noting your own imaginary fantasies to prepare for a novel (and because it is a turn-on to you to write out your fantasies).
Remember one thing....ADMIT NOTHING...EVER! No matter what, there will always be some doubt about whether you are lying or not.
Sounds to me like you are screwed. If you have not thought of an excuse by now you are really screwed. Remember next time to be a lot more cautious about your musings.
She is now much more aware that if she is not willing to pleasure me, I will find pleasure somewhere. Our relationship has improved, and I hobby a lot less.
Never, ever keep any sort of "log" on your pc about your activities. If it's not important enough to keep filed in your head, it's not important enough to get caught over.
Has she said anything? Are you pretty sure she has read them?
If so, you could go with the novel approach, and add notes about plot development, etc.
Or you could play it like it was something that happened before you met, that you were simply keeping a sex journal. Put in dates that were pre-wife, some with question marks. Add other comments that would support that. If there were girls that she knows about from your pre-her days, add them.
Of course, if she has looked through your history files, she may have matched the names with their profiles, ads, etc.
When I want to keep a provider's nunmber in my contacts, I disguise it. If her name was Mary, it might be saved as "St. Mary's Thrift Shop" with a different city in a different area code. (I tend to save a lot of phone numbers, so this wouldn't be unusual.)
My guess is that most wives: 1. Won't buy the research/novel ruse for a minute 2. Will either look the other way, have a tryst or more themselves; or, raise hell. If the latter, watch out because they can, and they will. 3. may be be less hostile if you don't admit anything but shift the subject slightly to some of the topics on TER, for example how men and women are wired differently, and how you chased providers because the testosterone was still pumping but you still loved her so much you didn't want to break up the marriage.
Don't want to seem flip here -- these are serious issues!
Fictitious writing, got them from a friend of yours who had those experiences and the dumbass sent you a journal as opposed to an email,
But yeah, you'll probably have to erase all traces of your hobby for the time being. Cell phone, email accounts... might not be a bad idea to think up some alabis for any hours you were unaccounted for.
Also, I WOULDN'T start treating your SO super nice any time soon.. that's a sure sign of guilt or that you're covering for something.
Lastly, look up a good divorce lawyer and a cheap place to stay.
On the other hand, if she has not blown up in your face already you could almost come clean and you may be able to get away with probation and a month on the couch. Your marriage may be saved with counseling if you did it due to a lack of sex in your marriage.
While any type of cheating hurts, it may heal the wounds faster since it was with a provider and not a full blown affair with your receptionist, coworker etc. You are indirectly saying you still love her and want to be with her.
If you do not want to come clean, don't send flowers - it is an admission of guilt!
I use a PGP disk at home and at work to store all my 'private' files. It used to be PGP for Personal Privacy version 5.5 and was free. I'm not sure if you can get it free anymore. (PGP by the way is a form of encryption).
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