I think the friendship thread activated this part of my brain since I have been having a related discussion with former miss atf. She's not physically available being about 5000 miles away and not likely to close the distance anytime soon, but we remain very close in an e-mail way...

So, as I was thinking aloud with her in the last couple of e-mails, what made provider friendships different than regular friendships. Because of my way of life, unmarried, self employed, not too concerned about the judgements of other people, I have would have no concerns at all about introducing her to my fiends, or having them know who she is and what she does (or did), as far as I'm concerned, if one does their job well, with integrity and decency, I've got no problem being associated with this person.

I know that she's been with hundreds of guys and has made a few actual friendships in the process, one with a guy that lives in my neighborhood and sounds like a very interesting person from the little information I know about him.

But I think it is kind of sad, I can't say exactly, but she has no community, friends and aquaintances who would hang around her for dinner or whatever, it's as if her entire life is one-on-one...

I am absolutely not thinking about group sex or anything sexualized for that matter, she's too good of a friend to want to grope or degrade, I mean being friends for real with people who respect her and leave her boundaries alone.

She doesn't seem to compute this idea, it's a foreign concpet to her, like tensor calculus or some wildly abstract theory...

Do other providers who form respectful friendships (i.e. it really isn't about money or her side and it isn't about getting laid for free on his side) where you share some of the problems and issues of life with each other, well, do you ever develop any community sense with the people you have known, or have guys ever brought providers into their circle of "real friends" as a real friend ? Just curious .

I have a small community of close friends who know what I do and are OK with it - both male and female friends. Perhaps it's because I live in very open-minded places (Santa Cruz, and San Francisco) - my friends seem to consider my being a provider as what I choose for my job, not too much different than if I were a psychotherapist, attorney, waitress, or artist. When we are together, we talk about all kinds of things, very little work-related either on their work or on my own. The main problem in my friendships is that my work is so much on call that I never can make firm plans for anything.  Without that challenge, I'd probably be much more involved in community happenings, and broaden my circle of acquaintances, some of whom would eventually become friends.

I think the differences you point out are more a function of human beings in general and less with being a provider.  I try to get to know the personal side of my providers.  My observation: Some of extroverts, some are lone wolves, and others love being around people and others can't stand it.  Same as with civilians.  

To your point, I think providers as a group have higher potential to lead one-on-one lives because their work limits one set of social interaction many people have, from their work.  It's easy for civilians to go out with the women from the office, for instance.  For providers, I sense like you that most want to keep the boundary between clients. My 2 cents.

I think it all depends on the client. If the client has a nice personality and is RICH and doesnt mind spending money on them most providers would defintely want to be friends with you and probably alot more!

I dated a former client after "one of my retirements," and he's had Xmas dinner with my family a couple of times.  We've also gone to many dinner parties with large groups of friends passing through town, or neighbors.  (My family does not have any idea of my involvement with the business.)

Personally, I take my friendships with people in this business seriously and platonically, not according to how much money the person has, and I don't have sex with my friends, paying or otherwise.  That's just me.  But this business fosters a dual life, and I tend to keep these friendships one-on-one, mainly due to the fact that when I see a client with the intent of discretion and privacy, I keep it that way.  I don't go around introducing my friends and former paying clients that are married to a soccer mom with 4 kids.

I'm also a person that tends to carry around a lot of social anxieties "inside," particularly in crowded or noisy settings, and have a hard time being comfortable in large groups of people (with or without a couple of glasses of wine).  People tell me I'm a terrific conversationalist and seem completely "with the moment," but on the inside, I'm tense and anxious, and feel like keeping on the fringe, talking with just one person at a time.  Part of this might be my hearing -- it's very difficult for me to stick with one person's voice and keep tuned to what they are saying when there are a lot of people around, or in a noisy restaurant.  It's for this reason I choose not to "paint the town red" with friends, and keep my relationships closer to heart and on an individual basis.  I like to think this makes me a better escort, too, because I'm sincerely interested in people and getting to know them as an individual, instead of considering them just "one of the people I hang out with."

I take my friendships in and out of the business for what they are, and don't expect anything more; doesn't everyone?

BJ, Palm Beach, Florida
[email protected]

Thats fine. You are an exception. I said "MOST PROVIDERS"!

May I ask what were the main reasons that you decided to date this client?????
Thanks

Well said Bj.!!! I totally feel the same way, even about the "Large Crowds" thing...I prefer a more intimate setting, and rarely do the "Wine & Dine" because of that. I don't need a ***** Star Dining Experience, to simply enjoy time with friends, my clients included. I do have friends I have met because of the BUSINESS, but usually, if they've helped with a computer problem, shared CD's, or they've assisted me in other ways, I've COMPED my services, which I feel is only fair. But I also would never put them on the spot if I saw them out and about with SO or others. It's called mutual respect...and I try to extend that to all I meet, not just clients. I'm a kisser and a toucher, that's another reason I don't do the "Public" thing much, unless someone has a "Fantasy" for Public Displays of Affection...then I'm "All Over It"*wink, I can be reserved, but it's UnNatural for me, so, rather than be a Phoney or Fake, I'd just as soon, play where I can be myself and be open....Kisses, Robyn

Anyone that thinks this whole business is about money (at least for the GFE's) is in the wrong hobby, and isn't likely to get a lot of satisfaction for his dollar.  If you want to spend high dollars with no deferential treatment, look in the Porn Star section.  Or better yet, try real estate, wines, or automobiles instead.  LOL

BJ, Palm Beach, Florida
[email protected]

oboyoboyoboy... in another situation where I had become friendly with a provider, we had awesome sex on a regular basis over at the love shack where she was working. This became like real GF sex, all the superlatives and so on that never come out right when you try to compress it into a review.

We got to dating, nice too, but it was as if we had to rewind mentally because it seems like real human connections have to go through an unwritten but inviolable stepwise process of forming bonds.

The hobby is a convenient shortcut to step #8 or whatever, so when you go out off the clock, one part of you resets to step #1 and the other track of your mind is way ahead of this.

Thus you could yet be figuring out how to have an evening negotiating back and forth the things you want to do, which movies are worth watching, do you want to check out the bookstore, my feet hurt from standing too long, etc...

Not that its a bad thing, but in social groups people do observe how men-women who are together in some way, even if they aren't a couple, relate, their level of mutual knowledge and how intuitive the are about each other, how much doesn't need to be said bacause both know it in detail, man-woman things...

Civilians might find it strange, at least not comporting with conventional ideas about how these relations work, when you can be together with someone in a social setting, very intuitive about that person, and in other ways not knowing the person all
that well... this has to be different for different provider/hobbyist realations, for me, though, when I am with a provider that I feel connection with, it is as if we are "living together" for a few hours at a time... or even if we have gone platonic, there is a little of this ex-wife (in a good sense) feeling that isn't the same as friendships that have never been through that process...

Well, this was one of the clients that I would typically "hold over" for hours after our appointed time when we first started seeing each other.  We would end up going for long walks afterward and talking about anything and everything, going out to dinner together, and eventually with friends, spending more and more time together, and we just really hit it off.  The communication base for the relationship and "intellectual stimulation" was all there in addition to the physical attraction.  I cared about him, he cared about me, we shared more and more of our lives together, and it just kinda happened.  Over the course of this, obviously, was another "retirement" for me that lasted about a year, and I had just started seeing him as I was preparing to "wind down" my current business in preparation for yet another career move that was going to move me across the country.  I think I only had two "paid" dates altogether and a short weekend golfing trip within first month we met, and afterward there was no money involved.  It was just kind of one of those, "Hey, I'm not doing anything this weekend; want to go see a movie and grab a couple of steaks?" kind of transitions.  When I retired and moved across the US, he happened to be heading in the same direction with a move of his own about 2 hours away, and it was perfect while we were involved (and still is), but I learned the hard way that I cannot compromise my career and livelihood with relationships, and have since moved across the US again.  We are still best friends now, talking on the phone a couple of times a week, and he's seeing someone new.  And no, he didn't have a truckload of money, and he didn't spoil me to death.  We had a very grounded, balanced and normal relationship, and spent most of our time renting videos, running errands and golfing a lot.  LOL

Who says it can't happen???  

BJ, Palm Beach, Florida
[email protected]

-- Modified on 2/13/2003 7:02:29 AM

I have had the opportunity to become "friends" with a couple of my favorite providers. We have gone to lunch or dinner when we weren't doing a sex date, just to talk, etc. I seek out intelligent, well rounded ladies just for that reason.
Also, I have given rides to & from the airport, helped a stranded lady with a broken down car - all things you would do with a true friend. Of course discretion is the better part of valor and I am always careful and have a "back up" story if I ecounter someone I know from the regular world.
Just the fact that the lady trusts me enough to have an "off the clock" encounter is very exciting and rewarding to me. It really adds to the true GFE.