I remember when I was a kid seeing a sign in a local family restaurant that said: “if you were happy with the food and service, tell your friends, and if you have a complaint, tell us - nothing helps or hurts your business more than word of mouth”. (or something to that effect) ...so as a business-minded woman I was just thinking..
After a date, gentlemen usually are very appreciative and express their enjoyment, etc, but I was wondering, if you had a few ‘wishes’ or ‘desires’ and they weren’t quite met, would you express it, or just move on to someone else? Would you feel comfortable enough to do that? Because I know that we ladies would like to know..always..what pleases you and what you’d like more or less of. Like, what if you prefer more eye contact, or more cuddling, or that she take more initiative, or that she be more the dominant one, etc, etc. would you tell her? Because I know it’s not possible for us to be cookie-cutters – no two men are exactly alike – they like, or get turned off by different things! And we aim to please…
Sometimes, it’s really comical..like talking dirty to one client because he loves it, and then the next client looks horrified and disgusted! LOL
But, other than reviews, how does a Provider know how she’s doing? It’s not like there’s a Suggestion Box at the foot of the bed or by the door on your way out; or that we follow up with questionnaire post cards!
(Certainly there’s no better business than repeat business, for many reasons, but one being that as you see each other more and more, you get comfortable in talking about and acting out your fantasies..)
I get the feeling I’m not making sense or that the point is not getting across..but do you kind of understand where I’m trying to go?
I just wanted to open the forum with your comments..

Xo,
Sedona

Your post makes complete sense, and raises a touchy question:  I don't feel comfortable raising any unmet wishes unless/until I've really become a regular (which I am for only one provider - she knows who she is).  Once I feel comfortable enough to say something, I would just express it as a polite request -- "I'd love it if you could ...."

It's interesting, isn't it?  What's being sold is not only gratification, but fantasy -- and acting like a customer making a complaint or suggestion for better service just perforates the fantasy completely, sort of like pulling Neo out of his little tank or whatever it is (obviously I'm not a Matrix-head).

Hope that's not too much less clear than your very clear post.

I feel the same way as you do.  I have had unmet desire, when meeting the provider the first time.  I feel uncomfortable asking to have the desire met on a first meeting.

Question:
1. Would it be weird to request a rimming on a firt meeting?
2. Also woould it be inapporiate to ask for Greek on a first meeting?

...and truly laughed my ass off.

Be that as it may, I personally find it very difficult to discuss shortcomings (no pun intended) with a provider after the fact.  What I endeavor to do is enough research so that there isn't much in the way of expectation that can go awry.  So the only real "pig in a poke" variable is personality.  It's very easy for me to tell a provider, "slower" or "faster" or "don't bite". or whatever.  But it's tough to ask a card-carrying bitch to be a nice person.

So, Sedona, I try not to concern myself, but rather I try to influence (I don't like the word "control" here) the general feel of a session.  Meeting for lunch or dinner beforehand is a great help toward this end, for both parties.  That way we get to know our partner a bit better (it works both ways) before taking the plunge (pun intended).

And, for me, provider performance is really secondary to the way a provider and I "click".  That makes for better performance.

See you soon.

F.

this applies mostly to (unreviewd) agency girls -- yes, i've had my share, mostly positive thankfully (it's simply a matter of finding an agency you can trust) but i digress ...

what really gets under my skin is when you first meet a provider (or a 2nd visit) and you're under the impression that she's very inexperienced or demure and lady-like ... so of course, you treat her gently, especially if she doesn't do/say anything to lead you to think otherwise

then LATER, through others, you find out that she is in fact a righteous little hussy who's done batchelor-party gangbangs and all manner of other naughtyness!  LOL


so i guess i'm turning your question around a bit ... but i really would like PROVIDERS to come clean and tell US exactly what they do/like ... even (or especially) if it's not in their repertoire/reviews

communication and free exchange of likes/dislikes is key, as always.

I happen to like playful, friendly sex, with lots of eye contact - two equals having fun together.  I tell her what I like physically, and ask her to tell me honestly what she likes.  I don't script anything, but let her take the lead for whatever part of the time she wants to (except that I usually like to take the lead part of the time too, so we take turns).

As for ahving this honest discussion up front puncturing the fantasy, I don't really have a fantasy that this is anything other than what it is - two people getting together to enjoy each other, and enjoying pleasing each other.  My idea of a GFE doesn't include the idea that we have to pretend that she is an actual GF.  Knowing that afterwards we will not have to deal with the BF/GF thing suits me fine.  We remain good friends, if we clicked that way, and stay in touch via email.

I have found that an email to my providers after I have had a chance to contimplate our encounter is a nice way to sum up my feelings. Usually the a re very nice words of thanks for the wonderful time I have had. However if there have been any dissappointments I do let the women know as tactfully as I can. Some have them have thanked me for the suggestions.

I think most of the ladies ARE 'all of the above', meaning sweet and ladylike, or the wild hussy of your dreams, depending on what's the Theme of the Day, or the mood and certainly whatever he indicates he'd like..
So, who holds the key to unlock the door and let the wild tiger out?
Or maybe he'll just notice the gleam in the eyes..
*smile*

Is my motto.  If I don't know anything is wrong, how am I going to be able to take the steps to correct it.  To often gents are on the polite side.  A habit of mine is asking 1) Am I what you expected physically?  Did I meet your expectations?  There are ways of tactfully expressing your thoughts, even if they are on the negative side.

Case in point is a review that I have in which the gent stated that although there was pleasant conversation and he had a great time, he wished that he could have had a second cup of coffee.  Quite honestly, he could have had a second cup, but I thought that although he may have wanted a second cup, couldn't and just spent the time conversing instead.  He never expressed otherwise and stated that services were great...so, I never thought anymore of it until I saw the review.

Since this review, I did take note and made changes in my approach in order to alleviate any questions.  I know I am a chatterbug and could talk an ear off all night, so I simply state the fact and tell gents to just tell me to shut up in a tactful way of course and so there isn't any question about how many cups of coffee one may have, I usually pull out ten cup holders and state that there is more if needed-LOL!  It is a light hearted way to get the point across that the coffe pot is bottomless without hurting a gents feelings if he knows that his body is limited to the amount of caffeine that he can take.  Some gents are very self conscious of this fact and the last thing I want to do is make a gent feel bad.

With this approach gents find this humorous, it sets a more lighthearted and comfortable atmosphere and I usually get an answer on what their limitations/expectations are without them feeling bad.  In some cases it has become a fun game in seeing just how many cup holders will be used-LOL!  

It is a win-win situation for everyone.  I am a coffeeholic.  So....ask and do tell, you will be assured of knowing that your expectations are met and there will never be a question otherwise.  The ladies do want to ensure that your needs are met as long as they are done within the boundaries of the time that you requested to spend with them.

Lauren

-- Modified on 6/24/2003 1:53:27 PM

I don't know why, but this conversation reminds me of a statement made by that all-time hobbyst, Charlie Sheen.

When asked about his dealings with Heidi Felice and her minions, he is quoted as saying:

"I don't pay to have sex with them, I pay them to leave afterwards!"

Suggestion box or not, most of the providers I have been with have ALWAYS been more than interested in my input.  Luckily for me, they usually ask during the session rather than afterwards, so I get the benefits right up front (so to speak, no pun intended).

Just my opinion and I could be wrong.

Some of us have trouble verbalizing, particularly in person.  I really prefer to work out expectations and limitations by email although some providers have refused to do so by email - only want to do so by phone..or in person. I have asked some ladies to check their reviews on TER and tell me if there are any inaccuracies..this has not worked as well as expected.  I don't know exactly why.  I suppose it might be that some gals don't want to commit unequivocably before meeting the guy, I don't know.  Maybe most don't have access to the juicy details and part three of the descriptive section.  They should.  It would alleviate a lot of misunderstanding and is relatively cheap, even for those of us that do not do reviews...

There is a thread going around here about a high dollar Hottie (hdh) on one of the other boards.  One of the definitions and reasons they claim they charge so much is they will do whatever you want without question.  (I doubt that by the way)

As has been said in a better fashion by others,  I look at the reviews, the ladies website and try to make a decision as to whether what they are offering is what I want.  Some things in an encounter tend to exceed my expectations while others may not.  If it is something easy to fix (ex. please don't chew gum while you are giving me a BJ), then I will say something.  If the review says they do greek and they don't, then I would have to decide whether that is enough to make me move on.  Just the fact that you were receptive to suggestions would make me more positive about returning.  Good thing I don't live in Phoenis or you would have all my money.

I think it would be OK to ask for whatever you want on a first meeting, and on every other meeting.  And to have the other person give an honest reply.
I hold pre-session "consultations", just for a relaxed conversation as to what my client might want, might want to find out about, and so that we can meet each other and see if there is chemistry. Often a client is a bit hesitant to graphically express himself, but when I start by being both comfortable and graphic, talking about my standards of safety and my preferences in physical activities, in attitudes and possibly in fetishes and fantasies, my client becomes more at ease and opens up. A consultation like this doesn't guarantee a session (how would either of us know if the other appeals to us?); but it is a time when the client can pick my brains regarding anything in the sexual field. We can even talk philosophy! (sex as a commodity and/or as love......power dynamics and sex in a marriage,...)

Depends on my mood, actually, the kind of sex I want on a particular day.  And, it depends on the girl I'm seeing.  Her reputation, her reviews, her temperament.  Sometimes I'm all about class, tenderness, and genuine feeling.  Soft, gentle, slow sex.  And, then there are those occasions I just want to dominate and get out of control nasty.  But I'm always right out with what I want.  I think discussing the sex you're about to have with someone can be very stimulating in and of itself.  Almost always, the girl delivers what I'm in the mood for.

Great post, shows you care..........

Jacksonlips

I don't believe that everything needs to be verbalized. I tend to go with the flow, and expect the provider to do likewise. If there's a wild tiger anywhere, it will come out, if that's what the customer fancies.
  While I respect the provider's right to set limits, I hope to encounter as few limits as possible. That's why I do my TER research before seeing the provider. If the TER reviews are wrong, and there are more limits than posted in the reviews, I expect the provider to correct any misunderstandings in the pre-meeting communications.
  The suggestion box at the foot of a bed does not strike as such an odd idea for a provider who truly wants to improve her performance and ratings. Just having the suggestion box there will make the customers a lot verbal.....
  As for me, there usually is no grace for shortcomings. There are too many flowers in the garden, so I don't see any sense in working to set things straight in the 2nd, 5th, or 15th visit. If you want me as a repeat customer, you must make my head(s) spin each and every time....

So you have explicit discussions during a pre-date "consultation?"

Aren't you afraid of running afoul of those guys and gals in the blue uniforms, badges, and bad shoes?

Even when things are stated, such as on the website, some of us don't get it.

I stumbled through my first date with a provider without the foggiest notion of why she was so proud of her visits to the Greek Islands. Needless to say, we didn't make any such trips

great topic Sedona, I too have pondered the same issue you bring up here.

quite often on a first meeting, once we have gotten comfortable, I have been asked "so, what are you in to?", or "what do you like?".

I never know exactly how to respond, because the reason I choose to see so many women is for the variety, they are each wonderful in their own way, and I enjoy them expressing that however they are most comfortable. I try not to have too many expectations of exactly what will happen, it makes each encounter different and special, plus keeps it somewhat spontaneous. more often than not, I am pleasantly surprised when a lady just gives me what she thinks she is best at instead of trying to meet my demands. (then again I might just be easy to please.) it works both ways as well. when I ask if there is anything in particular she likes or is especially good at, I get some standard rehearsed reply of "I just want to please you" or "pleasing you makes me happy", when we both   know that's not completely true.  but I agree with you, a little more communication could improve the situation for both involved, so a little more assertiveness on both sides may be in order sometimes.

I think I've only added to the confusion here
best regards, mr.man

Just another reason for TER to give providers at least a 50% discount for VIP membership. Either that or start letting them do reviews on clients for free membership LOL

Sedona,  are you just wanting feedback on the session or are you wondering if the client might be back for return visits.  On the return visits I have a hint.  You providers don't have the luxury of choice on the first meeting like we do. But you do have a lot to say about if there will be a repeat visit.  If you see a guy you wouldn't mind seeing again or even having as a regular the session probably went pretty well for both of you, but for most guys the decision to see someone a second time can be difficult.  Several times I have had a provider call me after a session and say some simple or complementary things that led to discission of another visit.  I have never said no to such a call, because it has only come after a good experience.

Wish you were in Sedona Az.

SlowStart

-- Modified on 6/11/2003 11:42:51 PM

I'm a newbie (7mo), so I usually curb my expectations going in, but would really appreciate a de-briefing coming out. A few hours later, after the endorphins stop popping, a few shortcomings usually surface, and they'd come up right away if the lady solicited them, I think.
Like, I was just with a terrific chick who blissed me out completely. But later I realized she was TOO CLEAN-- I missed the cassolette of her pussy. I spent a long time in there and if it hadn't been so fastidiously washed away I would have enjoyed it, believe me. But there's no way on our first date I'm going to say, "Honey, please don't wash your lovely snatch so thoroughly next time, OK?"

I'm with Sedona on this one. It's entirely up to the gent to trust that regardless of their request we will not be offended... we may choose not to indulge, in whatever it is, but we won't be offended. But many gents ARE easily offended so if you say to the wrong person, "Hey, cum on my tits," that might be the last you see of that person. Yes, I know, you don't believe anyone could be offended by that, but yes, they can! LOL

So please speak up!

Hugs*
Nicole

Great question.

I recently saw my first provider. We corresponded quite a bit prior to the date. (quite a bit more than I expected) We got along very well, and I let her know what I liked in a woman, never talking about sex.

Long story short, we clashed in a big way. The date was over a weekend, so we were to spend a bit of time together, more than an hour. I was completely disatisfied. So, no. I didn't discuss it with her. Just wrote it off and will probably try someone else next time.