I had my first encounter with a provider just three days ago. I won't mention names but she is one of the upscale high end models who is reviewed on this site. It was a wondeful experience for me. But it was almost too wonderful. When she left me, I felt incredibly sad and alone for a few days. I'm okay now but is this a normal feeling to have for you veterans ? I think it has something to do for wanting the fantasy moments to last forever. I guess that's what keeps us coming back for more. I know I have no interest in seeing any other providers at this time other than than her. What I want to know is that for most guys, is the going up worth the coming down, at least from an emotional point of view.
Feel free to post responses or e mail responses to me. RJ
Do yourself a favor... Please see another provider first.. Not uncommon and can happen at any time, but if you feel you are in the grips of losing control emotionally consider either seeing another provider or stop entirely.. Not worth the emotional damage it can do to you if you are not able to handle it...
I think that your feelings indicate that you have issues that may not be properly addressed simply by visiting providers.
Speaking for myself the hobby enhances an already satisfying sex life. Sure there are times when you feel down that you arent with a person again after having a great time. But your situation sounds like something that you may need to discuss with someone, or attempt to find satisfaction through finding someone on a regular basis instead of this hobby.
What you're experiencing is a common emotion with a provider or a breakup with your girlfriend. I was in the same situation as you are after my first experience. For the next couple of days, I found myself daydreaming abouth the provider I saw. I learn now just to have fun and don't take the short time your with her seriously.
I've had feelings for about half of the women I've seen. I have strong feelings for one that I see regularly, but I know on a cognitive level (Vs. that damned emotional level)that it would have about a 0.0000000000000000000000000001% chance, if that, of working out if I ever tried to carry it further.
Take solace in the fact that you can see your ATF(s) any time you save up your pennies. Enjoy the moment and use the tikme in between for joyful anticipation, not sadness over what isn't or isn't likely.
Thanks for the replies guys. I think since it was my first time with a provider, I was a bit blindsided by all the emotional stuff. I expected little more than hot sex and ended up with a whole lot more than expected. Now that it has happened, I will be ready for it next time.
he's right. the chances of things "working out" were you to follow through with your (normal) emotions (esp as a first-timer) may in fact be
0.0000000000000000000000000001%
but the chances of you ever wanting to repeat such actions are
0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%
if the provider you saw is the high-end "playboy" type, chances are she sees only $$$$ when she looks into your eyes (beautiful women like that spent a great deal time batting off swarms of men like flies). your costliest mistake could be in thinking that you are her "white knight" (or favored customer)
IMNSHO (and that of many thousands of seasoned hobbyists) the best cure for getting over being "stuck" on a girl is to run (not walk) to another, and another, and then yet another!
for most men, married or even single, the whole raison d'etre of hobbying is to escape the quagmire of dreary relationships.
now if you're new as you say, all this advice may seem to be too cynical or negative ... and you may be inclined to disregard it, thinking: these guys are "cold-hearted" bastards who've been burnt one too many times! ... well guess what ... most of them are! cuz they're speaking from *experience* rather than pre-conceived notions about this hobby
There are a plethora of reads on this topic and you should scan back over the posts for a relatively good overview of the topic.
I think that your feelings are perfectly OK. I, too, would suggest that you see another provider soon. Not necessarily next, but before you see this first one several times in succession. I also suggest that you select a lady in the same catagory as this first very good provider. I believe that in this way you will see that there are many who could take your heart. Then you will realize that with the very good providers there is not just the physical side that you expected, but the emotional fun as well, and that you can have this as frequently as you like with the variety that the hobby affords.
I have "fallen" as have many others and I choose to enjoy the sensation rather than worry about it. I do keep in mind that I will not be asking her spend her life with me and expecting a joyous yes from her. I similarly sense in your post that you seem to understand this as well.
Just stay focused and enjoy the full range of sensations that this hobby has to offer. There is so much more than just the physical release, and you should indulge.
I have a few favorites and the reason they are favorites is not just the physical contact (most of those never make it past 1 or 2 sessions). I like them as friends as well. I talk to some of them between appointments and have told them to call me if their having a bad day or just want to talk.
I don't think repeated GFE's with the same lady would be something that is possible without at least some attachment. I still miss the woman I spent time with last weekend but it was definitely worth it for me.
Force yourself to take the advice given. I did not, and unfortunately our relationship became mutually smitten, and we are both married. Her husband, who encouraged her occupation, did not support this detour and it made for a very very unnerving confrontation, from which I have not fully recovered. Keep focused on the fantasy and vary your application among at least several regulars if, like me, you have trouble with new relationships...good luck...
I've said this in previous threads, and I'll say it again here--Welcome to the hobby!
I remember leaving my first encounter absolutely stunned by how emotional it was. She was a super-huggy GFE type, one of those rare providers where the touch and the eye contact are so genuine, and really are directed at you personally, not just as a client. I remember little of the physical rewards, and much of the emotional ones.
There were other times when I set out to see less-personal providers too, gals that focused more on the intensity of the action and less on the GFE atmosphere. There have been a couple of those whose style was perfect for me--the right pace, the right moves. I've left some of those sessions bewildered by how intensely satisfying an experience an almost complete stranger could provide for me.
There will be bad days too. You'll probably get a no-call, no-notice, no-explanation no-show sometimes... I look forward to sessions so much, and no-shows really take the wind out of your sails for a day or two. Some (maybe 1 out of 5?) hobbyists will have some kind of run-in with a provider, over a review, perosnality clash, expectations, etc. It happened to me once, and it sapped my interest in the hobby for over a month before I fot interested again. (The remedy I always recommend for a bad day is to find a provider that really has your number physically--call her and tell her you had a bad experience and need a no-holds-barred, rock my world hour of wanton sex. Trust me, it works wonders.)
The emotional days are so much more emotional than I ever thought they would be--so much more. The physical days are so much more intense than I ever thought they would be. And the bad days are worse than I thought they would be. And I wouldn't trade any of them for anything, and am so glad for the wonderful women willing to share with me in each other's touch.
I've had several situations where the gentleman was very much into me and that I could have exploited for a whole lot of money. I didn't. For example, just yesterday I had a _former_ client contact me; he offered me more than double my usual rate to see him. I do not like the guy; he's boorish and he smells bad. I declined to see him.
Another situation: I saw a guy for many months and we became fond of each other. I saw him about once per week (his finances allowing) and I would bring my dogs to his place where they would play with his dogs and swim in his pond and suchlike. We'd make dinner, take hikes, and have a grand old time. Eventually, it became clear that he had "crossed that line." I talked to him about it, told me his concerns and he said, "Please allow me my fantasy." Well, I tried, but that didn't work. He offered me tons of money to keep seeing him. I mean, this was more money than I've ever had in my life. I couldn't do it.
Not long after he started seeing another woman in the area who happens to be a good friend of mine. BTW--I'm the "geeky, klutzy, girl-next-door type. My friend has a body to die for, a gorgeous face, and a keen intellect (if she were taller and had implants, she'd be Playbody material; I'm referencing a message above here). After the guy stopped talking about me with my friend, he fell for her and offered _her_ his life savings. She's not seeing him any more, either.
I have more examples, but I won't bore you with them. My point of this post was to say that many of us have more integrity than you give us credit for. We're not out to pauper somebody, just because we can and because we do need the money.
Please pardon me if I didn't express myself properly Anne. I was in no way inferring that providers were out to bankrupt their clients. I was merely giving some advice to combato on how to keep his head/emotions on an even keel while enjoying this hobby. There has been many a thread dedicated to the "fantasy" vs "reality" scenereo that takes place during most any session. When we men find a great sex partner that we also find attractive our wants, wishes and ego tend to put our emotions/heart into gear. You would probably be the first to say "this is a business". Well Anne; A business IS "all about the money"
You gave some examples of the kind of integrity and ethics I have found in many providers in the TER community. As a hobbyist I am greatfull for you ladies of said high character because even an old cynical cuss like myself can be smittened and thus vulnerable.
Hey Anne and all, I to did the same thing I meet this one provider and started seeing her for 2.5 years and not anyone else and I fell for her to say the least.So to look at the other side of the coin she began to have the same fellings I did and to make a long story short she and I got married and have been now for almost another 1.5 years and everything is still as great as it was the first time we meet. Now I know A lot guys will say you can't trust a provider. But when all is done at the end of the day no one is perfect. But I would not trade my relationship for anyone or anything in the world. But maybe mine was one of those one in a million times it worked out great, thanks Gung Fu
You do have a provider review up ater you were married. There are just too many presumptions to the general reader (ex. do you have an open marriage?) to make your advise credible. I certainly discount the fact you ignored my last query because it is your own life but if you use your own personal story as an example for others, then you should expect that people are going to have questions.
As to trust I pass along what has been said before
You're all right. I promise. Please do listen to the advice you asked for; go see some more providers and you will get a more balanced perspective. This is not to say that emotional attachments don't occur; I'm terribly fond of some of my clients and would grieve if anything bad happened to them.
I've helped several clients re-enter the dating scene after a divorce or a long period of celibacy, and in one case, helped a virgin discover "the wonders of nature." With the last guy, we also talked about how to go about approaching girls his own age. While not as successful in this endeavor as we had both hoped, he _has_ been out on a fair number of "real" dates. In these cases, _all_ the guys developed crushes on me and those crushes turned into something very healthy and good for both them and me. They feel good, I feel good, we all win.
Good luck, and please do let us know how it goes, okay?
...not to disagree with anyone, for each situation can be unique while we're forced to more or less generalize, but I have to say that I think Anne has a great handle on this sort of situation & has given you good examples from her personal experience.
For any of us, our emotions are influenced to a great degree by our experiences & in some cases, needs we may have based on current circumstance. From my observations the people involved in these little adventure we refer to as the 'hobby' aren't really individually any different than those you're likely to encounter in any other walk of life. The only difference is that this is a biz based on a fantasy of an intimate nature. As long as a person keeps perspective in mind, the danger of a self-destructive emotional involvement is minimized.
If a balance between fantasy & reality is maintained there can be really very nice & rewarding friendships result. But the real key to this is both parties not only being realistic themselves, but knowing the other is likewise realistic. If that's the case a bond of FRIENDSHIP can evolve beyond just a typical client/provider relationship. This may not happen often, but again, if reality is kept in mind it need not be destructive for either...losing sight of that is what creates potential danger.
I'm sure that if most gals, assuming they had no ulterior motives on your finances, were to feel that you were prone to taking things to an unwanted level the first thing they'd do is to back away...whether from not wanting to hurt you, or from worry that you could become jealous---or worse yet a stalker. That's a potential (if a gal is GFE) that given the nature of this biz, & I think they all keep in mind...I would hope so.
I've been with some marvelous women, a couple who would be easy to get wrapped up in if I were to delude myself. But I won't go that route & they know it...thus I pose no such 'danger' to them. The result is that while these gals might not be interested at all in giving me a roll in the hay if we met in a different context, there's no roadblock to friendship...maybe even a close friendship such as I do have. It allows the freedom to simply have fun being together in non-intimate & off-clock time such as Anne mentioned. And when it does come to the sex, it's probably even better than it might be otherwise due to a mutual caring for, & personal knowing of, the other person. The bottom line to what I'm talking about is that it's the kind of person I'd enjoying seeing if there was no sex involved, & she'd enjoy seeing me on that basis with no financial incentive.
It's all up to you to make your decisions, no one else can do that for you. But just a final brief thought (something I heard long ago) if it ever comes to this...."the best way of getting over someone is to get over someone else."
This may be a little long, but please bear with me.
After a failed marriage of 26 years, I fell in love with the first ASP I ever visited. She was 19 and I was 52. I have a son who is 2-years older than she is and a daughter who is 6-months younger.
We married and we have one child. We are both professionals. She is still in the "business" and I am an attorney. We make about the same amount of money per year, so I didn't marry her for a MBZ because I already had one.
We have a wonderful, loving relationship (Viagra helps). I have a wife who is my childrens' age and a son who could be my grandson. I am a soccer player. I loved teaching my first set of children and I love teaching my youngest son too.
Look, if you're in love and your ASP agrees, go for it!
If your ASP doesn't agree, please move on. You can find love in many places and at any time. I'm glad I found mine.
Shellydtc ... would the fact that she is still in "business" not troubling for you? I can count a host of reasons, but specifically, if people within your sphere of friends and assoicates see her, recognize her, etc.
I am not trying to be judgmental, rather pragmatic.
Actually, her being in the business is not a problem at all. When we go to a dinner or political party, she sees often sees her clients. If there's any "embarrassment," it's in her clients, not us. My partners know of her business and it's not a problem, as long as it doesn't interfere with my work. Yes, her "business" is illegal in this state, by the laws are rarely enforced against persons with "upscale" clients. Most of my partners' wives are also engaged in some kinf of "illegal" activity, such as selling cosemtics without a sales tax permit, running a "day care facility" in a residential zone, etc.
So; no, it's not a problem for us. However, I suspect she'll leave the "business" before our son is six, so he doesn't have to face "difficult questions."
This is great coming from someone who sees several providers socially. Especially, someone who has gone so far as to have one of his provider friends and her daughter meet his son and daughter-in-law-to-be. But, it really is a fantasy.
Keep in mind, you PAID this woman to make you feel the way you're feeling. It sounds like she's delightful. The lady's job is to make every man she sees feel precisely as you're feeling right now.
Unlike most women, men seem to blur the line between sex and love. We can easily become confused, and think we're feeling deep emotions, when in reality, we're just responding to a chemical bond with a woman's phermones.
Yes, speaking from experience, it IS possible to develop friendships -- even deep friendships -- between a provider and a hobbyist. Sometimes, rarely, the relationship grows beyond that point to something deeper.
But, after one session, the rush you're feeling is perfectly normal. Indeed, it's part of the GFE experience. Allow yourself to enjoy the bitter-sweet aspects. As nearly all the others have said on this subject, when you see someone else, you'll likely feel about her exactly the way you're feeling now.
We started talking every day on the phone about nothing in general, and we talked about families, joking, friends, school etc.
She started to say and do things during sex that were more intimate, and not acting.
She would blush when I paid her a compliment.
She began putting the envelope back into my coat pocket.
She invited me to her parent's home to visit and meet them. (by this time she was out of providing and not doing anymore films)
We met her siblings.
She met my parents and became very involved with my family and friends.
That's how it went for me, I spent 4 years with her until we eventually went our separate ways. I don't regret a moment of it, only that we're still not together.
and that's whether she will see you off-the-clock, without asking for financial assistance of any kind for any reason. let us remember, these women are not exactly poor afterall.
the things you describe above sound like very "legit" manifestations of "true" love for CIVILIAN women. but i do wonder how readily they can be applied to providers and clients.
i bet way back, eons ago, at the very inception of the concept of "love" between a man and a woman (even if we're talking early hominids), there were no complicating aspects as providerhood to plague the cavemen (though i'm sure someone on this board will promptly make one up: an extra chunk of antelope in exchange for some good ol' doggie-style action, etc
Let's look at what attracts men to women, and women to men.
Men are attracted to physical traits that indicate good health, and a high likelihood of success in child-bearing and child-rearing. Things like, a certain fat to weight ratio; clear skin; sparkling eyes; shiny hair; pronounced hips. These are all indications of an ability to withstand difficult periods without food and warmth, as well as the ability to deliver children easily (at least as a relative term), and to produce sufficient milk to nurse.
Women are attracted to status. Being associated with a high-ranking male not only assures the woman eats early in the hierarchy, but more importantly, her offspring do as well. Moreover, a male in a high level of status is there for a reason. Either he is a good hunter, or a good fighter, or he is more intelligent than the other, lower-ranking males. Whatever the reason, he has attained his rank by some means, and more importantly, has held that rank against all challengers. Clearly, this male's genes are superior to those of his subordinates, and will most likely, therefore, produce commensurately superior offspring.
These offspring, in turn, will likely inherit their father's station, if not by right of heredity, then by virtue of their superior genes.
In our modern, western society, money translates into status. This is why we have the stereotype of the rich, old man with the twenty-three year old Playboy model on his arm.
Anyway, I forgot my point. But, I'm certain it was important.
What you are discussing are the theories proposed by the new science of Evolutionary Psychology. To find out more on this very interesting viewpoint of men and women, read the works of EO Wilson, Geoffrey Miller, Robin Baker, and David Buss ( the are plenty of others as well ).
When you understand you are a genetically driven robot, then you can understand and conquer the impulses that are driving you forward ( like me starting the beginnings of a crush on a provider when my logical cerebral cortex certainly knows better ).
The author is a Pulitzer Prize winning science writer. A provider gave me this book recently, and I havn't had time to read it fully, but did jump ahead to the last two chapters, in which the author debunks the commonly-expressed ideas about the evolutionary basis for the behavior of the genders which you describe very succinctly. She calls this approach "Evolutionary Phychology". Her view seems to be basically to say to them "Look, I don't have the answers, but neither do you".
If after all this advise and you still feel the same way, time to go another provider to break the spell. If you wait too long, the memory only gets better (we tend to forget te bad) or book her for a couple of hours to see if you can still stand her if you are not in the heat of passion
I did the same thing been their and done it. I met this one provider and was seeing her for about a year and I started getting feelings for her. And she said she was having the same feelings . So stupied me started paying her bills etc she was in collage at the time and when she finished school she was gone like the wind no good buy, kiss my ass or go to hell nothing. So to say the least I really learned the hard way. I think it is very sad when a provider knows you care for her and then takes you for a ride as long as she can. I guess they don't care about people or their fellings, to do something like that. So yes I am over her now but I won't ever let that happen again by provider or non provider you can get burned on both sides. 7thAirCAL
A provider friend of mine is looking for a SO, and we talk about it. Goes to functions for singles etc. to meet other folks. I think she's very cute, has a child, works in this business, and that makes it more challenging (I think) to have normal dates.
On the other hand, if she clicked with a customer, he fell for her, it wouldn't be as sticky. She wouldn't have to explain what she does for a living, etc. A lot of people develop relationships in the work environment, so why not providers?
Was your reason in seeking an escort to fill up a void inside you? If so, then feeling sad and lonely is the rebound and what will most likely cause you to seek another provider...to temporarily fill the void inside you. Something to think about...
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