An interesting article in the Phila Inquirer today. How many of us can relate?

" The behavior can take a myriad of forms, voyeurism to hiring prostitutes - they feel deeply ashamed.  And the only way they think of to escape the shame is to start thinking about planning their next sexual release."  Wonder if this person ever got on TER and read any of our post.  I don't think shame is a major factor here.  Certainly not with the guys I know in the hobby.

SlowStart

...outside of kidporn and perhaps sleeping only two hours a night to otherwise engage in cybersex, I am finding this type of 'alarmist' reporting and government sponsored researched completely irksome!  You can find similar trite on how-
1] alcohol is the failing of society---this culminated in Prohibition which gave rise to the mafia and perhaps more binge drinking than this society ever saw!

2] masturbation is evil and leads to malformations, pimples and hair growing on your hands!-this is (of course!) considered perfectly normal-indeed those who do not mastrubate likely have the REAL problems!

3] Husband and wife should engage in sex only for procreation purposes-this leads to...ok, you got the point!~

So now, internet allows us to avoid going down to the 'seedier' side of town and hanging out in porn stores, or picking up prostitutes on the street because we can shop around on TER!?  How is this bad?!  Isn't this an improvelment? I used to think about my next 'sexual' encounter all through high school, college, grad school...gee, I still do! Is this sexual addiction or just perfectly adjusted behavior?  I would argue that pornography is an important outlet that allows men to refocus on life's more pratical matters.  The same may be true for women who gravitate more for those trashy and steamy sex filled novels at the WALMART checkout over the visual images men prefer...but it is the same thing that many women have enjoyed for decades!  Goodness, where is Erica Jong when you need her!

Why don't we do something about our current addictions to war? Killing children or allowing them to starve to death in foster homes?  How about the trafficking of people (including some providers) as slaves into our country?  We have a way of focusing on the NON-ISSUES while people are starving outside out front door!  Leave the cybersex addicts alone or just tax them to fight AIDS---they at least make love-not war.  

So...biglarry, I can't relate in any way but to say, if you use the computer for cybersex, your fingertips will fall off, or at least that is what my priest told my son when he was blessing his balls!

While the article is very good and does paint a picture of what can and does happen in the way of addiction or even mental well being, it certainly isn't the picture for everyone.

In the correspondence between the reknowned Christian author and speaker, Dr. James Dobson, and Ted Bundy, Ted Bundy admits that it was his obsession with pornography that lead him down the road to serial killing.
That doesn't mean that everyone is affected the same way or that the results would be the same. The same could probably be said of Westerfield in the Westerfield/VanDamme case here in San Diego.

We know when we've eaten too much, drank too much alcohol, and more easily can see the effects of drug/alcohol abuse or gambling in our lives, but it may have to slap us harder to know when we are spending too much time on sex-related things.

Only you can determine what is too much and what to measure that against. Are you losing sleep, not taking care of your priorities, is it affecting your time with your family, your work performance? etc, etc.

I find myself on the computer too much when I should be doing other things. So, then I make myself take breaks from it! Thankfully, porn doesn't interest me that much unless it's a video to watch while we're having fun! Otherwise, I simply love sex - live and in person!

I guess we all have to be our own personal coaches and monitor what's best for us.

Well, I suppose that first you need to determine if you have an addiction...

Main Entry: ad·dic·tion
Function: noun
Date: 1599
1 : the quality or state of being addicted "addiction to reading"
2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

To me the keywords here are "known by the user to be harmful."

Hmmmm, well, if something makes you happy, I'm not sure how it is harmful. Especially, any moreso than any of our other little "addictions" like DRIVING which we all know is incredibly dangerous and risky.  Could we live without driving? Well, it would be a supreme pain in the rear, but I think we could. Certainly lots of people did for a long time before cars were invented.

So, are cars an addicion or a necessary part of life?

I would say the same about sex. At least for me, I need it, I want it, I'll never give it up! But I do not find that it is harmful to my life. On the contrary, it fulfills and enriches my life. Each individual has to decide for themselves, however, if enjoying sex is harming them or helping them.

Larry, the thought that you could have ever been *ashamed* after one of our sessions is really and honestly disturbing to me. I hope you get this worked out in your mind, becuase I have NEVER EVER considered myself a "harmful substance" that someone should be ashamed of.

I wish you all the best!
Tamara

First, I have some personal knowledge of drug and alcohol addiction. They are physical conditions caused by putting mood altering substances into one's body. When the body is deprived of the addicting chemicals, the result is DTs or other physical withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes they can be fatal.

No one ever died from going "cold turkey" from porn. And for that matter, you can be psychologically addicted to anything. Golf, cheeseburgers, a certain TV show, fast cars, you name it.

I will say that I've bought very few adult magazines since I started using the Internet. I don't use pay sites. There's plenty to be had for free on yahoogroups and usenet newsgroups.

I certainly don't miss going into a store in a questionable part of town, having the guy behind the counter stare at me (he KNOWS I'm going to steal something, right?), and keeping a hand on my pocket to keep it from being picked.

As to our hobby, I met a part time lady earlier this year when she responded to my ad on a conventional dating site. A few emails, a couple of phone calls, and the deed was done. I'd say it was a lot safer than going out on the street to look.

I think there is a big difference in being a hobbyist (or provider) whose sexual activity may be somewhat out of control and someone who is online downloading kiddee porn and visiting animal sex sites. The good Dr's. article seems to lump all excessive activities into one category. She likely believes anything but monogamous, hetrosexual relationships are inherently bad. I am glad I am not her patient.

There is a fine line between hobby and obsession.

I'm addicted to Tamara/Sexy Curves, but I consider that a positive thing and enlightening as well! Beneficial not harmful to my health. Good for the heart in more ways than one! Can't wait to see you again my Wild Child.

I think perhaps the term "addiction" is a little misleading.  It seems to me that this is more in line with compulsive behavior, which is a similar condition, but does not qualify under what I would call addiction.  Addiction to me implies a physical dependence on a substance or condition in order to function normally.  Compulsive behavior is a condition wherein the person feels compelled to act in a certain way and does so in order to assuage feelings of anxiety.  Sexual behavior is certainly within the realm of behaviors that could become compulsive.  

The danger in sexual "addiction" or compulsion is that if the behavior becomes compulsive, the "addict" no longer seeks out sexual release for pleasure's sake but does so out of compulsion.  In other words, "addicts" do not necessarily enjoy the behavior, and in many cases may feel guilty about it afterwards.  From what I have read on the subject many people who suffer from this particular compulsion report a loss of pleasurable sensation in orgasm.  They become focused on the act itself as a need for getting by every day.  The longer they go without, the more fixated they get on it, until it is all they think about.  The telltale sign, though, is that the act is not for pleasure or enjoyment but just to fill a "need" in their brain. Thus the term "sex addiction".

So, if a guy sees a provider, or multiple providers, several times a month because he genuinely enjoys sex and the company of beautiful women, that is within the range of normal human sexual behavior.  If you, Tamara, see a lot of hobbyists because you love sex and enjoy the guys company, that is within the range of normal human sexual behavior.  (Although, as an aside, after perusing your website it seems as though your sex drive might be termed super human!) :P  Human beings are designed to want sex, it's how we all got here in the first place.  Sex should be about mutual enjoyment and satisfaction.  BUT, when that desire becomes an obsession or a compulsive behavior, it becomes unhealthy and ruins that person's ability to enjoy sex and turns it into something akin to a drug.  I think that is the point of the article.