If it is important to a guy, and his partner doesn't do it, they may not be compatible, and he will end up going elsewhere.  He will probably end the relationship, or supplement it, or in the case of escort check the reviews!

As far as how to say it, some guys will be direct, and some guys will be more subtle: "we're just different people".

I find it interesting in your wording that you said "I will find someone DIRTIER", implying a BJ is dirty?

I would be interested in your thoughts if we turned it around and talked about DATY.  What if the guy doesn't want to do oral on you and you crave it?

a committed relationship especially a marriage, should be postponed for either party if he/she is unsure if their sexual needs will be met.  Once in a marriage, especially if there are kids, both parties should be able to adjust to their partner's style, moods, life changes, and hang with it in hopes that eventually they will get more of their needs met.  That is what the vow is all about... "for better or for worse".  In other words, neither partner in a committed relationship should expect to have their every sexual need met whenever they want it.  Better to stay out of marriage and/or committed relationships if that is number one.  Nothing wrong with having it be number one, just don't expect a life partner who will always want what you do.  And that goes for women as well as men.  And it goes without saying that a long and well established happy sexual relationship is a good precursor to a wedding.  Why go into something like that just hoping you'll be compatible in bed?

Regarding "dirty sex", here's a little Woody Allen joke.  A man goes to a shrink.  The shrink says (with a heavy German accent):  "Do you think that sex is dirty?".  The man says, after a little pause, "well, if you're doing it right it is"

In case anyone can't read between the lines, I am saying that "dirty", when used to describe oral sex, is an idea from an earlier and definitely more repressed era.  I think the vast majority of men and women enjoy giving and getting.

If I'm with someone whom I consider to be compatible with me, I don't need to ASK her to give me a BJ, and she doesn't need to ASK me to DATY.  We are both about pleasing each other when we are intimate.  I don't expect someone to give me a BJ because of a threat, or a bribe, or any other reason other than that she takes pleasure in giving me pleasure, and vice versa.  Any other reason is no different from commercial sex with a pro.

If I'm NOT with someone who knows how to please me sexually, then I will find the satisfaction elsewhere.  Perhaps with a skilled professional contacted through this forum.