What follows is a true tale about every man’s worst nightmare of being thrown against your will into the dreaded “friend zone” by a hot woman.
Day One: As you move into your new condo, the aches and pains of carrying boxes upstairs is momentarily offset as you meet your new neighbor. You hear a woman’s voice and turn around to see that a very attractive Asian-American woman will be your new neighbor, living directly below you. She’s just the right age for you, and she’s certainly got the looks. The mere thought of what lies ahead begins to occupy your mind and energizes you, even as you continue to sweat carrying boxes up the stairs.
Month One: The weeks go by and you become friends. It’s obvious she likes you because she keeps making excuses to have you help her out around the house- things she could easily do for herself, but calls you instead. Impromptu barbecues follow, as do margaritas on hot summer nights- the best part is you don’t even have to get in your car. You’re on the downhill run to nirvana.
Month Two: Taking longer than you expected, but you’re proceeding cautiously, after all you’re neighbors, and you’re both middle-aged, not twenty-somethings. But you’re feeling good at the same time, convinced you’re handling the situation to perfection.
Month Three: She’s coming up to your house almost every night to watch HBO, and starts wearing her pajamas so she can be comfy. Sitting next to her on the loveseat, your mind is filled with the thought of that glorious day when you’ll hit the “mute” button, and what will follow will be a wild blur of arms, legs and clothing being discarded- worthy of the cheesiest Zalman King feature. The warm hug you get when she leaves just convinces you the time is getting near.
Month Four: Frustrated, but undeterred, you jump at the invitation to barbeque. Over drinks, you find yourself mentally visualizing your moment of triumph. Just then, and without warning, she proudly announces that she’s CELIBATE. “What the fuck?” you think, but not really sure if you accidentally said the words out loud. Ever muscle in you’re body suddenly goes taught and your instinctive reaction is to spit out your margarita across the room, but you fight the urge and bite down on the glass instead. In a few moments you’ve composed yourself and are able to force out a weak, quivering smile. Each second that passes seems like an hour, but you know you’ve got to say something, anything- this is just another test that you’ve got to pass, and you’ve always done your best work under pressure.
Still struggling to recover, you finally shake off your “deer in the headlamps” stance, you feebly mutter something lame, supportive and totally unbelievable in order to break what was becoming the mother of all awkward silences. “Oh, I respect that,” you say choking on each word, and digging your nails into the couch. You hate having to lie, but you were caught totally off guard. As the words leave your mouth, you’re thinking how could a 44 year-old woman who has been married three times announce this like it was some sort of accomplishment? You begin to feel a bond with the ex-husbands you’ve never met. But she’s wearing your favorite shorts and her shapely legs remind you of why you took on this challenge in the first place. Inspired, you persevere in your quest.
Month Five: Gathering your composure in the days that follow, you convince yourself that it’s going to be OK. A higher degree of difficulty, perhaps, but you’ve overcome worse in the past. Still, you’re not as young as you used to be and this could be a watershed event in your sex life if you fail. But now you’ve invested months of your time in this woman and turning back isn’t an option- your pursuit becomes a matter of pride.
The phone rings and she asks you to help her with something. You’re thinking she sensed your revulsion at her “choice” and wants to let you know things are still OK between you. Dutifully, you go downstairs to help her out. Everything seems fine, and then it happens as you’re getting ready to leave- the unexpected words that hit like a doctor telling you you’ve got cancer.
She smells the gas, and strikes the match. “Thanks buddy, you’re the best!” she says as she pats you on the back. Poof…kaboom!
In one quick instant it’s over- you’ve just been neutered. Your penis retracts like a frightened turtle and you feel your balls spontaneously draw up. At this moment, you might as well have a vagina, because you’ve just become the girlfriend she never had, but always wanted. You’re trapped in the Friend Zone and there’s no way out.
Congratulations stud, you finally got your wish-- you’re fucked!
-- Modified on 8/13/2003 11:32:11 AM
Either that or put it to her. She may be testing you.
-- Modified on 8/13/2003 12:54:17 PM
A thread below talks about the thrill of the chase, and everybody chimed in with their personal POV's on which is better. Well, this was a story from the real world, shared strictly for your entertainment, which shows another side of the "chase." A couple TER members actually followed the progress of this one in real time last year when it was happening.
I'm sure most of you studs reading this can't relate, but sometimes this is how it goes in real life. Which is why dating civilians (especially middle-aged civilians) is frustrating. It's also why YOU are here reading this on TER.
For the sake of flow in telling the story, I left out a couple things. For example, there we're some advances on my part, all rebuffed, followed by a few awkward days spent avoiding each other. This is the downside of being neighbors, and also the reason for the long drawn out timeline.
These events took place last summer and I've since moved to a new condo. I no longer have any interest in attempting to date this woman, but we're still friends and we still get together for dinner and margaritas. She also hasn't dated anybody else in the two years I've known her, so I guess she was serious about being celibate. She also had other issues (who doesn't) which I didn't bother to get into.
I think her three ex-husbands reached the same conclusions about her that I did and split. The pretty face attracts, the personality repels- an all too common story in the real world of dating.
What a helluva good post...plus it's about something not so commonly discussed on this board!
Damn, I wish for your sake that the ending had been different. But in real life shit unfortunately happens. Sometimes it happens for the best but we don't recognize it immediately because it's not what we envisioned or hoped for at the time.
Look at it this way if you can...That result is far better than if she'd been a clinging vine looking to nest, when all you wanted was some pleasant company & a good piece of ass that was really convenient. A lot of women her age are looking to nest & that's hard enough to deal with unless it happens to be what you want too, but having one right downstairs could really make for a sticky situation...a hulluva lot worse that simply not getting the nookie that you wanted.
If she's a good cook or makes a good margarita, it's not necessarily a completely bad thing that she's your neighbor...assuming you enjoyed her company aside from the sex you were hoping would result. Shit, there are times I wouldn't mind not having to eat my own cooking...as long as I could choose the times.
Of course those are the times that the man is a Richard Simmons or a Rock Hudson, but it does happen to us as well sometimes.
Not ....
Keep at her - and be blatant about it. Don't tell her you enjoy her company - tell her you want to bump uglies on satin sheets. A tip from Uncle Pig:
Ask for it like a man, don't scratch around for it like a chicken!
trust me when i say this ... Even the good ones will crack if you work on 'em long enough!
Someimes women aren't good at picking up subtle clues that a guy likes her, and some men are too afraid of rejection to be clear.
So megapig is right--let the woman know in no uncertain terms that you are sexually interested in her. Even if she turns you down this time, keep reminding her periodically (but don't be a pest about it).
There have been several occasions when I was in between boyfriends and wanted company and fun (i.e. sex) for the night.
With some guys, I just couldn't tell how interested they were. Since I was afraid of rejection I wouldn't call any of those guys. Instead I'd call the "sure thing" -a guy who I knew without a doubt liked me. It worked out great.
So, get out there, guys--lay it on the line. 
A woman knows wether she's going to screw you or not within the first 30 seconds of meeting you. As a woman I know that the "Celibate" line means..."I have no intention of screwing you, but if a better offer comes along I'm all over it".
The fact that she hasnt had sex in two years (That you know of) means she just hasnt gotten a better offer. Unless she's a "nun" she's not celibate, she just isnt into you.
The awful truth hurts. Guys do it too "I think of you as a sister" or whatever lame line they come up with. Translation: "your not Hot/Thin/Pretty enough to screw, I'm waiting for a hot chick to come along" because if he WAS into you believe me he'd be all over that.
The truth sucks.
p.
translations. And you can feel that way about a hot looking woman nearly as easily as a plain looking woman.
Opposite-gender nonsexual friends are great to have.
She divided the men in her life into two categories: the ones she liked and ones she fucked. Go figure.
Unfortunately I knew several girls like this in college. They never wanted to fuck the guys they were friends with. I guess they were a lot like guys and wanted to be able to stop a sexual fling at anytime and go on to the next guy. To bad I had to have so many friends.
I have experienced the same thing with the exception of a few insignificant differences.
Your description is so much like mine it's scary.
Keep at it if you feel strongly enough, ie could you see her as a future ex Mrs Not Really Me, or is she just a possible roll in the hay?
Either way, the key is knowing when to bail. If you figure that one out let me know.
Take care
My friends and I call it Buddy Mode.
I hope you don't take this badly but:
you deserve what you accept
You accepted 6 months of blue balls. I'm not suggesting you should have asked her out and if she'd said no, you should have gotten nasty and said "I guess a blowjob is out of the question" or started dropping bowling balls at 2AM. You ask her out, then go your own way. Didn't you once think during those months that if you didn't ask her out, some other guy would beat you to it? You snooze, you lose.
You should have asked her out much earlier. You'll never know but she might have been interested but because you weren't man enough to ask her out, she lost interest. The 'celibate' story could really have meant 'you blew your chance Charlie.'
I'd be interested to hear what you're plans are - are you still going to let her use you or are you going to back off? Some guys don't mind having hot female friends - feel that they get 'the scent' on them by being around females and that it helps them pick up others.
type who won't seize the opportunity, she would mentally place him in the "friend" category and move on.
Unfortunately, similar situation happened to me years ago. A hard lesson to learn indeed. 
met my wife of thirty years, she was on a date with another guy, in a group we were all going to a concert with, and I "moved him out" (by talking to her as if it was me she was on the date with), and she liked that a lot.
Hope that guy wasn't a friend of yours. Obviously not a good friend.
