A couple of threads down, it is asked whether the Internet has brought a kind of "disneyfication" to the hobby. I asked there whether the complaints registered about TER reviews were due to TER review policies or to lack of imagination on the part of the reviewers.
On thinking it over, it occurred to me that the nature of the compartmentalization of feelings involved in hobbyist/provider relations creates a situation in which it is quite easy to focus on the act itself rather than the person-to-person interaction. In other words, really processing each other as people can lead to a degree of emotional involvement that is awkward at best and can become quite painful.
Furthermore, in the "good old days" (???), finding and getting together with providers not only more of an adventure, it was also more time-consuming to find good providers. So, today it is possible (if one has the funds!) to see many providers in a month --- one is more limited by time and/or funds than by the challenge of finding good providers. It seems likely that this would lead to each encounter being less special in and of itself because it is so much more readily available. (This sort of goes along the lines of the lack of interest a male gynecologist may feel when seeing yet another pussy. 
)
To what degree the stereotypy of many of the reviews is due to the lack of well-developed writing skills on the part of reviewers is hard to determine. I am sure that it is a factor is some, but not all, cases. (I have seen both eloquent and clumsy reviews here.)
I suspect that many of the hobbyists on this board have a real fondness and respect for the ladies they see, and that the providers also have affection and care for their clients. In closing, I am not sure that a "review" is necessarily the best place to express such feelings.
I would love to hear other people's ideas and opinions on this topic (both hobbyists and providers, please.)
Interesting premise in your 3rd paragraph, sunsword69.
My experience as a provider of personal services (as a professional ski instructor - part of the year) is that one can form a sort friendship with clients, get invited into parts of their personal lives, yet there always remains the fact that the client(s) pay money for my services. (A fact that should never show, but is always present). Many of these friendships result in repeat business and referral business. Note that a ski instructor is an employee of the (ever so politically correctly labelled) snowsports school; there are no indies. Although folklore makes much of post-lesson activities - including removal of all textiles - little of that occurs beyond a drink or two and, maybe, dinner. That is where compartmentalizing must occur, because that is what the client does too. The proverbial rich young widow on the make who spends the whole winter in one resort and with one ski instructor is almost as rare as the white unicorn. On the other side of the spectrum, the raw beginner getting a first lesson in a group setting, expects the best there is. Period. And this one might not even tip.
Does all this make for "disneyfication" or "mcdonaldization"? Never, if the ski instructor (read "provider") is a true professional since he (or she) knows how to create excitement by making the experience unique. Not all wearers of uniforms and badges manage that IMAO and even the best have to fake it occasionally. Credibly and unobtrusively. After all, the client may go with a different pro on an other mountain, or - one hopes not - a different pro on the same mountain.
Do I compartmentalize when I am the client? You bet. Not only when seeing an escort, but also at the barbershop, with the car mechanic, the accountant, the attorney, the wait-person at the restaurant, even the night shift check-out person at the supermarket. And since these professionals act professionally, I continue to take my business to them.
And somewhere in there is the reason why I hardly write reviews on the ladies I visit with - often at their request, since I always ask their permission (at the end of the session as part of my wrap-up).
I have to say, as a newbie yet to pop his cherry, this is an interesting discussion. Honestly, it makes me want to participate more than before!
2ski469 makes a great point about asking the provider if you can post a review (will do that when/if I jump in) and I think SocietalSodomist is probably right in that the reviews need to be objective -- what does it for me may not do it for others (emotionally, mentally, AND physically).
But what do I know? I'm a newbie and probably way out of my league!
this is a hobby for the client, and a business for the lady - bottom line.
While the internet has had an impact on the amount of information available for escorting, access has always been there, just in a different form.
As for sessions being "less special" that is far from my reality - you have to approach each day separately as a gift - same goes for a session with the ladies. I look at a session with a provider (new or my ATF) as a vacation - a time to explore new frontiers, boundaries, places. Key in this is having consideration for your partner.
If there is one blinding truth to the hobby it’s that sex is a physical, biological release where although respect and consideration for your partner should be ever present; genuine emotion, feelings of attachment or cerebral simpatico is often and rightfully not. A hobbyist would be lying if he were to say that the #1 reason he considers a gal an ATF is simply her raw, dissolute, uninhibited sex practices. If a guy is back for his 6th time in 8 weeks or 20th time in 2 years it’s not just because she barks like a dog while he reams her rectum.
Objectivity should be the main precept of reviews. Even though this precept lends itself to a rather cold merchandizing of an otherwise warm and intimate service; subjectivity lends itself to a disservice for both hobbyist & provider in respect to expectations, and obligations.
My ATF once told me that “A hooker’s job is to fuck the most unattractive men on the planet”. Herein lies part the “Disneyfication” for just as Disney created fantasy & thrills for the faceless masses so too does/should a provider.
-- Modified on 1/12/2007 7:37:07 AM
Thanks for a thought-provoking response.
The "Disneyfication" I refer to below is principally to the homogenization of the hobby that has come with the Internet. At the same time, however, the Internet has opened up the hobby to far more providers and hobbyists than previously participated.
It has also opened up the hobby to relations that go beyond the mere transaction of sex for money. In the bad old days, the four walls of the room in a brothel were a world unto themselves. The man and woman who met there for sex didn't know each others' real names or any personal details. In some respects it was very liberating -- I could go in and say I was a film producer or restaurant owner! She could tell me she was a model. Rarely, if ever, did the connection move outside the room.
Today that possibility exists with the Internet because there can be - and often is - a rich exchange of emails or phone calls. There is no question that providers and hobbyists frequently form relationships outside the strict boundaries of the hobby.
Is there compartmentalization? You bet! I'm a service provider, too -- a lawyer -- and (oddly) I would never, ever, have a personal relationship with a client. Friendly? Yep. Dinner? Once in a while. But social events? No way! And don't even think of a "relationship."
But with providers, the nature of the service is inherently intimate and can inherently lead to more -- a friendship, a "fake romance" or perhaps true romance. Usually doesn't, but it can and does happen. In that respect, the hobby today is richer than it used to be and not "Disneyfied."
I have to take you to task on this: " . . . emotional involvment is awkward at best and can become quite painful."
That's sad! To have an emotional connection with someone (regardless of the relationship) is so awesome. Because you cannot "have" her or she cannot "have" you doesn't mean the connection cannot or should not be enjoyed whenever possible. Then again, I guess it depends on why you're there. If you're there just to get your rocks off and you expected a live version of a blow-up doll to do just that, I can see it being awkward to develop feelings. But if you are looking to be fulfilled completely, emotionally and physically, you've hit the jackpot.
Otherwise, I don't have much to add on the subject of your post.
Kate
I'm there for the companionship. I've told all of my favorite ladies that the sex isn't the most important aspect of our meeting. I can get a satisfying release in the shower, I look for that emotional connection for a couple of hours at a time that fulfills my male ego...
I personally agree with you --- I have had some warm and rewarding experiences in the hobby. I have found that I personally have a tendency to want to bond more deeply with a woman with whom I have had sex, and it can be hard to remember that it is a professional encounter. Nevertheless, I have really enjoyed most of the ladies who I have been with AS PEOPLE --- even if it meant a little heartache afterward. That has included dinners and nights together. My own experiences seem quite different from the somewhat pornographic and clinical descriptions I see so many of on this board.
from having a friendly feeling towards your sex partner all the way to desperate longing (or the unfortunate flip side: intense hate.)
Certainly it can get messy, but I'm with Kate; despite all the messiness I wouldn't give it up (nor could I, in all honestly.)
Recently I had a situation where an ATF of mine had to leave the country because of recent LE activity for almost a year leaving me very sad, but then they just returned, so now I am elated to be able to see them again.
It makes life interesting and sure beats the hum-drum.
I'm with Kate on this one (and your opinions are welcome sexy). While I may not be looking for a committed relationship from a provider (I have one already thanks), given the initimate nature of the act I WANT to have some level emotional connection with my partner, otherwise the entire experience is less than satisfying. Isn't that what GFE is all about?
WTF? Is anybody out there having fun?
Providers and hobbyists collectively are cross-sectional representatives of people in general. There are some who treat others with respect. There are others who do not. There are some who write wonderous, story-telling narratives about two people whose lives intersected for an hour. Some are wannabe, pseudo-porno screenwriters. And some simply cannot write at all. Some always look to make a connection, some don't seek them but will embrace serendipitous connections and others remain at arms length and just simply want to screw and run. Some want predictability. Some want surprise. Some say change is good. Others say change is not synonymous with improvement.
At the end we are a group of people who do something in common. In the beginning we come to the table as a group of individual people who are as different as we could possibly be. So we seek to find that which gives us the maximum return on our investments where the measured currency may be tallied in cash, satisfaction, fulfillment, experiences, excitement or any any other refillable human need.
The hobby means different things for different folks. Seek from it what you will but let's not forget that it can be and should be a lot of fun.
-- Modified on 1/12/2007 12:06:15 PM
My take on the hobby is similar to several above. When I select a lady to meet, I look for more than the physical connection. Yes, physical attraction is important; but, I look for the inner beauty in the lady as well. Maybe it is something she has written here on TER or on her web site. Maybe it is something she has not done that is mentioned in a review (besides the sex). I try very hard to make it a pleasurable time for both of us. I don't just want to get my rocks off.
