Based on the two discussions below, I wonder how many divorces wouldn't happen if one or both spouses were free (legally and culturally) to see providers? Could this reduce some of the friction in many marriages and make the remaining problems more manageable? How often does sexual frustration in a marriage lead to problems in other areas?
European countries have about 1/5th the divorce rate of the US and many have amazingly open cultures to married men seeing providers with some countries (France and Italy at the top) viewing it as almost expected.
Laws change, but traditions die a harder death. Do you know what an "italian divorce" was 25 years ago?
Murdering your spouse? That would make sense since the Catholic church doesn't allow divorce, and we are talking about the pope's back yard.
A friend of mine is a business valuation specialist and does a lot of business valuations due to divorces. He has noticed that divorces often coincide with four different life events.
1. After the kids are born and both spouses spend so much time with the kids that they don't make time for themselves.
2. Empty nest time, when it's just the two of them, with no kids to keep them occupied.
3. Mid-life crisis.
4. Retirement, when it's really just the two of them, 24 hours a day.
Seeing a provider would definitely help in the case of #3, although it could easily be a double-edged sword.
More than likely, marriage problems need to be solved by looking inside the marriage rather than outside.
I'm not so sure that a few visits with a good provider now and then could not but help many men in all four of these catagories.
I think that's a good question but don't know that it would work here - we've been too long immersed in our own culture. And, if anything, it could lead to even worse problems (here). I know most women would feel 'what's good for the goose, is good for the gander' and as soon as he stepped out the door to go to the Provider's, she'd be on the phone calling that cute stockboy or Pool man or whomever.
Europeans are much more inclined to feel they are obligated to stay married, even though they are unhappy, for moral and religious reasons, just as we did in the 50's. Divorce wasn't an 'option'. That's the way I was raised, and I'm sure most of all of us were raised.
Today, couples enter into a marriage with things in place, such as Pre-Nups, as if they are 'preparing' for an imminent breakup - it's almost assumed. Great way to start a marriage..
I don't think marriage is taken all that seriously anymore, and I think it's the one step you should avoid at all costs, and only those who feel strong enough and sure enough should cross that threshold; otherwise, date, or live together.
Sexuality is very different there, than here. Very different in lots of places compared to here (ever been to Japan?). I'd be curious to know..here, how many men, or households, regularly keep girlie magazines in the house, as well as porn videos? How do you think that might compare with European men/households?
Do you think it might be more, or less, and I'm guessing why?
Heck, most American women flip over their husbands having magazines and videos, do you think they'd go for him being serviced by a Provider??
There are probably some, especially older ladies or those with physical or mental (depression, for one) problems that might welcome it - go! And maybe their relationship could handle it. Others might say, go! - and then call their Life insurance agent and add another $100k to the policy..
I was reading some commentary in the posts below regarding idealistic concepts of higher love within marriage and husbands who are really at fault for their shortcomings in the relationship. For a troglodyte like me, the answers are very simple...the ideas of "higher love" and she won't take it in the ass, so I'll find a provider who will in order to save the marriage are generated from the same place, the same motivators. Your points are excellent JTH, because regardless of how we want to philosophise, the methods other cultures employ work.
The point that all these messages are getting at is that there is a big difference between lust and love. I love my wife very much, but there is a great deal of sexuality that she will no longer engage in. A provider gives me everything (mostly) that I could want in the sex arena and for only for several hundred dollars. My wife gives and receives overall love but is skimpy on the sex part for several reasons, not all that I understand. For this, I have given her hundred of thousands of dollars over the years. Who is the better bargain? And if I were to go crazy over some young pussy and chase her and bed her and wed her, then the divorse settlement would cost me over half a million. My ATF is a bargain by comparison and if our sexual acitivities begin to lose their excitement, I can move on with no hurt feelings.
And I agree with 100% of what you are saying. My observations were directed towards those who try to make a distinction, that some "higher" more evolved love is superior when it is merely another choice. Sorry if it sounded like I was coming down on people who've made the choice you have, I was actually trying to point out that it is a logical and effective choice for many.
Love is where you find it. One of the great ironies is that the most evolved love that I have discovered is one that I have for my atf. It is truly unconditional because I have to tolerate the fact that she is with all these other men. It has allowed me to be stronger in my own loving and I have been able to send that love back to my family. Strange concept, but its been working really well for me.
FBSM is a reasonable compromise for me. I just recently discovered this possibility. I had thought that massage parlors high price escorts and SWs were it. None appealed to me. The possibility of getting a good message and a safe sexual release makes great sense to me during those times when my wife is unable to provide a sexual relationship for health reasons. Helps me avoid resentment in our marriage for something that she can't help.
I wonder what will happen when she is better, but for now the only fly in the message oil is the necessity of deception.
So are you saying your wife is aware of it?
I think you made a great choice, and am happy that we have so many ladies who offer this specialized service for just that very reason.
No. That would be unecessarily painful for both of us.But I feel a bit unconfortable about the need for deception.
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