The only place you could possibly ask this question without feeling like a total smuck.  

My SO is very hands on when it comes to bills, bank accounts, phone numbers, credit cards - she knows what's being spent and where it's going.  Comes from years of pinching pennies.  So I'd like to know how others with SOs put aside enough untraceable $$$ to spend quality SP time?  I have to admit I am fairly new to this hobby and have only dived into it while out of town during business.  I had the luxury of a cash per deim on the last outing which made things super easy.  But now I'm finding myself trying to find ways of socking cash away to maybe see SP's right here in LA or at least Vegas.  I'm even considering selling some camera equipment just to have a nice stash that will further the hobby for at least six months but even selling something without suspect paperwork coming into the homefront has caused me to rent a PO box and make sure only my cell phone number is given to prospective buyers.

Is there a better way or is this just the nature of the game?  Any ideas or am I just destined for hell anyway?

Thanks

I wish I had better advice, but if your SO keeps the books, it will be pretty obvious that unexplained cash outlays are occurring.

No... You’re screwed... or not…

I'm actually in a similar situation and the only way I squeeze out a few bucks is because as a consultant I have a couple of clients who pay me directly via cash.  (Of course I don't tell them why, they probably assume it's for tax reasons.)  However this is only good for enough money to see a couple providers a year.

But speaking of Las Vegas, and I don't recommend relying on this method, the best way I ever found to get funding for the hobby is by having a really good run at a black jack table.  It was a modest haul by most people standards ($2K), but I'm not that active and it lasted me for a couple years.

You could do a variation on that next time you go to Las Vegas by saying that you had a bad run of luck at the tables (shouldn't be difficult to sell that to the SO. LOL) and just pocket the money instead.  Or bet the farm, hope you win and pocket that money, or some portion of it.


-- Modified on 7/25/2002 11:29:20 PM

My wife is the same way. My wife is also the one who takes care of the bills and balances the checkbook. I have two ways I get by.

First of all, I've gotten a few raises over the years, and never bothered to tell her. Since she only sees what I deposit, and not the pay stub, she doesn't see how much cash I keep.

Secondly, I have the benefit of working at a place that caters food for the staff every day. So I pocket the money I would have spent on food for the week. I can spend easily $200/week on the hobby no questions asked.

One way is saving your lunch money!  LOL

All joking aside, does she really pinch every penny?  I mean what happens if you need gas money, lunch money, or pocket money?  

I was thinking also...what if you wanted to get her a gift and have it be a surprise?  Do you have to explain a surprise too?  I would say that a provider and your SO could benifiet out of this.....buy your SO something on sale....and tell her it costs more and use the rest plus your lunch money to see a provider.

If all else fails....I would suggest.....taking some control over the money you make too!

Yeah, I've done the Vegas gambling losing thing - took a grand, came home a loser ... again.  Hired SP through an agency so I waaaas a real loser - on both fronts.  But it's getting bad that everytime I go now I lose my whole wad, even for real.  Love to win 2K once and pocket it away.  And yes, when I buy my SO a present she finds out what it cost when the credit card comes in.  Seems we don't take much cash out during the week so that damn card has got to go.  The funny thing is that I'm making more money then I ever imagined and yet I don't have the freedom all the hard work getting here should have provided.

I am going to hell....

Here is what I gathered.  SO's don't usually go through tax returns, especially those that keep the bank balance and watch the pay stubs like eagles.  Even if they go through the tax return, there are ways to screw it up.  Here it goes.

Submit a W4(?) anytime and specify any additional deductions.  Best after a pay raise.  Also do anything that will make your pay varies to avoid suspecion, such as get in and out of employee stock purchase schemes depending on market conditions.  Change your address for the IRS to a secret PO box, so your SO won't find out what you don't want her to see.  IRS do accept PO box addresses without questions.  If you file electronically and have a secret bank account, you are expecting to receive all the refunds in the 1st week of 2003!  Other ways to increase the refund.  Draw home equity and treat yourself and SO.  The interest are deductable so your refund will increase.  Buying a bigger house will do the same.  If you have loser stocks, sold them and concentrate the capital loss in one go.  Not much here, at most you can cash around 1K/year.  Send your SO away when you file your returns, and gamble that she doesn't find out.  Someone always sign for their SOs anyway.  If you change to electronic filing, she may not even know that there are still paper works or signing to do.  In some states, SO don't need to sign for returns, give them a code that they send you will do.

If your SO actually go through your tax return, put money in IRA etc, provided she doesn't watch that as well.  You can just spend that money, or borrow against that, all with some penalties, but worth it.  She may not find out for years, if ever.  If she watches your IRAs, open a few.  A favourite national pastime used to be trading on IRA accounts - no need to report capital gains.  To account for money spent, just say you loss it in the market, who would argue?

If you start now, you have several months to wait.  Once you started, the money keep on coming year after year.

I'm telling you all these because I'm going to find some excuses to cut my home cable connection and trash my home computer.  You have to be careful, always.

I don't know if anyone would ever do this, including myself, but since a lot of us are professionals we could essentially front for each other to get money in the form of fees and then return it to the hobbyist.

For example, if I were accountant I could "bill" you for some 401K consulting, which would look legit to your SO, and then return you the money.  Then you bill me for your services and do the same. From a tax standpoint it would be a wash (assuming we charge the same fee of each other.) and that way we both have some extra cash.  Of course this would require finding another professional who shares your interest in the hobby.  Just a thought...

Excellent topic! I've been meaning to start this topic myself. My paycheck is direct-deposited, so I can't easily hide expenses either. Here are a few things I do:

1- Pay for groceries with ATM, always get a little extra cash back.

2- I go on business trips several times a year. When cashing the expense reimbursement check, scam off $200 or so. I cash the check at the teller, not ATM.

These are my 2 main methods. Granted, it takes a while to build up enough cash. Maybe it's just as well, the hobby would otherwise be too addicting

I earn $120K/yr, wife earns next to nothing by comparison, 2 kids in college. Wife is not interested in any romance or intimacy - she's a religous nut. She's entitled to her beliefs, I'm entitled to spend my money.

Wow... this is the basis for a whole evolution of the hobby: I can just see whole message boards acting a clearing houses for basically laundering money for The Hobby. Interesting.

O.

right in the front of my pants.
rik

My wife is always trying to get me to sign up for direct deposit so she can follow the money trail. I always tell her no, because I LIKE the feeling of going to the bank and cashing that big check, it makes me feel good. I don't think she entirely buys it. She knows I'm skimming money, she just doesn't know on what. She probably thinks I'm spending it on DVDs and beer.