you can't control what other people think so why sweat it?? You say they don't see you with a woman, but they don't see you with a man either. The vast majority of people are heterosexual, and I would venture to assume that most people assume you are as well.
I've noticed something over the years, and I'm curious so I thought I'd ask the guys.
Why is it a big deal for men if they go somewhere (party, BBQ's at friends, etc.) and they don't have a date? I mean, men act panicky and mortified if they don't have a date! Why is it important?
I think it is much more important to men, than it is to women. I've been single for 13 years and I don't even give it a thought to go alone. It doesn't bother me, nor do I think it bothers most women to go somwhere alone - dinner parties, etc.
Is it because men view themselves more as a one half of a PAIR - even if they are single?
For purely social settings, depending on the age of the male, he can appear to be "damaged goods" if he doesn't bring a date to a function that is understood to be appropriate for couples.
(I was on a date last week and was asked "You're 39 and have never been married -- what happened"?)
Every time I have gone to a social gathering as mentioned and brought a SO I've missed out on some action with one or more attending single female guests. Every time I go stag to such a gathering every other person there is with their SO and I am the total "odd man out"
The reason I don't like going alone is that all the married/attached women, one by one, take turns asking me "do you have a girlfriend? are you married yet"...
I think it is mostly an ego thing. Men like to be seen with an attractive woman - it boosts their ego to at least imagine that other men are envious of them. Also, if you are shy, it can be difficult to "engage" with someone if you walk in all alone. With a "date" you are sure you will have at least on person to talk with. Of course, if we could always be assured that we would meet someone as intelligent and easy to talk to as you, Sedona, then we might not be so hesitant. You do realize you are special, don't you?
I cannot speak for most men, but I am always comfortable where ever I am. I may get nervious, scared, intimidated, anxious, etc.. but that is all part of me being human. Would I prefer the stimulating conversation of a beautiful woman? Yes! But then again I would not classify myself as a "Dater".
So sorry I can't explain your phenomina other than to say, there will be always insecure people that need.
who met me for the first time thought I was gay. One time even a close friend of mine asked me whether I am actually a closeted gay. It can get frustrating at times. (If only they know how wild and crazy I love women. lol.)
I don't seem to have this problem and go everywhere by myself. then again, "I" don't have to have another person of the same sex hold my hand when I need to use the restroom either!
There was only one time I felt uncomfortable, about 8 years ago. I was invited to an office party, and it was explicitly mentioned that I was also invited to bring a date, should I wish to. I didn't have any prospects for a date, and I felt that showing up without one, was an admission that I lacked the ability to get one. That's a blow to esteem.
But it was only a problem when the issue of having a date was explicitly brought up. Normally, it doesn't occur to me that being alone should make me feel awkward. If someone doesn't say "bring a date" then I don't feel any pressure.
Especially something as fun/informal as a BBQ at a friends! When I'm visiting close friends, the last thing I want are "outsiders" around, whether they're brought by me or someone else.
I met my SO at a party to which I had brought probably the most beautiful woman that I know personally.
She was a close friends ex and even tho' I AM so vain, I knew we were not gonna date (or even mess around- once missed opps of my life perhaps). But she was a friend and I knew she would like the party. I started chatting with this cool lady I met and I don't even recall what happened to my lady-friend that night!
Weddings is one cause majority of the attendees are coupled. I just got home from the bay area for a wedding and there were only a handful of attendees who arrived with no dates but some did arrive with a friend of the same sex but very few. As for feeling panicky or mortified I didn't see that.
When freinds who are coupled invite me on outings such as dinner, movies, etc. I choose not to go most of the times cause I am single and its not because of feeling panicky its just that I don't want to be the third wheel. Also I feel that they would and should enjoy their time together without looking out for me to make sure I'm having a good time.
exactly...women will not do things alone. If they are not with a man, they will be with another woman. There is also a safety issue with women, they are less likely to be attacked or assaulted if they are with another person. Next time you are at the movies, (which I go to alone all the time) see how many women are sitting by themselves...there might be a few, until their boyfriend or hubby comes back with the popcorn.
Women are far more likely to attend such a function alone (afraid of being the "third wheel").
In my view, men are far more likely to watch a game or go to a bar (and watch a game/fight/etc.) alone instead of a dinner party. If your going to go alone, wy go with co-workers, etc.? Better to go elsewhere on your own without the socio-political agendas.
Men are much more likely to go out alone. Sure there are some insecure guys who won't but they are in the minority. A lot of guys would rather be alone. More freedom.
And I'm not buying the 'security' excuse others have brought up. In well lit, crowded areas the women aren't in any real danger.
Next Sedona will be telling us looks and height don't matter to women when they're looking for a date
Sedona seemed to be talking about guys going to social "functions" (parties, BBQ's, etc.). You are talking about a guy being out in society, doing things that he likes (a movie he likes, a restaurant he likes), by himself.
Even though I loathe gender genralizations, I think women are more comfortable in social functions in general than men, because they enjoy the atmosphere more, celebrating and dressing up and all of that, as well as being able to "mingle" easier. Men, on the other hand, I have found are more comfortable doing things alone that are things they would do with just their significant other, like movies or going out to eat (or whacking off), and they tend to feel more comfortable in scenarios where they can have a more "topical" conversation with guys (like if there are people gathered for a reason, like a hobby).
In many respects, women are stronger than men. Men are terrified of the void of being alone. Consider: when men's marriages break up, what do they do? They run and get married again.
I've have never been uncomfortable going stag at all. As long as I'm interested in the function it simply doesn't make any difference one way or the other. There's an upside to being stag too...you can mingle with whoever you want without any 'repercussions' LOL And if you're lucky there may even be an attractive lady also without a date.
I've never been burdened with the worry of what other people think of me, or if I'm insane, straight, tall, short, thin, fat or anything else.
I travel alone, dine alone, attend parties and functions alone (especially weddings!!)and do most of my day-to-day business alone as well. I mentioned above that there is tremendous pressure to bring a date or to be married at company functions, but I've also never felt the need to cave under that pressure either. My abilities, business acumen, experience and style speak for themselves so I really don't let the "coupling" kind of pressure bother me.
When I need the touch and contact with a beautiful woman, there are so many lovely providers to meet that the only pressure I feel is when I should make the phone call to arrange a meeting.
It all depends on the situation at hand. If you are in what I call an "unavoidable" social function-- like an office activity, then it is best to be paired. Because if you are paired, then you don't need to interact with the others and you can just focus on your date. This avoids those awkward, mindless converstaions about the weather, sports or work with others you barely know.
However, if the function is with people you quite familiar with, then I have absolutely no problem going stag! Heck, when I was much younger, I wouldn't take anyone with me to parties or concerts since it would hurt my chances of finding someone to bring home.
especially weddings!! There's more p*ssy on the loose at a wedding than there is in church, lol!!
Seriously, I think it just has something to do with guys being lonely, feeling unwanted, maybe a little insecure. A woman beside a man adds a note of acceptance, of being OK, of being a normal fit-to-be-with type of guy.
You are correct, most ladies are much more willing to be alone, except at some place like a bar. But they are more willing to be together alone, as in a group of females. Girls can dance together on the dance floor, but it seems less acceptable for guys to go out dancing together - maybe that's a homophobic thing, lol
I'll be the one to touch on a sensitive issue... but where I come from it's a matter of homophobia. If a single man continues to arrive at social functions without female company over a lengthy period of time, people start to talk about the possibility that the man is a homosexual.
Maybe women don't care about labels, but one thing a straight man has no tolerance for is to be thought of as gay. I am not afraid to say that the thought is in the back of my mind when people start asking me why I'm still single and why they don't see me with a woman. I wonder "do they think I'm gay... oh God I hope not!!!"
I am not afraid to call myself a homophobe either. Don't get me wrong... homosexuality doesn't bother me... as long as people clearly understand that I am not one! I know that sounds horrible and crude, but I come from the midwest and more specifically a very conservative population where homosexuality makes for scandulous rumors. I don't want to be subject of those rumors.
you can't control what other people think so why sweat it?? You say they don't see you with a woman, but they don't see you with a man either. The vast majority of people are heterosexual, and I would venture to assume that most people assume you are as well.
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