If that's what it takes then we have some serious problems.  I have a lot of reasons for visiting a provider.
Conversation
DFK
stimulation
bbbj
Knowledge
DATY
the pure enjoyment of spending time with a beautiful lady.
Going home with a smile.
self esteem it's not one of them.

If you found out your favorite provider, who is smoking hot and has delivered mind-blowing sessions for months, was born a boy and had a sex change, would you still continue to see her?

If seeing Providers should have no effect on our self-esteem, why do so many of us prefer the GFE girls?  Are we all losers?  Well, I probably am, but I don't think all of us are.  Personally, I don't go home with a smile if all I did was get off, I don't care how beautiful or talented she is.  After my wood deflates, it's actually depressing if I didn't make some kind of connection.

 

I've been dealing with this very issue just recently after having contacted a very hot and well-known provider who tore me a new orifice for even suggesting that we have a more personal, intimate experience. I guess the best she could offer was a finger up my ass. Fuck that! Does that ME a loser? It doesn't make me feel like a loser. But then how the hell am I supposed to know.

Which brings me to my other point.  

HEY STAFF: What the hell kind of survey question is that???

How are WE supposed to know what our self-esteem is anyway? Is there some sort of barometer. Why not just ask: Are you really happy? And since when is DrLaura writing your freaking survey questions?

The point is matters of subconcious and mental well-being are touchy. Particularly in this forum. YES, of course we ALL (secretly or otherwise) long for a truly intimate experience of human proportions but like everything else in life it is either not there or it doesn't last. YES, of course we are all ultimately looking for a mind-blowing emotional experience born out of a simple physical encounter. The reason for that is that we have ALL had deep, emotional relationships with SOs where the subsequent sex has turned out to be a dissapointment. That's the way life is. Its not meant to make us happy.

I guess what I'm saying is that maybe its better not to ask. If my ATF asks the next time I see her or if I decide to ask her at least we'll have each other to hold onto the moment we hear the answer. But to blast it on the website...

...its just in poor taste!

-- Modified on 4/16/2003 2:11:00 AM

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

It depends on your perspective and experiences.  I'm still shocked that half of TER clients are MARRIED and that another quarter have girlfriends. Initially, I assumed providers were for those of us who didn't have girlfriends.
In those cases, how couldn't your self esteem improve?
I think it's much sadder that people have to cheat on their significant others.

I am not some wallflower by any means but I always feel more confident in real life shortly after having a great session with a provider.  I know that it is mostly make believe between a provider and her customer, but it is enough to make me feel great both physically and emotionally.

How many guys are interested in seeing a HOT provider who just wants you to stick it in but doesn't know how to make you feel like she really wants to have sex with you and really is interested in you???  Not me.  Even though I have the reputation for being more of a wham-bam-thank you mam hobbyist, even I still appreciate a provider that knows how to make me feel good, whether it is an Asian MP who dresses me after the session and makes as much conversation as possible or whether it is a hot young Adelita's girl in TJ that provides a no-rush session and again is able to make as much conversation as possible.

Any hobbyist that would rather see a girl that is a 7 in looks and a 9 or 10 in performance rather than a girl that is a 9 or 10 in looks but only a 5 or 6 in performance probably has their self-esteem boosted by the more average looking girl.

There are a lot of popular providers out there that may not be that attractive but offer great service and I guarantee you that these girls are busier and get A LOT more repeat clientele than providers who look like models but don't know how to treat a guy.  I think this has everything to do with a hobbyists self-esteem.  Probably just an issue of semantics here over what exactly self-esteem, in itself, entails.

I agree with you, although I believe we're all in this for our own reasons. I too, look to connect. If I do, it's always more rewarding. I also tend to look for the GFE. Am I loser, that's for someone else to judge. In my case it's not for self-esteem, although some may make me feel better than others. The reason I repeat is because I enjoy the spending time with that provider. The reason I see someone new is because after visiting their site and reading the reviews it's someone I would like to meet. There are a lot of terrific ladies out there that if circumstances allow I would love to meet. So far between the locals, Las Vegas and touring women I've been blessed or lucky. There are couple more I hope to meet before I move on.

Apologies if I sound like I'm sucking up to Papercup this evening, but he's so right.  

Getting my yah-yah's ain't near as critical as the quality connection.  My life is better tonight after connecting with a Polish girl living in Vienna visiting Florida who speaks 6 languages.  

It ain't totally about getting the rocks off.  It's the total experience of looking at a wonderful woman's eyes, hair, face, and seeing her eyes fill with tears when she talks about a life experience, and burst into laughter and look back into your eyes when you talk about ordinary life.   Woman with depth are so wonderful.

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

not sure about improving self esteem, but it certainly can help with the confidence level in many men. most all of us suffer from break ups, separations, divorces, or being rejected in some way. some younger guys may not have much experience, and can learn from the professionals. whether it be a mid-life crisis or stress at work, no matter what the situation, companionship will always help comfort you when you need it most. I know a couple of providers have helped me through some difficult times just by listening to me when I could not tell my family or friends about relationship troubles where a female perspective is most valuable. then again most times I'm just horny and want to be with a hot babe that would never give me the time of day. (unless the hour I paid for is running overtime)

I suppose that satisfying these needs in certain areas of life have helped my happiness, kept a balance in my life, and possibly affected self esteem as well.
best regards, mr.man
"give me ambiguity, or give me something else"

Maybe I'd have used the word "confidence" as suggested above.

But to answer the question, yes, there are times when life has dealt me a hand of turds and seeing a provider can get you back in a more positive mindset.  Sometimes it's the first step after a bad break-up, or maybe it's just been a while since you've had a decent relationship and you need to spend some quality time with someone of the female persuasion.

There have been several times in my life when seeing providers were exactly what I needed to change my mentality and return to a more positive attitude.  If you're young, the dating pool is always there for you, but by middle-age, sometimes looking up one of the ladies is the only way to get back into the game after a long-term relationship ends.  So I think it's fair to say my confidence, and maybe even my self-esteem too, have been boosted after seeing a CSW.  Otherwise, I don't think I'd be grinning like a fool in the car as I'm driving back home.  

-- Modified on 4/15/2003 11:46:27 PM

You know what? Whatever positive affect we can have on people, WHATEVER it may be for each individual (and I'm sure it's different for everyone), why would it be BAD, whatever it is? I mean if we can make a gent feel like the MAC DADDY of the world for one hour and he walks out of our room feeling better about himself, do you really and honestly think that is a bad thing?

Now it's likely that your point is that esteem comes from within. This is true, indeed... but sometimes people need a little push in the right direction, and if we can give them that I don't see anything wrong with it. My goal is simply to spread smiles and not worry about the fine print!

Hugs*
Nicole

What about the fact that eventualy you realize you as a hobbist have to pay to be treated like that ?

Over my 25 years of adulthood I have become somewhat cynical and wary of the NON-provider community out there. The myriad of bullshit, game playing, selfrightousness, hypocracy and disingenueness(sp?)demonstrated by Non-providers leave me little desire to play the conventional dating game. My sex drive however is still alive and well and needing attention.
   Spending some quality time with a favorite provider or a "Onetimer" takes care of the biological drive as well as the emotional issues of "human connection". The sense of wellness then felt by myself can be attributed to my ego/esteem being raised by the provider.
  Possibly your esteem isn't being raised because of personal issues of guilt, class distinction or elitism.

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

To imemine:  Some of don't consider it "cheating".  Walk a mile in my shoes before you make such a statement.

I don't really feel that surgery can change a person's sex.  After the surgery can the feminine "it" have a baby?  Does it's body produce the right hormones?

Some of the post surgical things look great, but I just can't handle it in the back of my mind.

That being said, I make no judgment upon others who partake of these surgical wonders.

When I look at my sad-sack buddies, who rarely get laid by their SO, and when they do have to take a load of shit or pay up the ass for a little pussy, I think about how smart I am to be in this hobby.

I took the risk, grabbed for the brass ring, and am living part of my life in sexual nirvana, while the buds back home languish in the sexual dungeon.

You bet my self esteem is raised everytime is see a provider.  I think to myself, "damn goodguy, you fucking did it again!  Had another great time with a beautiful lady who gave you the utmost she has to offer."  And that's true even if I had to pay for it.

Hell, I'm feeling good again!!

-- Modified on 4/16/2003 2:18:36 PM

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

I don't really give a rat's ass about self esteem, emotional issues, guilt, confidence, or whatever you want to call it. SP's just plain make me feel better. We have fun together and that's it, plain and simple.
my $.02

BJ has it dead on. If you're a jerk, or an asshole, or a bad person... you're not coming back to see me twice, regardless of what you're willing to pay, and odds are I'll throw you out mid-session. I'm not paid to be nice to jerks... I'm paid to treat wonderful gentlemen just like wonderful gentlemen!

Hugs*
Nicole

It just leads right to the obvious questions.

Is an infertile woman, a woman?

Is an infertile man, a man?

Is a man whose testicles were blown off in a war, still a man?

I can keep going with this, but surely you get the idea... I think there's far more to this question than can be summed up in a nifty little soundbyte and the bottom line is, that if you didn't know for MONTHS of having sex with someone... what DIFFERENCE does it make except in the perceptions of your MIND? Now that is ok and it is your choice to make, of course, but don't say it's because "she can't have a baby," that's just silly!

Hugs*
Nicole

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

I'm all ears...

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? Who made you arbiter and Judge?

I am sorry but this is bullshit.. WHo the f-ck are you to judge what is a valid and invalid reason to see a provider?  There are a million reasons people have for partaking in this, and I don't think you or I are in a position to judge the validity of their reasons in the form of a general sterotype like you have done here.

As far as self-esteem goes, that was exactly one of the reasons I did seek this out as well as to explore my sexuality, which I can't do currently in my present situation. On both counts the ladies I have seen have contributed remarkably to my growth, confidence, and have opened up a world of sexuality that I did not know existed before...

If that makes me sad and a loser, I hope I keep losing..

There are too many variables, and inter-variables to list..
but I think Nicole-Sexy Curves, and Ferangi hit it right on..be true to yourself, and your motives and the end result and go from there.
I LOVE being a Provider, be it very part time. I can't imagine not participating. People have so many misconceptions, so many stereotypes in their minds, they fail to see the here and now, and the person in front of them.
As said before (if you 'searched' my prior posts), I do this for many reasons, but the main reason is because I ENJOY it so!
Quit trying to pigeon hole things, and also judge. Just relax and enjoy your special time and company.
Who cares whether it's self confidence, self esteem or just 'feelin' good'..it's still a good thing, and that's what matters. It's sort of like having a really lousy day where everything under the sun went wrong, and then having a great day where everything went incredibly well..did you think about your confidence or self esteem then and try to analyze it, or did you just say 'Wow! What a great day!'


Love,
Sedona

Reoes seeing providers improve your self esteem? What a sad question

I'm all ears...