Dear Readers,

Consider these scenarios:  A relatively attractive, successful, recently divorced man, begins to visit a provider.  She is a single mom, or young single woman.  He lavishes her with gifts, visits regularly, writes nice reviews, flirts, has deep conversations, opens his heart to her, speaks about his loneliness, how he is lost and seeking solace in the hobby, and that she has become more than just another pro for him.

She begins to believe that this man might be the one for her.   She is charmed by him, sees his ability to support her and care for her, she begins to offer more off-the-clock time, wanting to do this for him, because she wants this to become something more, something real.  He hints at a future together, once his life settles down.  Soon, the relationship is completely off-the-clock.  

Guess what?  She calls his cell-phone one day and his wife or one of his tribe of 9 kids answers, she confronts him, (divorce? what divorce? did I say I was divorced?), or he simply comes out and says he never had any intention of taking things any further.  The rug has been pulled out from under her, at the cost of many free sessions and a broken heart.

Let's take the inverse case.  An attractive, sexy, sensual, well-reviewed provider begins to see a client.  He is relatively unattractive, introverted, not particularly successful, and actually IS single.  He begins to visit her, and finds that she seems like a real girlfriend.  He feels a connection that he has never felt before, she seems not to care about all the "external" things and likes him for who he is, a loving, sensitive, sweet man.  What's more, she tells him he's not like the others, and that she can relax and be herself with him.  He is smitten, and becomes a regular.  She encourages this, and gives him little discounts, a little extra time here and there, telling him that she never does this for her other johns.

He believes she really feels something for him, and begins to ask for more off-the-clock time, and asks about developing a longer-term relationship.  She gives vague responses about "we'll see" and "who knows?". Finally, when his demands get too insistent, she drops the bomb, letting him know that all the previous attention was just part of the act, just part of the fantasy role. "You mean you thought it was something more"?  She states flatly that she had absolutely no intention of taking things beyond a professional relationship.  He is devastated.

This topic is not new, but just to reiterate that it can be problematic when people blur the line between fantasy and reality, and one party begins to forget they are playing a role.  I'm leery of men who work too hard for "free p#ssy", or providers who flirt hard and play up the "personal" part of the relationship to maintain regulars.  I agree that on the hobbiest side, everyone wants to stretch their dollar, regardless of income level, and on the provider side, everyone wants to keep their "regulars", regardless of how their business is doing, but it is a fine line to walk.  

Of course the above illustrations describe the extreme cases. Most people have a smidgeon of cynicism in their souls, enough to avoid falling prey to this kind of game, but we have all seen these unfold.  IMHO it's very tempting for either side to abuse trust when emotional needs are exposed and can be manipulated.

If you have something concrete that can be easily quantified to barter with, for example web or computer expertise, legal advice, photography help, medical or dentistry, you are in a great position to barter without any trust issues arising.  But when it comes to working the emotional needs of the other person as bargaining chips, it can be quicksand.

So what's my point, do I ever have a point?  I guess my questions are:  Where do you draw the line in terms of using emotion in the transaction?  Do you take off your wedding band when you go into a session, believing she might give better service if she thinks you are single?  Do you feel that board flirting, email correspondence, thank you notes, gifts, etc. can lead to better service down the road?  Do you withhold reviews in order to stay in the good graces of a provider?  As a provider, do you avoid mentioning your children/boyfriend/husband if he asks?  What kind of "white lies" (if any) are acceptable in order to play up the "fantasy role" and which ones go too far?  Are you completely honest and upfront with your provider/client?  Or do you prefer to remain enigmatic?  

I've always believed that an "arms length" relationship is best, but in a business where intimate acts are shared, even the most jaded, cynical, detached hobbiest or provider can be surprised by their feelings.  I'd be interested in your comments.

Have fun, stay safe, and leave the lights ON!!
Iceman

I'm a little unclear as to your real question.  You seem to be asking a question about emotional involvement that is really  wrapped in a question about deception.  

The short answer is I don't think deception is ever OK, especially when it is used for gain by either party.  Further, I think the quickest way to ensure you WON'T get any special treatment from an escort is to bullshit her.  Let's face it, before these women decided to take up this line of work for compensation, they'd already heard it all before- probably since high school.  I've find most of them to have very intuitive type personalities, equipped with a well developed bullshit detector.  Unfortunately, like all attractive women, they've been lied to in the past.  But more than most women you'd meet dating,  they know they need protect themselves in the emotional clinch, so to speak.  

I'm sure some of the providers play the men and vice versa.  But it sound like your question is about the best way to share more with a provider than the standard one hour rate would ordinarily buy.  In this situation, honesty and openness is always best.   If you are married, the provider can be a wonderful oasis for you, but only if you are honest with her.  But if you are married, you have no business getting emotionally involved with a provider in the first place.  Not being honest to her only compounds the damage that can be done to both of you.

I've known a lot of married guys over the years that have been unhappy in their marriage and have use providers, secretaries and everyone else as a "shelter from the storm" rather than address the true source of their unhappiness. These guys are the most emotionally vulnerable people I've ever known.  A woman smiles at them and they fall in love.  There may be a million reasons they don't want to get divorced, but getting emotionally involved with a provider is a dangerous course of action that will usually undermine what's left of their marriage (not because of what the provider does, but rather because of the guy's emotional frame of mind) .

Similarly, if you're single and like an escort a lot, the more honest you are with her, the less likely you are to get played too.  No one can help you if you're the type that falls in love with any woman that has sex with them or calls them "honey"  or "baby."  But assuming you're not so needy as to fall emotional prey to any woman that smiles at you, then you shouldn't start out what could be a nice friendship or even relationship with lies.  

In the past, I've dated two escorts as girlfriends for a number of years.  Like any dating relationship, we knew when it was ready to take to the next level.  The women were understandably cautious and I know the terms of our meeting prolonged the time it took for us to add some emotional intimacy to the physical intimacy we'd always shared.  Even having dated these women, I would still advise against approaching this hobby as a dating service.  It's just bound to add to your frustration and hurt because that isn't it's purpose.  But to conclude, I can't think of any scenario when it's best for either you or her to engage in deception.

Different types of provider/client relationships exist. They are largely driven by the chemistry between the two people and what each are seeking out of the arrangement. A good provider can size up her client quickly and determine what his needs are. She doesn't need to ask specifics; she just needs to be a good listener. Sometimes she can also take a great deal out of the situation: great conversation, stringless playtime, a beautiful luncheon, a friend who calls or drops email on occassion just to say hi. The more she puts in, the more she gets and I'm not talking about money. People will treat you as good as you treat them.

I fall deeply in love with a lot of my clients on a superficial level if that makes any sense. I can give them things that their wives and girlfriends can't or won't and that puts me in the position of being completely self expressive and free. I can see their amazing qualities, fully appreciate them, be there for them when they need the occassional boost, sexy email, last minute sessions or an ear to listen. I don't pretend anything.
If a client expresses a need for a girlfriend and I see that he is "poised for one" immediately, I usually don't take the booking or close the relationship. I tell him to date. A former client could back me on this.

Sometimes lines do blur but both party shouldn't lead the other on. I don't see the reason why a gent should remove his ring. Most of my clients are married or have girlfriends and that's my preference. Sometimes we providers get twinges of "what if's" on ocassion and those are the sweet little things that keep us so enamored of you. But we really don't want to marry you. We respect your life, your privacy and while all this is fun, it's still business. Now, if your provider will see you without a red cent, this opens up other doors and questions in your mind and hers and if you are up for that, great. If not, see a GFE who only does COD and keep the line just where it is.

Luv, HB

I have one problem with this post. Why is it always some poor girl with kids who needs taking care of? Sounds like stereotyping to me. I get many offers of dinner dates and shopping sprees instead of charging the client. Being in this biz, I would hope most of us can pay for our own clothes and take our own butts out to dinner at Le Cirque or Tavern on the Green every night of the week. We are not charity cases. Most of us do this because we enjoy it and are good at it. I don't think society is ever going to come around if our own clients think we need them to take care of us and our families. I am not saying we don't need you. Of course we do and I am always appreciative. But please remember, we are on the most part, self sufficient people. Our children aren't starving and bare footed. And because of very flexible scheduling, we are able to give all of the love and attention they deserve.

actually, i find it rare when i find an escort that has her ducks in an order, moneywise.  For some untold reason, they are broke, on the verge of having something (house, car, boyfriend) evicted and usually found in dire straits. I dont really mind, as i am not seeing them for their financial planning abilities.

I have met the exception, but unfortunately its not the rule.

Heather does not lie!  She stopped seeing me and
urged me to start dating.  Bah! Grumble!
(She was my favorite PSE, not a potential Mrs_Client)
Don't worry Heather, all is good in Paradise City.

It is my contention that those of us who do enjoy
the GFEs and PSEs are able to do so due in part
to our own ability to suspend reality for an hour or two
and enter into the realm of Fantasyland more fully than
those who are looking to "pop_and_go" The synergistic
effect between Great PSEs or GFEs and client works with
that to give both client and provider a more pleasurable
experience.  Remembering to exit the ride when it comes
to a full and complete stop is crucial however.

I myself have lost my way out of Wonderland a few times.
Some even recently.  So what?  As long as I land on my feet
and don't mortgage the house or spend my kids college money
who's business is it anyway?  Mine alone. FYI kids, I take
on work I would otherwise turn away to fund my hobbying.
(I'm like many providers in that respect!)

As for providers having their finances in order, I have seen
those who do and those who don't.  That's their business, not
yours or mine, in some instances it does insure we will be seeing
them for a while longer.  In others we see them retiring far earlier than we would hope.

As for me, I have a number of ladies on my short-list with whom I will be holding auditions for the part of #1 GFE.  They have big shoes to fill....on the other hand....I cannot say more.

Oh for those who disdain posting under multiple aliases:
"sucks to be you"
Lighten up,

Lustman

Good luck with finding someone to replace Amber for you, Lustman!!  

Thanks EZL!
No one can take her place, though she can
be replaced. Sorry for splitting hairs but
the nit pickers need some fodder.

And who is to say that there is not someone
already filling that position? (pun intended)
I don't share everything on this board, I do
have some remnants of a private life after my
self-disclosures here and on the board I moderate
elsewhere.  Though sometimes I forget which one
I am attending to!

Party On Brothers and Sisters!

Lustman

Dear Monet,

I added the detail of being a single mom only to illustrate a situation where a provider might be more vulnerable to the advances of a man.  Similarly, I brought up the introverted unattractive single male as someone who might be more vulnerable to "falling for" a provider.

I was not implying that all providers are in difficult financial straits, or need providing for by anyone. Nor are all johns (single or married) deeply lonely and craving a loving relationship.  I just brought these scenarios up as exaggerated examples to consider, trying to get at the issue of separating fantasy from reality, and when people feel these lines get crossed.  

Have fun, stay safe, and leave the lights ON!!
Iceman  

To some degree, I agree with iceman.  I fall into his extreme catagory for a not too attractive single male (over 40, on top of it).

I have been seeing a massage provider for over 2 years on a regular basis.  IMHO, she is one of the prettier ones out there with a great body and all natural big boobs.  She gives me a great rate, has bought me X-mas and birthday gifts, as I have for her.  We have gone out several times, sometimes w/o a session, most times with one.  She has also cancelled on me many times, as well as some sessions being very rushed (under 1/2 hour).  We have spent many hours on the phone with each other (sometimes just a few minutes, other times over an hour, nearly 6 hours in one month).  We have told each other, "I love you", but I know it's just hype.  I have caught her in lies, usually very minor, but lies none the less.  She also answers her cell for business, when we are together (sessions, too).  I have told her about this, but she still does it, even though it's not as often.

So, what do you think?  Iceman, Monet, NOSC????

Hey NOSC,

Actually, I would think the natural big breasts are the Pros  

Yep, I think you are reading it right, but I have a question or two for you on this.  Does this strike you as the "typical" ASP?  Is she doing this with others (she tells me no, but...) One thing I forgot to mention that she as also paid for meals or at least a share (not all ways, but sometimes).

I do like her a lot, but yet the "big head" says to be cool, even though I have gotten mad on a last minute cancellation.

Hey Nicole,

Thanks for the reply.  I knew you were joking on the two cons.  
In LA, it's getting harder and harder (sorry, no pun intended) to find the genuine ones.

If U want to reply directly to my previous question, here's my e-mail address.

[email protected]

I was going to add DD+, but I figured that might not work too well and yahoo would not like it, I'm sure since they have gotten so religious all of a sudden (under my older username, I can access all the Adult stuff, but under this new one, I can't.  Even typing in a search doesn't "reveal" too much.  Then, if you do find a link, it sends an auto reply that doesn't work, when you click the link).