I don't usually post messages back to back, and if I am violating a TER regulation my sincerest apology.

However, something has been festering like a boil and I just have to lance it right now.

I don't know about you but I was raised to extend common courtesy to everyone I came across in life. This included using the words "please" and "thank you" wherever appropriate.

I am in my mid 40's, and it appears to me that, generally speaking, more and more younger people I come across have no clue about common courtesy.

I was at the market the other day and when the checker totalled my order he said "that will be $". No please, nothing, just "that will be $". Is it just me, or have manners just evaporated from todays society? Again, I am generallizing but it does seem that way.

I agree.  It's a pleasant surprise for me when I hear a "please" or "thank you" these days.  And "you're welcome" seems to have been replaced with "no problem".  Sedagive.

They haven't been forced to watch " Barney", you know the purple dinosaur. "Please and thank you are the magic words"
I know its a little out there, but I have kids and I cant get the song out of my head!!!

When I go somewhere where the company is supposed to serve me (Fast Food, restaurant, store, etc..) If the employee does not even say "thank you" when the transaction is completed, I will usually utter a very sarcastic "Thank you" at an elevated level so the other employees (and the boss) will hopefully hear the employee's lack of courtesy.

The problem is that at the rates that most service employees are paid, it is difficult to find people who even care about saying any sort of pleasentries.

I remember years ago when I worked at a grocery store, I used to make sure I said "please" and "Thank you" to each and every customer.  In fact I had a few customers who would seek out my line simply because they knew they would get a friendly person.

Completely Off Topic though:  I thoroughly enjoyed the hot humid summer days when women would go to the grocery store in just a T-Shirt without a Bra.  The inside of the store was around 70 degrees, and we all know what happens to women's nipples in the cold..   I had many fantasies about many of the customers, and I am sure a few were fully aware of what they were showing off.  I of course was espically friendly with those customers.

Remember when we were children and we'd ask a parent or other elder for something and they'd say, "What's the magic word?"  Maybe it's a sign that I've become an old s.o.b. but generally speaking, I find that good manners and common courtesy have almost vanished from our society.  I am in my 40's, also, and have come to the conclusion that there is no hope for the human race.  But it doesn't deter me from exercising good manners.  And I agree with Sedagive, it is a pleasant surprise to hear the "magic words" every now and then.  It's almost enough to cause me to re-think my opinion about the fatality of our society.

As a sign of appreciation, the words "thank you" seem to be disappearing or spoken with a complete lack of sincerity. There have been times when I've given a SP a special gift or sizable tip and they have said absolutely nothing in the way of appreciation. It says something about the person and I tend to not see them again since I prefer to see women for more than the physical activities.

There is a lack of common courtesy in society today no doubt....I mean, take the place you work....Do people ever take a couple minutes to ask "How are you doing"?, "How was your weekend"?, etc...Since I finished college 10 yrs. ago, that's one thing that I really noticed entering the work world: people are rather cold & unfriendly....And rarely will anything ever be said when you do a good job, but people are quick to bitch on even the smallest of issues....No news is good news as the saying goes......

"I am in my mid 40's, and it appears to me that, generally speaking, more and more younger people I come across have no clue about common courtesy."

Well, I feel the same irritations about the lack of common courtesy but, I recall when I was in my 20s (I'm about your age) hearing middle-aged and older people complaining about the same thing regarding us. Some things never change.

--b.

caharmon, thank you for pointing this out.  Being courteous is a virtue that seems to be fading in our society.  Just look at this forum. How often does someone post a question and then doesn't even bother to say "thank you" when another forum member replies.

Part of the problem may be E-Mail and the Internet. I'm shocked at how many e-mails I receive from friends and/or business associates who fail to open with a greeting and end with a salutation.

The Bottom Line: it takes little effort to act in a courteous manner and show respect for another human being. It's just the right think to do.

Respectfully,
Humboldt

so that meant the wait could be 10 minutes or 2 hours. In my case, two hours.

Ah well..so I sat and people watched and was just in dismay over watching parents and their children. We could spend hours on this topic.
This one woman, with her two boys, maybe 12 and 9 I'm guessing, went to stand in line. She had a ticked look on her face and was talking with the older boy. Then he said something quietly, and then she said (loud enough for me to hear, so others also), "You're such a jerk!". I was really sad. What do you think those four words to that boy did?
Moments later, a younger woman and boy came and set down. The mother was 'cheap' looking and acting, IMO. She flung her leg over the arm of the chair (!), and her other leg straight out, while she opened a bag of M*M's, smacking loudly with her mouth open. Her son, rearranged the furniture to suit him so that he could use the corner table to eat on and do homework. When the mother reached to eat some of his chips, he smacked her hand and said "Hey LADY - get your own!".
I think some people just 'have' kids, but have no idea how to raise children. How to raise people with virtues, and will be good human beings.
How to be an example..

So, I make sure to be the one saying please and thank you..

-- Modified on 1/21/2004 9:02:04 AM

While I do use these terms out of habit, it doesn't bother me when others don't.  Why?  Because the words don't mean anything.  As I said: I use them out of HABIT.  The words themselves exist independent of sincerity.  I sometimes say "thank you" even when I don't mean it.

True courtesy is a function of attitude, and manifested in the TONE of converstation, not specific magic words.  Be friendly and I'll think you're courteous whether or not you say "please."  Be robotic and even "thank you" won't mean anything when it's just used as a terminator for a drive-through transaction.

Not that there's anything wrong with the words (as I said, I use them) but it's the thought that counts.  I'd rather people learn to not be assholes, than worry about ritual words.

SOME of the lack of common courtesy I think stems from the fact that we're all so busy that we tend to become self-absorbed. Sometime within the last year or so I approached a sales person and indicated what I wanted. She smiled and quite politely suggested I should at least say "hello" before issuing orders. Made me stop and think about how easy it is to become too brusque. But I confes that I'd not thought much about that recently until reading this thread. Reminder appreciated!

On the other extreme, I find "artificial" courtesy cloying, even annoying. A certain lady I like and I shared a nice dinner last month in an upscale LA restaurant. Every time one of us asked the waiter for something, his automated response was "my pleasure." If it weren't so funny it might have detracted from the dinner.

Unfortunately, I think most of learned (or didn't learn) to be courteous by the time we were 12, and to graft that on to an adult's behavior repertoire to the extent that it becomes a genuine part of the person would require an effort greater than that expended by one Henry Higgins on Miss Liza

So true! However I'm happy to say that the use of those ritual words are still the norm in my part of the country, although there are rude people here too. It may have something to do with the fact that our economy revolves around the tourist industry, and most people here realize that courtesy is an integral part of any service industry. Or maybe we're just nicer than the rest of the country! LOL

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

It is the same sort of sociological "progress" that allows us all to gather here in TER cyberland and talk about what we do in the manner we do that has made courtesy optional.  Different effects of shared causes.  I could list so many things that have contribued to this change...the breakup of the family unit, the waning influence of religion, the omnipresence of media, the all-encompasing profit over proper effect, the increased stress of modern lifestyles...but the bottom line is that when people started saying "Nice guys finish last", it was the beginning of the end for "nice".  Nice is for losers, ya know?

I apply courtesy regularly, and I am not blind to the change even in my 40 years, but I don't wax nostalgic about it. There is no secret as to why these things are less prevelent in society nowadays, but it really doesn't matter.  Lead by example, worry about the people you can affect, and wenjoy the greatest truth about growing old...the more we know, the less we understand.

Any of you ever see the movie "Pleasantville"?  

Hate to sound like a broken record, Sedona, but your board responses are always worth reading. Here is a true "brat" story. A friend of mine was standing in a check-day type line at the bank and a young kid was being a pain in the butt, so his mother said that if he didn't behave she wouldn't take him to McDonalds. The kid replied, quite loudly, "If you don't take me to McDonalds, I will tell grandma that you had daddy's pee pee in your mouth last night." Mother and son quickly left the bank.

In some ways I have to agree with you. The fact that society is moving away from normal contact on a daily basis is the root cause for the decay in good manners. Manners are, after all, a form of social grease. In societies where people live closely with one another manners serve to keep everyone cool and in control. Our society has become more and more isolated. Most of us do not know our neighbors beyond a casual nod. Our children don not go out and play in the neighborhood anymore. As a consequence the real need for good manners is melting into the fabric of the past. Personaly, I blame it on air-conditioning. In the days before the prevalance of air-conditioning folks spent a lot of time out of doors in the summertime, sitting on their porches and socializing with the neighbors. There was no anonimity. Everyone knew you and your business. For most people their neighborhood was like living in their own soap opera. While I miss the manners, I personaly cherish the freedom that the anonimity brings us.