When our society makes prostitution a crime it infact makes both providers and hobbiests criminals and cheaters. We can only get past being cheaters when we are willing to admitt to the whole world what we do. No more aliases , no more games. Are you ready to tell your mother, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, the neighbor that you make a living selling sex?

Re:On Cheating (I was wondering...)

I don't feel we, as Providers are more inclined as a group to do anything, since we are first and formost, individuals. Each of our relationships are unique and that's exactly the way I treat each one of my clients. I'm not sure what "Normal" is, but I think that if anything, those of us SP's, are more able to separate our hearts and our minds. Hobbyists need to learn that as well or they get chewed-up real fast. There is a fine line we Providers walk between Fantasy and Reality and we have to know the difference. When we blur the edges, it's time to move on to something else, rather than allow what we do to make us bitter,Jaded,unhappy people. Once that happens, drugs, alcohol...etc. become a way to make it easier to get up in the morning. Cheating will always be in the eye of the individual. It's a mind set and a matter of finding a partner that is on the same page. Then what ever boundries you decide on together will determine your trust factor. Hopefully you find someone that sees you as an individual and not as a Provider and doesn't judge you for the choices you've made for your life. Remember, if we don't take pride in what we do, it's hard to ask someone else to.     Just my opinion, Robyn

I don't cheat. Period. Never will.
I'm not a liar, nor a deceiver. I am single and what I do as a Provider is date. The guys in my personal life (2) know what I do and encourage it.
When it comes to 'real' relationships, and if we are exclusive, that's it - I'm true blue all the way. BUT, being the person I am today, I would only go into a real relationship that would be somewhat 'open'. I like my freedom, and my options, whether or not I use them.

xo,
Sedona

I started the Hobby after having been with the same girlfriend for over 10 years. Problem was, we live in different cities that are far apart and we get to see each other very unfrequently, I mean every few months or so. For 7 years I was completely faithful to her and never had any sex with anybody else. That was tough. It got to a point where I had to do something. I love her so leaving her was out of the question, and so was getting a girlfriend in the city where I live, because I thought that would be unfair for both girls. So I decided the only way was to see escorts.

This long introduction to say that when I see an escort I do not feel I'm cheating. It's just business and "preventive medecine" (prevents me from going nuts), or at least it was initially. Well after a while in the Hobby, I can't help having feelings for some providers that go beyond mere business. To avoid falling in this kind of trap I try not to see these girls too often, but it's not easy.

I do not think being an escort makes you automatically more prone to cheating. On the other hand it gives you more opportunities to see guys and get to know them, and also to have probably a more casual view about sex. Does that mean you're going to cheat in a normal relation? I don't know. Why do people cheat in the first place? Because they are looking for something they do not have at home.

I do not see why a provider could not fall in love with a hobbyist, just as two business colleagues can fall in love in the office. Is it possible to have a complete barrier between personal/business life? Some girls seem to manage, but I guess for some others it is more difficult.

Just my opinion anyway.

"Cheating", as far as I'm concerned, is doing something that you lie about to your partner.  It's the lying that makes it cheating, not whether or not there's emotional involvement.

I think love relationships between SPs and clients are almost always to be avoided.  In the case of the SP, she's playing an obvious role.  But it's my observation that most clients are, if not playing a role per se, acting in a way that they wouldn't around anybody else.  The guy who's wonderful and personable when he's with you would be horrified if you showed up on his doorstep.  What makes the SP/client relationship so special is that you are creating an atmosphere that exists outside of everything else, that's why the sex can be so hot - because the rest of the world and its concerns don't intrude.  It's great because it's not part of "real life".

As far as whether SPs are more predisposed to cheat, I can only answer for myself by saying that I'm absolutely no good in monogamous relationships - BUT I wouldn't lie to someone about that either.  In other words, a relationship with me would have to be "open", and for both parties, of course.

-Anya

1) No, I don't think providers are more predisposed to cheating.  It goes to the character of an individual, male or female and not what one does for a living.

2) No, for the core reasons one comes to see a provider is for a physical release, not emotional, that most do not get from their significant others.  Most of the gents that have talked to me about their SO's have a very deep bond and love their SO's dearly (and that is quite apparent when you look in their eyes as they speak about them), but the sexual aspect is missing for a variety of reasons.  SO's quite often send their men to us, for they realize that they cannot provide that aspect and would rather they come to see us than meet someone on the street in which emotional involvement has a greater risk. We are safe in that aspect, for once they leave they can take solace in the fact that we are not going to be calling them the next day, lending credence to the phase that we are paid to go away.

3)  Yes, and refer to #2 for clarification.

4)  Yes, it is possible and also vice versa.  I think that it is harder for a provider to fall in love though, for we do have to shut our emotions down to a certain extent.  A poster in an earlier thread said it most eliquently.


I also think that it does take a secure, confident and strong man to get involved with a provider.  Not many could accept the fact that this is what a lady does or has done.  

Lauren

Answers:

#1. I think when a woman is an escort, she is not cheating unless (ex. she is married and her husband does not know what she does), she starts seeing clients w/out a fee. If she is going to cheat, it has nothing to do with her job. It is a consious decision.
#2. Yes, he is cheating. Even if he is in a terrible relationship. The only reason I would allow no cheating would be if the wife/g.f is in a comma or has a severe handicap.
#3. Answer is the same. Doesn't matter, feelings are feeling.
#4.YES, absolutely yes. I does happen.

Shaye

1. Do you think that once a provider leaves this industry she is then predisposed to cheat...or do you think the incidence of cheating is the same for all women?

****Not only do I think the incidence of cheating is the same for all women [in general], I also believe that whether it be a man or woman, both have an equal propensity to cheat. Those who think that men have a greater inclination towards wanderlust than women, may be viewing things through a very narrow perspective. Many men cheat, many women cheat. Just as the dynamics of every relationship is different, the reasons why people cheat can be quite complicated and varied. When a given couple is confronted with certain conditions and circumstances, either partner (or both) are capable of cheating, regardless of their former occupation/vocation.  


2. Do you think that when a hobbyist visits with a provider that he is cheating on his wife/girlfriend/s.o?

If not, why not?

****If someone doen't think so, you should then be able to ask your question to their wife/girlfiend/s.o., and get their opinion on this subject.


3. Do you think that a man who cheats on his wife with a "normal" girl and puts his feelings on the line is worse than if he saw a provider (without all the emotional feelings)

****I don't think your general question treats such a subjective matter fairly. Is an affair worse than a fling? That all depends on the state of the relationship of each particular couple. Although an affair in many cases will most probably kill a relationship, in certain instances it may actually save a relationship. What is worse, when a man or woman cheats in only one long affair, or a large series of meaningless flings? Either one could eventually take their toll on a person. Again, it's difficult to generalize in this area. What may be right for one individual, is devastating to another.


4. Do you think it is possible for a provider to fall in love with a hobbyist?

****Possible, absolutely! A good many things in this world are possible!! It is also possible that the in love "provider and hobbyist" on their way home from a date, stop off in a liquor store, buy a lotto ticket, win 100 million dollars, and live happily ever after on the beach in Maui, and for the next 50 years not even contemplate once on cheating on each another.

1. I can't see any reason why a provider would be more predisposed to cheat; I assume the provider regards "providing" as a business transaction, not as personal involvement. Most people have jobs that do not continue unabated when they retire.

2. Whether it is cheating or not really depends on the motivation of the client for seeking a provider. If the client seeks a provider for companionship or some kind of affection (albeit simulated) then maybe it is cheating... then again maybe not, since to refexively say "yes" would render seeing a psychlotherapist "cheating" since that too is an interaction that involves a degree of connection or intimacy. If a client seeks a provider merely for the pleasure of convenient physical release (a sort of "live sex toy" then I say no, it isn't cheating PROVIDED that it is not accompanied by a diminution of physical intimacy at home. Basically if it interferes with the "real" relationship, that is cheating; otherwise it is essentially recreation.

3. Yes, an actual affair is much worse, is certainly "cheating", and almost always ends badly. IMHO an affair is a bad, bad idea. Go see a provider.

4. A provider can definitely fall in love with a client. I do think women and men react emotionally to physical intimacy in different ways, and there is a more tightly wired connection between the two in women... this can lead to genuine emotional bonding in the right circumstances. I think it is more likely with younger providers, especially if they are from certain cultural backgrounds that place a heavy value on the sharing of physical intimacy. I have had the misfortune of providers "falling in love" with me on two occasions, in 1995 and 2002 (both young, 18 and 21 respectively) and both were situations where I had an intense level of activity with them over a period of time (I moved the former in with me when I was living in another city for a few months, the latter I was seeing maybe 2-3 times a week over a couple of months.) While charmed and flattered, I had no reciprocal feelings; in the former case I simply finished my business in that city and returned to the US (although I had made the mistake of giving her my address and phone, and she wrote and called for a few months until she gave up) and the latter case remains unresolved; actually I have sent her abroad to live in a residence of mine overseas, "housesitting", whilst I try to decide what to do with her... I am encouraging her to "find a boyfriend her own age" actually (I am 15 years her senior). So, the issue of providers falling in love with clients: definitely, and it can be very hurtful for the provider.

O.

I dont date in my personal life so I have no problem cheating on myself As for client/friends who are married or have S/Os, I think it is safer to see ladies like us who will not interupt their personal lives. I would never want to hurt someone (wife, etc...)because their(client/friends) personal lives are none of my business. When I see a client/friend, all I think about is in the "now" and want to have the best time between both of us. Client/friends can deal with their personal lives as they see fit.I try not to pass judgement as I hope they also respect my(very boring ) personal life as well. Just my thoughts... DevinDDD Taylor

I can’t answer the questions about a provider’s predispositions.

I can give you my views on the hobby. Am I cheating on my wife? Hell, yes. I can not use a clintonesque excuse. Am I better off cheating with a provider? Once again, Hell yes! There is almost zero chance that I will become emotionally involved with a provider. Most providers are not looking for a relationship. Most woman that date (or sleep with) married men are usually looking for more than a strictly physical relationship. These observations are generalities that certainly don’t hold true all of the time. They simply help me avoid becoming permanently attached while searching for a sexual relationship.

In summary: My hobbying is not beneficial to my relationship with my wife. It simply keeps me from breaking the emotional bonds that we still have.

>"1. Do you think that once a provider leaves this industry she >is then predisposed to cheat...or do you think the incidence >of cheating is the same for all women?"

To me, cheating can be either sexual, emotional, or both.  I don't think having been a provider makes a woman more likely to cheat, but I think that because of her learned ability to separate sex from emotion, screwing another man would be less guilt-inspiring for her than it would for most "straight" women.  I also think that because of her greater exposure to men in general, a fling may not be as big a deal to her as it would to some others.  Doesn't mean I think she would do it, though.


>"2. Do you think that when a hobbyist visits with a provider >that he is cheating on his wife/girlfriend/s.o?

>If not, why not?"

He's cheating, all right.  He may love his wife and not his provider, but he's still putting his dick somewhere it doesn't belong.  If he thinks it's OK, why  would he hide it?


>"3. Do you think that a man who cheats on his wife with >a 'normal' girl and puts his feelings on the line is worse >than if he saw a provider (without all the emotional feelings)"

No.  It's cheating either way.


>"Also, everyone talks about hobbyist who fall in love with >providers...

>4. Do you think it is possible for a provider to fall in love >with a hobbyist?"

Sure I do.  I know it happens.  Why not a provider and her customer?

I think it is possible for a provider to fall in love with a client just as it is possible for a client to fall in love with a provider especially if they view each other as individuals with individual reasons for being in this hobby/business instead of as part of a group.

I think it is less likely to happen because of prejudices that both groups may tend to have.  Many providers feel that they could never respect/love a man who pays them or another woman for sex.  In addition many feel that they would not want a man who would allow them to continue in the business.  Many men do not feel that they can love/respect the provider because she is or has been a part of this business.  And yes many may feel that she is more likely to cheat etc. JMHO.

1. While every person is an individual, and undoubtedly many providers have strong feelings that would keep them from desiring sex with other partners, providers are more sexual than the average woman.  I expect that ON AVERAGE providers enjoy sexual variety and even enjoy sex more than non-providers.  It stands to reason then, that the mythical "average" provider would be more likely to have sex outside of her marriage than the "average" non-provider woman.  It is important to note that this does not provide an answer for any specific provider, rather a population average.

2. Yes, if a married man visits an escort without the knowledge of his wife, knowing that she would disapprove, he is cheating.  The bigger question is how bad a thing is cheating?  I don't think the answer is cut and dried.

3. IMHO cheating with an escort is far superior to cheating with a civilian, particularly if the man plays with the emotions of the other woman.  In this case, one of the two women is almost certain to be hurt.  I think the greatest sin is to allow your cheating to be found out - an affair would be much, much harder to hide.

4. Of course it's possible for a provider to fall in love with a client.

adulter: "to corrupt, debase, adulterate."

adulterer: "one who adulterates, corrupts, or debases."

The word adultery was used by many Christian writers for sexual intercourse of "a Christian with a Jewess." This, of course, is race-mixing, or mongrelization. A quotation from Ben Johnson, writing in 1609, just two years before the release of the King James Version, uses the word "adultery" as a synonym for adulteration or debasement. As a Chinese/Jewish married couple, Mrs. Prankster and I are still adulterers.

Deuteronomy 22:22-27 addresses the issue. This passage reads in Sir Lancelot Brenton's translation of the Septuagint:

"And if a man be found lying with a woman married to a man, ye shall kill them both, the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou remove the wicked one out of Israel. And if there be a young damsel espoused to a man, and a man should have found her in the city and have lain with her; ye shall bring them both out to the gate of their city, and they shall be stoned with stones, and they shall die; the damsel, because she cried not in the city; and the man, because he humbled his neighbour's spouse: so shalt thou remove the evil one from yourselves. But if a man find in the field a damsel that is betrothed, and he should force her and lie with her, ye shall slay the man that lay with her only. And the damsel has not committed a sin worthy of death; as if a man should rise up against his neighbour, and slay him, so is this thing; because he found her in the field; the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to help her."

Geeze, and with NaughtyAli, I'd only get my Nads cutoff.  

So, Sedona, did you 'cry out' - and if so, was it really that good or were you faking it?

                           The MerryPrankster