The recurrent topic which interests me the most on the board is the “problem” of developing an emotional connection with the provider.  I was looking at my 8 reviews which I have posted (I have been in the hobby off and on since 1978) but only picked up on TER since last year.  What I noticed is my higher ranked reviews were the ones where I had an emotional connection.  I actually had better sex with some of the lower ranked ladies but had no connection with me so have no real desire to see them again.  My best sexual experience was actually with my second provider at one of those old places with the hot tubs.  She would hop in with me, bathe me and then climb on top.  I did that for a couple of years until she left the business.  Absolutely no GFE whatsoever but the best sex ever.

For me, a great GFE experience makes me feel an emotional response as well as a physical response.  Which leads me to the problem.   Like a girlfriend, it makes me want to see that person again.  Unfortunately for me, the fantasy doesn’t disappear when they walk out the door.  
I know for some it’s just business but as some providers have discussed, there does tend to be some interaction between regular clients and their providers.  One of the providers mentioned the disappointment when someone who calls them their ATF suddenly finds another provider to hang out with.

I know some  hobbyists are vocal about no emotional attachment what so ever but then are they looking for GFE from their providers or what.

Confused and lost.

I hate to put the onus on the provider but it seems to me that she really needs to be the firewall on making sure the relationship stays a GFE and not a GF.  I treated a lady the way I thought was expected and desired by the ladies.  I engaged in unrelated conversation because I did not want to be perceived as boorish. I have plenty of people I talk about the state of the world with. I wanted to be a gentleman.  What I got in return was someone telling me they loved me and wanted to get together as often as possible for sex and conversation and no more money.
And because I am a miserable selfish bastard I took advantage of that situation.  It is not fair to her and I feel rotten about it. But she should have dropped me like a wet towel as soon as she felt those "special feelings".  We both have families.  I went to an escort specifically to avoid this exact predicament.
Even now, when I am trying to get over it I find myself thinking
"you can go back there for free".  So far I haven't but frankly, I wish she would not let me. It would be a lot easier.

and subsequently colors reviews in a way that doesn't serve the hobbyists' interests.

i suppose a reviewer could say something like: "look guys i fell in love with this girl, so bear in mind YMMV ..."

but then, i try to automatically factor that into my disbelief of most of what i read.

Your story made me feel for both you and her.  I also can become attached to certain clients, but my policy is to continue to charge them until/unless there is a mutual committment (such as monogamy and living together).  This seems to be a very large boundary to cross, but is the only way that I feel my client/lover is really serious about me, instead of the fantasy I project.
In your case, I can truly understand the temptation not to have to pay, since the provider is not asking for it, and I agree the onus is on the provider to draw her own emotional boundaries.

What a great website! You're a fascinating lady!

Sedona

to be a conflict of interest.  As such, I don't post them.  I recognize that my judgement IS affected, and such a review would be self-serving at best.  I feel this course of action is more fair to the hobbyist who reads my reviews, since a YMMV notation is not strong enough to cover activities the lady simply will not provide to paying clients.  I want those who read any review I might write to know that they can base their decisions on my reporting, without having to wonder how rose-colored my glasses where when I wrote the review.

I should mention for the record that none of the ladies I reviewed would qualify as an ATF and I consider my reviews to be as unbiased as possible understanding that the gold standard for a scientific study is a double blind study.  It would be an interestig study to do of course if someone can come up with a funding source,  I would be happy to participate.

In my position, I pay for everything.  I do not know any providers who I do not pay for each and every thing they give me.  Be it loneliness for some horniness for others, I would look with skepticism anyone who says they have absolutely no emotion when they are with a provider or write about them.  Why see a provider, why not just masturbate?

I notice reviews where the reviewer states they clicked.  Should that review not have been written because of an emotional overlay?

Still confused

Thanks for writing LOW on an emotional day for you

"I notice reviews where the reviewer states they clicked.  Should that review not have been written because of an emotional overlay?" -- orthodx


i guess it depends on what "click" means. i suppose it could mean a certain gentle GFE-type emotional connection (nothing wrong with that). then again, it could mean a very hot nasty PSE-type bond: an understanding (or subtext) that emerges when you realize this girl will take you places others won't, perhaps cuz you're her physical type (and where "emotion" has nothing to do with it)

then again, it's entirely possible that you "click" with a girl on another level completely unrelated to sex (her college career, taste in fashion, intellect, sense-of-humor, politics, etc)

i once spent a half-hour in a full heated debate with a girl over the war in Iraq. i consider that as "clicking" of sorts (cuz if she was a numb-skull and/or we hadn't "clicked" then i wouldn't have wasted our time like that!)

I think some degree of emotional connection with the provider is normal... I mean, she isn't a puppet, or meat-on-a-stick.

As far as "factoring YMMV into the equation", etc... all provider experiences are going to be YMMV because the provider IS human, and of course will respond differently to different men depending on her likes and dislikes... unless a provider were an android, she cannot help but to have preferences and no amount of professionalism can mask those preferences competely.

Good luck in your emotionless hobbying... live long and prosper, I guess.

O.

"i once spent a half-hour in a full heated debate with a girl over the war in Iraq. i consider that as "clicking" of sorts (cuz if she was a numb-skull and/or we hadn't "clicked" then i wouldn't have wasted our time like that!)"



I had a similar experience in, of all places, a brothel in Amsterdam a few years back. The lady was Australian, a very cute blonde, and she harangued me about the US, our fascination with guns, our bullying ways, yada yada, ya'll, regardless of political ideology know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, we hammered out all the issues, then she took me upstairs to one of the rooms and proceeded to f##k my brains out for the better part of two hours. We soaked in the room jacuzzi at the end, and talked about kangaroos and koalas.........MfSD         ( :

Thank you, Atria, for your comments and for a very interesting half hour perusing your website. A provocative and multifaceted person to say the least.  I should have seen this coming.  I picked a young woman for age-old reasons and got one with an immature set of values...serves me right.

I think it's natural that the activites that Providers & Hobbiests engage in are mean to create deep emotional bonds; therefore I'm confused that people are surprise when these start to happen.  We all need to keep it on a business basis!   I have an ATF who is a great person and a great provider but I realize that I could never live with her.  Fantasies are great as fantasies but once you let them try to become realities you get into trouble. M2C

I guess I started out on the wrong foot in the hobby.  My first encounter was also most three years ago in a Mexian Resort.  The first night (1st time out of my marriage in 19 yrs)I was a really cute 19 yr. 105lb dream that was so mechincial that I thought is this all there is.  But the next night I had a blind date with a smart 31 yr. redhead that was more than my match intellectually.  She was beautiful and after dinner and a walk on the plya we went back to my Condo with the guys I was with and his girl from the night before.  His girl left at 2:00am, my date was having brunch with me at 11:00am.
   She had several rules, must of which we broke one by one, but the two rules that always remained were 1) you always pay and 2)never ask me to give up what I do.  Well I we to Mexico on business one a month and some times twice.  I always saw her for atleast one night and sometimes she would just pask a bag and move in for the three days.  (I did end up getting a very good rate $250 per 24 hrs. her normal rate was $200 per hr.)  Oh there was a third rule that I sort of enjoyed.  Each time I was down there I had to see at leat one other girl.  If I was very busy my girl would pick one for me.
  Needless to say I was in love and sometimes it was very hard for me to accept what she did with other men but I always made myself remember if she had been doing anything else I never would have met her and if I had she would not have given me the time of day.  This arrangement went on for over a year until she fell in love with me and than she ended it.  It have been with her twice since it ended and "slept" with her both times, but no sex.  You don't change a Latina woman's mind.
  Was the whole thing an emotional ride, of course, did I get hurt, of course.  Would I do it all over again, in a second.  By the way the reason it didn't go further I am married with a family which she knew about from day one.

you two get along well, find each other fun to be with and great to talk to.  If I click with a guy that does not mean that he wants me to be his GF any more than I want him to be my BF.  I am a young lady who loves to have fun with gentlemen, I love the feeling of being in a relationship without actually having one.  I also have found that with me personally once money was attached to the situation it became easier for the gentlemen to understand that I do not want a relationship I just wanted to be there to make him happy and that was it.

Before I got into this I would try these types of relationships with "civilian" guys and they never worked out.  I would be too much of a GFE that they would either leave because they would ASSUME that I wanted more without asking or they would try to be with me because they assumed that's what I wanted.  I got tired of having to explain that my personality is like that...I love to kiss, cuddle, have sex, talk, go places and just be around him because that gives me that feeling that I like but I still don't want a BF.

Which brings me to my point it is possible to click with someone and want nothing more than their time and companionship (and that goes with both sides), it is possible to want/give a GFE without becoming too attached (for both sides).  Also that money tends to make it easier for both sides to realize that this is a business and that most you two should ever feel for each other is friendship unless you both agree to make it more.  

However the main thing to see is that if you feel like someone wants more from you than you want to give YOU need to be the strong one and say no don't depend on them to hold back their feelings...as stated earlier "Emotions cloud your judgment".  Once that line is crossed you can't take it back, once money has been taken out of the equation it makes the problem harder to solve and if you try to put it back in...the sum never comes out right.  


This is just my personal experience and maybe the same for some and different for others, just remember its JMHO.

"unless a provider were an android, she cannot help but to have preferences" -- Ozymandias


understood. but the day may come when "liesure model" replicants (like "Pris" - Darryl Hannah's character in BLADERUNNER) will walk the earth and populate our brothels!

if and when so, i challenge any man on this board who speaks of "bonding" and "connections" to turn down the chance to f**k one of these hyper-real "androids" in favor of being with a real provider (just imagine the "enhancements" possible by future technologies!


i'm being overly dramatic only to make a point. plus let us not forget that if like BLADERUNNER, they develop their own emotions (out-of-control memory implants) then they too will start to give us "attitude" like real providers! .... LOL

just joking people ... still, something to think about. bear in mind that Harrison Ford *did* end up "falling" for his unicorn Sean Young!  

more dangerous than Mistress KimLee (and just reading her reviews is enough to scare me). I don't think Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford's character) would have survived Pris if he hadn't been a replicant himself.

I'm not sure such android providers would rid the hobbyist of emotional connections...

I mean, look at how emotionally many men bond with their cars... now, replace that car with a gorgeous, non-stop sex machine... can you tell me there would be any lack of "bonding" here?

O.

The other example is Cherry 2000. In that move, the male character had a fascination with only one particular android. He was willing to risk his life to get her back.

I have "clicked" with several providers and indicated so in my reviews. What I mean by that is that we had a great time before moving to the action, and that we enjoyed good conversation. Usually what followed was great!

It also means that I'd like to take these girls on longer dates, out to nice restaurants, do overnights and these kinds of things, $ permitting.

It does not mean that I fell in love with them. I know some times it can be hard for both parties, but we have to remember this is after all a business transaction. At least that's what I keep telling myself each time I start getting other feelings for a provider. Plus I consider the age difference, it helps keeping things in perspective.

M.

I think that we pay in order 2 have $$$ex without the emotional entanglement - a gfE, for while it lasts....., and no more than that.....
We all know that any reviewer that describes the encounter as gfe, had a degree of emotional attachment.
I've had a few ATFs and I've taken it beyong biz a few times... YMMV, but ultimately, your best milage is when it remains a biz relationship....