Should a provider have the right to know, before she meets with a prospective client, if he is bi and has been with any transsexual, before she decides that she wants to meet with him?

I do want to make known, that I am NOT Bi. I must be the only woman in the USA who does not do doubles with other ladies, because of my beliefs. But, I also say to each their own, and everyone has a right to choose their lifestyles. One of my best friends, who is a provider, is Bi and she knows that the idea of being with another woman, does nothing for me, sexually.

I just recently got a great review of someone that I did meet, recently, and when I checked his other reviews after our meeting, and I noticed that I was the only non-transexual female that he had seen, and I will admit to it disturbing me I have a fear of losing business, for I do know that that men do check reviewees of who they have been with before, meeting me.

I do want to make note: I am a very clean woman, and I just got my all of my tests done, recently. I also, won't do any activity, that does not require a condom. I also have been very proud in announcing that fact, when I am conversing with a gentleman on the phone, after screening.

Would this offend anyone, if I decided a disclaimer on my screening form, asking for their handle, so I may check to see if they are into other activities, that I am not comfortable with? Also, should I post on my website that I do not meet with bi men. Of couse, I will write it in a manner, that is not to offend any party. I also feel it's my right to also feel comfortable going into any session with a prospective client.

Also, are there any other straight men or woman, who may feel the same way, as I do? I don't want to offend anyone, either, for everyone has a preference, only mine is to be with a straight man.

Would those straight men, who would read my review by this gentleman, ignore his previous review choices, and would still decide to see me? Or, would he be turned off? Again, I am trying to figure out if his review (although a great one), would affect my business, because of his sexual choices.

Btw, I have been in the business for about 5 years, and this is the first time, that I had met with someone who is openly bi, from reading his other reviews, after meeting with him.








-- Modified on 9/18/2005 4:44:23 PM

Of course you have a right to know.

If it is a concern for you, then make it part of your screening.

Yoiu have to right to refuse a date with anyone you feel uncomfortable with or have concerns about.

Demand their handle as part of the screening process, if they don't want to give it, don't see them.

I have always given my handle so anyone can get a better insite into me, and what I think, if that's what they choose to do.

Stick to your priciples and don't do anything you don't want to.

Just my opinion...
B

Putting on your website would be a good idea. Most men would appreciate your safety measure.

Unfortunately some people will not respond favorably. They will let their displeasure be known to you. Just as you are intolerant they will be as well.

There are a few reasons why women want to know the handle of a guy before the meeting. Some girls will not meet guys that consistently give out 7s and are afraid to get that score because it will damage their "reputation." Some such as yourself, are worried about what others will think of them after a second generation bisexual encounter and so they search the reviews before, and will not see that person. Same with some providers with black gentlemen. Same with greek.

What do I personally think? I think that all forms of sexual behavior and expression are unique and beautiful. Yes, I am a bisexual woman, I am a bisexual provider, and I love bisexual men and women, equally. I see men and women of all color and nationalities. I think if this is a serious concern for you, you need to switch careers, as you will only continue to have more circumstances of regret with regards to this. I think you forgot what your true job is: a public servant.

You are going to prejudge people, and this is going to bring you pain in the long run. Do I judge you for this? Yes. You are entitled to your opinion and beliefs, but to complain about this in this line of work when it is part of the playing field seems ironic.

===================================
Don't forget  to celebrate Bisexuality Day in a few days: September 23rd.
http://www.bisexual.org/

When I am looking for a provider I check her reviews regardless if I have seen her or not.  If I see that she has seen someone who has seen TS I won't see her. Yes it can impact your business. This is a matter of life and death. Behaviour like this will force folks to get tested every month like they do in the porno industry.

First, there is no "right to know" in this game. We all lie in some way even if only to ourselves, which fuels the risky nature of hobbying/ providing. You found out by doing your homework which speaks to your awareness and intellect. Now to address your concern, it's risky enough in the hobby...but some risks just don't go in one's favor. Generally, I would not see a provider who was reviewed by a hobbyist who frequents transexuals. But, I also realize that the providers that I do see could have and just didn't have it posted in a review. I guess if I know it, I feel like it might linger in the back of my mind too much to enjoy things. Get tested regularly and have the review removed.

I just recently got tested clean for everything, about a month ago, and after reading this review this past Friday morning, I called my doctor again to get retested for Monday afternoon. I am going to be in the practice of doing this once a month.



-- Modified on 9/18/2005 5:07:38 PM

let's face it, most guys wants to keep themselves anon, even when they are booking. Most do not disclose their TER or other boards handles. The majority of guys we see do not even post reviews.
If you practice safe sex, with condoms for all your sexual activities and you get tested regularly, I don't see why seeing a guy who also see TS will affect you.
Far as I know, the TS in the business not even do BJs without condoms (read the reviews guys) so I think chances of you getting anything from it is slim.
I believe far more hobbyiests see a TS once in a while...they just don't post reviews.
If a guy do not want to see you because a client of you saw a TS, well, he's kidding himself. He probably already saw girls who were visited  by guys who saw TS and not necessarily posted anything.
Some TS looks and "feel" like a real woman and I bet lots of guys have been with one and not even know they did.
Recently, there was this girl around. Lots of hobbiests saw her. Then the rummors started that she was a TS. This other particular board was hot with discussions about her. And guess what? She really is a TS, and I bet most guys were scrubbing their mouths with Clorox because they DATY, kissed and plowed her non stop and praised how fantastic she was.
Funny shit right? but is true. So never judge a book by its cover lol.

I think it's fine for a provider to state their preferences, no matter what they may be, if they feel strongly about them.  In the end, it makes for a better experience for both sides.

Regarding getting tested, if you do everything safe as you stated, you should be fine: just as you are with the other guys you see.  But since you're clearly troubled by homosexual activity, you're wise to get tested for your own peace of mind.

and they have tons of reviews, so I am assuimg that this is now a practice. I am going to start asking for the same, for my own peace of mind.

Again, this post was not to offend any other community, but I as a woman, do need to feel comfortable going into a situation, that I would be able to commit to, and thorougly enjoy.

Also, I just feel that I do have a right to know upfront, if I am going into a session, will I be comfortable with said person (?) . I do know that there are alot of men out there, who do screen by reviewing the reviewer, before partaking with any provider.

I have now decided that I will no longer meet without a handle, in the screening process. If one cannot be provided, I will have to pass him to another lady friend, who may be more accomodating to him I do feel there will still be a win-win situation: my peace of mind, with him being able to still some great provider friends of mine

Not funny NO. That would freak me right the fuck out. To say I would be pissed off about it is an understatement. It's one of my main concerns about the 'hobby' and why I don't hobby more.

that you want and a customer has the right to decline and move on. Of course, if this becomes common practice, the result will be that customers just won't review their TS experiences (I'm sure that some don't already) so it will just be a false sense of security.

First, not a very high percentage of guys have a "handle" and not a high percentage of those guys write reviews, and none of them write reviews of every woman they see.  You shrink your pool of clients *greatly*. This *will* hurt your business.

Also, handles can easily be spoofed and masqueraded.  If somebody wants to borrow my totally hetero handle to see you, how would you know?  When would I find out?  How would I stop it?  There's not too much motivation to do this yet, but if handles become part of the screening, you bet guys would do it overnight.  

You have a right to screen for what you want to, however, screening for this will be less effective than for most things.  You will not protect yourself, you and other women trying this will simply drive TS activities further underground.  What you would actually screening out are the honest guys.  The pool you'll have left afterward will be more infected than the one you started with, including only the dishonest bi-men.

Besides, I know you won't believe me, but it's not homosexuality or bisexuality that spread AIDS.  It's the way either orientation choose to have sex.  You're not going to screen out the BBFS people who prefer dry anal sex with this.  You're not going to find that reviewed, and regardless of orientation, that's what spreads the disease.  Not the only thing mind you...  

I, for one, haven't looked too much at the reviewing history of guys.  Perhaps I should, but if I do, some ladies I've seen have 12 pages of reviews.  It's a slush pile, too; very few guys are good writers.  There's no way I could do this completely enough, because most sessions are unreviewed.  And far fewer will be if women choose this screening method.  

This is not the method to choose for screening this, but there may be more subtle ways of doing it.    



-- Modified on 9/18/2005 9:06:37 AM

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 9:09:27 AM

I completely agree with you.  100%.  If a review showed up for my ATF, and I saw that the reviewer had previously seen a TS, then I would take that provider off my list and never see her again.  Some might say I'm narrow minded, but I couldn't give a shit.  So to the providers, yes you may want to be a lot more selective in who you're seeing and specifically ask these types of questions.  It could mean a great deal for your safety and your future business.

It's far easier to do this than with an ID, or a work place, phone number, or really, anything else.  Part of the reason for having a handle online is because it's anonymous. Right? Anonymous means there could be anyone behind it.   How easy would it be for a guy to do a google search, find me or Mr. Self Destruct, Billkile, or anybody on here, study their postings, and say that they're one of us?  

I have given women my handle, not because I think they'll screen me out, but it gives them an opportunity to know me as a person before they meet me.  I've seen it as a courtesy, not as a requirement.  Your making it a requirement is not only totally ineffective for what you are trying to do, it is actually insulting.  Guys might spoof handles to you just from the insult.  

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 9:34:12 AM

You can ask a guy anything you want, however if he wants to get in your pants he will tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear. Unfortunately there is no GUY FACTS, like CAR FACTS when you buy a used car.
I suggest you keep yourself clean and use a condom and try not to worry where he has stuck his cock before he met you.

or a bi client?

I think we all know that many guys masquerade as straight during light of day, but as the song says, "the freaks come out at night..." The odds of knowing whether you've been with guys who frequent trannies is insurmountable. If you are going to worry too much about such matters then there are safer places to play. Even "covered," condoms slip at the most inoportune times so you can't be 100% safe in any circumstance.

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 12:18:07 PM

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 12:26:24 PM

And 95 percent of that bi-activity is not going to be in a review, anywhere.  

Ladies will just have to face that this is true, and stay or leave the business according to it.  

However, I don't think bisexual sex is riskier for AIDS than any other type.  In Africa, AIDS is spreading uncontrolled among heterosexuals.  It's not sex, per se, that spreads it, it's the sexual activities that are practiced in those cultures, and that they are doing them unprotected.

"I must be the only woman in the USA who does not do doubles with other ladies, because of my beliefs."

I know quite a few ladies who don't double (sometimes because they aren't bi and sometimes they have other reasons they won't double) and/or aren't really bi.  Just this weekend, through a series of cancellations, I've found four new gals who I've confirmed aren't really bi.

I've also spoken to a few that won't see men who are bi or see the transgendered.  I'm sure a few of the bi men would get offended, but I'd be surprised if any of the straight men would have an issue of you screening on that basis.

As a gay woman, I am not offended if a provider screens on the basis of gender or sexuality.  I just ask they be honest and upfront about it.  So far, it's worked out and I've not had any bad appts.  Just cancellations now and again.

and upfront on my website, in regards to my feelings/views. I think it would be fair for me to do so. Again, I will not make disclaimer offensive in any way, possible. Again, I can only go by what is comfortable with my peace of mind, and my body. Also, I know that I would be more appreciated by those who have seen me before, and those future gentlemen, who are straight would welcome such disclosure!

I do thank those who offered their opinions of nay/yay, for they do mean alot. Again, I have pondedred the pro's and con's of being upfront by stating that I will not see someone who is bi, and I would always want someone to be upfront with me, and that is why I am going to return the favor, by being upfront, as well.

Thanks!!!!


-- Modified on 9/18/2005 10:04:04 PM

...it's cool as long as you don't know too much information about it.

but you don't get to control the men (or women) you see in the hobby or elsewhere. People who live duplicitous lives can walk in and out without your knowing and that can be unfortunate but someone hellbent on proving they can break down your walls will do so. Just as some providers place preferences for type and race for example, there is no harm in putting sexual preference or orientation down as a screening device, and I suspect there will always be people trying to prove one point or another. Just know that none of us have complete control over the people that come into our lives or the wrapper they come in...

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 2:00:43 PM

As usual, a very cogent response. Life would be very boring if we all did the same things in the same ways. But the truth to your statement is that all of the "ills" in society are the result of behavior(s). Not fate, certainly not luck. Sometimes, just being with the right person at the wrong time can bring shit on you. But rest assured, it had to do with what the person has done and not the opposite. So the next time you see someone blame their circumtances on fate or luck, ask them what are the things that led them to be there and somewhere in that explantion, the answer will be glowing.

Zinaval, I understand the argument that somebody could masquerade as some other TER person. What I have never understood, though, is if a provider wishes me to disclose my TER handle as a means to either screen me or get to know me by my postings - then it also seems reasonable (at least to me) for her to PM me to ensure I am who I say I am! Otherwise, as you point out, the TER handle means nada.

I personally would not be offended if an initial contact included something like this.

Hobbiests, would you feel offended if a provider questioned your identity and sent you a PM to confirm "you are who you say you are"?

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 2:54:45 PM

This hobby is all about smoke and mirrors. Create the illusion your comfortable with, and go with it.

(boy two responses to you on the same thread, no offense here).

Woman to Woman HIV transfer is relatively rare. The risks here center around oral hygene.

Male to Mail HIV transfer is more likely than heterosexual. Why? Becase the primary act involved can have a higher degree of condom failure (unless lubrication is ample).

Transexual (MtoF) to Male transfer has a higher probability due to a potentially higher condom failure rate. The receptive partner doesn't have the natural lubricant that a non TS female has. So, as with MtoM, additional steps must be taken to lubricate.

At least, this is as I understand it.

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 2:55:44 PM

and I think that all should be open, about their preferences. I am a big believer, of that.Although I am a straight woman, why can't I be a big believer of my preference?  As a public servant, I must be able to perform to the best of my abilities, IF I am going into a situation.  IF someone came to me  today and asked if I was to see him and his lady friend, my answer would be NO. For one thing, I am  not bi. Does that mean that I am entitled to meet with them both? I should hope not. Nor is it written in a book of providing 101, that I must provide my services to just about anyone. If that was the case, all providers would be meeting with the foul mouth, bad hygiene, men who pass around counterfiet money, just about anyone that would make our sessions less than desirable. If a woman is feeling uncomfortable with going into a session, she should be able to voice her right and decide not to go there. We all need to remember, it's her body: it's her right.

Each provider has a way of running her business. I would never want to overstep my bounds and tell another provider, how she should run her business. No matter how wrong, I feel she may be. She should have her own choice and say, how her business should flow.  

As for myself, again I have been providing the past 5 years, and this is a first situation that I had to deal with, in regards to a situation that I don't feel comfortable with. I do feel in my best interest, to have an open and honest dialoge/disclaimer on my bio page, which states my beliefs, and for those who do like to meet, to be honest with me. Hey, I would rather be upfront about views, than to lie and talk later. Hey, he may lie, and we would meet and I could have a good time! BUT, if I find out he has lied to me, after we have met, yes I would be very upset and would demand that he remove the review in question. For that WILL affect my business, and my peace of mind.

Again, I do applaud you for the way that you feel. I do have friends who are openly bi to gay. I just happen to be straight woman, who loves straight men. I think we are both in the same boat, so to speak.

I do plan on being around for another 5 years, but I also plan on being a bit more selective, as some of my lady friends, who have been around longer.




-- Modified on 9/19/2005 12:12:01 AM

The one and only person whose behaviour you can control is yourself. Liars will lie, and scammers will scam - it's who they are, not what they do - and there's not much going to change that, so state your preferences, go with your gut, and play and stay safe.

I also don't do duos. Tried it once and it didn't do a damn thing for me, so I refuse to fake it and take someone's money. I do what I do do well, and that's what I'll keep doing

hEY ANOTHER STRAIGHT LADY!!!!

Just a joke. Thanks for your post, and I am starting off with controling my ownself first, that is why I feel the need to be upfront about my preferences. To each their own is what my mom would say.

Your post hit right on with how I feel..

Thank you again!

-- Modified on 9/19/2005 12:52:46 AM

What is "male to mail HIV transfer?"  Is that when a dude licks an envelope when he closes it, then I lick the same spot when I open it?  Yuck.

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 9:16:27 PM

Male to Mail? Boy you'd think I could type correctly when the words are so close together.

But, to answer your question with a question: do you have a relationship with envelopes? I mean, why would you "like" the same spot on an envelope? I've heard of fetishes before - but that one is a little stranger than most

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 4:22:43 PM

the right to also choose not to without any explanation to anyone. As far as being a public servant, what oath did you swear to uphold when you chose this profession? There is no ethics committee, regulatory agency or anyone else you are accountable to. Just as we chose who we wish to visit, based on our preferences, you should do the same. It can be done in such a way as to not be hurtful or mean-spirited. You have the power and the choice grasshopper. Use it well!

...but I always give it out when I make contact. That way the lady can read my reviews and know up front that I'm only semi-literate.

But, assuming that the male is infected, in both homo- and hetero- sexual sex, even Greek with condom failure the chance of transmission from one act is ordinarily one in hundreds.  So though it's higher for homosexual sex, it's still one in hundreds.  (In homosexual partners, that could be either male.)  

Ordinarily.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of things that could increase the chance.  One thing especially is that HIV is much more commuticable in the first few days or three weeks after infection-- as the virus count in the bloodstream rises phenomenally until the immune system catches up.  If you only have a different, unprotected partner every four weeks, the chances of passing it on are very low.        

The general statistic you gave does have some assumptions though.  One is that there's no way to reduce condom failure, and that there's not a "practice effect" with condoms.  

I think the main reason why HIV spread so fast in the homosexual community is that at the end of the '70s and the early '80s, gay men were having unprotected copulations thirty times a night with 15 different partners.  You talk about high volume!  I remember the shock that went through the mainstream press when it got out that some of these guys had 10,000 sex partners a year, and I'm not exaggerating.  

It's not too strange to see why.  Men, at least in their teens and twenties would have sex all the time if women would allow it.  Now, with gay men, there's no women in the picture to ration sex, just some horny guys able and willing to get enjoyment from each other-- well, in the '70s and early '80s, many of them literally never left the bedroom, or the bathhouse.  

Again, it depends on how people have sex, not their orientation.

And should screen in whatever manner you like even if that includes inquiring about sexual preferences and TER handles.  I hadn't given much thought to asking whether a man was Bi until you mentioned it.  I don't judge anyones lifestyle choices, however, if they directly effect my health or my business this is something to consider for the future.    

Part of my screening process has always been to ask what a gentleman's board handle is and if he does have one I read his reviews as well as any posts he might have made.  This not only gives me insight into what he enjoys but it has helped me weed out men that I do not want to spend time with or ones that I feel have unrealistic expectations.  If a man seems boorish or disrespectful on the board than he most likely he will be during an appointment and my tolerance level for this is ZERO so I will not see him.  

Someone above ridiculously likened us to public servants.  I'm not quite sure what government agency she thinks she's working for, but this is MY business and I will run the way I see fit.  If someone wants to judge me because I am very choosy he is entitled to his opinion and hopefully he will pass me by for a lady more to his liking.  A little screening goes a long way for making it a mutually enjoyable session and because of this I have met a lot of great guys and have had very few poor experiences. In fact, many of the men who choose to contact me tell me that they prefer that I am very thorough in my screening and will not just see any guy who has access to the internet.  

First of all, that means that to see these women, one has to keep his TER (and other review sites) active.  The TER owners would certainly like this.  However, many guys don't keep their memberships active, and it's not otherwise in their interest to do this all the time.  

But another thing I don't like is it starts a fraudalent business opportunity.  It makes a handle into something salable.  Start a TER handle for $19.95.  Give it some hetero credentials with reviews, and let five guys around the country use it at $10 each. They give it to the lady, when the lady PM's the handle, the guy just says that its him.    

I think verifying a guys' orientation in this way is as effective as a raindance.  She's far better off just saying that only straight men are welcome and leaving it at that.  It may not turn away all of them, but it will turn away some, and thus lower her perceived risk.  

Generally, I give out my handle to women I see.  The irony is, had I wanted to see her, I would have given AdvicePlease my TER handle without her asking.  Once makes it a requirement, though, then she has made it an issue of power. It's time to move on to somebody else.

I agree with everything you said except the 'public servant' part. Soldiers, police officers and garbage men are public servants; providers are more like entrepreneuers who find their niche and work it. Not all providers can make money in the same way...some have unique beauty while others have irresistible sex appeal. Some have to screw every one-legged ass wipe with 100 bucks and an attitude to make money. All providers have the right to cater to a specific clientele as a part of their marketability, even if it offends people (This is America, right?). Generally, supply and demand applies and works if a provider handles her natural assets and talents the right way. My business degree didn't go to total waste, I guess...

I don't know if having the right is the best way to approach this because can only assume that your get together is with a like-minded individual. I would suggest that one can achieve a certain level of honesty even in the hobby, but that goes more to one's morality than it does absolute rights. People with certain affinities are not likely to lie and cheat when the person is more like themselves than not; the motivation is that you will see the person again and may even go beyond that... The best one can hope for is that I respect your choices and preferences inasmuch as we are allowed to share within the context of the hour (or two). Beyond that, it's likely that the only truth you'll get is what's on my DL and even that can be compromised for a buck. Let's hope that most of us are high-minded and also respect and care for the other person even in awkwardness of pay for play.

Zinaval, I actually do like your posts. I do hear what you are saying, but in order for me to feel comfortable and screen, yes I am going to start asking for handles on my verication form. I just added it in earlier today, and someone has just made an appointment for this week, and he did give me his handle Also, his reviews are very impressive to the point that I am indeed going to meet with him So, screening along with a handle, can work out a win-win situation for all

Btw, power has nothing to do with it. Being selective helps make me feel comfortable, just like men must feel comfortable to want to meet with a provider, when reading her reviews. Again, it can work out to be a win-win situation. IF he is not feeling comfortable, then I would understand whole heartedly, for I would not feel comfortable meeting without getting his handle. Again, I would be happy to refer him to one of my provider friends, who may be more to his level He's found someone, my friend has a date. I have a peace of mind! win-win-win all around.

-- Modified on 9/19/2005 3:43:42 AM

How right you are there!!!!!! Thanks for your response!

A.P.

I believe all providers have an absolute right to choose to see the clients they wish to see and are comfortable with. It would be a big problem for any provider to exclude, numerous types of clients, nothing new about that!  

I choose to exclude gentlemen under 40 years old because my experience has been that I am not comfortable with younger guys and therefore, unable to offer them my very best services. I continue to receive numerous requests for appointments from guys under 40, and quite honestly, I don't understand why a hobbyist would want to visit an escort who has clearly stated she's doesn't want to say anyone their age!

Also, I always ask for the clients TER handle. However, the fact that the client does not provide their user name or does not have one does not necessarily cause me to exclude him. I ask for the TER handle for several reasons:
-Most likely the gentleman is familiar with this industry, knows how to behave, etc.
-If the gentleman writes reviews, I would look at them because often, the manner in which the reviews are written speaks volumes about the person.
-I would prefer not to see a client who sees transsexuals.  My feeling is that there is an addition risk of catching an STD in that situation, and I see no reason to take that risk.
-Living in San Diego, it's a concern to me if the client visits escorts in Tijuana on a regular basis.  While it appears that health regulations in TJ are improving, I believe that standards of good health, good hygiene, and use of protection in TJ are considerably lower than in the US, and again, seeing a client who believes otherwise is a risk I do not care to take.

My experience has been that by making my preferences about clients know, I attract exactly the type of clients I prefer to see,  those whose stands are similar to my own.

kisses
Suzanne in San Diego



-- Modified on 9/21/2005 6:45:58 PM

I really put a lot of work into my site so that people will have a very clear idea of what I'm about, and it works very well indeed; essentially, it's a giant screen in and of itself in that people who go heh? at it don't call me at all; and those who have a similar outlook *really* like it.

That way we're both at least 75% there in terms of common interests and compatabilty before contact is even made. If, by things a customer requests during initial contact, I feel a potential client hasn't quite got it, I send them back to the site, asking them to make sure I'm exactly the girl they want to see, and call back. If I still have any doubts - not about safety; this is strictly compatability - I refer them to someone else.

I don't see nearly the numbers of clients many others do; but then again, I've not had a bad date. Honestly, your website is your most valuable asset; even more than a great face and bod because a painful personality mis-match is no fun and bad business for everyone. Learning how to design and maintain your website yourself is probably the best investment you can make in a fun, safe, and long-term career.

Don't be afraid to be yourself - sometimes I see websites with lots of description, but they are really only buzzwords that don't convey much. Guys at a certain level in life want a nice body and face, but they really really want someone who they can talk to, who's really is paying attention, and is accepting of them as they are.

They won't know if they can talk to you if who you are is not on your site. Obviously, we all want to maintain proper boundaries in the hobby; but if you're silly, let them know; if you're a big computer geek, let them know; if you totally dig world events and politics, let them know!

I think everyone dreads the prospect of the awkward silence, especially first-timers; knowing a few conversation points that are sure to move into a real discussion should one be needed is a great relief

-- Modified on 9/18/2005 7:55:54 PM

Not to mention the fact that the majority of bisexual men hide that fact, and don't advertise it, because...er... they are worried people won't play with them over it.

So I mean, it's certainly your right to try.  It doesn't mean you should assume the gents who do come anyways have never been with a guy, however.  Let's face it, you have to be adventerous to a certain level just to get on these boards and start posting.  

What each of us needs to do is protect ourselves so that we feel comfortable no matter what someone's possible history is... because we will NEVER be able to know everyone's history.

Best,
Tamara

You have the absolute right to refuse to see any man on any criteria that you choose.  That's what free enterprise and consensual sex are all about.

Contrary to everything I've written on this thread, your judgment about your safety must always come first, dear. It trumps any other statement I've made about it.  Only you can weigh what we tell you and make the judgment from that, and when you've made up your mind, as the old saying goes, I'm not going to tell a woman how to run her business.

Moreover, even your feeling of safe supersedes everything I said.  A shift mistress who is safe but doesn't feel safe is not going to perform well for her clients.  Better for you refuse to see a few guys then to let worry and stress diminish your prized performance for everyone, including yourself.   None of us choose our emotions, but we all have to serve them, and fear is one of the most demanding ones.

I hope I didn't belabour my arguments to the point where you felt like I was attacking you over this.  Notwithstanding what I said about being insulted, there is a chance we might meet anyway.  Being a klutz, I might totally miss your request for a handle and simply tell it to you anyway, as I've done with all the trysters I've introduced myself to so far.  Truthfully, for one reason or another, I don't always act in the way I think I would act.  Things always feel different in the real world then in the hypothetical one.

And thank you for the consideration of reading my posts and giving me this sweet, courteous reply.  You don't owe me any explanation for it, but I appreciate that you have given it.

About power: I won't discusss that now, it's a whole other subject deserving a few threads of its own.

PS-- I made two prior attempts to post my answer, but the board timed out and lost my message twice!

(in the dominatrix sense or mistress as in just seeing one or  two private  clients sense).  i don't think it is so black and white as staying or leaving.

I agree with your point that she should say that she will see only heterosexual men. People that do not meet that criteria will move on the someone else that meets their needs. The last thing a person should do is pursue someone that do not want to see them, regardless of how apealling the pursued is.
On TER handles. I do not give out mine when setting up an appointment and move on from the sites of ladies that require it as a condition for meeting me. I am open to almost any other form of verification. My TER handle is largely irrelavant to the discerning type of women that I relish. They have other methods of getting a feel of what I am about before they meet me.