I find your observations to be very interesting, I can state
on my part that in my former marriage that I knew who I was
and what I was able to do sexually to a woman, In my case my
wife was one of the woman who felt that sex was dirty, funny
how she didn't feel that way when we were dating, but once the
I do's were said then she changed to we can't do this.
This much I know, Relationships are complex, if two people
join together and both are lacking in knowing whom they are
then there is much ill feeling and pain. I will take it a step
further in saying that I was not fully aware of who I was in
the emotional idenity when I married and I grew up but my ex
wife was and still is unable to see herself as she is!
I no longer feel any guilt in changing into who I am now,
if I am to be blamed for growing up then so be it, better to
have grown and found some freedom in life from what was causing
me to inflict so much pain upon myself in my quest to do what I
thought was right to now doing what is really right for me now,
to love myself totally for the wonderful person that I am!
warts and all. I feel so very bad for the many people who lack
the awareness of selfs, everyone have a great day!
I’ve read many interesting posts in different threads on this board. Just a few days ago has been posted a stimulating thread about wives denial of sex.
As often I do in my life I try to look at things from a different point of view. In the past years I got to meet and talk on the net with many women and I may tell that they were blaming their husbands or boyfriends just in the same way I heard about wives. Ok, most of the complainings were not about denial of sex but they were mainly about the quality of it. I may absolutely tell that they were not closed to sex, on the contrary they had a lot of desires. They just couldn’t go on with something that wasn’t a pleasure for them... Honestly, in spite of how big the love could be, who would do that ? Some of them react to this situation just avoiding it ( the famous headache ) or just trying to find an escape in the world of fantasy. Since it’s obvious that it's not easy for a woman to find a “gentleman” as the reverse for men, most of them just got a release in the net and cyber.
So, this is what I'm wondering about... are we, men into this hobby, somehow denying a fact... that it’s easier to escape into a fantasy world in which we are good lover than facing the realty in which our “abilities” are not so great ?
I’d like to hear your opinions about it... mainly of you ladies who may really know about our “qualities”
thanks to all
I find your observations to be very interesting, I can state
on my part that in my former marriage that I knew who I was
and what I was able to do sexually to a woman, In my case my
wife was one of the woman who felt that sex was dirty, funny
how she didn't feel that way when we were dating, but once the
I do's were said then she changed to we can't do this.
This much I know, Relationships are complex, if two people
join together and both are lacking in knowing whom they are
then there is much ill feeling and pain. I will take it a step
further in saying that I was not fully aware of who I was in
the emotional idenity when I married and I grew up but my ex
wife was and still is unable to see herself as she is!
I no longer feel any guilt in changing into who I am now,
if I am to be blamed for growing up then so be it, better to
have grown and found some freedom in life from what was causing
me to inflict so much pain upon myself in my quest to do what I
thought was right to now doing what is really right for me now,
to love myself totally for the wonderful person that I am!
warts and all. I feel so very bad for the many people who lack
the awareness of selfs, everyone have a great day!
Whichever side we are talking about, wives or husbands... both have a *responsibility* to communicate when they are having a problem. No I don't mean attack... I don't think "Your teeny weenie will NEVER do it for me pal!" is going to be very effective. =:O I mean COMMUNICATE.
Relationships are work. I know there is this bizarre belief that things will just "fall into place" or, "happen, magically," but it just ain't so! They require WORK and part of that means communicating when you have an issue or a problem. Especially sexually, because being sexually intimate with your partner fosters so many feelings of closeness and forms bonds between you.
Thus it really amazes me to see how many people DO NOT communicate with each other and just roll over and give up. I mean really, if you LOVE someone, isn't that worth fighting and working for???? Something for everyone to think about! I guess that statement is bad for business because I *should* probably say "Don't worry about it, come see me!" But I cannot and will not do that. (Besides which I believe in polyamory. So there.)
I did hear from one gent tho that on one of the many occassions he tried to talk to his wife about his issues, she was all about.. "Honey I am watching TV right now, let's talk later." She bears responsibility there because she is not listening, she is not making herself open to him, and she is rejecting him in favor of, for goodness sakes, THE BOOB TUBE. Sheeeeeeeesh. Wonder how she thought that made him feel???
I also read an article once that basically did a "fly on the wall" thing of several female celbs "girl talk." One was Vivica Fox, I don't remember who else there was... but it was essentially a four page long BITCHFIT against all the little petty things that bug them about their men in bed. Not one positive word was spoken. I finished the article and thought to myself, THAT is why their husbands will soon be coming to see me or someone like me. Nitpicking! I think all of us sometimes need to just be accepted for who we are, the love we share, and not, in the midst of things, have someone go "Honey you didn't shave today, your beard is irritating me." Oy vey.
Anyways...
Hugssss*
Nicole
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